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In the Name of God بسم الله

3wliya_maryam

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Posts posted by 3wliya_maryam

  1. Salam sister,

    Pack your bags and leave. If your husband had any form of respect for you or listened to your needs, then he wouldn't be a piece of crap. Seven years?! and he still refuses to believe the truth. I don't know whether or not you have kids, but if you don't then that makes it a whole lot easier to just leave the toxicity.

    May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) make it easy for you.

  2. 20 hours ago, Ali bin Hussein said:

    But obviously most men dont control like that so it's give and take.

    Brother, if you don't mind telling me what planet are you living in?

     

     

    20 hours ago, Ali bin Hussein said:

    She has the free will to divorce if she can not obey

    Allah has given her the free will, but you end up finding a vast majority of men abuse that.

  3. 1 hour ago, Abu Hadi said:

    I have never heard of a case where a lady who comes from a good, truthful family, shows no signs of deceit in her own behavior before marriage, then suddenly years later you start finding out all these horrible things she did in the past. That is an extremely unlikely scenario, so uncommon it's not even worth thinking about. Its like, well there is a possibility that you could walk outside and get hit by a falling meteor. If you don't go outside because you're afraid of this extremely unlikely thing, then that's being irrational.

    I agree that both sides need to be honest about eachother's past because that's one of the main ways of building trust. But what you also need to understand is that in ignorant communities where there are some girls who feel pressured and refuse to talk about their past in fear of rejection. You find that most men want a 'clean' and 'chaste' women who has never had sex or dated anyone. Yet the dude isn't even perfect himself and slept with multiple women, and rejects the idea that its okay to marry a woman who did that once in the past. Its the prejudiced society for me. 

  4. 24 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

    -Physical and verbal abuse

    -Forcing women to cut off ties with their family (qat ar rahm is actually a greater sin)

    -Humiliating women in front of children and outsiders (humiliation is wrong anyway, but worse when done in front of others. Islam teaches us to hide the shortcomings of the people rather than to expose them)

    -Treating women like servants (inconsistent with the domestic lives of the ambiya and aimmah, peace and blessings upon all of them)

    - egotistical / arrogance/ narcissism/ misogyny / patriarchy 

    - culture over deen

    - marrying women without their knowledge a.k.a ‘halal cheating’

    - not letting them work 

    - he can force the woman not to leave the house if she wanted whether she likes it or not

    -she gotta obey the man of the house whether she likes it or not 

    - she can’t do anything without his permission

    - he’s allowed to invade in her privacy but she can’t invade in his

     

     

     

     

  5. 3 hours ago, Anonymous_male said:

    This has to be bait.

    Sadly it’s not.

    3 hours ago, Anonymous_male said:

    Do you really see people doing this in public? Like they don't even try to hide it? And for other's, is this behaviour common in your communities aswell?

     

    Yes. Very much so , even in my own home.

    it’s common almost everywhere so I guess the community u live either there’s no mysogyny whatsoever or maybe you fail to see it cause you’re a male yourself. Often men aren’t able to understand what women go through and have this idea that they tend to exaggerate

     

  6. 2 hours ago, Uni Student said:

    How does one catch these things before marriage, how do you know you aren't being played by the other person

     All i know is looking out for major red flags is a must. Know whether he's serious or not by asking the right questions. Don't rely on just knowing him and his family's reputation 'cause thats how the community may see them, but they might turn out different to what u expected.

    some communities don't allow the engagement period to extend, which is a problem

  7. 20 hours ago, Zainuu said:

    Exactly!

    I do agree with most of what the sister has said. This is a huge flaw but this is a symptom to a problem and also a consequence of wrong decisions.

    Many woman just deliberately surround themselves with wrong category of men just because they are smart, cool, have a way in talking, there personality appeals and they don't look like nurds. 

    Woman get inclined towards presentation and when they get attached and closer, they see the core which is completely void of any goodness. 

    What do we expect if we will just ignore the teachings of Ahlulbayt (AS):

    The Prophet has said, “When a man whose religion and character pleases you comes to you [with a proposition], then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be chaos and a great corruption in the world.” 

    How many women really follow this hadith???? When you will read it out in front of them the reactions will be:

    "But, but... What about the nature."

    Then comes Hadith from Imam Hasan (AS):

    "Marry your daughter to a man of faith because even if he dislikes her, he will not be unjust to her."

    But who cares what Imam says?

    You get the response:

    "Yeah, you are right but...."

    And if we will follow our own ways instead of seeking guidance from the holy figures, the consequences will be exactly what we are seeing today. 

    They follow there whims, superstitions, inclinations etc.

    Same with men, they follow beauty and wealth and then they expect there children will be pious and good.

    Why do people forget that there are many so called faithful pious men that turn out to be pieces of garbage? The world's a scary place and sometimes one can't distinguish between good or bad especially if they're blinded with love. It may sound like I'm bashing men and like I even care, but I also don't understand where you find women who continue to live with their husbands amidst the emotional and physical abuse. 

  8. 4 hours ago, Maisam Haider said:

    That's why when a man is married to a woman who he likes, he should not take this for granted, because many pious, God fearing men are often married to very bad women. 

    Many ‘pious God fearing men’ appear that way until they show their true colours after marriage.

