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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. Hellol. I would say having a diverse group of friends is a healthy thing. You should remember what your core values are of course. This way you'll always test what you know about your core values and help understand them better. I think it's very short-sighted to have extreme views like the ones you've heard, that people should not associate with others. It's a sad reality and a real barrier towards self-realization as well.
  2. Assalam Alaikum. Hello everyone. Hope you're all well. So this thought came to my mind today while I was out shopping. Living in a 3rd world country, it's very common to have people walk up to you every couple of streets or traffic signals or outside shops and ask for financial assistance/beg. People of different ages and in all types of get-ups are found doing this. It's so common that it's not surprising to hear about 'beggar mafias' having an organized approach to maximise the money received and eventually depend on begging as a source of sustenance without actually doing something to get out of their situation. While that may be true, it goes with out saying that there are always people out there who need help financially or even to just get by a meal in the day. I usually wave a lot of such people off respectfully, and then there are those who are very adamant and do end up testing ones patience. I see people daily shouting at such 'beggars' as well which isn't pleasant. I was wondering what your thoughts are on deciding who are the people that actually need help? Do you have the time in your daily life to assess this decision if someone comes to you a couple of times daily? What would it mean if we do end up helping someone who didn't really need the help but pretended to? Or if we didn't really bother listening to someone that actually did need help genuinely? Peace.
  3. Salam. I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through a tough time and things are not looking too well. I agree as suggested above that try and hang in there and have patience, iA things will improve. I wanted to also suggest a couple of different ways to look at your situation which may help, based on your post. When you say 'Allah will answer my prayers soon', instead of only associating this with one physical solution in your life, it can also happen in another way, may be you can learn to be more at peace with the problem that you are facing, the peace that one obtains by doing some internal reflection, pondering over our real purpose, doing dhikr actively or trying to look at everything as Allah's mercy and blessing. Also when you say 'I wish and hope that no one goes through any struggle in life and to be at ease'. May be if you think, we all are in, and do in fact, need some kind of struggle in order to continue developing ourselves as human beings towards our main goal, if life was always at ease, there wouldn't be too much point of it, would it? I hope I haven't said anything that may come across negatively, I just wanted to bring across a couple of different perspectives to you so that maybe you can feel better by changing a little bit about the way you're thinking about this problem. Peace.
  4. Hello Sister, I can understand how difficult it can be to have these obsessive thoughts bothering you all the time. It's really good that you're working to find a solution and credit to you for that. Whatever helps you relax during these episodes will help you a lot. It would also be a good idea to get a bit of a schedule to your life, if that isn't there right now. Waking up early for prayers and not over sleeping, having a healthy, well balanced diet, incorporating some physical activity daily (walking, jogging, working out maybe?). Try not to take naps during the day so you can sleep well at night. Avoid any source of caffeine during the latter half of the day, as that will also help getting sleep at night. Have a light meal for dinner. And it'd be good idea to not let your mind be idle for long periods of time during any day, spend time doing things you enjoy or also things that you may not enjoy particularly but need to do (e.g. chores at home, studying if you are a student), these things will occupy your mind so it doesn't wander and come up with random, unnecessary worries. If these basic things haven't or aren't making much of a difference to your life, you can always consider some medical help, starting off with the identifying the underlying cause of your worries/anxiety/obsessions and working forwards from there to see whether talking to a mental health professional will help or if you need some medication to control/improve some or all of your symptoms. I understand that it's difficult for you to see a professional because of your family's views and am sorry to hear that. If you know someone in your close circle who is a mental health professional, you can try and talk to them and see what they have to say. I would not advise you to read up too much on the internet randomly without someone guiding you about reliable sources to help with your specific complains because irrelevant, baseless sources may sometimes aggravate your anxiety. Feel free to PM/reply to me if you need any further information. I wish you the best. Peace.
