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In the Name of God بسم الله
Khudi reacted to Bakir in When there is no hope in religion for youth
Many of the topics I discuss may be somewhat undesirable for many Muslims. It's not only in ShiaChat, but in my local community. I may be wrong, but there is indeed a good intention behind this, partly based on my very own experience. I was raised by a very strict father, and I was even stricter than him in terms of religion (never missed the 51 rakats nor daily morning duas, nor allowed leisure time based on anything else than philosophical and theological books). Yet still I exploded and fell into sin because I wasn't realizing I was repressing my ideas and my nafs unjustly, and I felt proud of that.
Many youth within our communities develop a lot of questions and doubts regarding not only their religion, but their social customs, roles, interactions, taboos, etc. And oftenly, they don't separate religion from that, because both come from the SAME source: parents. At certain point, these customs start clashing with their goals and lifestyle (haram partying, early arranged marriages, etc.). If it wasn't for these clashes, they wouldn't start questioning their faith, how they experiment it, how their families follow Islam, etc. Can't go sleep to my friend's house, nor go partying with friends, nor avoid arranged marriage with an Iraqi or whatever culture I feel little to no connection to it, etc. These youth may also, at the same time, be discriminated for being Muslims, and judged by ideas conmonly defended by Muslims (views on feminism, women's role in society, lgbt issues, etc.).
This is an unevitable secularist force, that we may shun with bad words, or start talking openly about it. And this is done with reasonable ideas (not merely based on Islam, because Westerners know no Islam). We have to shield youth with a mentality and a logic that may make them able to argue and defend the ideas they were educated in by Islam, IN CASE they feel comfortable with them (otherwise they just don't believe in Islam, and that is up to Allah to guide or not guide people).
The point of all this is not to change Islam, but to leave the doors of debate always open, with good manners instead of prejudices against Western ideas, nor censorship, nor backwards mentality. This, my friends, will encourage youth not to develop an extreme reaction against Islam and their culture altogether when circumstances are against them. And this reaction, the more extreme it is, the harder it is to return to Islam. And we will want to return, for sure we will, when the strength of youth is not present, nor the ferocity of innovative ideas, nor revolutionary movements nor the passion of making new friends and develop new ideas. When sickness and weakness, and the shadow of death is our only companion in solitude, when we feel really useless, at that time, we will want to go back to the God we unjustly forgot.
Many SCers have precisely contacted me when they started feeling doubts, when they started "that phase". I'm not so much worried with the phase, but with the idea of forgetting God and Islam, closing the door. We may have our times where we forgot our prayers, focus on friends and work and fun. But be careful with leaving religion completely forgotten. Always keep something with you, leave the door open, consider you will want to go back and focus on your faith. Leave that good niyyah in you.
There may be many points you feel hard to accept, many of them probably social rather than religious (as the recently discussed women's social issues). Be open, discuss whatever you like, share your opinions, find someone to hear them. Don't feel apart, don't feel an alien within the Islamic community, as it is more diverse and more welcoming than you would ever expect if you keep trying. You will find people like you, who hold a special place for Islam in their hearts, with whom you will feel not alone, and you will see that the beauty you found in this religion isn't necessarily linked with what may make you hate your life, your origins or your family's customs.
Youth in my local community have almost entirely left Islam. Saying this because it's way easier and less hard to prevent this than to fix it. Let's put things easier for youth to speak out their doubts, their worries, their desires and interests in life, let's try to judge less, let's make an effort to understand nowaday mentality, see why it matters and why it convinces so many youth people.
It's hard to reach conviction without doubt. Doubt is the principle of any talib al ilm. So instead of repressing your doubts and yourself out of external pressure, consider being open, question anything that clashes with your life, and use your reason to find the best of all ideas and approaches. In this convenient way, pressure won't kill you nor make you have undesirable reactions towards your society, family, religion, and, in the end, against yourself.
Khudi reacted to 3wliya_maryam in Religious obsessive compulsive disorder
Salam alaikum sister,
Honestly, I completely understand where you're coming from, because I have been through the EXACT same thing
I remember one night I was getting crazy thoughts to the point where I was breathing fast and couldn't help it
Sometimes I still get it but I still try to avoid it
You just have to keep yourself busy, and let the thoughts come, and when they come, don't feel anxious or stressed or worried; because you know yourself you don't believe in these thoughts; just take it easy, cuz it takes time yano
And if I were you, I'd make tasbeeh fatima al zahra(as) after every salah, trust me it helps alot. There is a dua you can read for removing bad thoughts I will provide later inshallah I think it is from Imam Jafar Al Sadiq (as).
