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In the Name of God بسم الله

Islandsandmirrors

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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. I don’t get close and joke around with men. I am however, friendly with everyone.
  2. I feel like many men will precieve that the woman he’s friends with, likes him because because she’s nice. Some women are just nice with everyone and it doesn’t mean anything. Seriously, I have always minded my own business and kept men at arm’s-length, but that didn’t stop some men from becoming attracted to me. I used to feel really insecure about it and didn’t want any man to find me attractive, because I internalized the shame associated with it. It’s not a woman’s fault if a man falls for a woman’s personality—no man can expect a woman to stop being herself or stop being nice just because guys get attracted. I don’t wear revealing clothing, don’t show off my figure—I’m just myself. The only difference now is that guys notice the ring on my finger and they know that there are boundaries to not cross.
  3. The problem with men getting second wives is that usually haram is committed prior, with the second wife before marrying, and it’s kept in secret. I don’t think Muslim men would do multiple wives justice. They wouldn’t treat their wives all fairly with as much affection and care as the other. The only group who only seem to treat their wives well are Mormon Fundamentalists. Nothing is kept secret between them. And they seem surprisingly accepting and happy.
  4. How so? I conducted a poll asking how many partners one has had, have done a lot of research, and have non-Muslim friends. Many do sleep around to get over breakups, to fill a void, have a few drinks before it leading to sex. Are you saying I’m incorrect? To everyone: I’m not saying that Muslims don’t sleep around at all, or that we are all virginal elvish beings who have never even spoken to the opposite sex—some Muslims sleep around, just less often.
  5. ^ Lol you THINK that many non-Muslims aren’t sleeping around. That’s what I thought too until I learned the truth. The majority do.
  6. Everyone knows that sleeping around, and not under the context of a loving relationship or the occasional fling here or there, wether by halal or haram means, is wrong societally and it may likely ruin the reputation of both men and women. You can try to justify it however you want, but no one likes a person who is unwilling to control himself. The same applies for men in search of a permanent wife. No man likes a woman who has been around the block too many times. Why do you think women lie about their partner count? No matter how many women you find for mutah, I very much doubt that a Muslim man’s partner count will be in the 20s-50s like the average non-Muslim, simply because the community is way more tight-knit and prone to gossip, and a man won’t always be willing to give his daughter to be the source of someone’s temporary pleasure. It’s much harder to find women willing to do mutah than it is to commit Zina with someone you’ve met at a bar. Why are some trying to defend sleeping around? Most decent men would never do so. Just because something is acceptable, does not mean it doesn’t create a psychological impact on one’s self. Everyone knows that the more sexual partners one has, the less likely you are to be satisfied sexually in a permanent marriage because you’ll have experienced too many people to develop a commitment mindset.
  7. ^ agsin, you keep clinging to mutah when the topic is about NON-Muslims who sleep around. Maybe brush up on your reading comprehension.
  8. The discussion isn’t even about mutah. The OP is about non-Muslims who have multiple sexual partners in the double or even triple digits prior to marriage and how people like that can never understand true commitment.
  9. I’m confused... you’re saying that sex is not special? That to think of sex as something special to only be shared by a husband and wife (mutah or Nikah) is to “Christianize” it? I’ve never heard such bollocks in my life. Of course sex is special and to not be cheaply given away to some stranger, mutah or through a one-night stand. Your body (and sex) is worth more than that. The intention of mutah is to make a halal alternative for those who can’t afford to get married permanently, not so one can sleep around. If one’s intention of mutah IS to sleep around, then this is no better than the non-Muslims who have haram encounters and selfishly “test run” a relationship. Studies have shown that the less partners one has prior to permanent marriage, the more likely the marriage is to be successful and couples rate highly their marriage satisfaction. Couples who have even had 5-10 partners increase their divorce rate significantly.
