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In the Name of God بسم الله

thetold

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  1. SALAAMAULAYKUM EVERYONE Alhamdolilah My "Disability" is a blessing in disguise. This is one of the most noblest gift I have ever received from Allah, as it helps me to eliminate superficial people around me and has helped me in many other ways like my faith is much more strong than it was before. I have this question in my mind and needed a specific platform and this is the one . I request all my brothers and sisters explain this thing to me--- why people , generally and as well in our Muslim community are superficial when it comes to marrying a disabled person ? I am a mono limb below knee amputee, I use a prosthetic (one of the best in the world and made in germany) and it's hardly discernible while walking in my gait. I live in US, go out on hill trekking, can do skydiving all by myself . I had a strong relationship long ago but she and her parents walked away, though initially the girl was willing to, but you can imagine a situation like when you are offered an iphone 7s then why would you go for a Nokia phone (I apologize for explaining a situation with a slightly blunt example ). There is a famous incident about "Julaybib", one of the companions of our Prophet (Peace be upon him)..People should learn from this incident. And I came to know it's haram in islam to have a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of relationships. But for people like us going for an arrange marraige { you can imagine the situation}. It's like similar to a chimera . Lol, it's not about becoming a fanatic lover and moving on. My disability has evolved me a lot and fostered my faith in a positive way...HOW??...Look Initially when I was with her I used to sing and play guitar and after she left. I left singing and playing guitar and started reading Quran that too with translation, moved towards a state of apotheosis. Look it was good thing for me, not to worry about that. What I am going to ask is completely different . I mean people are like to disabled person saying "Oh, you are a motivation and inspiration for us all " and they often ask " how come you are able keep that smile on your face instead of all these tribulations you are facing in your life ". I feel like saying to them " These things which you are stating as tribulations, trials or ordeals are not something that we should be sad about it all day instead, they are blessing from our God ". {Allah doesn't burden a soul that it can bear - Quran 2:286 }. I mean look how Allah consider an individual person and test him or her with disability. I mean like he considered us to be so strong that he has put us to test throughout our life and still people look down at us when it comes to marriage. Please don't look down towards someone with disability when it comes to marriage. What's the choas all about and why people in our muslim community are like this in this specific situation, when they know everything that people with disabilities are very close to Allah ? Thanks and salamaulaykum once again
  2. I completely agree that two people need to know each other before getting married...but that's haram in islam ????..i mean this is just like dating...no offence...i am just asking what is your point of view...please elaborate??? I am curious to know about this...because in my case girl has to think a lot before making the final decision..like what are the pros and cons, I mean she would be hitting her mind with thoughts like " whats so special about this guy that I wouldn't find in any normal person" . I mean if you go to the market to buy a pendrive and you are getting a 2gb pendrive but at the same price you are getting the 3gb pendrive...you would definitely buy the 3gb one..Ya, I compared myself to a pendrive . Sorry, had to make my point in a much more detailed way. ...as i once used to play guitar and sing thus a lot of girls use to approach me seeing the positive aura I created around myself instead of all the tribulations and hurdles I came across in my life. They often asked me questions like "what's the reason behind your strength and smile ".they were pretty much penchant to know more about me...and since this incident happened with that girl...I stopped playing guitar and thus resulting in creating a pretty much mundane aura around myself and now they don't even bother to talk...because now i don't play guitar or sing though i am dying to play and sing...but for the sake of Allah as we are muslims and there is nothing like pre wedlock relationship thing in islam..All I read now is quran translation , and what I have now is like the verses of quran as a topic to start the conversation as I am reading the quran translation I am realising the truth that " we are all lost due to the materialistic and the shiny baits this world has been showing us "...and I realise that playing guitar is haram in islam .. now i want to give away that thing for the sake of Allah...thinking that he would reward me something better...hence if I played guitar there would be like a plus point ..you know just generalising the point of view....I go on hill trekking, para gliding and sky diving that too without an instructor..I know swimming and swim faster than an average human. People come to me and on my face they say " you are an inspiration and motivation " and as soon as i turn my back their lips start uttering those bleak and gloomy statements..I don't care what they say but still they say just onething " who will marry this disabled boy"..and believe me the people who say this are not those random people.. with these people , I have my blood relation ( my relatives ), I think many times, I just want to leave and walk away from them forever. But then I remind myself that saying of Hazrat Imam Ali (a.s) that " we should compromise and save these blood relationships "and the main reason behind me going to USA is just a way to get away from this mentality and live in a place which I use to dream of "where people like me are not considered as an ostracised element of the society when it comes to marriage " .....I mean Christians are much better when it comes to this....I mean I would love to fall in love with someone..towards whom whenever I look I am at ease once again.
