habib e najjaar

Charity is a continuous act, irrespective of his financial status and capacity. Mahr is a one time thing, I really don't think it should be a policy for the man to want to pay a small amount. It is a different issue for the woman to ask for a small amount.

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What specifically do you mean? Lost as in died, or lost as in physically don’t know where there son is since 1998?

Hmm.. where are these from?

Ws. Hmm.. even in case of trouble, if the marriage had been consummated, he would no longer be entitled to the amount in full, if at all.

Assalamu alaykum, While Islam encourages lower mahr, it has not set it as a fixed rule, nor set a specific ceiling for this. We must also keep in mind the fact that in the early years of Islam, when most Muslim men had been significantly cut off from their financial resources (like during the boycotts, or getting disowned by family, or having to escape their hometowns/families etc), to allow the mahr to be very high (contextually) would have discouraged a lot of marriages from happening. At the same time, in order to avoid the women accepting the lower mahrs being seen as less valuable, or of less "worth" than the non Muslim women receiving much higher mahrs, Islam encouraged lower mahrs and made it a religious encouragement to give lower mahrs. Secondly, the sum of Mahr which was given for Lady Fatima (a.s) was low, but not the lowest possible at her time, as there are historical incidences and reports about women who would be married for a few dirhams or for being taught to recite a specific surah of the Qur'an. And it was also an amount arrived at after he offered all that he owned, i.e his sword, and horse and the armour, out of which only the armour was sold. So, it would be logical to conclude that if giving the lowest possible mahr was the preferred thing, the Prophet S.a.w would have set the example with his daughter. Further, we are also told that the Mahr of Lady Khadija was 400 gold coins. She was significantly more well off than the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم), but her terms were accepted. Further, we need to keep in mind, that not all people are the same. Aside from the security for the women issues raised by other members on the thread, there is also the aspect of how the men see it. I know of a number of cases where men who had gone proposing to marry somewhere, were told of a certain mahr, and responded that they would pay/commit double, triple or tenfold. These are just people I know, so I am sure it is not something that uncommon for some men to feel good about paying a lot, or to feel obligated to pay more. What is wrong is for parties to a marriage to go abnormally beyond their means to pay or commit themselves to a mahr that becomes a strangling rope around their necks, or a paper figure which they are unable to pay anyway (I have seen this a lot in Iran, where an agreed mahr is set at pretty high, for example 2000 gold coins, out of which a few, say 14 coins are paid out during the wedding, but the balance is impossible to pay even if the marriage falls through, and the parties are then given an amount set by the court or agreed upon by the two parties e.g 300 coins, or 20 coins etc). I think a good gauge is to pay the maximum one is able to, because either way, an excessively high mahr will not keep a marriage (for those who argue it is a financial deterrent to divorce), nor will the punishment suffice to undo any damage done by the broken home. Plus, in most cases where the Mahr is paid upfront, by the time a divorce comes up, the amount has long been spent (Usually towards the marriage, or related to the marriage, or children). Like a member said above, in a way it is a measure of the mans ability to maintain the wife. And also, a measure of his generosity. It would be funny for a very well off man to insist on wanting to pay a paltry amount because it is sunnah to do so. People tend to forget that generosity is also sunnah

Salaam alaykum, Music, by its nature, has a way of distracting and occupying the heart, and from there, the mind too. Most music (haram music) talks of and encourages following our desires, lust, whims, hawaa and shahwa and doing away with chastity and restraint, losing control, following the inclinations of our nafs. In simple, music motivates us and convinces us to follow our desires and evil inclinations. On the other hand, the Qur’an and Islam teach and enjoin us to the exact opposite, i.e staying away from evil inclinations, exercising restraint, chastity, seeking fulfilment of lust in a halaal manner (only) etc. Plus, two opposite things cannot be housed in the same heart. If we let our love for music grow, then automatically, we are squeezing out the space for Piety in our hearts, so our hearts will be filled with what music enjoins us to, yet in our apparent lives, we may still be forced to behave in a way that shows we are pious even though our hearts and no longer convinced by the principles and teachings of Islam that are contrary to what music has taught us or made us love. Music essentially waters the plant of nifaq in our hearts and causes it to gain strength and grow, while at the same time suffocating imaan and taqwa.

Endeavor to converse with your children, lest others who transgress and disobey get to them before you. -Imam Sadiq (a.s)

Looks like none of these ever got taken LOL. Let this post serve as a topic bump.

Salaam, Better yet, a woman with both. There is a story I read once about a brilliant scientist who was not good looking who was approached by a woman of extreme beauty but very low intelligence to marry her. She told him, you are so brilliant, and I am so beautiful, just think how amazing our children will be. Your brains and my looks. He politely rejected the proposal by saying, "That would be ideal. But what if the children got my looks and your brains, what then?" I don't think it is wrong for a man or woman to want a spouse who is intelligent and wise (or capable of gaining wisdom over time). This is the person you will be spending the rest of your life with most likely, and the other parent to your potential children. Seeking a good gene pool is not being picky, if it is within one's ability to get. However, the measures of intelligence are what can be biased. Good performance in school is one measure of intelligence, but not the only one. Sometimes a person who is of average school wise intelligence, but very street smart and adaptable is of more value as a spouse. At the same time, it is a matter of preference. Some prefer a "dumb" spouse they can direct any which way.. although I do think particularly for women, getting a not intelligent spouse can cause significant problems in the future of the relationship. A man may be better placed to handle an empty head who keeps him happy in other ways, than a woman who has to tolerate an empty head. Just my thoughts.

Kindly elaborate.

Salaam alaykum, I think in many cultures, the female relatives of the potential suitor do their homework even before a formal proposal is done. Women have enough ways to get to know the necessary details of a girl their brother/son/nephew would want to propose to, without resorting to any strange requests (in a cultural context) or underhand means of taking pictures secretly. The generally apparent features even for a female who dresses modestly in front of other females should generally be enough for a person to decide whether or not the female candidate is suitable for him as a wife. The basic body size/shape, existence and length of hair etc can be observed by female relatives and the necessary information transmitted to the potential suitor. I don't really think the "devil is in the details" applies where one has become a serious suitor, unless a very major issue comes up. This is part of the reasons marriage contracts don't have details of body parts of existence and pre existence of specific physical attributes, unlike other contracts. You can't exactly divorce a person because you thought your potential wife had 60cm length hair , but after she became your wife you realised it is 56 cms.

Assalamu alayka ya Ali al Asghar May Allah s.w.t curse his murderers, and their accomplices, and those who celebrate his murder till the day of Recompense