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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by yazahra333

  1. thank you @Vikram and @shadow_of_light the messages I receive from all of you is very helpful and gives me strenght. I am happy to read it and thank you for your prayers. I keep you all updated. warm regards Salam
  2. Thank you brother your reply really helped me a lot. sometimes family and marriage issues are so complex and so many people are involved. I do love my husband but I would not stay in a relation like this if we did not have kids. Also I do not want to see our parents hurt because all of the families really helped us and are still very much loving and caring. He himself is also loving towards us, he tries his best providing for us with money that he works hard for. Loving the kids, planning for a better future, trying to create a good life for us with trips and restaurants etc. I am feeling a grudge however, like I really do not know How is it possible that your loved one can hurt you so and the worst that is is connected to Haram acts. How to heal my own wounds? Hie to get my own self esteem back? How to believe in Love again?
  3. thanks for the reply... Not me you felt it right he has been adicted to smoking ( not only tobbacco) and more less one month ago before I founded out this whole cheating stuff. I talked with his parents and our Sheikh and gave him an ultimatum that if he would not go in counseling I couln not stay in this relation. He agreed and we havent visit a psychiather yet but we did went yo the general practioner to get the letter if refferal. since his parents are with us, thats one month now he hasnt smoked anymore that I know for sure I was commited to help him to sort out the behaviour/ addiction issues but this khiyanat thing is very much confusing and upsetting
  4. dear All, Some of you may read parts of my story in other threads.. but to keep it short My husband did have relation or relationships outside our marriage. I was already suspecting and had found out some chat contact. After the first time where he said it was just texting... he repented and I moved on. after some moths again there was strage behaviour with his phone. Two weeks aho I found out about a fake insta account that he had where he was following and chatting with girls. He again commited and said he is in a crisis and lost himself etc etc this will not happen again and more lies Secondly one week ago I found out he have had a relation and more he is still in contact. I have seen chats through his own insta account but this time he says it was not me and my account is being hacked. I know he is lying but he played it very smart, since his parents are now with us and he made a hysterical fight and said me that I want to accuse him of zina and things he havent done. His parents are with for two months. I tried to hold evrything quit and they didnt found out. I have two small kids one of 16 months and one of almost two months. For now I just decided to keep the family harmony also for the sake of my kids. And I am happy because of that I coudnt handle heavy fights and when I say he started denying I also realised that this kind of fights would lead nowhere. Next week we are travelljng to my parents and we decided that I stay there for a while so that my mum can help me with the kids and I personally need a break of my house situation and my husband is also quit long repeating that he wants to be alone, to find himself again. I am in such a inner crisis, the people around me dont know anything and for now I dont want our family to know. I am so hurt and didnt thought he would go so far. the man that I married was seriously a momin guy and very keen on his religion. I dont know what to do... since there a two small kids involved. He is a good father and also he spends quite a lit of time with the family. In the same time I seriously dont trust him and believe he is sick, there is a kind of sickness or obsession that makes him fall in this kinds of Haram. seriously how should I go on? lets be realistic a person like this is not likely going to change very easily. What will happen in one two three four years. He can easily fall again in these kind of Haram relations, he might even be still in these relations. I am broken till the core, I have new and strange feelings that involve my hijab...I choose for my hijab 5 years ago and was always very happy to be covered but since a while I start to lack the strenght and have thoughts of being more loose. I serously didnt make any actions of these thoughts but I kind of started to envy the women outside that share there beauty. I know this is the outcome of this whole crap that happened to me... I just find it so unfair that He wants me to observe such a strickt hijab and in tge same time is incolved with non muslim women. I do not know should I stay in this matrimony or not. He has shown us by words and deeds that he really loves me and the kids but in the same tine there where lies and unfaithfulness. The thought of a family break up frightens me since my own parents divorced when I ws young. But I also do not know how to go on?
