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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. Lanat on Yazid, and all the oppressors of the Ahlul Bayt.
  2. "Immense side effects…" Sister, please listen to me when I say this. I am Bipolar and take medication. It took five medications to find the right fit for me, one with no side effects such as weight gain. You can ask the psychiatrist for one with little to no side effects. There are tons on the market. Please, please let her take antidepressants. Trust me when I say they help immensely. Your family must take the pros and cons into account, and when depression is this severe, medication MUST be taken. Your sister sounds a lot like me. I had binge eating disorder, lost weight, became suicidally depressed and stopped going to college for a year, barely ate 800 calories per day due to depression and anxiety over emotional eating, lost weight and lost my period due to stress, had anxiety/panic attacks, and was eventually hospitalized for my depressive/manic symptoms. I felt like I was dying and didn't want to live. I cried my eyes out everyday and was scared to death about getting married. All my friends are getting their degrees and getting ahead while I still live at home. With the medication, I can FUNCTION now. I'm back in school, no longer depressed, and again at a healthy weight for my height. It took one year for me. One year of therapy and whatnot to get my life back. THAT'S the key. Sis, I know EXACTLY how your sister feels. She can't function, and without the medication, she won't be able to for much long time. PLEASE show your parents this reply. And you can PM me if you want. I'm here, and I want to help you all get through with this. The stigma of mental illness must end, and medication will HELP the person more than HURT. I know you want to help, but YOU CAN'T BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL. YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL. Have your parents put her into in-patient for eating disorders and depression and eventually outpatient. She needs to connect with others, connect with people's pain and she can find the light through treatment. She can get stronger. It happened to me. I know it WILL work for your sister. PLEASE have her take the anti depressants. They WILL help.
  3. My, seems like somebody is angry. There is a difference between sexism and God given rights. Many men, especially Muslim men, abuse their God given rights. Many Muslim men think they have a right to control and emotionally abuse woman into submission. No where in Islam does it say to emotionally abuse woman. Yet I see Muslim men everywhere try to control their wives any chance they get, and resort to belittling and threats and anger when met with opposing views. Its disrespectful, self-centered men like you who demand respect for yourselves and expect people to focus on your rights while never giving woman theirs. It's selfish. After all the crap that woman have endured for centuries, now we talk a little louder. In civilized communities, opposition of view is never seen as a threat, which is how you feel now that I choose to call out your backward ideas on what it means to be masculine. Masculine doesn't mean to be overbearing and controlling, which is how many Muslim men act. And by the way, I'm not talking about your RIGHTS, I'm calling out your outdated view of masculinity. Gender roles are do more harm than good and is a social construct.
  4. Actually that's where you're wrong. I am not a feminist. Sounds you want a "rigidly feminine" woman (whatever the heck that means.) who will eat out of the palm of your hand, someone that you would dominate and complete control over. That is not a healthy relationship. That's potential abuse. Again, if my future husband said any sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage.
  5. "Men are supposed to be masculine and impose their authority in the family" *facepalm* No strong woman will ever put up with you "imposing your authority in the family". What are you, a dictator? So woman are not meant to have opinions and thoughts of their own, no say? We are no longer in the 50s, where woman and men are chained by rigid gender roles. If you want such a submissive woman, then you need to take a one way time-traveling ticket back to where you picked up your beliefs. If my future husband ever gave me that sexist nonsense, he would be sleeping in the garage.
