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In the Name of God بسم الله

Talaba4ever

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  1. That phrase has no meaning except as a Trojan horse. However for those who believe in Allah and see all beings as his beloved would realise the divine link between Allah, Prophet Adam (as), the Religion of Allah and the ordinary Muslims. The phrase has a meaning once we have at least an emotional attachment to Allah, such that our evils would shame us and our good deeds would make us joyous because it was in accordance to Allah's will. So, in the end it comes down to Iman (Faith) whether we have it or not? If we have it we would want to be good to other for Allah's sake and all humans are our brothers and sisters except for the enemies of Allah. If we don't have it then everything is just superficial including the spirituality, the name calling i.e. Muslim Brother/Sister etc.
  2. Salam Brothers and Sisters. I have heard from some non Arabs that within Arab culture, polygamy is generally more accepted. I would like some Arabs to confirm or deny this based on whether in their experience it is true or false. So, is Polygamy a common practice? Are the women fine with it? Do the women show signs of distress and worry when thinking of their husbands being with another man? In my opinion, all women are the same and no woman would want to be without their husband a single night unless that husband is just not nice to her. In this discussion I am only concerned about wives with loving and loved husbands, I know many women, if they hate their husbands, would push them away to be rid of them by letting them get marry again happily. Also I have discussed this topic academically with my wife, and I have learned that wives may be disgusted by thinking about their husband being with other women sexually, is this true or are some women not concerned whether another woman has been "there". Married people's advice is preferred and please! No Arabs giving their view about how Arabs are unless they have Arab in laws. [MOD NOTE: Your topic asking for polygamous Arabs to talk about their sex life is not appropriate and not approved.]
  3. Salam Have you tried making friends from the Sisters here on Shiachat?
  4. You speak like you were there. It is said Allah loves the lie which brings peace and he hates the truth which causes Fitnah.
  5. Let her disown you... It's a bluff firstly and secondly La Ilaha illa Allah! marry her in obedience to Allah rather than ruining your life in obedience to other than Allah (your mother).
  6. It seems your only issue is attraction, I have 2 advice and I'm married too; First advice is that you spend more time going out to eat or trips, bonding over activities will make you fall in love, I know because I went through it. Second advice, every woman has flaws in her body just as you and I and every other man does. You need to lower your gaze in regards to good looking women to bring your standard down and you need to avoid seeing the "ugly" aspects of your wife and focus on her good parts e.g. if her face is bad then look at her hair or legs, chest etc or if her legs or arms or private parts are bad, look at her good parts. Also have a little patience, and ask your wife to improve by exercising, dieting, getting slim and being neat and clean around you all the time. Every girl is beautiful if they maintain a normal or skinny weight whilst being neat and clean and healthy. A beautiful girl is a healthy girl. My case was similar to yours and it worked out well for me by following the above steps. Ask your wife nicely to get fit, don't call her fat instead say "Dear, I love you but my lust is separate and I don't want to be attracted to anyone but you so please help me by getting healthy and fit" -- something along those lines. Also never refrain from sex, if you are not attracted to her, having more sex will quickly and easily make her seem more attractive and you will be more in love. The way to a man's heart is not just through his stomach ;) - I can personally say this works from experience. Another amazing trick is to only see each other naked in the dark at night, at this time the woman looks attractive and the darkness also conceals many flaws, so your wife's body and skin look absolutely flawless ;)
  7. Don't worry dear sister, Allah loves us beyond our imagination, you will not gain his wrath by hoping for his pleasure whilst being merciful and kind. Allah will judge, so don't worry about your connection to your mother in law.
  8. Let's not begin Umar bashing please, we know many of the companions were unhappy about the prophet agreeing to peace, who wouldn't, we all certainly would. So let's respect the companions and give them their due respect for doing all they did. Honestly, we Shias are too sectarian and need to start building a bridge, we can't insult someone's mother and father and at the same time ask them to unite with us. If we want unity, we need to respect the figures of the Ahl Sunnah, especially the wives and companions since they are also respected figures for Shias.
  9. Bismillah Salam Firstly sister, avoid spying on people and avoid suspicion. Secondly, Humans have sexual desires which need fulfilling, if she has committed wilful Zina then she was caused to do it so it makes her less blameable because ideally in society we should have the norm of marrying people young so they do not fall to Zina, because desires must be fulfilled if not by Halal then consequently it will lead to haram. If however she was raped, then poor her she is innocent and she needs support and love not punishment. So in both cases she is not that blameable and you should overlook what's happened. Thirdly, if it is not Zina and it was done in Mutah then this a Halal marriage and she is not blameworthy, she deserves respect for seeking halal marriage. Fourthly, you don't know why she had an abortion, in some cases it is allowed in Shia fiqh for a woman to have an abortion therefore it is possible she has a reason. Islam dictates here that you have a good opinion of her and you give her privacy, therefore you must have this view that she aborted with a legitimate reason in a lawful way. Fifthly, even if somehow you find out otherwise, which you should not do, then it is a personal sin according to your Marja, may be it is not according to her Marja. Or even if it is a sin and you prove this, which again you must not do because it's not your business and it will not affect your daughter in any way, so don't give yourself that excuse, it is not a legitimate excuse for treating someone with suspicion. So if it is a sin in the end then it is not concerned with you or your family, it is her personal sin and you have nothing to do with it so mind your own sins. Finally, if the 5 points above don't stop you from being evil towards her then at least accept that the girl is a human and she is going through tough times, Islam is a religion of mercy and we must have mercy on others if we want Allah to have mercy on us. Therefore even if she is bad and immoral and a sinner, then we are all immoral since we have done immoralities and we are all sinners since we all sin, so treat her as you would like others to treat you. Be nice! The absolute worse thing you can do now is not help her, undoubtedly some stupid women in the community will make her life hell and you should not be a part of the group of the stupid women. Instead you should be the wise and merciful woman and help her so that you become a better person and closer to Allah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim. Wa Alhumdolillah Rabbi Al-Aalameen.
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