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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by ali_fatheroforphans

  1. Yeah this applies to all online interactions, and even real-life interactions. I guess this thread could be simply called 'online interactions'. @AStruggler actually sat down with a well-known qualified scholar and discussed this topic in detail - mainly online interactions (real life ones too). It's summarised in this word document -----> https://1drv.ms/w/s!AvouU1cZOjoZmiAMfF9ElT1ljDBX
  2. Yeah even if they know, there's nothing wrong to bring these discussions up. There's etiquettes to be learnt when interacting online and the more we discuss, it gives us a chance to reflect and improve.
  3. @2Timeless and @Ruqaya101 I agree with youse that many informative discussions take place and there's a lot of benefits. However he's raising awareness for maybe those who might not know. Sometimes we may have little teenage kids who join chat and may be unaware when it comes to all this banter etc. There's nothing wrong if they learn the proper etiquettes of chatroom. This is not targeted towards anyone imo.
  4. I watched this a year ago and this Muslim lady made a very ignorant statement about that gay Muslim and why he chooses to be gay if he knows it's harram. (Please correct me if I'm wrong, it's been ages since I last saw this video) Regardless, these feelings are real, but no one should act on them.
  5. I don’t think this necessarily has anything to do with culture or how society trains us. It is clear from a neurological perspective that our brains differ to some extent. For example, men are more visual compared to women. I am not claiming that this is the reason why we have different expectations, but it’s clear that our behaviours aren’t the same according to neurology. Linking everything to social conditioning doesn’t make sense. Also, it is possible that women may develop some feelings or become attracted to the opposite gender. However, according to many studies out there, the majority of men find it more challenging to consider their friendship as platonic. Yes, it would be interesting to see how this varies across different cultures. It’s clear that in some cultures, there isn’t any form of social hijab, as men and women freely mix as if all of them have “brother and sister zoned” each other. Maybe people have become desensitised even after having feelings for the opposite gender. What we know is that Islam makes it very clear that men and women shouldn’t get super close, unless they have some end goal
  6. @Murtaza1 brother, stop spamming my thread, I hope you didn't mean to. You already wrote that reply and I saw it. I'll reply when I get time.
  7. This thread has nothing to do with decent men. I’m merely addressing a reality that guys are more sensitive when it comes to these issues, and it’s how their brain is wired. Islam comes and tells both genders to maintain social hijab because our expectations can be different. The so-called “decent” men out there can also deceive sisters and may be emotionally attached or attracted. This thread is not about men being the ones at fault.
  8. Yeah men find it more difficult to view their friendships as platonic. I mean there will always be exceptions, but I think the majority will agree.
  9. Yeah I agree although it's a message to the sisters, guys have a lot to take from this too.
  10. Yeah sister I agree with you. Regardless, you can't stop men from being attracted to you. However, a decent or respectable guy will maintain his distance if he finds that he is falling for you and knows there is no chance (like you said when they see your ring). Otherwise women should go to the extent of maintaining the distance themselves and not give men an opportunity to excessively talk in a certain way. I wish more guys out there knew this reality.
  11. I think we are different. Even according to some studies done, our expectations are different when it comes to being "just friends". Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-can’t-be-just-friends/
  12. Nah I believe in the concept of having a soul-mate or the 'one'. Imagine if it was the other way around. If I really liked a woman and thought of her as the 'one', I would rather die than see her with another guy. Therefore, I will never ever marry a second wife. I'd rather give everything to my first.
