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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. Assalam Alaikum, Hope you're all well. It's been quite a while since I posted. I've had a crazy year (I'm sure most of us have to some degree or the other). The reason I post is to get some feedback/answers/tips to a couple of problems that have developed in my life over these few months and I'm having major difficulty in addressing them. After a long struggle with my mood/energy/concentration/anxiety levels I was eventually diagnosed with Bipolar 1, I mentioned that here in a thread. Though my treatment has helped certain aspects of my functioning, there's still so much that's missing. I've seen videos, done reading, I am currently also training in psychiatry so there's not much information that I haven't already read up on. * My energy levels are drastically low and my sleep has increased. I don't feel like waking till I have about 10 hours of sleep. I'm really struggling with this as I have to go to work and I often miss work days which is not a good thing at all. I don't know what to do about it. * My level of faith has gone down drastically. I just get on with the day, I barely feel connected to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) or the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)&F) and Ahlulbayt (عليه السلام). I have stopped praying during the last 2 months. All of this because of weakness in Imaan. I've retried praying but it seems empty. I don't know how to start developing that love for Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) when it's extinguished. I don't expect many professional answers but that's not what I'm here for, it'd be nice to hear how others deal with these issues regardless of having a diagnosis or not. Many thanks in advance. Kind regards, Khudi
  2. Walaikum Assalam, I am well, Alhumdulillah. Yes, its' been a while. I am out of the hospital and am now with my wife, feel much better overall. How are things at your end? Regards, Khudi
  3. Walaikum Assalam, Hope you're doing well too, inshaAllah. Yes I am still in hospital. That's because I had finished my tenancy shortly after my admission and was not working so couldn't afford to rent a place for long term. It's been a blessing in many ways Alhumdulillah but it has also impacted on my recovery progress. Alhumdulillah, it feels good to hear that things got better with you with time. I am trying also to stay positive but it can get quite difficult at times, as you may know. I have also recently started Lithium, tried a bunch of other medications but nothing seemed to help a lot. Things have improved a bit since starting Lithium. Yes I can be very emotional a lot of the times. It just takes a small thought from the past, anxiety about the future or about the current situation and I start weeping. I don't know if that's normal as part of the illness, because I wasn't as sensitive or emotionally vulnerable in the past, prior to my manic episode. Maybe we have to come to terms with the fact that we have to put in a lot of extra effort to keep ourselves functional, which can be so exhausting at times. Thank you for this suggestion, I was aware of BipolarUK but hadn't joined the e-community. I shall check it out now that you recommend it. Thank you also for your prayers. Kind regards, Khudi
  4. Walaikum Assalam, Hope you're well. Sorry for the late response. Thank you for sharing your entire story as well. I'm glad to know that you have a good support system and a kind husband, that probably makes all the difference in the world. I can relate very strongly with how you've described feeling like a different person at times. This is something that concerns me a lot as I don't feel like myself at times and it's very difficult as I become so emotionally fragile and vulnerable and keep having weeping episodes. As for the coping mechanisms and schedule that I mentioned, it's not like I follow it consistently, in fact, it's very hard to keep it up. I follow it for a few days, then I have a particularly difficult day and I lose all momentum and then have to try and build it all over again which takes a lot of time and energy. My situation is a bit complicated, in that, I've been in hospital for a long time. Ever since my manic episode, I couldn't be discharged because I don't have family where I am living and I wasn't in the position to live by myself as well. I was making progress towards a discharge slowly but the lock down with Covid has been a big obstacle towards my recovery. I do have a few friends, but it hasn't been possible to meet them due to the restrictions. My family is absolutely wonderful in how they've supported me so far and continue to do so. I am blessed to have a wonderful wife who has been extremely helpful, supportive and patient throughout this difficult time. Unfortunately, none of them are here in person so I have to rely on video calls. I hope things improve with time. It's encouraging for me to hear that your mood swings have almost gone, gives me hope that I need to give myself some more time and once I have some support in person, my wife or my family, things will get better. Yes, it's not a bad idea to post here once in a while to get updates from each other and maybe share things/strategies that are of help. Have you felt that since your diagnosis it's gotten difficult for you to take on responsibilities? E.g. work or family related. It's commendable that you have a son MashaAllah, but do you feel any different, like less confident or more anxious about taking responsibility compared to prior to your diagnosis? Kind regards, Khudi
  5. Walaikum Assalam, Firstly, you should know that you've done something brave and commendable by sharing your struggle with your mental health. I happen to have gotten a diagnosis of Bipolar Affective Disorder Type I about 9 months back. I had previously been diagnosed with Depressive Disorder and had been taking anti-depressants, eventually a change in my medication and other factors that were causes of stress, led to a severe manic-psychotic episode, which led to my diagnosis being changed. I can relate quite a bit with your description of your manic episode. I, too had strong delusions, especially religious and in context of the 12th Imam (عجّل الله تعالى فرجه الشريف). Gradually the manic episode settled with medications, and gave way to a severe depressive episode which I am still trying to come to terms with. I have been trying different medications and also working on other aspects of life to try and manage my condition. It still seems difficult at times and it can be very hard to come terms with the fact that I have this diagnosis as it can so debilitating at times. Religion and spirituality is one of the things that I have included very much in my daily life and yes it has helped quite a bit. However, there are days when it's very difficult to control my mood and behaviour, and in those days my prayers/duas seem not to be particularly helpful. As for other coping mechanisms, I am only slowly starting to look at other things. Things like meditation/mindfulness, working with a therapist and trying CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), trying to keep a fixed sleep/wake time, exercise/running, planning my day by adding activities throughout the day whether I enjoy them or not but doing them nevertheless (concept of Behavioural Activation). Despite all of that, I have major fluctuations in my mood throughout the day and it can be very difficult. Sometimes there's a feeling of complete helplessness and hopelessness. I hope that with time, things get better. I am glad to hear that you're much stable. What has helped you? Do you think that time has a role to play, as in, does it get better with time? I hope this makes you feel less alone. Kind regards, Khudi
  6. Hmm. It's a difficult question to answer. I would say yes, I want to be able to sustain this 'particular feeling' of being in touch/remembrance of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). The reason it's a bit complicated in my case is that I suffer from a variant of Bipolar Disorder and have intermittent, severely debilitating depressive episodes, during which I feel that it's very hard to establish or maintain this 'feeling' of being in sync with everything in and around me. That's a good way to look at it, thanks. Do you think the same for people who have mental health issues, e.g. severe depression, when this connection/bond doesn't feel to be established like it would normally?