  10. This is very true. In another forum I was on (I wrote a recent thread on it) many people pointed out how “in love” I was with my husband. What they meant was they’d never seen commitment like that, especially at my age. Actually, I don’t think my or anyone else’s age is the main factor. Non-Muslims who live together before marriage and commit Zina are, as a whole, less likely to commit to their marriages. Even the couples who were together years before marriage have no problem divorcing only a few years after over nothing. Lack of commitment is the number one reason most marriages today end in divorce—not abuse, not alcoholism—commitment. I even mentioned there that the mindset to commit must be there prior to marriage, or else even marriages will fail to work out. Obviously, I was met with resistance and was told something along the lines of people “need to date lots of people and discover what they want.” They even encouraged another woman in her early twenties to leave her seven year relationship all because she was getting a bit bored, and that most people shouldn’t stay with someone they dated since high school. They have no problem telling others to leave their relationships over juvenile things such as boredom and wanting to “travel and find one’s self.” Not to mention that many men and women have likely had sexual partners in the double digits by the time they are in their mid-twenties. Do they really think that they are built for marriage and commitment?
  11. Obviously, we all know that Zina or sex outside of marriage is haram. I think I found out why today. Non-Muslims have no shame in having 10, 20, even 50 different sexual partners and they think it’s all fun. Zina make sexual intimacy between a husband and wife cheap. I always wondered why sex before marriage was a sin if you were going to get married to that person, however most people who commit Zina aren’t intending to get married, at least not right away, and that’s why Allah says that it’s an indecency and an evil way.
  12. I’m on WeddingBee, where people discuss their marriage, relationships, engagement rings, etc. I posted on there that we live in my parents’ second home and I got tons of backlash, saying that I was immature all because I was financially not independent, that my “marriage is not a marriage” and that I shouldn’t be married, and that the way I’m living is not reality. That I’m 23, got married after a week long engagement, what do I know about the world, etc. it was honestly disgusting how catty and bitter some of the women are and were attacking me personally. All because I said that people in relationships shouldn’t live together before marriage and it’s a fairly modern concept in another thread. So needless to say, I made quite a few enemies and I’ve closed my account since whatever thread I made after that also got closed. And what’s worse is that the women kept bringing up irrelevant topics. AND they said that they couldn’t wait for life to bite me in the rear end and couldn’t wait to see “how the relationship will play out” (implying that I’ll get divorced.) I also mentioned that there is a married female coworker who slept with another married male coworker whom I told my husband to be careful about her because she has a lack of morals and that she might assault you. I was called controlling and insecure. I’m not the only one who has had problems with this forum and they also recently had attacked a 22 year old who asked a question on social media couples. Many non-Muslims don’t know a thing about morals. They think that their way of living is the only right way and everyone else is wrong, and thus, even when they find the right man, many will not be able to keep him because they don’t know how to keep him attracted and happy. EDIT: I’ve seen many people on that site telling women to leave their 7 year relationships when they said are bored, and when I said she needs to commit to working it out and spicing things up, they told me it was not a marriage and therefore didn’t need to make it work. Need some replies @notme, @Hameedeh, @ireallywannaknow, @2Timeless
  13. I agree with this. It’s true that mental illness can cause auditory and visual hallucinations. In fact, I think this might be true for the majority. However, I don’t think we can completely deny that some people might be able to see their existence by Allah’s will. Since we believe in Angels and in Jinns, it would make sense that a few would be able to see them. So how much of it is as result of mental illness and how much of it is due to Islamic belief?
  14. Update: I told my dad that we are getting our own apartment because we don't want to wait on the house, so we are moving things today and tomorrow to the house since I guess he doesn't want us to rent an apartment.
  15. Yes they did. We could have afforded the apartment, but they said it wasn't worth paying the rent.
  16. ALLAHUMMA SALE ALLA Mohammed VA AHLE Mohammed. May Allah forgive all Shias with good hearts, good intentions, and those who treat others well. Those who are struggling with their faith and those who have transgressed their bounds due to ignorance. May Allah forgive every soft hearted person, and every kind individual, wether Sunni or Shia, Christian or Jew, and guide them to the true Islam. May Allah forgive those who realize their limitations and mistakes and seek to make things right with others.