  5. Salam Aleikum everyone, More than a month passed and I wanted to give update and ask you guys for some new advice... our second child is born healty alhamdulillah and it is getting better. My husband did some effort to show us that he really cares about me and the kids and we had some talks. m I can not say with complete certainity that he is completely open but it is better that before. His cellphone is not locked anymore. he spends more time at home. I try not to be very suspicious and put my foccus on other things. what is still very difficult for me and I hope you can help me with this is that my heart is kind of broken, I thought I married my soulmate. I really married my husband out of love and because of his faith. but now after 2 years of marriage his behavioir is really not in line with Islam and his personal practice is minimal. what did you guys do in periods where your love was getting lesser and less? I dont want to divorce because of the kids. but i do feel drained emotionally in this relation for now.
  6. salam brother there are offices where choosen ulama give anwsers to sharia based questions bu phone at least in Iran. I have called before.
  7. salam Aleikum does Anybody knows the telephone number of the official office of Ayatollah Khamenei and Ayatollah Sistani in Iran where I can call for questions? thank you
  8. Salam Aleikum , thanks for opening up. I think everyone of us goes through depressions once in a while. Of corse if you think its chronic it is good to seek help. what helps me in depressive periods is daily remembering 3 or 4 things that I am grateful for. The Dhikr La illa ha illa anta Subhanikka inni kuntu min al Zalimin has done wonders for me in very down moods. Taking ghusl more often...
  9. Hello everyone, We recently had a discussion in the mosque where we spoke about different methods that helps to clean the Energetic fields in our house. Ia am aware that most of them may be cultural and not really based on Islamic revelations. I do wonder which ones you use or if you know any reliable traditions on this subject? I do use Espand or Esfand a lot, which is a herb that must be burned kind of like incense but than more natural. I know there is a hadith on Esfand. I also got the recommendation to put Salt in the corners of every room. One good friend recommended to clean the bed with Rosewater as it holds Jinn and negative energies any. ( this may be cultural beliefs, I dont have any proof for this.) Of corse the recitation of the Quran is the most powerful.
  10. Hello dear Sisters ( and Brothers) I am inshlallah giving birth to my second child in less than two weeks. I wonder if you all have good advice, hadith from the Ahle Bayt as, or valuable personal experience that can help me to prepare for Birth?
  11. Thank you all guys, it has been a very valuable experience to share this issue with you all and all the heart given advice and insight really helps me a lot. Personally I am doing much better thanks to you all. May this Holy days of Muharram help us to come closer to the Ahlul Bayt and be guided by their nobility
  12. thank you Pearl and Starlight. This thread Seriously made me happier and most if all it brought me lots of clarity. Alhamdulillah. I do strongly believe that Allah gives us different kinds of experiences and challenges in order to become better servants and stronger muslims. Inshallah this whole challenge in this marriage will make me a better muslim. I have given myself some time at least six months to one year and then I will be able to decide whether it is healthy and good to stay in this relation and marriage with all its issues or not. For now I indeed need to foccus on myself, the birth of our baby, my son, husband and the warmth at home. I do not want to become bittered or let his issues and shortcomings drain me. I do pray a lot for him and ask Allah to guide him and keep him close to Him. I hope that I will be able also to grow and be near to Allah as a Mother and Wife day by day. It is not easy but I have hope.