  7. AoA everyone, Hope you're all keeping well. I am going through a phase in life where I am slowly starting to understand and feel the benefits of remembering Allah during everyday life. I am coming to understand that taking out some time every day for recitation/listening to the Qur'an, saying my daily prayers, saying some Duas after the prayers (Taqeebat) and doing Dhikr whenever I have negative thoughts and feelings helps me a lot. I was wondering if you could share some specific ways/sources that mention ways in which we can remember Allah during the everyday tasks of life e.g. Duas/Surahs before sleep, after waking up, eating/drinking, going to the toilet etc. In today's busy life, I have felt that establishing this constant connection/bond with Allah is the most effective form of being at peace mentally. Thanks in advance.
  8. Hello @Shia Muslimah, I think what you're planning to do is good and requires bravery. You should try and talk about all of your beliefs in such a way that all the listeners take away positives and do not take away any negatives, especially in the context of religion/sectarianism etc. It will not be easy at all because when you will speak to the audience, every person will their own way of assessing and judging the information you give them. It would be wise to get an idea of what your audience will be like, cater your talk towards them accordingly and always leave time in the end for questions so that you have the opportunity to clear up any misconceptions/misunderstandings that people may have picked up from your talk. Regards, Khudi
  9. Hello @Miss Wonderful, Hope you're well. Very sorry to hear about your situation. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to see your mother in that manner and feel helpless when you try and help her. However, I would like to let you know that the mere thought that you have of wanting to serve your mother during her illness is a blessing in itself. Not all children are so considerate towards their parents in such situations, so hats off to you for that. Remember, when your mother gets angry at you, it's not actually her that says all those insulting things to you, it's a different person. A person who is experiencing pain (both, physical and emotional), she tries to find ways to vent out her pain. Because you love her so much, you will be one of the ways in which she can express her anger and distress to ease her pain (both physical and emotional). Give yourself credit for trying to help your mother, stay with her whenever you can, hold her hand and listen to her, regardless of what she says. When it gets overwhelming for you, politely let her know that you need to be alone for a bit and then take your time to cool yourself down. She is your mother, she will always understand you, sometimes better than you understand yourself. You will always cherish these moments, when you tried to help your mother at her worse, so don't lose these precious moments. I wish you best. Kind regards, Khudi
  10. @Kamyar Majlessi That doesn't have to necessarily be a bad thing.
  11. @khamosh21, you are correct. We both agree on the same thing. We just see it differently. Peace.