  5. Salam Sister, I am sorry to hear about your long standing struggles. It must be so difficult, all credit to you for hanging in there and continuing to move forward and looking for different venues of support. It is very good of you to post here, do not feel bad/embarrassed/shy/hesitant to ask for help from any possible source that you think may help you. I am a psychiatrist in training. I would like to give you some information based on my observation and study so far. It would be helpful if you try to look for support from multiple sources and try not to discredit any potential sources of help before you have completely and properly tried them out. What I mean is, you should definitely look towards your inner self and try and get closer to Allah as has been suggested by others here as well. You should also try and bring some routine in your life and try to make your life as healthy as you can by eating well, getting proper and timely sleep, taking some time out for some physical activity (walking, jogging, working out), spending some time with your close ones (any close friends who understand your situation and don't judge you). I would like to emphasize the importance of medical/psychiatric treatment. I understand you may not have too much benefit from it. I would however like to let you know that mental illness is not something that is answered by one medicine for sometime. I know one becomes tired and questions the effectiveness of medication over time, but this is a part of trying and testing till the perfect medicine is found that suits your particular condition. In addition, I understand there are side effects of being on these medications but it is also important to remind yourself that in the long run, when eventually the medicine best suited for you starts showing results, at that point the side effects will really feel like a very small price to pay for the benefit that is experienced. I do not blame you however, not all psychiatrists come along and communicate with patients like yourself in a comprehensive manner and play about with a mixture of different medications and that can be so difficult for you. What my point is, please do not undermine the importance and effectiveness of psychiatric treatment in mental illness. In addition, a lot of what you need is also managed by a multi-disciplinary team consisting of a psychologist, occupational therapist etc. So do try and get in touch with a psychiatrist that really understands your problem and guides you to these additional venues that can improve your quality of life. It is a difficult path I know. But Allah gives us hardships that He knows we can overcome and realize more of our strengths and live up to them in the process. Don't ever give up or feel there is no way out. A lot of the times our problems are blessings in disguise. I wish you the best, feel free to PM me if you need any info regarding specific medical/psychiatric advice. Peace.
  6. Hello brother, Salam. Hope you're well. I've been reading your comments lately and am quite intrigued by them, would you please PM me, I need to discuss a few things. I can't PM you cos of some restrictions. Thanks in advance.

  7. @eThErEaL Dear brother, Salam. I find a lot of your answers to be very wise. I wanted to ask you a few things myself, could you kindly PM me when convenient? I can't PM you due to some restriction on being a basic member of these forums. Thanks and peace.
  8. Assalam Alaikum, Hello. So this thought came to my mind. I was pondering on what drives me in my life. Having had a history of struggle with clinical depression and getting appropriate treatment, I sometimes have these mini bouts of it still. I kind of take them as a positive cos it makes me want to find things that motivate me, that push me to work on myself further. So from time to time I have these phases where I feel so motivated and so grateful and at this stage that I'd call spiritual/emotional bliss. It lasts for a while and then it kinda fades. So I go back to everyday normality and get caught up with life and time goes on. I sometimes wonder why I can't hang on to that feeling of contentment, that internal bliss. It's kinda funny but the feeling pops up at random times too (e.g. if I have a deep conversation with a person about life and little things, or I listen to a song that sounds pleasant to me at that moment, or I watch a movie or I listen to some amazing deep spiritual lecture (majlis)). I was wondering if you people would like to share what you think makes you feel so if you do. Whether you get bogged down by everyday life and what is it that brings you back to that state. Are you always in control of knowing when you're in that state or out of it and how to change it. I am sure that spirituality and imaan has a big role to help us stay in that phase, especially the daily prayers have a great role. I feel I have a tough time maintaining it through prayer alone at times. Feel free to share your views, I'd love to hear them. Peace.
  9. I understand what you mean. The idea may seem strange, however it isn’t if you think about it. Most of how we think of it stems from what we hear from people around us. In the end, what difference does it make if you find the right, compatible person, whether it was via the internet or through the ‘regular’ ways of finding someone. I am sure there are A LOT of people out there who found compatible partners via the internet. Cos it’s simply a way that expands your search way beyond the usual, hence making it more likely to find someone according to ones needs. All of that obviously depending on the reliability of the source (website/app).
