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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. if someone likes and believes in the Ahlul Bayt, (عليه السلام) would that automatically make that person Shia?
  2. My TSH levels is at 10, while everything else is normal. Thyroid issues run in my family, unfortunately. I have no symptoms other than chronically dry skin and weight gain. Hope I don’t have hypothyroidism, but we will see.
  3. I’m intuitive too. It’s just the way your mind works. Try to concentrate as best as you can.
  4. Do not marry someone from another country/non citizen. They likely will just use you for their own benefit. And you’ll have nothing in common. Do not marry just because you’re being pressured. If you do so, you’ll regret it. Marriage is not something to be pressured into. You have to want to be married to the person whom you think is the best match. Not because anyone is pressuring you. Stay firm in your decision and don’t let them sway or manipulate you. Find someone local or preferably in your own country. I’m actually shocked that your parents are giving into pressure when they should be smarter than that. And about you not finding anyone: you are young. You’ll find your person. Who cares about the majority? Don’t focus on those guys. Your parents saying that you’ll never find someone else is a lie, and they are trying to guilt-trip you. Don’t fall for it.
  5. Islandsandmirrors


    Some marjas think that acrylic nails are halal, provided that you make ghusl or wuthzu prior to putting them on. It’s said that because they are stuck on unless removed by an instrument, it’ll then be considered part of the body. Others believe it’s not allowed. Ask your marja.
  6. Men like this are not limited to Muslims—abusive family members are everywhere, and transcend any nationality, culture, race. I have a difficult father—yes he has provided for us beyond what anyone would do for his children, but he’s largely bad at empathy (because my grandmother, his mom, is like that and worse.) and he’s just awful to be around. He manipulates and plays games, delays things and/or doesn’t do them, is extremely disrespectful and condescending. You have no idea. In public, people think he’s a class-act and is respectful and courteous. At home, he’s an entirely different person. You can only focus on yourself. Your parents have made the choice to stay, be it for financial or maintaining “respect” within the community—whatever the reason, at least you’ll be aware of the red flags for when you choose your own partner so this cycle will no longer repeat. And that’s all you can do.
  7. I’m so sorry to hear about you dealing with anxiety, Bakir. Im glad you wrote a thread about it. I’m sure it must have been super nerve-wracking, but know that you have people who empathize and understand what you’re feeling on ShiaChat. As someone who has had heart-pounding (feels like my heart’s going to explode) anxiety in the past, I would say to start meditating. Meditation and even adult coloring books have really helped me heal from a lot of crap and trauma, as well as talking about my feelings with someone I trust (usually it’s my husband) than bottling it up. (I had a really bad habit of bottling up my emotions and feelings, which caused my health to deteriorate.) I no longer take anti-anxiety meds, but they did help me become stable and by the help of my doctor I’ve tapered off and eventually function without them. I no longer have anxiety, and I would would recommend: — Finding an excellent and accessible support system. Friends and family who care for your feelings and help you when any symptoms arise. — talk about anxiety and identity what exactly makes you anxious in that particular moment — breathe in for 3, out for 3, and repeat — meditate, mediate, mediate — eat nutritious foods before attempting to wean off the medication. Also, make sure your anti-anxiety meds aren’t “flat-lining” your emotions or making you overly sleepy/foggy/disoriented. I would ask your doctor what part of the meds the brain activates. If it’s the part where the same parts of your brain light up where alcohol does, I would consider switching but only do so with the guidance of your doctor. Also, don’t be afraid to tell your doctor you want to wean off the meds. Remember, your doctor is working for you, not the other way around. A good doctor will be supportive of you trying natural, holistic alternatives to treat your anxiety. It’s worth a try. As to why your anxiety is getting worse: it might be because of fasting and the change in routine. perhaps you might be eligible for skipping Ramadan until you are feeling better. As for myself, I get anxious sometimes during stressful situations and overworking myself. Fasting for me is an anxiety-killer, oddly enough.
  8. Satan temps people until they give into evil (and choose to do haram)
  9. My mom barely knew my dad, and as she put it, “I didn’t fall in love before marriage”, because she wouldn’t allow herself to. They were largely long distance and they got married within 5 months of being introduced. They’ve been married for 30 years, but each of them would be happier had they married different people. I wanted to avoid that mistake, so I chose someone who makes me happy and get along. I talked to him for a year before meeting in person, and then after 7 months of the first meeting, he moved to my city. We got married two months later. So we were together for almost two years prior to marriage. To me, marriage is a forever thing, more than sex, more than anything superficial. It’s about having your best companion with you, and you’ll align. Marriage has to be easy with the person with you’re with, most of the time. It shouldn’t be a power struggle and fights. Marriage is supposed to make you happier and peaceful.
  10. Anytime brother. inshallah you’ll find who you’re looking for.
  11. I agree completely with your thread, Ali. To also add to the discussion on porn being a male dominated field. Men’s obsession with porn has even seeped through advertisements. You could it’s one way to keep people preoccupied with sex. Sad and unfortunate that these attitudes have started to crawl within our Ummah.