  12. Hello @Ali Husnain, You've asked a very good question. Like explained by the others, this 'inner voice' is one of two voices. To summarise it and simplify it, one voice in your mind is the voice of Truth (Haqq) and the other voice is that of Falsehood (Nafs, Ego, 'I'ness). These voices are always having an internal battle in your mind. If you feel you're in control of listening to both and can make a logical/humanistic/'good' decision, then you can assume that you're an insightful individual who knows Himself. And according to Hazrat Ali (عليه السلام), 'one who knows Himself, knows Allah' However, a lot of the times in our daily lives, we find it hard to 'choose' the logical/humanistic/'good' decision, that's because we are human beings and we are prone to sometimes make errors of judgement, that's when our Nafs/Ego/'I'ness takes over. There can be multiple reasons for a person to choose one over the other. In the end, it's not the result that matters, but the journey to the result that teaches us about ourselves, and in doing so, teaches us about our God (Allah in Our case). Hope that helps. Khudi
  13. I wish to share my thoughts on the concept of Unity. To do that, I have a perspective which is a cumulation of all the experiences of my life put together. My perspective may have a bias since it is a combination of the realities that I have lived and observed at different points in time. In order to explain my thoughts, I am compelled to make the best use of my language skills. I believe the English Language is one of the most, if not THE most spoken languages in contemporary times. I start off by introducing myself to the reader. I like to think of myself as a being that is subject to constant evolution. Evolution in the form of mind, body, brain, soul, spirit, etc. So in order to understand me, the reader should have a basic understanding of the concept of Unity, Duality, Multiplicity, and Infinity. Since only certain things can be explained at any one point in time (because time is relative), my goal here is to explain the concept of Unity. In Arabic (the language of the Arab people), Unity is analogous to the concept of 'Tawhid'. But in order to continue in English, I will have to proceed and due to my limitations to explain this concept, and the readers' limitations to understand this concept, I will have to improvise. Understanding Unity via Duality can be done in countless ways. The way I wish to do so is through the relativity of time. Basically, in order to explain Unity to you, I will keep time as a constant for a short period of time. It is at my discretion (at present) to pick a point in time to explain to you the concept as I am the speaker and you are the listener (presumably). The point of time that I pick is one from history. I have picked it because of its significance in countless ways, depending on the observer of time. The date I've picked is the 10th of October 680 C.E (Common Era). Since I am explaining Unity through Duality, I would now like to divide the recording of time in history via two methods already used. The Gregorian Calendar (the 12 months commonly used today, supposed to have marked the beginning of the Common Era, following the birth of Jesus Christ) and The Hijri Calendar (the 12 months commonly used by the Muslim population of the world, following the migration of Muhammad to Mecca). 10th of October in the Gregorian Calendar coincides with the 10th of Muharram in the Hijri Calendar. More specifically, 10th October 680 C.E = 10th Muharram 61 A.H. Since we are now keeping 'time' a 'constant', we have limited 'space' to keep making progress. So, in a few words, Unity explained via Duality means that at it's most basic, yet Absolute, Unity means two things (keeping in mind that time is NOT a constant). As we understand, Unity exists via space relative to time. I repeat, Duality of Unity is known in contemporary times as the Space-Time continuum. Do we understand the Space-Time continuum? Maybe, maybe not. I'd prefer to think that we do understand this continuum. You, me, we, all of us understand it in a different way. Coming back to time. To conclude this, on the 10th of October 680 C.E. (10th of Muharram 61 A.H.), an event took place. ONE event, best explained to be a combination of Infinite events, held at the same point in time for Existence to comprehend the Infinite potential of mankind in the form of Duality. The Duality of Right vs. Wrong. The Duality of Truth vs. Falsehood. The Duality of Being a Creation Vs. The Creator. As long as we can compel ourselves to observe all of history via the concept of Unity and applying Duality at it constantly, it will only be by a miracle that we don't/can't SEE the truth, HEAR the truth, FEEL the truth. Anything and Everything else is just pure coincidence. The End.
  14. Walaikum Assalam Sister, Hope you're well. I am sorry to hear that your personal life is problematic. I would to commend you for mustering the strength to ask such a difficult and personal question. Hats off to you. I am currently a junior doctor training to be a psychiatrist. Hence I think I can hopefully answer your question from different points of view (I.e. medical, psychological and spiritual). Medical Perspective: there are no physical health issues reported in people who masturbate Psychological Perspective: Contemporary and traditional psychology has always been favourable towards masturbation. Even today, psychology demonstrates that masturbation can have certain benefits and can be a form of a stress-reliever in both the sexes Spiritual Perspective: It is VERY important to understand that masturbation has been condemned by our religion (I.e. Islam, following the Jurisprudence of Imam Jafar-as-Sadiq (AS)). The reason is that masturbation is the easy way out to satisfy the psychological and natural craving of the human body. This is very important to understand. Our body has certain rights over us, regardless of us harming others or not, there are limits which are very well understood if one WANTS to understand the answers. Our religion promotes early marriage, because both, male and female have certain hormonal changes and their body starts having certain needs. The human being (who is very easily a prey to the desires of the body, chooses to fulfil these desires in many way) e.g. Eating all the time doesn't harm any body, but the persons body will deteriorate, drinking all sorts of drinks will have consequences on the body and the mind regardless of the person not harming others, sleeping all the time doesn't harm any body but the person themselves because they lose time etc. Masturbation is looked down upon by our Masumeen and hence it is our duty to avoid it as much as we can. When people get married, they have the proper channel to fulfil their bodies' sexual needs and hence I would think that it would be considered a Maqrooh act at the very least. Especially when it is causing uneasiness to the other partner. I hope your partner tries to understand that he is harming no one, but his own psychological health and he is also harming you by making you prone to doubt yourself. Prayers your way. Kind regards, Khudi
  15. Hello @Islandsandmirrors, Hope you're well. You describe symptoms which are very consistent with seasonal allergies/hay fever. Like mentioned above, the best thing would be to start with anti-histamine medications and manage your symptoms. Eye drops and oral anti-histamine to start. If it persists for longer than 7-10 days despite using the medication, you may need to see your GP to consider more aggressive management options. Kind regards, Khudi
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