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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. I agree with this. It’s true that mental illness can cause auditory and visual hallucinations. In fact, I think this might be true for the majority. However, I don’t think we can completely deny that some people might be able to see their existence by Allah’s will. Since we believe in Angels and in Jinns, it would make sense that a few would be able to see them. So how much of it is as result of mental illness and how much of it is due to Islamic belief?
  2. Update: I told my dad that we are getting our own apartment because we don't want to wait on the house, so we are moving things today and tomorrow to the house since I guess he doesn't want us to rent an apartment.
  3. Yes they did. We could have afforded the apartment, but they said it wasn't worth paying the rent.
  4. ALLAHUMMA SALE ALLA Mohammed VA AHLE Mohammed. May Allah forgive all Shias with good hearts, good intentions, and those who treat others well. Those who are struggling with their faith and those who have transgressed their bounds due to ignorance. May Allah forgive every soft hearted person, and every kind individual, wether Sunni or Shia, Christian or Jew, and guide them to the true Islam. May Allah forgive those who realize their limitations and mistakes and seek to make things right with others.
  5. In the end, we are all just people. And that's what matters. None of us are special. Only Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is and His messengers and the Prophet (عليه السلام) and The Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) are special. The rest of us are just ordinary people. Some of us have a head start to Jannat for being Shia and a good person, and others have to find it to be forgiven, and others will be forgiven due to Allah's (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) mercy. We are all capable of being either the best or the worst of creation. EDIT: I forgot to answer your original question. You probably feel this way because you likely realize the deeper side of these issues. That people are multi-dimensional, and that appearances, saying you're a Shia or a Sunni, mean nothing if you aren't a good enough person. So often we think that someone is good just because they look Islamic on the outside, or when we label ourselves as one or another. You probably realize that labels mean nothing. Some Sunnis are exceptional people. Some Shias are despicable and an embarrassment. To be honest, we bring the embarrassment upon ourselves with defending practices (this goes for Sunnis too, especially on Niqab and FGM practices.) that have no basis in reality or of the Sunnah of the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام). Instead we all, wether Sunni or Shia, mix in practices due to cultural and call it Islam. Since Shias are a minority, cultural practices can overtake religion, and that's what makes some Sunnis better than some Shias.
  6. To be honest, you should be feeling blessed that you feel this way because you won't become arrogant as a result of being Shia. Instead, saying Alhamdulilah for being Shia would suffice, because we Shias have a greater chance of being in Jannat inshallah. And that to me, is a blessing. Not something to be proud and arrogant about, not something to be scared of, not something to look down on others. Honestly, brother/sister, I'm more concerned for our Shias who think they are God's gift to the universe and that they are somehow "the chosen ones" and handpicked, so to speak, by Allah. And that, in my opinion can be our downfall, due to the Shaitan (LA on him a million times) messing with us as a result. We are not special. Allah has only blessed us with guidance and wisdom. We should be thankful only to Him as a result of this. You could say that we Shias becoming arrogant as a result is also a test. Will we become arrogant as a result of His mercy, and destroy ourselves, or will we be thankful and do good to others. At the end of the day, wether we are Sunni or Shia has little importance if we are bad people. Maybe Allah will forgive a Sunni for his transgressions in faith, and in his/her practices, if his/her intentions were good, and perhaps not forgive some arrogant Shias who would treat others horribly and still have the audacity to boast about Ziarat and Hajj and never miss a prayer. Prayers done the correct way, fasting, ziarat, etc, is supposed to serve as reminders to be good to others, not be a source of arrogance. If one becomes arrogant just for being a Shia, then it's clear that such a person has learned nothing at all about Islam or what the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) taught us.
