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In the Name of God بسم الله


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    Orthodox Sunni (Ashari, Maliki)
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    Any talks given by my favourite scholars •Abdul Hakim Murad •Hamza Yusuf •Shaykh Ninowy

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  1. I would talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Even when we think we are making it very obvious that we are unhappy with something Men often seem to think everything is okay unless they are *told* otherwise. He may not mean for you to be unhappy. He just might not realise that you are feeling any of these things. Also (and I know this is very obvious) but make lots of dua for your marriage and for protection from Shayten. Also, make time for yourself too. If you need to have a hours or 2 break in the day do it and dont feel guilty! I have a break after lunch when little one is napping and my eldest is at nursery. That way when hubby comes home and relaxes while I'm still getting on with my jobs, I feel like I still have enough energy to keep going until the kids bedtime. Hope things improve inshaAllah, I would talk to him tho. Maybe plan an evening out for dinner if you can get a babysitter?
  2. Definitely keep the hijab on and go to school. I don't agree with hijab being forced on any woman. That being said, I'm sure your mum is just trying to do the best she can at raising you. And her intention behind asking you to wear it is to guide you because she loves you. I'm sure she is not intentionally trying to make you feel bad. I know a year can feel like a long time but it will fly by and who knows... you may even end up loving your hijab after that time. Either way education is a must. If you want your freedom in the future or any prospect of a good life for yourself you MUST take your education seriously. If not it's highly likely you'll remain dependant on others in the future anyway. And with regards to the religion I think it is highly beneficial to look into its yourself. The better you understand the religion and your rights and responsibilities the better prepared you'll be to talk to your mum and others about these sorts of issues. Just please remember to always have respect for your Mum when you debate these things with her. I know that Mothers are human and they may approach things the wrong way sometimes but I promise she loves you and I'm sure she is just trying to do her best by you.
  3. When I think if my boys growing up and getting married, I would much prefer to see them marry practising Muslim women. I would want my daughters-in-law to have the same values as us. However since Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى allows for Muslim men to marry Christian or Jewish women I would not stand in the way or make things difficult if this what they chose to do. However my understanding of that ruling has always been that the Christian or Jewish women must be a true believer in her faith and not just nominally Christian or Jewish. In this case I agree it would be very hard for most women to raise their children Muslim if they believe something else... Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى knows best so there must be a reason behind it being allowed.
  4. Brother, I understand that you are trying to protect a command of Allah and that is very nobel but sometimes you come across as very harsh. I am aware that not wearing hijab is a sin. I have stated this above. I am aware that I must strive to wear it and that if I don't then I can expect punishment, I have already stated that too. The intention of my earlier posts was not to justify not wearing it but to explain my struggle. And to highlight that we all struggle with something. And to suggest that we should pray for each rather than constantly call each other out and make people feel as though they are so far gone that they are out of the fold of Islam. I have many hijabi friends and what makes me want to wear hijab the most is not if they would talk harshly to me. But when I see them and their sincere devotion to Allah it is an inspiration. And when they talk to me about their struggles with hijab or their acts of worship or perfecting their character, etc. it makes me realise that we are all human and we are all striving and that we always will be striving. And it gives me hope that I can get there one day too. That is all I am saying.
  5. Yes, to be honest I would still struggle to wear it (although I think it would be a lot easier). I don't think that's fair to say of all non-hijabis in the west though. Hijab/modesty is a complex issue. I converted to Islam at 18 which is very young but still means that for the first 18 years of my life I was taught that looks are EVERYTHING. I love my family dearly but they can be really judgemental of others based on their appearance and that's had its effect on me. Also having been brought up with zero (and I mean zero) restrictions on how I dress, wearing hijab would require a lot of self control. I am trying to work on this by dressing myself as I otherwise would if I already wore the scarf. Long, loose clothing and trying to reduce my make up use. It's not easy but I hope and pray I will get there. But it's not surprising that its taking a long time the amount of issues I have around it. I know I need to overcome them but it's easier said than done.
  6. Yes I understand your point of view and I will consider this in the future inshaAllah. It's just because my not wearing hijab is very obvious in everyday life that I am used to everyone knowing this about me. Sorry to hear this. I will pray for you sister. I am lucky that my family are now more comfortable with my faith. I know they would support me even though they don't agree with it. Having no support is very hard. I pray this changes for you.
  7. Thank you this is good advice and I intend to implement it. I am also currently reading 'purification of the heart' by Hamza Yusuf which has a lot of advice and explanations for how to overcome such issues. Please pray for me also.
  8. I am not trying to promote not wearing hijab. I don't want anyone to take that away from my posts. I am trying to be honest. I am human and I sin. Not wearing a hijab is a sin and if I don't repent before I die Allah may punish me for that. I am saying that we cannot judge any woman (convert or not) on how she dresses. We are all striving to submit to Allah but before something outward manifests an inward change needs to take place. And I am still working on the inward part.
  9. Salam. Amongst other reasons I think the fear of abuse/treated differently is my biggest issue, which I know is an excuse btw! In all honesty I am not debating with anyone whether or not I should hijab... I know I should wear it. But I would object to being classed as non-Muslim because of it. Which is what I understood by the beginning post. I am defiantly Muslim. I believe in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, his messengers including our Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), I believe the Quran is Allah's word and I believe in the day of judgment. I pray, I fast, I intend to go for Hajj inshaAllah. I struggle with hijab yes. But I am still a Muslim alhamdullilah. And one day when I do wear hijab inshaAllah, no matter how many years I have been Muslim by then I will still not be perfect! It's just that you can't see my other flaws only Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى can.