  12. Why don’t you try this for yourself and see if you’ll meet a suitable match within 4 months?
  13. Brother, this is from the Qur'an! What better reference do you need? Always put Qur'an above any Hadith. The man who wrote about this Dua ended up meeting his spouse soon later. I did as well. So I can confirm this works.
  14. Believe it or not. I found this Dua on a website, (and it has been reposted on Facebook since the original blog/link can no longer be found) and I recited it religiously everyday and within 3 months, I met the person I would marry. If you haven’t found a suitable someone and are seriously interested in reciting this dua (ONLY if you are serious) then here’s the blog post. The dua is written in Arabic. I would recommend you follow its’ instructions (Recite the Dua at least 10 times everyday and ask Allah to grant you the qualities you are looking for in a spouse.) here it is (copied from another website) Everyone desires to have a soul mate. It is not very difficult to get married, nor is it hard to find a spouse. If you are honestly seeking to settle down, have a job and live happily there is a solution to your problem. This is the golden truth that can be put to test; for Muslims as well as non-Muslims. What I am about to share with you will change your life forever insha-Allah. Even the most talented, highly educated and most resourceful people (or organizations) in the entire world can not solve this problem; nor make any such promises to anyone. You will find books titled, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" but none of these books can guarantee a marriage or a spouse. However, there is one Internationally renowned book that provides the solution. In fact, it challenges mankind to apply its formula and experience the beauty and sweetness of becoming married. In as much as many have tried to "Burn" the Qur'an, accused it of spreading violence and terrorism; surprisingly it happens to be the ONLY Book on the planet Earth that teaches the message of love, affection and marriage (besides a million other great things). So are you ready to embark on this journey? Are you sincerely seeking to get married? Are you ready to apply the Quranic truth and experience its reality? Or are you just playing around? Today, hundreds and thousands of "match-makers" try and link people together. But the beauty of the Qur'an is in its simplicity. I met my wife and married her after reading this verse of the Glorious Qur'an. Let me share with you the golden verse of the Noble Qur'an that holds the golden keys to getting married. All you have to do on a daily basis is start reciting this verse from the Holy Qur'an:Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta elayya min khairin faqeer (Chapter 28, verse 24)Verse 24 is the Supplication or "Du'a" that everyone needs to read, if not memorize. Whenever, you feel lonely and full of desire for a spouse, or feel the pain of not having a wife or husband, then start reading this dua. Read it standing, sitting, walking, laying, before prayers, after prayers and in any mode of your daily activities and as many times. Below is the Arabic of what was transliterated above:رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلۡتَ إِلَىَّ مِنۡ خَيۡرٍ۬ فَقِيرٌ۬Insha Allah within 4-months you will see the doors open and Allah ta'ala will alleviate/remove your pain by providing you with a spouse. So, what you have to do is after you read this verse a number of times; make sure to ask Allah (God) in a way similar to what follows:"Oh Allah! You have made every living thing in pairs. The sincere, beautiful and pious pair that you have created for me, please give it to me" It is recommended that one recites this verse at least 10 times and after finishing this dua ask Allah Almighty for a spouse that is kind, beautiful, soft hearted, pious, loving and a gentle soul mate. What you want in your spouse is what you should ask but if you don't ask for piety or kind heartedness then don't blame anyone but yourself.Interesting FactsYou would have to turn your attention to Suratul-Qasas (Arabic: سورة القصص‎) (The Stories). This is the 28th surah (chapter) of the Qur'an with 88 ayats (verses). Lexically, "Qasas" means to relate events in their proper sequence. In fact, this Surah details the story of the Sayyidna Musa alayhi salaam (Prophet Moses). So, here is the background to this wonderful incident as explained in the Qur'an: And a man came from the uttermost part of the city, running. He said: O Musa! Lo! the chiefs take counsel against thee to slay thee; therefor escape. Lo! I am of those who give thee good advice (20) So he (Sayyidna Musa alayhi salaam) escaped from thence, fearing, vigilant. He said: Ya Rab! Deliver me from the wrongdoing folk. (21) And when he turned his face toward Midian, he said: Per adventure my Lord will guide me in the right road. (22) And when he came unto the water of Midian he found there a whole tribe of men, watering. And he found apart from them two women keeping back (their flocks). He said: What aileth you? The two said: We cannot give (our flocks) to drink till the shepherds return from the water; and our father is a very old man. (23) So he watered (their flock) for them. Then he turned aside into the shade, and said: My Lord! I am needy of whatever good Thou sendest down for me. (24) So, why does this supplication work so well? Allah ta'ala gives the response in the Qur'an immediately after this verse: Then there came unto him one of the two women, walking shyly. She said: Lo! my father biddeth thee, that he may reward thee with a payment for that thou didst water (the flock) for us. Then, when he came unto him and told him the (whole) story, he said: Fear not! Thou hast escaped from the wrongdoing folk. (25) One of the two women said, O my father! Hire him. For the best (man) that thou can hire is the strong, the trustworthy.(26) Therefore, one can see that Sayyidna Musa alayhi salaam found a spouse and he landed himself a job. The key Arabic word to note is that after Sayyidna Musa alayhi salaam finished his dua, the response from Allah ta'ala was very fast; otherwise known in Arabic as "Bis-sura'a" (speedy). Verse 25 starts with the Arabic word "Fa Jaa'at huma...". Any verse that starts with "faa" and not "waa" is an indication that the response will be immediate.
