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In the Name of God بسم الله


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    Shia Itnha Asheri (Twelver)

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  1. I haven't spoken to him about it. Only the girl and I think she has mentioned that. Its my turn today lol to convince. But will for sure mention that.
  2. Salaam I have met a nice girl. We both want to get married. Everything is in place, the families have met each other and everyone is on board and we have everyones support. Only thing her father does not permit a mutah. Her parents prefer us to remain na mahram until nikah. The nikah will happen in July or August. My family are non Muslim so they are not in a position to be able to help. The girl wants to do mutah too, we both now want to become halal for each other. She has tried to convince them but now its my turn. It will be too difficult to remain na mahram for 8 months for both. I don't mean from a sexual perspective (we live in different countries), just generally because we are both getting more and more attached to each other and developing feelings. The parents argument is we have already hung out, whatsapped etc so just carry on doing that but that was different- those things were happening when we were still finding out about each other. Now the situation is different as we have reached certainty about each other, have feelings etc. I don't mind whatever conditions he wants. Its just appropriate to become halal now. What religious and practical arguments can I use to convince him? Duas
  3. Precisely, this is not to do with race or culture. Just the role of attraction in spouse selection. As I was not rejected for race etc.
  4. Some of the things you mentioned are thoughts that occur in my head too. So I am probably thinking along the right lines. Thank you for the response.
  5. (Bismillah) Salaam Alaykum I am in a dilemma with using online matrimonial website and I am not sure what to do. Recently, I was getting to know someone for marriage. I saw her picture but she hadn't had seen mine yet. The conversation went really well and we were hitting it off. After about an hour or two of talking, I showed her my picture and she suddenly changes her mind and says essentially (paraphrasing) that I am an amazing person but attraction is important for her too and she wasn't feeling that and just like that, she ended it. Earlier in the conversation she was really impressed and "mind blown" with how I converted to Islam, asking me about my ziyarat experience, hawsa and so on. But it seems like none that about me mattered anymore because of the attraction. Its happened before too. One girl after seeing my full length picture declined (I am not fat or obese, I am a regular at gym and sports), another had similar issues. I am starting to draw the conclusion that it really does not matter how "amazing" and "mind blowing" someone is, its means zilch, if you don't like their face? I guess my questions are: 1) How much importance should attraction hold? 2) From now onwards, should I just get a picture swap done straight away to avoid a repeat? Having said all this, I do agree that there can be a nervousness about speaking to someone who hasn't shown you their picture yet (for whatever reason) and you're slightly worried that what if you just don't feel any chemistry when you do see their picture and how do you break that too them. So from one perspective, I am glad these girls were just honest. As you can see, I am confused. What's the moral/right way of going about all this?
  6. Wasalaam alaykum Very well done on cutting out sins. Such maturity and desire to obey Allah swt and abstain from sins at young age is a great blessing so please do keep it up and do not become disheartened if you are not getting the 'spiritual' feeling. A few things I would recommend in addition to what you are doing: 1. Ponder/think and contemplate. The Noble Qur'an makes a lot of references to pondering. A famous hadith of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) who says: "one hour of pondering equals 70 years of worship". If you ponder over the signs of Allah swt (nature, creation etc.), His Mercy (how he gives every creature the things it needs to survive) and so on, you 'get to know' Allah swt better and you can connect with Him, you will get a better marifat (knowledge) of Allah swt and hence your prayers will have more khushoo. Regular pondering can give you great insights and Allah swt will inspire you with knowledge not found in religious texts. Also ponder over other things such as your day, how you interacted with people etc. and take account of yourself at night. If you find you have done anything undesirable, repent and make an intention to eliminate this in the future. The sleep of the knowledgeable is better than 1000 rakats of the ignorant. 2. 'Score' easy thawab points. Did you know that when two believers exchange salaams, Allah swt gives them 70 rewards. 