  17. In the end, we are all just people. And that's what matters. None of us are special. Only Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is and His messengers and the Prophet (عليه السلام) and The Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) are special. The rest of us are just ordinary people. Some of us have a head start to Jannat for being Shia and a good person, and others have to find it to be forgiven, and others will be forgiven due to Allah's (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) mercy. We are all capable of being either the best or the worst of creation. EDIT: I forgot to answer your original question. You probably feel this way because you likely realize the deeper side of these issues. That people are multi-dimensional, and that appearances, saying you're a Shia or a Sunni, mean nothing if you aren't a good enough person. So often we think that someone is good just because they look Islamic on the outside, or when we label ourselves as one or another. You probably realize that labels mean nothing. Some Sunnis are exceptional people. Some Shias are despicable and an embarrassment. To be honest, we bring the embarrassment upon ourselves with defending practices (this goes for Sunnis too, especially on Niqab and FGM practices.) that have no basis in reality or of the Sunnah of the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام). Instead we all, wether Sunni or Shia, mix in practices due to cultural and call it Islam. Since Shias are a minority, cultural practices can overtake religion, and that's what makes some Sunnis better than some Shias.
  18. To be honest, you should be feeling blessed that you feel this way because you won't become arrogant as a result of being Shia. Instead, saying Alhamdulilah for being Shia would suffice, because we Shias have a greater chance of being in Jannat inshallah. And that to me, is a blessing. Not something to be proud and arrogant about, not something to be scared of, not something to look down on others. Honestly, brother/sister, I'm more concerned for our Shias who think they are God's gift to the universe and that they are somehow "the chosen ones" and handpicked, so to speak, by Allah. And that, in my opinion can be our downfall, due to the Shaitan (LA on him a million times) messing with us as a result. We are not special. Allah has only blessed us with guidance and wisdom. We should be thankful only to Him as a result of this. You could say that we Shias becoming arrogant as a result is also a test. Will we become arrogant as a result of His mercy, and destroy ourselves, or will we be thankful and do good to others. At the end of the day, wether we are Sunni or Shia has little importance if we are bad people. Maybe Allah will forgive a Sunni for his transgressions in faith, and in his/her practices, if his/her intentions were good, and perhaps not forgive some arrogant Shias who would treat others horribly and still have the audacity to boast about Ziarat and Hajj and never miss a prayer. Prayers done the correct way, fasting, ziarat, etc, is supposed to serve as reminders to be good to others, not be a source of arrogance. If one becomes arrogant just for being a Shia, then it's clear that such a person has learned nothing at all about Islam or what the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) taught us.
  19. An issue within the Ummah is that we treat Nikah and engagement as the same prior to having a wedding where the couple is announced to the public. I find this highly problematic in that two people aren’t given enough to get to know each other in arrangements like this. Typically you meet or are introduced and within a few months to maximum 6, you are married (Nikah) but call it being “engaged” until you have a wedding. Some will get married and then throw an engagement party. People will say that they are “engaged” to get to know each other, but what’s the point when you are already Islamically and in many cases legally married? If the couple chooses to get divorced, it’s not “breaking off an engagement” but a marriage. If the couples are given more time to get to know each other, perhaps a real engagement where they spend quality time getting to know the person, a divorce would have been prevented. It’s better to get to know someone for at least a year prior to getting married or even culturally engaged, because even if the person is wrong for you, you’d still accept them for their flaws instead of being surprised later. Many couples announce their engagement when in fact they are Islamically and legally married, all for the sake of not doing haram and rushing the process (and sometimes marry the wrong person). What’s wrong with taking your time? An engagement means you have the intention of marrying a person, ring or no ring, so why confuse people (and lie) by saying you are engaged when you’re in fact, married? Please note I’m not criticizing those who get married quickly, (I had the shortest engagement to Nikah that I know of, so I’m not one to talk.) but the culture and pressure surrounding marriage when a couple may not know who they are ending up with. Within arrangements such as this, it’s usually the elders rushing their children to get married “because they want to get married anyway so why wait?” Instead of it being a mutual decision made by the couple. I know of some couples who were culturally “engaged” but Islamically married and wanted to separate, but then it was too late for them and were afraid of what the community thought. Many people still talk about it. Is it really worse to be actually engaged and break it off than get Islamically married and culturally engaged?