  3. brother i would consider your advice for sure..but that way...I need to find someone who has read the quran with translation not just the arabic syntax....and nowdays I find reverts being more pious that our muslim brothers and sisters. .but if i reach out up in states to a revert for a marriage they would think that ..green card might be the reason or some lewd intention ...but reality is far more different . It won't be a green card or something immoral intentions but it would be a reason like " marrying someone who would wake you up every morning for fajr salah and remind me everyday that i am the slave of Allah"..I might consider revert for marriage .
  4. No one will be interested. .brother people around me are like hypocritically pious ..on my face they say " you are an inspiration .. a motivation for us " and as soon as i turn my back they say " he is cursed "
  5. Salaamaulaykum, brothers and sisters i am a below knee amputee , lost my leg six years ago in a road accident. I am completely independent, do daily tasks just like normal person. Just completed by undergrad and now I am going to United States for my masters . It's been a year, since I broke up with the love of my life, whom I loved from the most deepest region of my heart, towards whom while looking, no matter how many chaotic situations I was circumscribed by ,when I looked at her, was always at ease. During our relationship, I never touched her, you know what I mean to say...no physical or haram contact...just respected and loved her just the way she admired and followed Islam. I thought , she was the one, but all of a sudden everything just changed, her mother came to know about my scenario, that I was a handicap, although I use one of the best artificial limb, imported from germany, I can run too and it's hard for anyone to recognize that I use an artificial limb. Her mother started looking for marriage proposals for her..and I remember it was my birthday she texted me "Good luck for everything" and that was the worst day of my life. I asked her why, and their was just a pin drop silence on the other side..believe me the pain of losing the limb was nothing in front of this one, what I felt at that very instant..The reason her silence indicated that "I was a handicap or disabled person"...I just retracted myself because the reason was like..Her mother could have said something else like any other reason but she just remained silent and believe me ,if the reason was other than "being disabled" .. I could have said to her mother that "Ok give me some time, I'll be the man , whom you would like to offer your daughter to " . But In my scenario even if I had the extra time , It was impossible for me to get the thing back , I lost long ago. Every morning I woke up, the very first thought is this one only and tears come off my eyes. I used to play guitar, sing . Now I have just given up on singing and guitar. I read Quran translation nowdays, but whenever I think of falling in love with someone or marrying someone, my soul gets dilapidated and all I have found is just peace in the recitation of quran and offering salah,previously I was a gregarious person and now I have transformed myself into a brutally conserved one. And I dream of a place now, where people like me are not considered as something as an ostracized element of the society. And when I think of falling in love or marrying someone , thinking about ""the story of Julaybib, one of the contemporaries of the Prophet, is another vivid example of inclusion. In addition to being poor, Julaybib had an unpleasant physical appearance and nobody wished to let their daughter marry him. Upon the Prophet’s request, a noble family gave him their daughter in marriage."" I say to myself that only prophet can reduce the pain i am going through... I told you my story, Now I was to ask, that ""people like me are not considered for marriage"" you can assume the reason according to my past encounters... I know it's haram to go in a relationship before marriage in islam....Is it permissible for peple like me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage.. you know the reason..when people will hear about my disability they would just say "NO" ..hence the question ".Is it permissible for me to have a relationship before marriage resulting in love marriage "?????
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