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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. True, I’ll edit it to add men with beards hahaha
  2. Being stylish does not attract men. Having a good personal sense of style is necessary to live in society. I’d argue that the kardashians, with their vulgar outfits, attract attention than looking presentable with decent clothes. There is a major difference between looking stylish and dressing/attracting men. Dressing classy does not attract men. Dressing like a kardashian and every other Instagram wannabe attracts men. No one wants to see a frumpy person, man or woman, who looks like they just rolled out of bed and wears unflattering clothing. This is classy and stylish. It’s clear that these people take care of themselves: This is trashy and attracts attention: this is frumpy:
  3. Ok, but what’s wrong with looking and feeling beautiful and graceful? What’s wrong being stylish?
  4. @Abu Hadi: okay, then let me ask you something. As a man, when you shape your beard, wear good clothes, and take care of yourself, does that make you feel better? Or does dressing in a wrinkled shirt and with an unkempt beard make you feel good? A woman taking care of herself is the same concept. We all want to look and feel our best.
  5. I don’t wash my hair everyday. But I do wash my body as often as I can. Which typically is 4 times a week.
  6. I don’t think I have an instinct to be looked at by men. This sort of generalization is incredibly damaging and paints women to be a seductive temptress, which we are definitely not. You, as a fellow American, of all people, should understand this. I never wanted attention from men: many women find male attention, wether positive or negative, to be uncomfortable, not flattering. Women don’t want to attract men by wanting to look good, but rather, it makes us personally feel better when we look put together, put some light makeup on and get our hair done, wear decent, ironed, classy clothing. Men mistakenly interpret women wanting to look good as wanting to attract them, when it’s really for ourselves. Later, once women are married, we style our hair and buy clothing considering their husband’s preferences but also based on what would make us feel refreshed and put together. Women nowadays wear revealing clothing that also attract men not for the intention of attracting them, but to follow latest fashion trends as to not be gossiped by other women for being different.
  7. Then you’d know that a man committing zina has nothing to do with what she wears. People all over the world commit zina nowadays.
  8. No I agree with this. I know that we are all biologically hardwired to pick the healthiest mate for the potiential of future offspring and overall mating purposes. We are attracted to those who show signs of fitness. Things like a youthful glow/young face, healthy body, etc., is something we are hardwired to seek out. However, it’s not as animalistic as science makes it seem. Allah has given us aql and reason and that’s what separates us from animals.
  9. Forget the media. The media always has sought out to exploit women and their vulnerabilities. Advertising has mostly been geared toward women. In the 1950s, the media portrayed women as needing to be perfectly groomed 24/7, or else her husband would stray. Kitchen items were geared toward women so they can buy their products. Nowadays, women in the media show less skin. It’s the same thing, different packaging. Exploiting women in the media is nothing new. I’m talking about women in real life. Men in the US don’t care what a woman wears. Unless you live in some ghetto town where people are racist and sexist and have a poor concept social boundaries due to their environment and the way they were raised, men don’t look. If they do, it’s more discreet.
  10. How is heat an excuse? That’s so disrespectful. Maybe you may be able to stand the heat, but I can’t. I have nearly fainted multiple times. I was taking a hike once in a short sleeve with a cardigan over it, (for the sake of modesty) and when I nearly fainted, I didn’t start to feel better until I took off the cardigan and splash water over my face when I finally began to cool off. My friend and I were hiking in the middle of nowhere and I know that if I hadn’t taken off the cardigan in time, I would have fainted with no medical assistance nearby. What’s more important here?
  11. Some people have mentioned that men in the West constantly lustfully gaze at women. I don’t know what planet you all live in, but as someone who was born and raised in the West, I have never once seen a man lustfully look at women. Not once. No one here cares if you wear a low-cut tank top, short shorts, or what have you. People just go about their day and are focused on getting stuff done. They respect you all the same. In contrast, middle eastern men are incredibly immodest and are prone to negative behavior and comments in such a manner that I’ve never once seen in all my life living in my home country. (The US.) I’ve been stared at, my sister was inappropriately touched in public when she was young, and men display their numbers to random women on the street. This is absolutely a cultural and societal issue. Men in the West have not been raised to view women as a piece of meat.