  20. @HakimPtsid: it’d be pretty cool to meet you too!
  21. Hahaha sure! I actually have a friend who is studying abroad in Madrid, so when I visit the area, I’ll let you know!
  22. They kind of pressured us to move in with them. Although the rent went up, it’s not like we couldn’t afford it. It would have made a huge dent, but we would have been fine. We were fine with the higher rent but they kept saying that paying that high of a rent wasn’t worth it. There are other things that are going on that I don’t want to explain because it’s the internet, and I would like to remain anonymous. How so? Imagine you’ve been told that you’re temporarily moving back in with your parents and you’re given a time frame. Then things get pushed back, and when you want to leave, they guilt trip you a bit and say that you’re ungrateful looking to move and why don’t you want to stay, etc., etc. Forgetting that you two are married. Not boyfriend and girlfriend. Not engaged. Married. They pressured us, yes. They kept saying that we should as a way to save a couple of month’s rent. That this and that. We resisted until we decided that 2 months would be fine. Had we had known it would have taken as long as it has, we would never agreed to this kind of arrangement. I said that we need our space as a married couple. It’s impossible to be intimate when people are in the house and it’s extremely uncomfortable. It’s not healthy for a couple to live with their parents or in-laws. I don’t know why you keep defending them. Especially as a newly wed couple when you’re just starting to adjust to each other and then thrust into a stifling environment. That was our endless argument. I wanted us to move out to an apartment by month 3, (when nothing in the house had been done and I thought at least renting/moving into an apartment would be better than nothing.) and they kept insisting that things were going to get done and that we should stay. Of course I got angry when they hadn’t gotten anything done after 3 months and they wouldn’t even give us the copy of the house key so we could get things moving in. We are not a bunch of teenagers. We are adults. And when we wanted to get our own place, we were told that it’s all going to be done soon but that was only to shut us up. It’s fine if things don’t get done on time. The problem is when you insist that it will be done within a short time frame and insist on a couple to move in when it likely won’t be that short of a time span. That they won’t stop nagging until you do what they want. I’d be less angry if they said that there would be no time limits on when things would be done. I’m more than understanding. But when we move in and by month 3 only things start to get done when you push for it, that’s what is aggravating. It’s very misleading. It’s not like they were taking the entire 7 months to get everything done. And what’s wrong with my husband suggesting that we find our own apartment if things don’t get done? We can’t keep waiting around forever. And no, my husband was not pressuring me. It was mostly me pressuring him and by month 5, my husband started to get worn out and we have stopped being intimate because we are both very uncomfortable. (And my husband never complains. So when he does, it’s serious. When he does complain, it’s very soft-spoken and he does not showing a lot of emotion unlike me.) I wanted to move into our own apartment by month 3, because at least it’d be our own place and we would have privacy, but he preferred us to stay and my parents convinced us to stay as well. (But my husband didn’t even think that it would take this long.) Overall, you’ve misunderstood my post.
  23. I forgot to mention I’d want to meet @Gaius I. Caesar. That’d be so rad.
  24. I never said this. I said that they gave us a deadline, which was 2 months. 7 months is unacceptable, but it’s fine because inshallah we will be moving this weekend. You tell me if you can survive living at your parents’ home for 7 months as a married couple and let’s see how you’d feel by the end of the week.
  25. I completely agree. A guy I liked prior to meeting my husband was nothing like how he was through PMs. When I Skyped with him, it felt like I was talking to a complete stranger, and it gave me major anxiety. I then ended things with him. It’s ironic that my husband and I met online, but at that point, I was very cautious. I’m no longer quick to trust people on the internet, but most people on ShiaChat are probably who they say they are and it’s a closer-nit circle of users. So I guess I’m open to meeting more people from this forum, if they want to meet me irl.
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