  10. Okay but if I reverse your argument: you are a bit selfish also. If you are reliant on women covering head to toe in order to be able to control yourself. Allah commands you to lower you gaze. And I do understand that it would be easier if every women observed correct hijab but not every woman is Muslim anyway. And are you thinking about the struggles women go through, women who know they are making themselves targets for verbal & physical abuse just by wearing a scarf on their head? I wore the scarf back from a Muslim event once and got abuse shouted at me. Which has made me very fearful to go out in it ever since. Especially with my two young children who are always with me. Also, not Wearing a headscarf doesn't make you an immodest dresser. Just because a women is not yet wearing a headscarf she can still wear loose maxi dresses, etc etc and cover everywhere else.
  11. Salam, I converted to Islam 11 years ago and I don't wear hijab. I don't think it makes me any less of a Muslim. Every Muslim, convert or not, has sins and things they need to work on as well as things that come easier for them. The way I see it being Muslim does not equal being *perfect* in my submission to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. I am a human being not an angel. And as a Muslim I *strive* to submit to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى but inevitably I fall short in certain ways. So I continue to pray for Allah's grace and for His mercy. I have a number of practising Muslim friends, some converts and some raised in Muslim families from birth. The majority of my friends do wear hijab, those of us that don't remain steadfast in prayer that we can overcome the obstacles holding us back from it. However all of my friends whether they wear hijab or not say they struggle in other areas too. It could be in being patient, praying salat on time, fasting Ramadan, controlling their anger or their tounge, not judging others, being more charitable, being more humble..... We all struggle in many different ways. Yet, how visible a persons struggle is means nothing to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى because He sees what is in our hearts. And so if you can be Muslim convert and struggle with something internally (like having patience for example) then you can also be Muslim and struggle with something external too (like wearing hijab). A lot of converts can already feel out of place in Islam, especially if they know very few/no other converts. Or if they are yet to have their own Muslim family, etc. Finding your place in Islam and in the world after converting can take a looooong time. And I don't think it's wise to exacerbate these feelings in non-hijabis.
  12. Salam, I am really sorry that you are struggling with this it must be very hard. My sister in law also struggled with infertility and one thing she did was ask EVERYONE to constantly make dua for her. And she had a friend who went on Hajj and made dua for her there and when I was in labour with my son I made dua for too at her request. I heard that Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى sometimes gives us hardships so that we will call on him more so maybe this is a good opportunity for others around you to pray for you too inshaAllah.
  13. Walakum Salam sister Laayla Thank you for your welcome My current issues with Imamate are: -that all 12 of the Imams (AS) are considered infallible. Because of the Hadith of the cloak I believe in the purification/infallibility of Lady Fatima (AS), Imam Ali (AS), Iman Hussain (AS) and Imam Hasan (AS). but I am not convinced of the infallibility of the remaining Imams (AS). I have trouble believing that all of the prophets were infallible too (because of my understanding of the incident with Prophet Adam (AS)). I do believe that prophets are the best examples to mankind. It's just that, to me, absolute infallibility seems more of an extreme position to accept without evidence. -Further to this, I have heard that the Imams (AS) are given a status above the Prophets (AS) and I cannot accept this either. -I am suspicious of the Twelver Shia Hadith where the Prophet (SAWS) lists the names of the Imams (AS) including those after Imam Hussain (AS) because had the names of all the prophets been known then I don't understand why Imam Jafar al Sidiq (AS) declared one successor and then another. I also don't understand why there would be different Shia sects claiming to follow different Imams if this Hadith were in existence early on. •I have heard the argument that the purpose of continuation of Imams was to protect the religion. But it seems like if that is the case it hasn't worked as the vast majority of Muslims are Sunni and the 12th Imam has gone into occultation and so we are in a time of no Imam anyway. If I have any of my information incorrect I apologise and I am open to any correction/clarification you may be able to offer. (Although perhaps a new thread should be started?)
  14. Walakum Salam That is how I described my faith on my profile page... I have to say that as a convert I'm still (11yrs on) finding my place What I mean in describing my faith in that way is that I am Sunni (not Salafi!) rather than Shia because I do not believe in some important Shia theology such as Imamate (which I think is a requirement of being/identifying as Shia). However I do follow the Jafari madhab and pray, make wudhu, etc in the way prescribed by this madhab. The reason I prefer to follow the Jafari madhab rather than any of the Sunni madhabs is because (of the issues I have looked into) I understand the logic behind the rulings more. Which makes me more confident that I am doing the right thing in following those rulings. I know that this may be considered wrong by many Sunni and Shia but my decision to practice in this way is based in part my understanding of the fatwa of Mahmoud Shaltoot and the other part my conscious (in following what I really believe/currently understand to be true). However, I am also aiming to increase my knowledge of 'orthodox' (vs salafi) Islam and Shia Islam further which is why I'm on this site. In doing so I am trying to remain open to my faith developing in such away that this is no longer an issue inshaAllah.
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