69 rewards are for the initiator and 1 for the person who returns the salaam. Also, did you know if you go to sleep in wudu, it will count as if you worshipped all night! How easy our Generous Lord gives us opportunity to obtain reward. 3. Send salaams on the Imams. At least once a day, send salaams all the 14 infallibles. 4. If your sins have affected other people, ask their forgiveness. It may be that you have asked for forgiveness from Allah swt, but not from the person whom may have been hurt. 5. Be kind to your parents 6. Learn about tawhid. As mentioned earlier, get to know your Lord. We can't expect to connect to another human being unless we get to know them, same applies to God. I would recommend a book "Islamic belief system" by Sheikh Shomali. It is a GCSE level text book on tawheed, amongst other things. 7. MashaAllah you are doing many ritual acts and are doing beyond the wajib acts such as Salatul Layl. Developing good Akhlaq goes hand in hand with that. "Lessons on Islamic Morals" by Sheikh Shomali is another book that highlights key akhlaqi traits we can develop. If you are "well behaved" outside salat (not suggesting you are not behaving well now), then your salat will become better. 8. Try some spiritual practices. I would recommend another book "Spiritual Migration to Allah" written by Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini. It talks about spiritual practices to remove the veils between ourselves and Allah swt. Such as eating less, dhikr and so on. It has a lot of advice. Don't try and do all of it, take a few things on board and begin practicing them. Here is the online version: https://www.al-islam.org/self-building-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini 9. Lastly, never forget Allah swt loves you a lot. Connection does not happen over night so be patient (one of the greatest akhlaqi traits) Keep striving and I am certain you shall be successful. I hope this is useful. with duas
  7. Salaam. I live in the UK. Happy to send you some. If you want and feel comfortable, you can PM me and I can arrange to send them to you.
  8. I wrote an article about this very topic and term, giving my perspective on it (3 years ago) http://bit.ly/1ZBCMx2
  9. Its metaphorical. Its like when the Quran says, wherever you turn, there is the face of Allah. Its metaphorical, just a way of describing His omnipresence (His presence being everywhere).
  10. Salaam alaikum I have read hadith or just advice which says a Muslim should wake up with concern for what is happening in the Muslim ummah. I have two questions: 1) What is the best way to do this? 2) How can we help those who are facing oppression? For question 1, in the past I have set up Google alert for key words such as Palestine and Yemen so I directly get emailed articles about what is happening here. For question 2, I often make dua and sometimes donate money. I have thought about attending protests/rallies such as Al Quds too. As a revert, I am reluctant, only because my family are non-Muslim and I worry they will think I am being radicalised or something. I guess overall I am asking what is the best way to at the very least be aware of what is happening. Thank you
  11. I am a revert too (congrats!). This week has been much better but sti room for improvement. Its a work in progress and gradually over time it will get better iA. I have been using my headphones to listen to lectures and so I look busy. Maybe try something like that or take lunch at another time. iA make that first step and Allah swt will open opportunities
  12. Thank you everyone. Today was much better. I limited my conversations to the bare minimum and I also made an excuse for why I am taking the train (without lying) for the meeting. The only thing is that my colleague is taking the train with me. So although we will be travelling together, we will be in a carriage with a bunch of other commuters so that should be ok, I think.
  13. Another I am going to try is take lunch breaks at different times to them to avoid a situation where you are walking to the shops/kitchen/communal areas with them
  14. Yea its a tough one. At the moment my best option is to look unsociable i.e. wear headphones. I might run this by a scholar too and see what they think but I think the answer would largely be to limit as much as humanely possible. I mean if my female colleague says to me "hi how was your weekend" or starts telling me about her weekend, I can't just ignore her or whatever (hence whats humanely possible). Things like body language i.e. if the opposite gender starts a convo, don't swivel your chair or turn yourself towards them to indicate you are interested in a full conversation. One thing I do is keep doing my work e.g. typing, reading emails to give a hint I am busy. These arent scholary suggestions just things I have tried/will try.
  15. Thank you for the rulings. I am more looking for social interactions rather than bodily contact. Of course my intention is never lust or wanting contact.
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