  9. 8 hours ago, User 313 said:

    They're not all like that. Don't generalise. I used to glorify them. Then I was really disappointed because I too thought most of them boasted a holier-than-thou demeanour. Now I'm slowly starting to realise that just because someone is a Sayed doesn't mean he's bad. Doesn't mean he's good either. It means nothing. Character is the ultimate demarcator. Upbringing is also very important

    you clearly didn't read my thread properly. i never said all of them, i said MAJORITY of them are like that. You'll only find a few that will be humble and won't boast about their status. That's just the reality.

  10. Salam,

    I am very angry, and annoyed and all the negative emotions you could think of. I don't want pity, i just want to get my point across to all the men out there who think they're all up there in society. Like I could write a 10 page article and it still won't be enough.
    It absolutely disgusts me. Almost every day in the community I am surrounded in, I have to hear stories of crappy husbands and divorce. Who treat their wives like maidens, marry other women without their knowledge, refuse to help them and their children, talking to other women online, shaming and belittling their wives, controlling and being impulsive, restricting them and i can just go on and on. And before I get told , 'oh you're generalising, there's bad wives too that result in divorce.' I don't disagree with that, but the REALITY is that majority of men are douchebags and most importantly, MAJORITY of Saadeh, who think they own the entire community. Who think they deserve all the respect and entitlement compared to everyone else. Their ego flies through the roof and it is one of those main reasons why most families I hear avoid getting married to Saadeh because that is literally how they represent themselves. I don't understand why they're still respected other than the fact that they're direct descendants of Rasullulah(sawas). The fact that they even call themselves "Sayyed so and so", is enough to prove their arrogance. Sure a person, should feel pleased to be related to the Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام), but that does not make them any different to other Shia Muslims. 
    It makes me to sick to the stomach. Being raised in a conservative environment, surrounded by conservative and egoistic men has given me a negative outlook on men in general and the idea of marriage. Many girls feel that way, and its also due to restrictions being placed upon them that they are prevented to marry outside their culture, or to be able to explore for themselves.  Their cultural beliefs and ignorance comes forth before deen.
    And then when you give them this talk, they start being defensive cause their pride can't handle it. Like just shut up. 

  11. Salam alaikum,

    This is a topic i want to discuss , because I feel that there are some people including myself who confuse themselves between God's plan and our free will as human beings. From what I have heard (I don't if its accurate) is that Sunni Muslims believe Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) chooses one's destiny, for example a person is destined to go to Hell because of his actions. Like God already knows where that person will end up from the moment he or she is born. It makes no sense because why would Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will for a person to go to Hell? Does the person not have free will?

    I also get confused sometimes when people say marriage is naseeb, or that it is written. When a person chooses who to marry, does it have to do with free will or the fact that Allah destined them with that one specific person? At the end of the day, don't our actions matter?

    Its just really confusing any thoughts

  12. 14 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

    Our reference and role models are the aimmah (عليه السلام). There is little recorded about their children simply because this information wasn't that important. What is important are the teachings, narrations and actions of the aimmah (عليه السلام) and this is what we find in our books.  

    Forget about the children, the aimmah (عليه السلام) themselves married women from different backgrounds, and there are many narrations regarding this. Part of their teachings anyway was diversity, and unity amongst the Muslims. But unfortunately, today in many communities we are just being surrounded by jaahiliyah (ignorance), 'cause families who call themselves Muslims put their culture and traditional values before Islamic beliefs, its stupid and messed up and pisses me off every time I think about it, they make several excuses as to why they don't want their children marrying outside their culture, because reputation comes first. its very unfortunate and it is one of the reasons as to why Shia Muslims as a whole are so disunited. It is because of RACISM, IGNORANCE AND HATRED that we're so divided and in fact, is maybe why Imam al Mahdi (ajf)'s arrival is prolonged, cause we cannot stand as one ummah of Shi'at Ali. 

    May Allah guide us in the forthcoming years.

  13. 4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

    Yes agreed, but the question is are Muslim women also allowed to go to a mixed gym? 

    I think it depends. Why is a Muslim male allowed to go to a mixed gym even if there are a few females whereas a Muslim woman can’t do the same (according to sistani)? I’m sorry but that does sound prejudiced. Even if there are women and he tries to make the effort not to ‘look’ he’s still gonna look. Unless there’s a ruling by the same marja or another that permits women to enter a mixed gym under the same circumstances.

    But if one lives where there are segregated gyms for women , then obviously it would be preferred for Muslim women to go there. I think it just really depends. 
    I’ve been to a mixed gym before because there was a free trial and it was near my uni. It was in the morning and there was hardly anyone there. So I just personally think it depends. 

     

  14. 48 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

    If someone has the means to pay for gym membership, they should have the ability to buy the gym equipment and there are so many ways in which we can get our hearts pumping - skipping in the backyard, going for a jog, using the treadmill, hiring a personal trainer etc.  It is very hard for me to see how someone would have no other options. 

    Sometimes there are  people who find it easier to exercise around people or friends, as a way of motivation if that makes sense. Whereas if they spent their time at home alone they'd be less motivated and get tired more. I don't know , this is just a personal experience. 

  15. On 6/30/2021 at 10:50 AM, Abdul-Hadi said:

    I haven't incorporated any pushups or crunches into my routine yet because I'm normally pretty smoked by the time I get off the bike and don't think that I'd have the energy to even be able to bang out a set of 20 each.

    It may either be due to your age or poor diet.

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