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In the Name of God بسم الله

Islandsandmirrors

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  1. Completely Agree
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Ralvi in You know the tip about eating off a smaller plate to lose weight...?   
    I wouldn't say that eating in smaller plates wouldn't contribute to weight loss... I've been eating in slightly smaller than average plates for years. It's definitely been working for me. 
  2. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in You know the tip about eating off a smaller plate to lose weight...?   
    I wouldn't say that eating in smaller plates wouldn't contribute to weight loss... I've been eating in slightly smaller than average plates for years. It's definitely been working for me. 
  3. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to LeftCoastMom in ♥ Marriage ♥   
    I just got back from a family gathering. We realized almost all of the couples there had been married over 30 years. We were being teased for being " lightweights" by the parents of one of the couples. They had been married 60+ years. We talked about how we'd all had our ups and downs, but we were all happy with our spouses in the end. It was a beautiful day.
  4. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to ireallywannaknow in ♥ Marriage ♥   
    It's not easy, but it also should not be hard. I think when people hear it's not easy, it scares them a bit. But marriage is joyful and a blessing. But it does require some work on yourself, patience, and unselfishness. But mostly it's fun if your spouse is your friend. 
  5. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Qa'im in Islam and Feminism   
    More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence
    These victims however are invisible to the police, the authorities, and the media. There are 125x more women's shelters in England and Wales than men's shelters. Each victim should be seen as an "individual" (not a gender) and helped accordingly.
    As for those who say "a real man would not allow himself to get abused", this is a cop-out. Violence is involuntary, and in many cases, domestic violence victims are beaten with weapons or tools. Also, there are many individuals who simply wouldn't hit their partner, even if they got hit - I don't see that as a cowardly position whatsoever.
  6. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to zainabamy in Islam and Feminism   
    Its scary how some people think its unacceptable for a man to show any kind of weakness. At the end of the day they are human and not indestructible, we need to stop talking about them like they are robots. 
  7. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Gaius I. Caesar in Islam and Feminism   
    Men are masculine, yes.  Men can be providers, yes. Men and women have physical and mental differences, yes.
    But you forget that both men and women are human at the core and it goes against the law of nature to be abused by either sex. Both genders have the capability to abuse each other, yes. 
    Men can and do get abused, I speak from experience but what is totally wrong is thinking that it is a sign of weakness in men. Humans don't fit in this rigid "view" of yours. If I said to my mother what you wrote here: She most certainly would have given me a hearty piece of her mind and then some. Qaim is right, your words are merely a cop-out. 
    Alhamdulillah, even though my parents weren't Muslim, I thank Allah for them, they gave me a good head on my shoulder and I am thankful that I didn't turn out like you. I wasn't impressed with your tirade about God-given rights either.
    Here's a hint: They are God-given, we must absolutely careful with our rights, they are God-given. We will be questioned on this, so you can't do whatever you want with them. 
    May Allah forgive me if I'm wrong but you are not a part of the solution but a part of the problem. As long as people have the same attitude as you, nothing will change when it comes to abuse of men and women. It's a societal ill and should be dealt with. 
    Imam Hussain (as) once said: "If you neither believe in religion nor fear the hereafter, then at least be free from tyranny and arrogance"
    Tell me, does it make sense to have people in society who are not free from tyranny and arrogance of an abusive spouse at home? Is it beneficial for society?  
    The answer for me is a resounding no, crime begins at home and it starts with abuse. After all, what's stopping these abusers from harming the rest of society? Nothing as far as I can see. 
  8. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Gaius I. Caesar in Islam and Feminism   
    Actually that's where you're wrong. I am not a feminist. 
    Sounds you want a "rigidly feminine" woman (whatever the heck that means.) who will eat out of the palm of your hand, someone that you would dominate and complete control over. That is not a healthy relationship. That's potential abuse. 
    Again, if my future husband said any sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage. 
  9. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Gaius I. Caesar in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  10. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Gaius I. Caesar in Islam and Feminism   
    "Men are supposed to be masculine and impose their authority in the family"
    *facepalm* 
    No strong woman will ever put up with you "imposing your authority in the family". What are you, a dictator?
    So woman are not meant to have opinions and thoughts of their own, no say? 
    We are no longer in the 50s, where woman and men are chained by rigid gender roles. If you want such a submissive woman, then you need to take a one way time-traveling ticket back to where you picked up your beliefs.
    If my future husband ever gave me that sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage. 
  11. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Abu Hadi in Islam and Feminism   
    The main problem I have with feminism is that it teaches women to expect 'bad things' from men and over generalizes male behaviour. To say that all men are x and all men do y is really a nonsensical statement just as it is to say that all women are x and all women do y. 
    The only thing all men have in common is the y chromosome and the male sex organs. Other than that, I don't know what you could really say about all men, or even all women. 