You can also private message me, I will try to help you and also send you the dua
Just be strong and believe in yourself, know that you're better than the shaytan (la) and you can win over him.
Khudi reacted to IbnSina in Intellectual spouse?
As I understand wisdom is gifted by God, which is the ability to fully utilize your intelligence in order to really process the information around you and understand reality.
Intellect however is something that one can achieve from striving for it as far as I know. Theres also different types of intelligence.
For example, a highly achieving scientist who does not believe in the existence of a source beyond space which can create space, a source for the mass of energy in universe beyond time, infinitive, which would be Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, is still considered intelligent but not wise in my opinion.
Khudi reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Intellectual spouse?
I know some people who are obsessed with having an intellectual spouse, like it's a serious criteria. I know some people naturally aren't that smart and don't like perusing difficult careers. Just to give an example, imagine if a woman/man chooses to get a degree in fashion design whereas someone else chooses to get a degree in medicine. According to a lot of people, the doctor is preferred not only because of the job salary, but also because they are considered to be smart and intellectual in a way.
I personally value people with good hearts, I don't care about having a super genuis spouse who can derive all equations in maths etc. Also intelligence is gifted by God, not everyone has it.
What do you guys think?
Khudi reacted to Syed1208 in In urgent need of help.
The first thing I would say to you is, please don’t apologise, or seek to minimise your desperation/ feelings by acknowledging that there are people worst off. It is also okay to be critical of someone that you love and respect, so don’t apologise for having assessed how your mothers actions made you feel.
You need to understand that your mental health is absolutely key, and needs to be prioritised over any cultural, educational or religious requirements someone may have of you, or that you are imposing on yourself. My advice to you would be to look into talking therapy courses that are free, also many universities offer free counselling services. These are the first steps in order to make sure that you are able to express your feelings outward in a constructive way. The worst thing you can do is keep it all in. In terms of your OCD, sometimes you have to give in a little bit. I know that sometimes following a routine, or cleaning in a certain way can provide a level of control that we desperately seek. Take one day at a time, and remember that while du’a and Salah and remembrance of God may not be the absolute answer, they most definitely can’t hurt. Something that helped me overcome a range of my mental health issues and incredibly difficult relationship with my parents was re-engineering my thought process. I realised that I was relying too much on myself to be my saviour. Please don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect, balanced daughter.
Home is just a word that we give somewhere that we are comfortable. If the house in which you live us becoming toxic and a trigger, find somewhere that you can call home. This can be a library, a friends company, a counsellors office, anything you want. And when you begin to feel anxious or depressed take an active step to out time aside to visit that place. This restores control and gives you something to look forward to. In regards to making friends, join some societies, sign up for extra courses I.e. language, join a cause you care about I.e. social mobility or a charity etc. Like minded individuals will make you feel more comfortable and at ease than the wide diaspora that university in general provides.
I hope this was helpful, most of all please don’t feel embarrassed ashamed or alone. You are incredibly loved and special, I’m certain.
Khudi reacted to DarConall in Losing spirituality
We live a routine of which worship becomes just another part, that's the problem. The point of a routine is that you do things out of habit, sometimes on auto-pilot. But the point of worship and connection with Allah is that you're conscious of Him, and that it doesn't become something you do on auto-pilot.
Ask yourself whether you're truly talking to Allah when reading Qur'an/Dua and praying. Are you really trying to be conscious and aware of Allah right that moment, are you trying to stay focused on maintaining that consciousness throughout worship? Or has it become the act of a body on auto-pilot, while your mind is just numb and asleep?
What works for me is to realize my own consciousness and existence, from there awareness of Allah automatically follows. Or try to ''envision'' Allah's presence. Not in any physical way, but just think about His reality, that you know he's there. When you talk to Allah, realize that he's listening, don't just talk or read the Dua out of habit. Constantly remind yourself of the fact that Allah is listening. The moment you feel the sweetness of mercy you can stop focussing, that feeling is sufficient to have you stay conscious.
Khudi reacted to Ruqaya101 in hardship!!
