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  1. W/salam Thank you very much truly apperciated. Ameen ya rab
  2. Salam everyone, A week before my uncle's death. I had a weird dream, it felt so real so so real. Hence, I was terrified and deeply effected by the dream. So... my uncle and my grandparents both live right next to each other. I can't explain it but the houses are connected so that if one opens the door to cross no one can see and its like 40cm away (you might know how it works if you live in iraq and have an outside toilet, its exactly that structure but two houses). My very religious uncle has 5 children the youngest 4months and oldest 8yrs. They always run into and out of my grandparents house. Anyways back to topic I dreamt I was iraq, I dreamt all his kids had their face covered sobbing crying leaning on the wall (the door wall) of my grandparents (so in my grandparents house). I asked "why are you crying did my uncle die (let me call him H)?" I was furious. My eyes were wandering to see where my mum is and how she is reacting to this since my mum loves my uncle so so so much. I cant remember who replied but i think it was my grandmother and she said "No, its your aunt (let me.call her L)". As wrong as this sounds but I felt reassured not that I dont love my aunt but in my dream I felt reassured (not in reality). But even in my dream I was still not convinced. I woke up the next day and asked my mum to ask how my aunt it is, she asked why and I replied "just curious. some dream". I didnt mention my uncle. A week later, my mum got a call that my uncle passed away. She was in her worst state ever. She cried and cried and did all the thawabat she can. I cried and cried and felt some guilt for not understanding my dream. It was my uncle like I thought, not my aunt. I dont think it is a coincedence? Do you? I live in the west and I dont dream often about my uncle and grandparents as much as I love them and really a week before he died? So my q is, what do you think my dream meant? Do you believe its coincedental? Btw please pray for him and recite surat al fatiha, his kids are so young. His wife has totally lost it, shes become insane out of love to the point she takes the sand from his grave and puts it in a box and says "cant you smell his beautiful perfume". Its heartbreaking.
  3. No such thing as an iraqi parent disowning their child for marrying outside their ethnicity unless the person isnt shia then obviously, but a shia of a different ethnicity? Minority
  4. I'm gonna give you the sad straight up truth. Your girl's marriage started incorrectly and unislamically (because islam promotes asking about your potential). The girls family and herself should of picked up on all these habits because honestly it is not difficult. If she had found out who his friends are you can know what he does, college people etc.. Hence, i doubt she didnt know about the hashish and drinking habit. These habits build up in a bad soul, they dont just appear in marriage. Marriage is serious, do ASK about them LEARN about them, OBSERVE their body language. Anyways... now with the issue unfortunately you thinking hes a good father is silly i'm sorry. A good father avoids major sins to set an example, clearly he could not care less for their deen and even morals. I say she needs to talk about it to him, tell her kids to go somewhere else these arguments are not healthy for kids. AND really talk, but as you mentionned he does not like talking about it and this is because he has become addicted to the sin so much so, that he feels the talk is useless because he wants his way. THATS IGNORANCE. So now if she does talk and he does not change his ways, she has to leave him she cant grow her kids in a toxic environment, like that. Drug/drunks do not stay the same, their condition gets worse over time. Tell her to pray and make duas, God makes this easy. But again at the end of the day the marriage didnt start off correctly.
  5. This is from my experience. I am an Iraqi, but almost everyone thinks i'm either lebanese, syrian or half that and half western convert. Hence, I get a lot of lebanese proposals. I remember alebanese guy proposed to me, my mum was very accepting and the guy didn't mind me being iraqi at all nor his father. Unfortunately, I was admitingly told by him that his mum doesnt want him to marry an iraqi. It was hurtful especially when I looked at lebanese people as my own. She just desperately wanted him to marry a lebanese... On top, it happened to my sister who also subhanallah met a lebanese he was accepting of it but his mum wasn't and wanted him to marry a lebanese. It partially the way lebanese people are brought up and partially is the cultural difference. For example we iraqis dont do mixed weddings with tight dresses and hijabs, unfortunately this is the norm for even really religious lebanese people. Also, growing up iraqi we never do mixed gatherings, my dad would sit with his friends and my mum would sit with her friends seperately. However, it is so normal for lebanese people have it mixed and crack jokes together. Also, lebanese women dance in weddings in front of the males, which we find extremely bad. Not to mention lebanese people love mana2ish (snacks/bakeries as food), but we eat rice dishes. Another, really bad thing we consider is their nargila habit especially in a lot of the lebanese women. As much as I love lebanese people, they are such funny people and loving people, I learnt that the feeling isnt mutual when it comes to marriage. I dont think its the cultural difference I mentionned, but maybe as a lebanese woman you want your son to marry a lebanese woman too, its human instinct. And as a lebanese man you want your daughter to marry a lebanese man too. We love each other and you will always find lebanese and iraqis mixing but once things turn serious like marriage, then lebanese people prefer to stick to their own. Iraqis have no problem at all from what I have seen as an iraqi, in fact we iraqis find lebanese men beautiful. I hope this doesn't sound biased and helped at least from my experience and people i know experiences.