    I wouldn't say many muslim men think it is their right to abuse and emotionally control, some do that, for sure, but there are lots who don't. In my experience, and this is probably pretty common experience here (?) I have known men who fit that description. They were acquaintances, I didn't consider them friends since I wouldn't choose to have friends who engaged in that behaviour. 
    Of the more than 100 muslim men that I have known over the past 20 years since I accepted Islam and considered my friends, ones who practiced Islam, i.e. they did the salat, fasting, avoided alcohol, drugs, adultery, etc, I could count on one hand (and I wouldn't even need the whole hand) the ones who fit your description. This group includes Arabs, non Arabs, Paki, non Paki, etc. 
    And I have known many women in those 20 years who wore hijab and seemed to outwardly practice Islam yet they lied, stole, abused drugs, did fraud, had less than wholesome relationships with non mahram, falsely accused people, gossiped to the extent that it destroyed other muslims lives, families, careers, etc. Some even went to the FBI and other intelligence agencies in the US and lied about their neighbors as part of some vendetta. 
    Yet I think, and hope that this is not the norm and most muslim women are decent, honest, God fearing people who try their best to obey Allah(s.w.a) in what they know. Even if this is not the case, in reality, we should give our brothers and sisters the benefit of the doubt, as this is part of our religion, and to do otherwise would diminish our own religion so really we have no other choice. 
    And I have three sons, and I am teaching them to honor and respect women, so maybe I'm trying to win the argument by skewing the odds in the other direction, lol. We'll have to wait a few years, at least, to see if my teaching had any effect. 
  12. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from rkazmi33 in Islam and Feminism   
    "Men are supposed to be masculine and impose their authority in the family"
    *facepalm* 
    No strong woman will ever put up with you "imposing your authority in the family". What are you, a dictator?
    So woman are not meant to have opinions and thoughts of their own, no say? 
    We are no longer in the 50s, where woman and men are chained by rigid gender roles. If you want such a submissive woman, then you need to take a one way time-traveling ticket back to where you picked up your beliefs.
    If my future husband ever gave me that sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage. 
  13. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from rkazmi33 in Islam and Feminism   
    Actually that's where you're wrong. I am not a feminist. 
    Sounds you want a "rigidly feminine" woman (whatever the heck that means.) who will eat out of the palm of your hand, someone that you would dominate and complete control over. That is not a healthy relationship. That's potential abuse. 
    Again, if my future husband said any sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage. 
  14. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from rkazmi33 in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  15. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from rkazmi33 in Islam and Feminism   
    But… gender roles and whatnot is a social construct. 
    The idea that woman are meant to be gentle caretakers and homemakers and "take care" of their families' needs is a social construct. The idea that woman are gravitated toward becoming mothers is due to biology, yes, but gender roles and stereotypes develop because of societal pressures. 
    I'm not saying that it is wrong for woman to want to choose to become housewives, but let's not deny that woman who choose to do so are partaking in upholding rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. 
    Now wether or not that system works is debatable. 
    Woman have tons of empathy, sure, but woman who do nothing but care for others and put everyone's needs ahead of their own (Which is expected in most cultures.) risk not knowing who they are as individuals and are more depression-prone when there is nothing to "take care" of. I knew a nurse in her 70s who attended group therapy because she thought her life was over since she had no one to take care of. Is that what we want for our daughters? To feel inferior and view themselves as unworthy and unimportant to be put first?
    EVERYONE must deal with sacrifices and be flexible no matter what the situation, but to expect a woman to be submissive, gentle, meek creatures whose main purpose is to reproduce and raise a family and other relationships is degrading and backwards. 
    I have no problem with woman or men marrying young. But encouraging woman to marry young when they don't know what they want, what red flags to look out for, or what a healthy relationship constitutes of, can be a recipe for disaster. Especially since domestic abuse is kept hush-hush in the Muslim community.
    Woman of my mother's generation put up with terrible, abusive, and damaging behaviors that I can't imagine any woman, Muslim or not, would put up with today. We should encourage woman who want to get married young to understand and educate them on what a healthy relationship is. Unfortunately, educating woman and men on how to have fulfilling, healthy, happy relationships isn't too common within the community. 
    Before I continue I would like to say that Islam encourages woman to become strong, especially when working with men. We are told to speak powerfully and clearly as to not attract men, that we are worth more than our mere physical appearance. 
    Now, since the West treated woman so poorly before Woman's Rights  and men questioned woman's intellect and capability to succeed, woman must clutch onto something that will encourage them to get their voice and power back. Is it the best way? Who knows. Does it correlate with Islam? Depends on your definition of what it means to be a Feminist. 
    Feminism is a result of backlash after being thought of as subservient to men. Don't blame the movement for making a mess when push comes to shove. 