The vulnerable prophet ayuub- there was no living place on him that did not have sores
The prophet Jakob lost his sight due to tears and crying
The prophet yusuf was thrown into a well
The prophet zekeriyaa was stabbed with a saw in a tree when he was inside it
Our prophet mohamad s.a.w.s- despite the fact that he went through many many many times worse than all of this, he managed to get through every trial.
a problem is just a problem, and if we take sadness as mere sadness, then of course and without any doubt, we will fall into depression.
However, if we take a problem, sadness and a desperate situation as a test, then what will happen? Think about prophet Yusuf in the well, or prophet Yunus in the abdomen of a fish : who pulled them out??! without a doubt, with every hardship, there is ease.
Does Allah almighty not tell us directly?
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ
وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ
الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ
وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ
وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْ
Have We not expanded for you your breast?
And We removed from you your burden,
Which weighed down your back?
And We exalted for you your reputation?
Then, surely with hardship comes ease:
Surely, with hardship comes ease,
So when you have finished, still strive hard
And to your Lord turn (all) your attention.
Do not leave the valley of hopefulness, there is always hope! Do not succumb to the darkness, cause there are always sunrays
@RepentantServant, @Gaius I. Caesar, @zionismdestroyer, @Khadim uz Zahra, @ali_fatheroforphans, @Sirius_Bright, @laithAlIRAQI, @Ibn Al-Ja'abi, @Asghar Ali Karbalai, @Ralvi, @Sumerian, @2Timeless
Khudi reacted to 2Timeless in Privacy, secrets and marriage life
Obviously in the circumstances you've given, then the secret is fine, I'm not talking about those situations. I'm talking about secrets in general, if they're vital things about your life in the past, or experiences that have shaped you, things you may be ashamed or embarrassed of etc.. In my opinion, secrets in general (not only between spouses) are an emotional burden. With marriage I assume it will be even more so, because my view of marriage has always been that the couple are life partners and share everything and anything with each other (within reason). I'm an introvert too, I don't go around sharing my secrets with anyone I meet. However, if I get married, I imagine that I'd want to share a lot of my thoughts with my husband. I haven't been married though, so I wouldn't know what that's really like.
I never shamed anyone or judged anyone's marriage. Key word: unusual. I didn't say anything against people who choose not to share that information with their spouses. But, according to the things I've read, I assumed most couples share almost everything with each other. Unusual is not bad or judgemental. It's just different. It does not reflect on the quality of anyone's marriage.
Khudi reacted to Aflower in Returning to my old sins
Lol if you think that women dress more modestly in Pakistan. If you come from what is referred to as an "upper class" family - read as very wealthy and educated - the women generally dress more immodestly than many British Muslims. My cousins in Pakistan wear skinny jeans and skintight sleeveless tops with their midriff showing. They wear knee length cigarette trousers and skirts too. I'm a woman and even I blush when I see them dressed that way. They post pictures of themselves dressed like this on Instagram and their own family members like their pics or congratulate them for losing more weight etc. etc. They are not airhead bimbettes - they are all educated and successful career women - but this is the norm for them and it is considered to be perfectly acceptable.
It may shock you even further to know that they are all Syeds. Sometimes I feel blessed that I grew up in the UK because if I'd been raised in Pakistan I would have been 'conditioned' to think that it is fine to dress that way. They always say that I shouldn't "judge them" (their go-to word), because what matters is that they conduct themselves properly - which they indeed do. This is off topic but so many girls in Pakistan wear a Burkah but meet boys in private. Trying to convince my cousins to dress modestly is a futile exercise so I let it be now.
My mother in law also wore sleeveless blouses with her sarees and no dupatta in her youth in Pakistan. When she married my father in law and consequently moved to the UK, she said that she felt "trapped and suffocated" because she deemed my father in law to be "regressive and backwards" as he made her dress more modestly. All these years later she still complains about the same.
One can't generalise that people from a certain place will behave/dress in a particular way.
Most importantly, one can never run from their problems. The change needs to be internal as one will find temptation and reasons/ways to sin everywhere.
Khudi reacted to Aflower in Depression
I respectfully disagree with some posters here. I don’t believe that depression has an emotional root cause; especially if the depression is so severe that it won’t allow you to function normally. There is a huge difference between feeling low and suffering from depression. A lot of times people confuse the two but they are most definitely not the same condition or even interchangeable condition names.
I believe that severe depression is caused by a chemical imbalance and can only be cured by medication. Of course, suffering from emotional or other problems at the same time only serves to exacerbate the situation.
I would strongly suggest that the OP should speak to a doctor as soon as possible.
