I have created this account because I love the helpful feedback and comments I've seen on this forum for months now, because I now am in need of help:
To cut a long story short I keep wanting to leave my husband, he is very emotionless and my marriage feels one sided.
I come from a Wahhabi and Sunni background, and he introduced me to the teaching of Shia Islam and I reverted within the week. I am young, and I did not have a wedding as my mum being from a Wahhabi background was unhappy with this choice, but my dad supported me, thank god, and we got our Nikah done. Since then, I have become increasingly isolated, I do not have any Muslim friends and I have never spoken to anyone about my marriage issues (besides my husbands- who does not seem to care). I have been pressured into wearing hijab by his family as they would forbid him marrying me, but he does not see any wrong in this and says that it was a good thing.
All of these changes started to happen very fast, and I was 21 years old when I fell in love with him, I have been telling myself that things will get better, but nothing does and I am becoming increasingly depressed. I cannot speak to my parents regarding this because of everything we went through to be together, and I once spoke to my mum and she implied that I deserve this for my choice in husband.
It has been a struggle and we have been together now for 4 years, he is a [occupation], which I realise is draining him and I am patient and try and be as good as I can, I cook for him his favourite meals, I am not [ethnicity] but have tried to learn some [language] and to learn all his favourite [ethnic] meals, and I try to give him space as best as I can too. All he wants to do is play computer/ video games when he comes home and very rarely spends time with me, I have brought this up many times, but nothing changes, and he seems not to care.
Also, I have struggled with the hijab, as I live in a very racist town, but have persisted to wear it for God, the only thing that I hate is the hypocrisy that I'm starting to notice, such as, he pressured me to put it on, but when there is a semi naked lady on the telly he doesn't change the channel or look away? I don't understand, but we have had a few arguments regarding this.
Today, I said to him I am very unhappy and am considering a divorce, he didn't seem to care and said go ahead... Problem is, I do actually love him, and don't want a divorce, especially as I know it will make things harder in many ways.
Has anyone else gone through anything similar or has any advice or coping strategies please? I'm considering seeking professional help, but the town I live in rather racist and it would be hard to find a therapist that can empathise with a Muslim.
Thanks for your time.