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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. Here's an idea. Stop being judgemental. Look, I've lost 50 pounds and I'm pretty damn thin. I've went from a size 12/14, to a size 0, and have maintained my weight loss for a couple of years now. (I'm 5'1.) Most people who are overweight have no idea what normal portions are, how to train their minds to stop when they are satisfied, etc. It's more complicated and difficult than just "losing weight". Most people who are overweight happen to be emotional eaters. Instead of shaming people for how they look, maybe encourage them to attend counseling. Once they deal with emotional issues and baggage, the weight WILL come off. Most people who hold onto excess weight tend to use it as a shield against judgemental, critical people. Empathy helps, fat shaming doesn't. Feminists and others who encourage big woman to be proud of their bodies is just the result of all the unconstructive criticism they've received. Can you really blame them? If you want thin woman, you need to stop blaming them, criticizing them, and shaming them.
  2. Well I'll just have to explain this to him and he will comply inshallah. I have to gather more knowledge on this issue so any info on the subject will be appreciated.
  3. I've never heard of Tawaf an Nisa before. Where is this done? I thought you just had to get nikah performed to be halal for someone.
  4. Well I am going to school and if I plan to have children, my mother has offered to help. I don't understand what you mean by "not ideal in Islam." What exactly isn't ideal? We have agreed that we will teach the children about the Ahlul Bayt (AS). I wouldn't be with him if this wasn't a guarantee.
  5. What I mean by no immediate plans to get married is that we are taking our time with this to really get to know each other. We've set a timeline to be engaged by sometime next year. We've only known each for almost five months, together for three. Marrying someone you've known for less than a year may be disastrous. And this "man being the head of the household" is rediculous since I know woman are raising the children and children follow their mothers since they spend more time with them. I'm going to hajj next year with my family inshallah.
  6. We've talked about that and have decided that we are both going to teach what we believe, but the children would have to choose later. His family doesn't care that I'm Shia. They have a lot of Shia family friends lol.
  7. I didn't watch the video, but I will say that the concept of "masculinity" is limiting and outdated. I don't believe in gender roles. I know plenty of strong, successful woman who work and make mega bucks and they still have nurturing sides and are patient with their children. I know handfuls of woman who don't work and are stay-at-home moms and have less patience with the kids than some working mothers. Sorry not sorry for having "liberal" beliefs.
  8. Since he found it in a Hadith, he prays with his arms to his chest.
  9. ^This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Rude. And disrespectful.
  10. I was trying to confirm what you were saying about my boy's family being openminded.
  11. Thanks for your reply. My boy's family doesn't follow a mazhab and my boyfriend doesn't consider himself "Sunni", just Muslim. He believes that Shahada is enough. I guess that could mean his family doesn't know about the various Sunni schools. Or care for them, at least.
  12. Maybe because Shia men have never approached me?!? Have you ever thought that some Sunnis are actually open minded to the fact that they are not on the right path? Drop the preconceived notions, please. And to answer your question, there are absolutely no suitable Shia men where I live since they do not want to marry me. (I've known them since childhood and they want to marry someone whom they've met recently, and without their parents suggestions. That, and the rest are too old for me.) Shia men I know don't exactly have the best Akhlaq and I'm not in love with any of them. Even if any Shia man stepped up, I will remain with this man.
  13. I've read something from Sistani, that a Shia man/woman may marry a non-Shia man/woman, but if one fears being mislead, it's not allowed. What does it mean to "fear being mislead?" So I'm with my non-Shia guy and we don't have any immediate plans to get married right now but we have talked about it several times. We discuss the differences between Sunnis and Shias and he believes what he believes and I believe what I believe. He quotes Sunni Hadiths to back-up certain issues that we disagree on, and I back up my beliefs with Shia Hadiths. We respect each others differences and don't try to change each other, but would the example above constitute "fear of being mislead"? And if so, can you please explain why?
  14. I've done group therapy and CBT and DBT. I found CBT rather unhelpful, but I liked DBT and group therapy. I plan to get a private therapist soon inshallah.
  15. Nope. I've never heard of hidden shirk. I only worship Allah (swt)
  16. I'm thinking about major sins that I've been doing but I'm not committing any major sins. I don't drink, neglect salah, eat pork/haram foods, fornicate, etc. When I am aware of my sins, I repent immediately. At the time I had just gotten treatment for my depression, and the last surah I opened before I went to the hospital was Surah Maryam. Maybe that was why? I have no idea. I try not to commit major sins and when I do I ask for forgiveness.
  17. So I had a dream several months ago and I still remember it. I was in a place that seemed to be almost made of gold somehow. I can't exactly remember how it looked like but I remember drinking yellow liquid. Like melted gold or something. And then someone I knew came to me and said. "Isa is coming" (AS) and I woke up. And I had another dream that I was in a dark place, wearing something like a chador, and someone kept saying "Allahu akbar". I think I came across a mirror and I think I saw either my mother's reflection instead of my own, or I became my mother, and then I think the chador became white. I can't remember exactly. What do these dreams mean?
  18. So I went from being a full time student to part time. I dropped my 3 hour lab class because the class was at a horrible time. I dropped my last class since I was failing and didn't want to get a bad grade and bring down my GPA. I also happen to go to a CC. My mother disapproves of my class-dropping and says that I'm just lazy when it's not even that. She knows I took five classes (15 units.) at one point and got As and Bs. Thing is, because of my Bipolar disorder, it's very hard for me at times. I developed mania because I was under too much stress and this is my first semester back in a year and I just want to get back into the swing of things with the intention of getting good grades. I plan to make it up by taking 5 classes in the Spring and next fall to transfer. I'll be taking 2 classes in the summer as well. I took one semester off because of my depressive/manic episodes. I took the next semester off because I was on horrible medication that made my mind go foggy and I couldn't stay attentive in class. I just really want to be done with CC but if it's going to take a bit longer than so be it. Has anyone done anything similar?
  19. I will take this one^ Ya Allah please allow the next person who reads this teach me patience and how to be good like Hazrat Maryam. (AS)
  20. I found this from Islam Q&A (I know, know.) and panicked. "They exaggerate about their imams, claiming that they are infallible, and they devote many acts of worship to them such as supplication, seeking help, offering sacrifices and tawaaf (circumambulating their tombs). This is major shirk which Allaah tells us will not be forgiven. These acts of shirk are committed by their scholars and common folk alike, without anyone among them objecting to that." Is this shirk? I thought that we were asking the Imams (AS) through intercession. How is it shirk? As for supplication, we DO NOT worship the infallibles! Why do they claim that we commit shirk? People, I'm seriously panicking. Someone please explain this to me.
  21. This is an interesting topic, sis. Last year, I was absolutely terrified at the idea of marriage since I'd gotten my heart broken badly. Now, marriage doesn't seem so scary. I'm not fearful, but I personally try to be cautious. Even though I'm in a relationship with a great guy, I don't think I'll be married soon. Really, I doubt I'll be married. I guess I'm not ready as I'd like to be because I've got my insecurities and I have a physical disability. I was made to feel ashamed for not being perfect. Even though my guy reassures me that he is proud to be with me and doesn't care about how bad it is, like @Gaius I. Caesar said, I still fear abandonment and rejection because of it. I have other insecurities too, but that's the main one. It's like I don't want to believe that my boyfriend would love me despite it. And what bothers me is that people have the audacity to point it out since it's noticeable. Frankly, their shallowness hurts. Anyway. The idea of marriage seems nice.
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