It really doesn’t help if people ask a depression sufferer if they have unresolved problems. I understand that people are trying to be helpful but it is counterproductive. The thing about depression is that the sufferer is holding on to so much guilt already for not being able to do normal day to day things, and making someone question their ideology by saying things like they should be grateful for what they have etc. only serves to make the sufferer feel even more guilty and emotionally burdened.
To the OP: take one day at a time. Always remember that so far you have got through 100% of your bad days. No matter how tough things get please remember that you will get through this too. Listen to your body. When you are feeling at your lowest ebb; just accept it. As @HakimPtsid said, read inspiring and uplifting quotes or books, watch Comedies on TV, listen/read to the Quran (in no particular order) etc. IA you will find that you have some hours in the day when you have more energy. Try and get some jobs done then but don’t over exert yourself. Be kind to yourself and remember this is not your fault. You have not caused this condition.
Please do see the doctor ASAP and take whatever médecine he recommends regularly.
Khudi reacted to eThErEaL in Little sins overcoming effort of years.
I don’t know when was the last time I have committed a sin by accident or by mistake or unknowingly. Not even sure if committing a sin unknowingly is even considered a sin... can’t really think of an example.
Having said this, the attitude of desiring to commit future sins is really an attitude of one who has fallen out of grace. To justify your life as a sinner based on the idea that God alone purifies, is flawed because such a person of not really seeking God. such a person does not love God, he loves SIN instead.
The real issue you have raised is “Why do I still commit sins knowingly! I feel like I am a hypocrite because I commit sins knowingly!”. This is the issue we are trying to deal with that you have raised. This happens to be not just your issue, but everyone’s issue— its the human issue— the human situation is this way...or as Christians would like to say “Death has befallen upon all of us ever since Adam has fallen — we all fell down with Adam” the point of such statements is to explain the human situation, it’s not a personal problem that only you or I may be having (we all have it). That’s just a digression since Marty happens to be part of this discussion.
But getting to the point: we need to be “redeemed” by God alone, in God alone and through God alone for only He is Pure. We cannot be redeemed through our own self-effort(s). From an Islamic perspective we need the “waseela” (intercession) of those whom God has purified (namely the Intercession of Muhammad (S) and His Family(as)). Divine aid flows through them (those God has chosen, or through those who are chosen to represent God on earth).
Khudi reacted to eThErEaL in Little sins overcoming effort of years.
By understanding this as way that God is trying to teach you to depend on His mercy rather than on your own efforts. Life is not a competition in “effort”, but in letting go, submitting, surrendering, humility. God could care less about your efforts, he doesn’t like your self-effort in fact. What he wants is your humility and the surrendering of your affairs to Him. He wants your recognition of your own weakness and His Absolute Power. This is why he causes you to sin. You may have willed the sin, but he caused the result .., he caused the sin to take effect. He could have prevented it from taking place but He did that as a blessing, out of His mercy and love for you. So you should be grateful in fact, you should say thank you “O God, For showing me my weakness and for giving me an opportunity to seek your forgiveness and enjoying your mercy and nearness.”
Khudi reacted to eThErEaL in Spiritual Progress Report
Exactly! So, part of all this is “being aware” of the circumstances wherein these traits tend to surface. Just because the traits don’t appear to your empirical consciousness does not mean that they are eradicated or are non-existent in your subconscious. These traits are like seeds that are embedded into your subconscious and are merely waiting for an opportune moment. It is a blessing from God sometimes when those traits don’t find the right circumstances to rise up because when they do surface and one displays that negative trait, then the trait becomes even more established in the soul. But It is also a blessing for a trait to surface because it is a means for you to know more about yourself.
But to answer your question, the tool for taking account of your deeds is “awareness”. God commands us to have “taqwa” because taqwa is precisely the art of cultivating this awareness. Awareness is an interesting tool because It is unbiased, pure and totally detached. It is also always accessible and is with us at every moment and with each and every thought. Not only does awareness aid in us taking into account our deeds but it also helps cure them. Notice how well behaved we are when you know that someone else might be aware of what we are doing. We should try to cultivate the awareness that God has over us for this is the definitive and most effective of cures for our spiritual diseases.
Khudi reacted to SoRoUsH in Abstaining from worldly desires?
Work for worldly means.
You can even desire for worldly things.
However, you ought to link everything you do and want to the hereafter.
For example, pray and work for God's worldly blessings, such as a good income, in order to be able to perform religious deeds that can help you in the hereafter.