  6. I'm sick of my mother's consistent body shaming. Just sick. I lost 50 pounds three years ago and have kept it off for nearly two years. My mother body shamed me then. She said that men don't like fat girls and that I'll never find love if I continued to gain weight the way I did. (I gained 40 pounds in less than a year.) She also told me that I looked pregnant. Obviously, that made me feel like crap and I would eat more after hearing comments like that to comfort myself. But after awhile I was tired of the way I looked and how sluggish I felt so I took a nutrition class at college and started learning what proper portions were and how to eat until you were satisfied, not stuffed, and nutritious, filling foods to eat, etc. So I started losing weight and after I lost around 20 pounds, I started loosely counting calories. It took 8 months to lose all the weight. I'm happy, healthy, and I have so much energy. I won't state my BMI or weight as to not trigger anyone who may have an eating disorder, but I'm on the thinner side of healthy for my height. I'm 5'1 and small-framed, so even an extra five pounds is quite noticeable. Now my mother tells me that I am "bony" just because I'm thin (I'm far from bony), that I need to gain 5-10 pounds to "look good" and that men like meat on woman's bones, that my face looks unattractive and that I look "anorexic". I don't have an eating disorder, and eat healthy and things I crave in moderation. I ignore her comments, but it's just frustrating for me. First I was too big, now I'm "too thin". And she always states what MEN like on woman. I never tell her that my body is not for men to ogle at, that I never lost the weight so that men would find me more attractive. I lost the weight for MYSELF. How do I deal with this?
  7. But… gender roles and whatnot is a social construct. The idea that woman are meant to be gentle caretakers and homemakers and "take care" of their families' needs is a social construct. The idea that woman are gravitated toward becoming mothers is due to biology, yes, but gender roles and stereotypes develop because of societal pressures. I'm not saying that it is wrong for woman to want to choose to become housewives, but let's not deny that woman who choose to do so are partaking in upholding rigid ideas of masculinity and femininity. Now wether or not that system works is debatable. Woman have tons of empathy, sure, but woman who do nothing but care for others and put everyone's needs ahead of their own (Which is expected in most cultures.) risk not knowing who they are as individuals and are more depression-prone when there is nothing to "take care" of. I knew a nurse in her 70s who attended group therapy because she thought her life was over since she had no one to take care of. Is that what we want for our daughters? To feel inferior and view themselves as unworthy and unimportant to be put first? EVERYONE must deal with sacrifices and be flexible no matter what the situation, but to expect a woman to be submissive, gentle, meek creatures whose main purpose is to reproduce and raise a family and other relationships is degrading and backwards. I have no problem with woman or men marrying young. But encouraging woman to marry young when they don't know what they want, what red flags to look out for, or what a healthy relationship constitutes of, can be a recipe for disaster. Especially since domestic abuse is kept hush-hush in the Muslim community. Woman of my mother's generation put up with terrible, abusive, and damaging behaviors that I can't imagine any woman, Muslim or not, would put up with today. We should encourage woman who want to get married young to understand and educate them on what a healthy relationship is. Unfortunately, educating woman and men on how to have fulfilling, healthy, happy relationships isn't too common within the community. Before I continue I would like to say that Islam encourages woman to become strong, especially when working with men. We are told to speak powerfully and clearly as to not attract men, that we are worth more than our mere physical appearance. Now, since the West treated woman so poorly before Woman's Rights and men questioned woman's intellect and capability to succeed, woman must clutch onto something that will encourage them to get their voice and power back. Is it the best way? Who knows. Does it correlate with Islam? Depends on your definition of what it means to be a Feminist. Feminism is a result of backlash after being thought of as subservient to men. Don't blame the movement for making a mess when push comes to shove.
  8. Labiaplasty is stupid. My body looks what it looks like. Tbh, I think woman (and men) should accept what can't be changed.
  9. Yeah, I hear you. One of my friends who converted to Islam years ago has strange FOBs adding her on Facebook. It's really weird how they find her since she doesn't wear hijab. Really sorry you're going through this, sister. May Allah make it easier for you to deal with this nonsense.
  10. Curse of Allah for marrying a Sunni?!? Didn't one of the imams (AS) marry a Sunni woman at one point? Allah (swt) has guided me to become a practicing Muslim not too long ago alhamdulilah. For only reasons He is aware of, He has brought my Sunni guy and I together. What if a Sunni is accepting of guidance and only by having a Shia friend or spouse may lead them to the truth? I'd rather be with Sunni who treats me well than a bad Akhlaq, arrogant Shia.