  13. Salam, I do think that a lot of women out there can be oblivious when it comes to the behaviour of men. I think women need to be educated to understand the psychology of men and how their brain functions. The things I am going to say may also relate to women, but in my opinion, this is something which refers to men a bit more. I may even sound harsh at times, but trust me, I am trying to be honest. Also, I'm not saying this is always the case as there's always exceptions. Firstly, being excessively charming, sweet, nice to men, be it in real life or over the text, puts you in a vulnerable position. I do not deny the fact that you may have pure intentions, but sometimes being overly nice allows men to develop certain feeling towards you, even if it may be extremely subtle. It’s an entirely different story if you are interested in a specific guy and want to show a bit of your care and affection towards them, obviously within boundaries. However, being excessively nice to every John, Bob and Harry, is not the best way to carry yourself. It’s okay to be blunt at times. Let men out there know that you’re not easy. Secondly, there is a social experiment conducted which you can find on Youtube – ‘Guys and Girls Can’t Be Friends’. Even according to psychology, it is not possible for those who are non-mahram to each other to be ‘friends’. Women can sometimes be oblivious when it comes to this reality. Be careful when a brother is playing around with you. You have no idea how the brain of a man works. There may be exceptions due to age barrier etc. but the majority of guys out there will develop some feelings towards you and an emotional attachment. I wouldn't call this lust, but it could be an excessive admiration, love or even attraction. Even if your friendship is dead-ended, and a guy knows there is no potential for halal growth, he may be carelessly taking short-term temporary pleasure by talking to you the way he would speak with his mates. It's just a heads up for every sister out there. What are your thoughts?
  14. @Al Hadi he was a Lebanese user and a good friend of mine. I don't know why he disappeared? :/
  15. Subhanallah after years of debate, a messiah has been born, called "Mohammed Hijab" who made a video to refute Shiism once and for all. You need to stop relying on these "dawah" celebrities who have no formal education. If you cared that much you would have prepared a word document to address the points which made you "wow". It's understandable because we've all watched Muhammad Hijab's previous videos and yeah all of them were pure nonsense and a waste of our efforts. If you want a reply, prepare a document. Otherwise, take care!
  16. Yeah I remember you joined shiachat around the same time as me lol. I also remember how you said you'll be leaving the site from memory. Do you remember me?
  17. Instead of expecting us to watch that nonsense video, why don't you prepare a word document and write out all the points which made you "wow" and "clap". It's impractical to expect us to watch a video which is so long. Once you prepare a word document with all the points, you can share it with a knowledgeable person who can provide you with all the answers. Simple.
  18. I think the whole hyde park crew are full of nonsense to be honest, their arguments are the same. "Show me where in Qur'an does it say imamah blah blah blaah". I'm actually done with those guys, don't know who they think they are? Google sheikhs? Choosing not to argue and give attention to those attention seeking people, doesn't mean we have no argument. I love your logic man. Love how you had to clarify. It's like you feel you are here to attack. You can wait as long as you want. Just remember silence is the best reply to an ignorant fool.
  19. Today this middle aged women (early thirties) was crying in the bus. I walked in the bus and sat at the back, and she was sitting two rows in front of me. Not a single person bothered to console her. People were casually on their phones as if their world was more important than hers. I approached her and asked her why she's upset and crying, turns out her niece was in a critical state. It was honestly so sad when I asked her, as her mouth was shaking and she was crying. But simply asking her that one question "is everything okay?" gave her so much comfort, I could sense it. Eventually she got off after a few stops and waved at me. Just a short message which I hope we all take from this. Don't be so isolated from the world, and always be in your own head. Talk to people, smile, be it even with strangers. You never know how you'll make someone's day.
  20. So you just tagged me because of this comment lol?
  21. Just because fiqh allows something it shouldn't be our end goal. I think mut'ah should be the last option and it shouldn't be an easy way out. I'm not denying the fact that it's perfectly halal. However there are way more benefits if permanent marriage is our end goal. We should be prepared to face worldly consequences if we think about doing mut'ah with 10 different women and casually sleeping around. It will affect our marriage lives and we'll find less satisfaction (this is justified by science) being with our future partner.
  22. Imam Mahdi Online Hawza is pretty good, and it's free. The teachers are great too. Also there is a unit on ahkam where they use Sayed Sadiq Al Shirazi's book.
  23. You know what? Who cares about them! I don't think they even deserve anyone's attention. They're nothing but google sheikhs who are arrogant. There's this Urdu saying which may sound a bit harsh but needs to be out there "in logo kay moo kay aagay koi ghass bi nai dalay ga"
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