  6. I really don't know where you got this from, as an Iraqi this is the first time I come across such a claim.
  7. Yes I understand and that's why I took the decision I did
  8. UPDATE: Salam Salam, Sure it's the last post in this forum And thanks alot
  9. UPDATE: Salam I didnt tell my husband every detail of my personal life but I did tell him the main point that I am going through a hard time and felt it would be best to schedule the wedding. His parents won't happy and the first excuse they came up with is the "girl's depressed and isn't ready and will affect our son's health too" well I agree with what they said. They asked how long the schedule is for and I replied "Until I'm ready". With every reply I could feel the interest leave and he finally asked "are you sure you want to continue, I don't want someone who's not mentally ready to take of care of our kids". At that point I decided to be fair and honest and not lead someone on whilst I am not mentally ready and his parents are desperate to marry him off as soon as possible. I confessed that I wasn't "mentally ready because like his mother said I'm going through a low point". He was down and I could feel it with his reply, he was shocked, i often try my best to control my face when it comes to sorrow and that's why he never thought I was that "unhappy woman who still doesn't know what she wants". He was honest with me and said he doesn't want someone who's emotionally and mentally not ready like he described "with kids comes the biggest emotional roller coaster". And when I am still working on myself the kids won't get what they deserve, a happy mother. With all the discussions and even when he tried to directly say his final words, I thought I would say it for him " it's best to leave the marriage and I hope you find a person who's ready. I need counselling" It was over. I felt no grief I'll be honest only because I have reached my highest depression that this didn't add anything more. I was about to speak to a counsellor but she was unavailable and her sweet friend offered her help (the one that led me to this consellour) and she is a social worker. Alhamdallah a shia one. She says she has the experience to help and has been through many similiar cases. We haven't spoken about the price yet (if she does charge) but I'll let you know when I do. Furthermore, I feel like a burden has now left my shoulder regarding the engagment. Now I can work on myself without feeling extra responsibility/pressure and this time I will avoid marriage until I am ready for it. Every kid deserves a mother with a heart full of happiness to share with them, not sorrow. Thanks for everyone's replies, prayers. Love reading every single one of your posts.
  10. I wish I could make everyone read this forum. Thank youuuu
  11. Salam sister you are such a good-hearted person, I would love to talk to her I'll send you a msg of my contact details because I can't post it here. May God bless you and thanks for responding to all my posts. You are so kind x
  12. Agree with everything you've said and unfortunately I only have a younger sister. I agree, when someone with deen and akhlaq comes it is very difficult to reject especially with family pressure that the man has met their requirement for their daughter but not really our personal preference of personality. Idk if it's being picky or if someones deen is enough. I just cant see myself with a person who can't make me laugh, I won't be able to build a friendship. The topic is just not mentioned enough. Thank you for your reply
  13. Salam, I have seen discussions regarding many characteristics when looking for a husband or looking for a wife. But not much regarding someone's personality and since Islam lays laws when meeting a woman/man before even being engaged and the conversation being strictly with the observation of parents in room, it can be difficult to see someone's truly colours. And what I mean by that is HUMOUR. Personally I feel this is something we brush off when searching for the one because you can't or very unlikely to have someone make you laugh so quickly before marriage to notice they have a good humour and without good humour the marriage will dry out (well my opinion). SO my question is opinion based, do you believe good humour is critical and how do you find it in such a limited time before officially being engaged? And whilst parents are watching it is very unlikely to try show that funny side as well as of course seriousness and maturity. DO you think good sense of humour should be shown with seriousness and maturity too? Personally when I meet someone they tend to act serious but forget humour catches someone's heart too, and aside other essentials like akhlaq/Deen. Do you think a marriage without sense of humour is successful? Would love to hear all opinions and answers. Thank you
  14. W/salam First of all thank you for reading my long post, thank you for your detailed honest reply and I loved the video attached it made my day. May God bless your soul W/salam I totally agree with you and I don't think I'll speak to him yet. I am looking for a Muslim counsellor and Insh'Allah it works out. Thank you for your reply and your congratulation. May God bless your soul I have now spoken to him about delaying the wedding and he's talking to his parents about it. I haven't given any reason yet but I think it's best to leave the reason till I feel open enough to talk about the topic rather than put a burden on his shoulders early on. I am just looking for a counsellor now. Thanks for sharing your cousins story. May God bless you both
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