  11. Here's an idea. Stop being judgemental. Look, I've lost 50 pounds and I'm pretty damn thin. I've went from a size 12/14, to a size 0, and have maintained my weight loss for a couple of years now. (I'm 5'1.) Most people who are overweight have no idea what normal portions are, how to train their minds to stop when they are satisfied, etc. It's more complicated and difficult than just "losing weight". Most people who are overweight happen to be emotional eaters. Instead of shaming people for how they look, maybe encourage them to attend counseling. Once they deal with emotional issues and baggage, the weight WILL come off. Most people who hold onto excess weight tend to use it as a shield against judgemental, critical people. Empathy helps, fat shaming doesn't. Feminists and others who encourage big woman to be proud of their bodies is just the result of all the unconstructive criticism they've received. Can you really blame them? If you want thin woman, you need to stop blaming them, criticizing them, and shaming them.
  12. Well I'll just have to explain this to him and he will comply inshallah. I have to gather more knowledge on this issue so any info on the subject will be appreciated.
  13. I've never heard of Tawaf an Nisa before. Where is this done? I thought you just had to get nikah performed to be halal for someone.
  14. Well I am going to school and if I plan to have children, my mother has offered to help. I don't understand what you mean by "not ideal in Islam." What exactly isn't ideal? We have agreed that we will teach the children about the Ahlul Bayt (AS). I wouldn't be with him if this wasn't a guarantee.
  15. What I mean by no immediate plans to get married is that we are taking our time with this to really get to know each other. We've set a timeline to be engaged by sometime next year. We've only known each for almost five months, together for three. Marrying someone you've known for less than a year may be disastrous. And this "man being the head of the household" is rediculous since I know woman are raising the children and children follow their mothers since they spend more time with them. I'm going to hajj next year with my family inshallah.
  16. We've talked about that and have decided that we are both going to teach what we believe, but the children would have to choose later. His family doesn't care that I'm Shia. They have a lot of Shia family friends lol.
  17. I didn't watch the video, but I will say that the concept of "masculinity" is limiting and outdated. I don't believe in gender roles. I know plenty of strong, successful woman who work and make mega bucks and they still have nurturing sides and are patient with their children. I know handfuls of woman who don't work and are stay-at-home moms and have less patience with the kids than some working mothers. Sorry not sorry for having "liberal" beliefs.
  18. Since he found it in a Hadith, he prays with his arms to his chest.
  19. ^This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Rude. And disrespectful.
  20. I was trying to confirm what you were saying about my boy's family being openminded.
  21. Thanks for your reply. My boy's family doesn't follow a mazhab and my boyfriend doesn't consider himself "Sunni", just Muslim. He believes that Shahada is enough. I guess that could mean his family doesn't know about the various Sunni schools. Or care for them, at least.
  22. Maybe because Shia men have never approached me?!? Have you ever thought that some Sunnis are actually open minded to the fact that they are not on the right path? Drop the preconceived notions, please. And to answer your question, there are absolutely no suitable Shia men where I live since they do not want to marry me. (I've known them since childhood and they want to marry someone whom they've met recently, and without their parents suggestions. That, and the rest are too old for me.) Shia men I know don't exactly have the best Akhlaq and I'm not in love with any of them. Even if any Shia man stepped up, I will remain with this man.
  23. I've read something from Sistani, that a Shia man/woman may marry a non-Shia man/woman, but if one fears being mislead, it's not allowed. What does it mean to "fear being mislead?" So I'm with my non-Shia guy and we don't have any immediate plans to get married right now but we have talked about it several times. We discuss the differences between Sunnis and Shias and he believes what he believes and I believe what I believe. He quotes Sunni Hadiths to back-up certain issues that we disagree on, and I back up my beliefs with Shia Hadiths. We respect each others differences and don't try to change each other, but would the example above constitute "fear of being mislead"? And if so, can you please explain why?
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