  13. thank you sister for the useful advice it really did me good. And it is totally right that these kind of issues are better to kept in secret between husband and wife I experienced this also myself but sometimes it is easier said than done. my main issue is not how to deal with the past, I know that I will forgive and move on. Not only for him but also for my kids and myself. my main issue is that I dont know how to deal with the fact that he is still lying... about where he is what he does etc. It would take too long too go in detail here but I know this a hunderd procent sure. how to convince him to be honest and open? or otherwise our love and trust which is really a base in marriage is so damaged. it is already damaged, but how to prevent it from further damage? The intimacy is Alhamdulillah good. thank you for your duas I really need them thank you and also thanks for the suggestions of reading surat al Nass and Falaq. A dhikr that also ewlly helped me during difficult times is the Yunesiyah La illaha il Allah Subhanaka Inni kuntu minaz-Zalemin. Alhamdulillah it gave me mental stenght to cope with hard moments
  14. thank you brother. indeed the most heavy part of this experience was that I always say my husband with al his flaws as a good practicing muslim so to find out about this in the month Ramadan! was truly traumatic. Of corse all of us make mistakes and it is between him and Allah, I hope that his repantance gets accepted. One of the most sad parts of this whole story is that he stopped offering his prayers ever since that day I founded out. He says he is not worthy and he is a kind of angry inside why his sin has been uncovered. because the day I found out my mother and a good friend if him where also present and they found out either because of my emotional reaction. It might had been better for me to be more discrete but honestly its easy to say but when you are in such a situation that you read all these words from your partner towards someone else one truly becomes mad for some time. I keep on asking him to offer his daily prayers again a lot
  15. very intresting question. I am also vey intrested in Breathing techniques and I did a research to find some islamic sources about it. Unfortunatly I have not found hadith or books about it. please keep me informed also. I did came accros breathing techniques in Islamic mysticism
  16. Thank you all for the useful advice, opinions and understanding. the betrayal is one thing but what makes the situation quite hard for me is the fact that he is used to not telling the truth. probely something from his childhood. he always says I dont lie but I dont tell the truth either. In the past months and maybe before that also but defiantly after the accident he is more and more protecting himself by this behaviour of not telling the truth. In practice this means that he goes out or comes home later as usual and makes a story up or just tell a little bit. I just can tell he is not telling the whole truth because I know him so long and because often the facts and real truths show themselves. I have asked him to please stop this and be honest but he says that he also does it for me because I may react oversensitive. this lack of trust and honesty is seriously a deep pain. it feels like the fundament if your life is unstabile. I am really looking for a way to transform this. what is helping me is looking at the things that He is doing good and the blessings Allah have given us in general. This has helped me to cope with it and go further day by day... I do see that he is offering sincere effort for our family( working, halal income, taking care) and that he is a good dad. I will reflect more on your writings thank you. If there are other issues that pop up your minds please do share.
  17. Thanks for the reply. I am very happy to share this and open up about it. By the way sorry all for the wrong spelling and typos I am dyslectic and had to write the topic in quite a rush.
  18. dear community, I have been married for iver two years and have a one year old child. second is on its way. we had quite a struggle to build and maintain our live but Alhamdulillah we tried and Allah helped. I have a issue in my marriage that I would like to get advice for... from brothers and sisters inshallah. my husband always told me that beforme marriage he didnt had any girlfriend and relationships. I took his word. He comes from a modarate religious family and choose to follow his religion himself. he is good i reciting quran and knows quite a lot about Islam. a few months ago I founded out that he is texting an other women, who was non muslim and married! it was during Ramadan one day after Qadr night. He was expressing his affection for her and she was playing a hard to get game but in the same time loving the attention. it was quite devestating to see these messages and find out about this contact. I confronted my husband and he told it was just started a few days earlier and it was only texting. They were collegues and my husband helped them the women and her husband ( he knew both!) a few times with moving etc. My husband immidiatly admitted his mistake asked for forgiveness and told me serversl times that he was caught is the play and that it was all a play for him. he didnt mean the words he said he was just playing...and that he also was feeling lots if guilt from the beginning because of me and our child but that he was somehow deceived or shucked in this shaitanic game. I was broken, we spoked a lot, he could convince me that these things wouldnt happen again and I dince I am pregnant and have a small child deceided to keep our family together and stay with him also for the children. Now a few months passed and we are living our life normally with its ups a downs but unfortunstly I cant trust him anymore. the trust base is completly shaked up. I still cant understand how He who was such a peacticing muslim fall i such a trap. I am scared it will repeat it self and doubt so many words he says. Our mobile phones have always been open without password and it was normal for both of us to use eachothers phones. after the whole incident I do have to commit that I looked in his phone more often that I was used to do just because to get this 'safe' feeling that he wasnt in contact anymore. since two weeks he started acting a bit weird again. he locked his phone because he says I was doing too much tajasus. but in the same time he is very nervous about where he puts his phone and the content. In the same time he sometimes makes up where he had bee, not telling the truth. I know this fur shore since I know him very good. I want to aske your advice because I sm gettkng very much waswas, I am al the time thinking that he is with someone else. that he is again in contact with namahram women etc. what can I do? how to deal with this situatiion ? have you can some similar experience?
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