  7. An issue within the Ummah is that we treat Nikah and engagement as the same prior to having a wedding where the couple is announced to the public. I find this highly problematic in that two people aren’t given enough to get to know each other in arrangements like this. Typically you meet or are introduced and within a few months to maximum 6, you are married (Nikah) but call it being “engaged” until you have a wedding. Some will get married and then throw an engagement party. People will say that they are “engaged” to get to know each other, but what’s the point when you are already Islamically and in many cases legally married? If the couple chooses to get divorced, it’s not “breaking off an engagement” but a marriage. If the couples are given more time to get to know each other, perhaps a real engagement where they spend quality time getting to know the person, a divorce would have been prevented. It’s better to get to know someone for at least a year prior to getting married or even culturally engaged, because even if the person is wrong for you, you’d still accept them for their flaws instead of being surprised later. Many couples announce their engagement when in fact they are Islamically and legally married, all for the sake of not doing haram and rushing the process (and sometimes marry the wrong person). What’s wrong with taking your time? An engagement means you have the intention of marrying a person, ring or no ring, so why confuse people (and lie) by saying you are engaged when you’re in fact, married? Please note I’m not criticizing those who get married quickly, (I had the shortest engagement to Nikah that I know of, so I’m not one to talk.) but the culture and pressure surrounding marriage when a couple may not know who they are ending up with. Within arrangements such as this, it’s usually the elders rushing their children to get married “because they want to get married anyway so why wait?” Instead of it being a mutual decision made by the couple. I know of some couples who were culturally “engaged” but Islamically married and wanted to separate, but then it was too late for them and were afraid of what the community thought. Many people still talk about it. Is it really worse to be actually engaged and break it off than get Islamically married and culturally engaged?
  8. @HakimPtsid: it’d be pretty cool to meet you too!
  9. Hahaha sure! I actually have a friend who is studying abroad in Madrid, so when I visit the area, I’ll let you know!
  10. They kind of pressured us to move in with them. Although the rent went up, it’s not like we couldn’t afford it. It would have made a huge dent, but we would have been fine. We were fine with the higher rent but they kept saying that paying that high of a rent wasn’t worth it. There are other things that are going on that I don’t want to explain because it’s the internet, and I would like to remain anonymous. How so? Imagine you’ve been told that you’re temporarily moving back in with your parents and you’re given a time frame. Then things get pushed back, and when you want to leave, they guilt trip you a bit and say that you’re ungrateful looking to move and why don’t you want to stay, etc., etc. Forgetting that you two are married. Not boyfriend and girlfriend. Not engaged. Married. They pressured us, yes. They kept saying that we should as a way to save a couple of month’s rent. That this and that. We resisted until we decided that 2 months would be fine. Had we had known it would have taken as long as it has, we would never agreed to this kind of arrangement. I said that we need our space as a married couple. It’s impossible to be intimate when people are in the house and it’s extremely uncomfortable. It’s not healthy for a couple to live with their parents or in-laws. I don’t know why you keep defending them. Especially as a newly wed couple when you’re just starting to adjust to each other and then thrust into a stifling environment. That was our endless argument. I wanted us to move out to an apartment by month 3, (when nothing in the house had been done and I thought at least renting/moving into an apartment would be better than nothing.) and they kept insisting that things were going to get done and that we should stay. Of course I got angry when they hadn’t gotten anything done after 3 months and they wouldn’t even give us the copy of the house key so we could get things moving in. We are not a bunch of teenagers. We are adults. And when we wanted to get our own place, we were told that it’s all going to be done soon but that was only to shut us up. It’s fine if things don’t get done on time. The problem is when you insist that it will be done within a short time frame and insist on a couple to move in when it likely won’t be that short of a time span. That they won’t stop nagging until you do what they want. I’d be less angry if they said that there would be no time limits on when things would be done. I’m more than understanding. But when we move in and by month 3 only things start to get done when you push for it, that’s what is aggravating. It’s very misleading. It’s not like they were taking the entire 7 months to get everything done. And what’s wrong with my husband suggesting that we find our own apartment if things don’t get done? We can’t keep waiting around forever. And no, my husband was not pressuring me. It was mostly me pressuring him and by month 5, my husband started to get worn out and we have stopped being intimate because we are both very uncomfortable. (And my husband never complains. So when he does, it’s serious. When he does complain, it’s very soft-spoken and he does not showing a lot of emotion unlike me.) I wanted to move into our own apartment by month 3, because at least it’d be our own place and we would have privacy, but he preferred us to stay and my parents convinced us to stay as well. (But my husband didn’t even think that it would take this long.) Overall, you’ve misunderstood my post.