If you pray for worldly things, for the sake of your hereafter, you're actually praying for your herefter.
As always, it's the intention that counts.
Khudi reacted to eThErEaL in Did you ever find love again ( divorced people)
If you find the special person (without being too picky) you have to learn to open up your heart to him (it is much harder for women to do this after going througha break-up than it is for men. So be the love, don't expect "it to happen" to you (because that is simply not how love works and even if it it does happen, such a love is short lived), but rather, what you should do is it to give love by forgiving him, being compassionate to him, tolerating his idiosyncrasies, don't be too critical, be patient, don't have too many expectations for having expectations are poison to a marriage.
Same advice goes for men of course. don't expect to be loved but give it by being love itself. Usually the partner will reciprocate (inshallah).
Khudi reacted to eThErEaL in What is the difference?
What matters is not Shiaism or Sunnism. What matter is that the truth of those words reverberates in you.
This is part of the Shia Irfani tradition. And for your information, Imam Ali (as) was the best expositor of all that you have quoted above.
This is not a doctrine to believe in but a reality to realize internally for one's own self and in one's own self. So, it is expected for many Shia ulema to consider such words blasphemy because not all of them will have realized it. It is not subject to our minds that it should be analyzed into right or wrong. Our minds rather are subject to it and need to surrender to its reality. And we surrender to it precisely through a mystery that is within us.
Khudi got a reaction from Hameedeh in Friendship group - Muslim and non-Muslim
I would say having a diverse group of friends is a healthy thing. You should remember what your core values are of course. This way you'll always test what you know about your core values and help understand them better. I think it's very short-sighted to have extreme views like the ones you've heard, that people should not associate with others. It's a sad reality and a real barrier towards self-realization as well.
Khudi reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Would you/ do you raise your children different to how you were raised?
I will change around some things:
(1) Take my children to the mosque quite often, even if they are a toddler.
(2) Emphasis the importance of Islamic knowledge when they are young. I would happily read them bedtime Islamic stories.
(3) I would never fight/argue with my wife in front of them.
(4) Will be very open with them, so they don't feel judged when asking personal questions
One thing I love about my parents is that they never backbite about anyone, and they're very humble. I never hear my parents boast on about me and my siblings unlike most Pakistani parents.
Khudi reacted to ireallywannaknow in Would you/ do you raise your children different to how you were raised?
I'd like to raise my children similar to how I was raised. I think my mom did a great job especially with the circumstances she was in. She is one of my biggest role models so I'd like to be the same type of mom as her. The difference would be that inshaAllah my children will have a father that sticks around unlike we did.
Some of the things my mom did that I'd like to copy are being a stay at home mom, homeschooling, emphasis on Islamic teachings at home and being implemented in all areas of life.
Khudi reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Materialism
Materialism is horrible and I personally want to get rid of this lifestyle, and here are my personal tips for everyone.
(1) Start contemplating more, especially before sleeping or at fajr. Living in a consumerist society, where everything is about "buy, buy, buy", "work, work work", is not healthy for our minds. This culture of staying busy is making it all worse.
(2) Have love for Islamic knowledge. The more you read books during your spare time, the better you'll feel, and you'll discover your true potential.
(3) Volunteer more often. It's sad how we prefer to browse through our useless phones than to contribute to a good cause. Allah always encourages us to rush towards good deeds, then why do we hesitate to volunteer?
(4) Don't buy stuff simply because it's expensive. Just because you're wealthy, it doesn't mean you start rushing towards expensive items.
(5) Value your family and friends, because you actually need them. Just think about the fact that they could pass away at any moment! Then you'll realize how much they mean to you. You'll even be willing to spend millions of dollars to save their life. So, please don't ever ignore your parents, simply because you're ignorantly sucked into materialistic things like your smartphone.
(6) Value experiences. Look back all those years, and ask yourself that do you really remember that beautiful watch, sofa, bed, car? Or those evening walks with your family, precious moments with your friends? Going to Ziyarah etc.
(7) Stay away from sins. I know it can be hard, but you'll learn to value your nafs.
Khudi reacted to Fay1 in Please need your prayers
I’ve posted this again as I am desperate!
Would be much appreciated if you can all say a little prayer for me as I’m struggling at this present time! I’ve been trying for months and literally hoping for a miracle each day, but patience is required and I know Allah will answer my prayers soon and with the help of your prayers too!
I wish and hope that no one goes through any struggle in life and to be at ease ! Thank you