  10. Asssalam Alaikum, Hope you're all well. I've been having some queries related to marriage lately which I feel a lot people here may be able to help me with. I am at that point in life where I am looking to get married soon iA. 1) I've come across people saying things like 'you need to know yourself before you think about marriage and getting someone in to your life'. It does seem to make sense to me. However, it's difficult for me to know when exactly will I feel like 'I know myself'. I feel like I'm always getting to understand myself better with time. Is there a specific answer to knowing when one is ready for marriage or is it just a cliche and that we'll never really be ready for it, we just have to start it at some point. 2) I read in a few posts on these forums that a person needs to actively search for a spouse and that one can't leave it all up to fate (an idea that our elders have always emphasized and continue to do so). I want to know how can one go about searching for a spouse if one doesn't have a lot of friends that are Shia and relatives are not an option to help. Thank you in advance. Peace.
  11. Salam. Hello. As mentioned above, this is both a good thing and can be bad as well. Good because you are aware of the fact that you overthink, that you want to change it and that you actually DO think, these are things to be grateful about. Bad in the sense that at times your mind controls you rather than you controlling your mind. As mentioned above, this is a learning process and doesn't change in one night. I've personally felt that patience and peace of mind develop over time if you work on them. I also believe your spirituality/faith has a big role to play here. Whatever strengthens your faith will give you more peace. I have listened to some scholars but I would strongly recommend listening to Khalil Jaffers lectures on YouTube. They are priceless in helping you re-wire your thinking process. Peace.
  12. Wsalam. I don't deny that you've had a rather disturbing experience when it comes to treatment for depression. However, the matter is not that simple. There's been decades of work and research done before a medicine gets approval to hit the market. I respect your opinion but it is more based on opinion and myth rather than fact. Depression isn't a problem limited to the U.S. or the West, it is a global epidemic. Millions of people are benefitting from therapy and medication and this is not an opinion, but a fact. Medical science is based on fact. Also, you mention 'opioid crisis'. Anti-depressants or many other psychiatric medications have nothing to do with opioids, which have a completely different mode of action and purpose. I do empathize with you though. A lot of times, finding the right medication for one specific patient isn't that easy and the psychiatrist is compelled to try a number of them before finding the right combination and dose. In addition to this, there are many under qualified psychiatrists out there and doctors claiming to be psychiatrists that make use of such circumstances and exploit patients. Hence, the position you have is completely understandable. At the end of the day, good doctors/psychiatrists will always work for the benefit of the patient and never work against their interest. I hope you have the good fortune to come across someone like that. Good health to you and the brother who started this thread.
  13. No one is telling anyone to close their eyes and just take drugs. In many cases, drugs help the person and then in an organized and gradual manner the doctor decreases the dose till the drug is stopped. Depression isn't a one-off thing, meaning that one needs to look into every possible way of help. Something that helps one person, may or may not help another person. Hence the importance of not labelling medications as just 'drugs' that are temporary in their benefit. Medications can be just as important as any other way of help, and if nothing helps, then they may be the only answer. It's important to have an open mind and not look at things through a narrow tunnel vision. Everyone's struggle through depression is unique and can't be equated universally.
  14. Wsalam. It takes a lot of will power and courage to open up about something like. First off, hats off to you for talking about this. It's a big thing that you realize things are not going well and that something is wrong. A lot of people continue living in that state of sadness and demise and never realize it was something that could easily be helped. Having had depression myself for a very long period of time and also being a doctor now MashaAllah, I can say without a doubt that what you're going through is clinical depression. There are MANY ways to get help. Among the best things you can do is get a consult with a psychiatrist/psychologist. In addition to this crucial step, you should try harder to not be by yourself. Contact with and meet up with your friends and family, go out for shopping or just to eat something. Try and connect with your spiritual side, work hard to say your prayers on time and with some concentration. Work on your diet and sleep. Take some time out for exercise (a brisk walk for 30 mins daily will be more than enough). This list can go on and on. However it's very important to realize that most of the time depression will be due to an underlying cause that will only be helped via medication. Just like a diabetic needs to take medication or insulin to lower blood sugar, or a hypertensive needs to take medication to lower blood pressure. And in such cases, nothing in the world can help unless you get treatment for the cause. Hence it is extremely important to get a consult as soon as you can. You have all the help in the world available, you just gotta reach out. Peace.
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