  11. I forgot to mention I’d want to meet @Gaius I. Caesar. That’d be so rad.
  12. I never said this. I said that they gave us a deadline, which was 2 months. 7 months is unacceptable, but it’s fine because inshallah we will be moving this weekend. You tell me if you can survive living at your parents’ home for 7 months as a married couple and let’s see how you’d feel by the end of the week.
  13. I completely agree. A guy I liked prior to meeting my husband was nothing like how he was through PMs. When I Skyped with him, it felt like I was talking to a complete stranger, and it gave me major anxiety. I then ended things with him. It’s ironic that my husband and I met online, but at that point, I was very cautious. I’m no longer quick to trust people on the internet, but most people on ShiaChat are probably who they say they are and it’s a closer-nit circle of users. So I guess I’m open to meeting more people from this forum, if they want to meet me irl.
  14. Aww I’m so sorry to hear about that. I’m sure it must have been very scary. I would though like to meet @notme, @Hameedeh, @ShiaMan14, @2Timeless, @Bakir, @ali_fatheroforphans In real life.
  15. That’s what makes you an amazing person, imo. The problem is when people start to think they are Shia role models and it can get to their heads. It’s better to be humble, and in my opinion, better to have flaws because then at least it won’t make you (anyone, really) arrogant.
  16. Yes, she can. I'm myself married to a Sunni man. He was the best possible match for me out of everyone I'd met. I'd recommend it only if there's mutual respect for each other's beliefs.
  17. Thank you everyone for your responses. @notme: I’ll ask them and update you.
  18. New furniture and new paint in the rooms. And now that it’s done, we are just waiting at this point. (It got done last week.)
  19. They leave us alone when we are in our room, but in general, they are always around and won't just leave. Very constricting.
  20. Exactly. I've been trying to talk with them about it. But they just don't want to think about our need for privacy and think we should just be grateful and adapt.
  21. Yes, they are. I've tried telling them that we can get it done while we live there, but they have refused. Saying that it needs to be finished and blah blah blah. I don't even have the keys to the house and they refuse to give us the copy.
  22. To start off, my husband and I have been living in my parent's house for almost 7 months. Rent at our apartment went up, and they offered to take us in for 2 months until the other home they have gets fixed up. Two months passed, and nothing had been done. Got into a nasty argument with my parents saying that we've been waiting and that we need our privacy as a couple. They go on and on about how we have it so good and that we don't have to pay rent, etc, etc. But that they will get things done. More months passed, things get done slowly. We get blamed and criticized for not keeping our space tidy. Now it's been seven months. It's recently been a HUGE strain on our relationship. My husband talked with my father seriously, who gave crap excuses. I wanted us to move out to an apartment, but since my father said that the house will be ready by the end of this month, my husband wants to wait until my parents fail to fulfill their promise and then we will find our own place. I'm taking 5 classes, all sciences, and volunteering 3 days a week, for 12 hours a week to get my mind off everything. No privacy, living at my parents' hearing them yell about keeping the house clean and etc has made me feel stressed to the max. I'm stress and binge-eating, and have gained almost 30 pounds since we moved in. I can't stand to hear them talk or even look at them. Every time I say we need our privacy as a married couple, they stick their heads in the sand. My husband doesn't even feel comfortable even when no one is around. I can't deal with anything right now. I'm so angry at them for allowing them to trick us into staying longer. I'm close to having breakdown crying because I can't deal with their crap. I despise this and I despise them ruining our relationship when we just started to get used to each other as a married couple.
  23. I’m quite envious when I see people who are less competent reaching success. But now, I’ve realized that my worth is not in whether I achieve success right now. My time will come. All is needed is patience and perseverance.
  24. I’m speechless. All I can say is thank you so much for this wonderful thread. I will reply tomorrow in depth, when I collect my thoughts.
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