  12. Lol this is like blaming women for men sinning. This man has spoken complete nonsense on the issue. Women are not “hunters” and men are not “prey”. To demonize women is completely and totally sexist and misogynistic. Women dress without hijab and with their arms un-covered not because we want to tempt men or because of “feminism” but because it gets really hot and humid, and personally, my body can’t take wearing long clothes in the heat. I have almost fainted multiple times due to the heat. Wearing short sleeves and having my hair tied up and out of the way helps me cool off. Wearing clothing appropriate to the weather (not necessarily revealing clothes like breasts and your bottom.) is something that I believe is human.
  13. Lol! I think the way I write my “I”s was the last of its style/time. The style of writing “I”s changed soon after, which is why it looks very weird for most people. Thanks for the well wishes, @realizm! And thanks for the puns and laughs, y’all.
  14. I know my Ls and Ts look way too similar. So do my Rs and Vs. That’s so true! I had a similar feeling when I had to teach a 3rd grade class a writing lesson. Everything was handwritten and when I stared at my writing on the TV (for projection), I was mortified and felt sorry for my students. I had to re-write a few words several times during the lesson and a couple of students said that they couldn’t read certain words. I also type more than I write, so I completely agree that we’ve become more accustomed to seeing printed words on a screen than handwriten words on paper. It makes me feel nostalgic seeing old movies where couples in love would write each other letters. Wish we had some more of that today.
  15. I know But I also figured my writing was a bit hard to read. Lol. Thank you! I’m excited to head over to SoCal. Haven’t been there in 5 years. No cold is going to stop me from having fun. Aww it’s nice to know that my handwriting resembles someone older! (I always thought my handwriting was a bit childlike.) Your grandmother seemed like a lovely person. May she rest peacefully and happily in paradise, inshallah. (And thank you for the lovely compliments!)
  16. Wow, lol my handwriting is worse than I thought! I wrote, (for those who need the transcript, lol.) It’s Islandsandmirrors! If you can’t tell, I haven’t written in cursive in a while. (It’s been 10 years.) So, going on vacay... and I’m getting sick! Sending myself healing energy.
  17. I was really skinny when my husband met me in person for the first time. (Skin and bones.) (My husband likes slim to medium women with curves.) As luck would have it, my thyroid went out of wack and I gained 35 pounds. My husband is more attracted to me, but honestly? I could stand to lose 10-15. My husband had expressed that I was too skinny but I was cute regardless. And to put it into perspective: when my husband first sent me his photos, I was not instantly attracted to him. My attraction for him grew as I got to know him. Now I think he’s the most handsome guy I’ve met. Bottom line is that appearances mean nothing, and can change. Your preferences might change and you may grow to really like their appearance.
  18. If you’re dressing modestly according to Islam, then no one is allowed to pick on you for your choice of wardrobe. Islam doesn’t limit a woman’s options to one type of clothing. There are panchos, long sweaters, long blouses, etc. how you decide to cover up is your business. You are allowed to have your own sense of style. I would recommend having a talk with your mother and how her critical remarks and controlling your way of dress hurts you. That your intention is to cover up for the sake of Allah. And that you are dressing as modestly as you can. And congratulations on losing weight! So proud of you!
  19. Heartbreak may lead to depression. I’ve been there. It’s the worst feeling in the world. For me, it didn’t get better until I got treatment, but I would say it will take a few months to half a year for the feeling to subside without it, depending on the severity.
  20. I think my experience on ShiaChat has been mixed. I think I was looking for more of a community feel and a sense of belonging. Especially since I became practicing later in life (19) and I had to relearn everything from the beginning. I didn’t receive the support I thought I would and felt extremely frustrated and misunderstood because I think of myself as more balanced in my worldview and I’m able to cut through the smoke and mirrors of cultural issues masking as Islam. Also, because I’m a Western woman, and a proud American who doesn’t identify with my parents’ ethnicity and country of origin at all, I’m labeled as a feminist by others. I like that I’ve met a few people like me and for that I’m very grateful. But overall, other forums are a more positive experience for me.
  21. I met my husband online — who is half Arab, half Asian. We’ve been married for 1 year, together for 3. Trust your intuition. Trust your heart.
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