     
  16. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Gaius I. Caesar in Islam and Feminism   
    Don't be condescending, sis. You know nothing of Enigma's life and you know being condescending is bad akhlaq. If you don't know what you did, reread what you wrote or ask. Just saying, I am not trying to lecture. I'm just trying to remind you, that's all.
  17. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Bakir in Islam and Feminism   
    Excess of data isnt much different from absolute abscence of it.
    Your discourse seems to be biased by a personal reaction against the worst forms of "feminism" that eclipses all the other approaches. Curiously enough, the people that could be described to be within those "feminist circles" tend to be ignorant of the original feminist ideas. Also, as King, I don't see a real link a priori between feminism and capitalism at all.
    I am not a feminist in that sense myself, but hold a different view of what feminism means by reading the authors I think I have to read, for instance Simone de Beauvoir. Were I to consider EVEN MENTION groups like FEMEN, I wouldn't be talking about "feminism". It is a poor way to make a point that is not even worth making this way.
    I expected a much better discourse, especially because we don't have to use such poor resources to make a good point on feminism and the islamic point of view. There are great Egyptian authors whose research and articles of female psychology and Islam would be more constructive than a critique addressing FEMEN or other groups that are popularly hated. And definitely, such approch would serve a purpose here in ShiaChat. I doubt anyone among us would support the current "pseudo feminists" ideals.
  18. Like
    Islandsandmirrors reacted to Gaius I. Caesar in For Those Who Are Deliberately Delaying Marriage..   
    Well, I read the passage, and honestly that is probably the biggest baloney I've had the misfortune of reading. Nasser doesn't even sound 30, he sounds more like 80. 
  19. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from zainabamy in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  20. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from zainabamy in Islam and Feminism   
    "Men are supposed to be masculine and impose their authority in the family"
    *facepalm* 
    No strong woman will ever put up with you "imposing your authority in the family". What are you, a dictator?
    So woman are not meant to have opinions and thoughts of their own, no say? 
    We are no longer in the 50s, where woman and men are chained by rigid gender roles. If you want such a submissive woman, then you need to take a one way time-traveling ticket back to where you picked up your beliefs.
    If my future husband ever gave me that sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage. 
  21. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Abu Hadi in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  22. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Heavenly_Silk in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  23. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Mahdi_theguideforall in Islam and Feminism   
    My, seems like somebody is angry. 
    There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. 
    Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. 
    Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. 
    After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. 
    And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct. 
  24. Like
    Islandsandmirrors got a reaction from Sumayyeh in Islam and Feminism   
    But… gender roles and whatnot is a social construct. 
    The idea that woman are meant to be gentle caretakers and homemakers and "take care" of their families' needs is a social construct. The idea that woman are gravitated toward becoming mothers is due to biology, yes, but gender roles and stereotypes develop because of societal pressures. 
    I'm not saying that it is wrong for woman to want to choose to become housewives, but let's not deny that woman who choose to do so are partaking in upholding rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. 
    Now wether or not that system works is debatable. 
    Woman have tons of empathy, sure, but woman who do nothing but care for others and put everyone's needs ahead of their own (Which is expected in most cultures.) risk not knowing who they are as individuals and are more depression-prone when there is nothing to "take care" of. I knew a nurse in her 70s who attended group therapy because she thought her life was over since she had no one to take care of. Is that what we want for our daughters? To feel inferior and view themselves as unworthy and unimportant to be put first?
    EVERYONE must deal with sacrifices and be flexible no matter what the situation, but to expect a woman to be submissive, gentle, meek creatures whose main purpose is to reproduce and raise a family and other relationships is degrading and backwards. 
    I have no problem with woman or men marrying young. But encouraging woman to marry young when they don't know what they want, what red flags to look out for, or what a healthy relationship constitutes of, can be a recipe for disaster. Especially since domestic abuse is kept hush-hush in the Muslim community.
    Woman of my mother's generation put up with terrible, abusive, and damaging behaviors that I can't imagine any woman, Muslim or not, would put up with today. We should encourage woman who want to get married young to understand and educate them on what a healthy relationship is. Unfortunately, educating woman and men on how to have fulfilling, healthy, happy relationships isn't too common within the community. 
    Before I continue I would like to say that Islam encourages woman to become strong, especially when working with men. We are told to speak powerfully and clearly as to not attract men, that we are worth more than our mere physical appearance. 
    Now, since the West treated woman so poorly before Woman's Rights  and men questioned woman's intellect and capability to succeed, woman must clutch onto something that will encourage them to get their voice and power back. Is it the best way? Who knows. Does it correlate with Islam? Depends on your definition of what it means to be a Feminist. 
    Feminism is a result of backlash after being thought of as subservient to men. Don't blame the movement for making a mess when push comes to shove. 
     
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