  15. I said many things in the PM, but this is more of general advice toward everyone: For men, get your testosterone levels checked get therapy to unpack any cultural shaming against sex and intimacy—you won’t believe how many men and women still struggle with this even after marriage. take things slow and don’t demand sex—it will just turn your spouse off See a sex therapist for intimacy related issues. For unemployed men—men who refuse to work or have lost their jobs—get a darn ol’ job. Any job is better than no job. Stop being lazy, and start being proactive. For men who work dead-end jobs—go back to school to get a degree in something which you’d be able to make the $$$$$$ and something that would bring you job satisfaction. For the OP, like I said in the PM, your issues are solvable. Try out the things I mentioned in the pm (that I won’t mention here) and I promise you’ll see improvement.
  16. No one deserves to be abused. I’m so sorry to hear about that. May Allah grant you a good life and independence from your abusive family members. Focus on your studies, so you can get out of that house. Your Lord, who is everyone’s Lord, Allah, will deal with him on the Day of Judgement, or maybe even this life. Don’t lose hope. Allah hears you, He knows what you’re going through.
  17. https://www.voanews.com/a/delayed-marriage-frustrates-middle-east-youth-116744384/172742.html I also read journalist Mona Eltahawy’s article on how she wanted to wait until marriage, however, as a virgin at 29 and unable to find someone suitable to marry, she gave up and basically became a radical feminism and in her own words, “making up for lost time”. Not uncommon among non-feminist Muslims, I’m afraid. We raise our boys to be backwards, rude, demanding and entitled. Entitled to sex, to look, and that essentially, if a man commits any haram with a woman, it’s the woman’s fault: for “tempting” him with her body, or for any other reason. Men become unsuitable marriage prospects. In marriage, many men see sex as something that should be readily given and that a woman who says no because she’s tired or otherwise, is “disobedient”. We had a member on here who had recently given birth and was still in a lot of pain and her loser husband still demanded sex. Not only are boys raised to be demanding and entitled, but women demand unrealistic money expectations for a man to even commit to her. Mahr and living conditions must be absolutely perfect and this facade of perfection is what causes the youth to get married later in life. On the different side of the coin, we have women waiting to get married in their 30s, haven’t found suitable men because their parents don’t raise them right, who just are tired of waiting to have sex. So three choices are given. One: they rush and find an unsuitable someone to get married and have married only to have halal sex, Two: she might find someone who she really wants to marry, Three: She commits zina. Unfortunately, our Ummah is sick and tired of waiting until marriage just to have sex, and with all the impossible demands such as a man having a big home, a well-paying job, sometimes a fancy doctorate degree in law, medicine, or any other field, the youth today are afraid of proposing marriage since rejection is very high and thus, the youth remain unmarried and frustrated and if they fall into sin, it’s really our own fault. We don’t tell our youth what kind of qualities beyond religiosity to look out for. And if they do fall into sin, we scorn them instead of helping them to their feet. Such is the unfortunate attitude of the Ummah. We start blaming “The West”, the media, women—anything to shift the blame and shy away from taking action and responsibility against the crisis within our Ummah. We do a poor job at helping people find their soulmates. Let’s all work together instead of clinging onto superficial cultural expectations masked at Islam.
  18. How long did you move out for? How did the situation become? PM me about it if you don’t want to talk about it on the forum.
  19. You need to move out, don’t get divorced. Then once you move out, the other stuff, physical, emotional, will follow.
  20. I’m an English Major with plans on becoming an Elementary School teacher. I might go into a Psych program to become a therapist in the future. But for right now, I can’t wait to become a teacher!
  21. I’m currently volunteering/somewhat student teaching at my old elementary school 4 days a week at both Kindergarten and 3rd grade level. Pros: I love my job, even though I’m unpaid at the moment. The children are awesome to work with. I love helping them out with assignments such as reading and math for the Kindergarteners, and helping with the 3rd graders write up to standard. I get to read to both classes, help them out with arts and crafts, listen to their funny stories. Cons: A couple of kids that have behavioral issues. It gets really draining to work with them on their assignments since they tend to stay largely unfocused and/or unwilling to complete the tasks assigned. Sometimes feeling like a mom to 20+ kids when I have to tell them repeatedly to not do something and behave appropriately/not throw paper airplanes/colored pencils/keep their hands to themselves.
  22. I’ve pretty much always felt like this, but I’ve tried to get over it. I get bloated and the cramps and it was so bad last weekend I had to throw away a 5 dollar coffee I’d barely drunk. No other dairy product makes me feel this way. I don’t know if it’s something wrong with Starbucks, or what, but I feel gross every time. Even store-bought coffee creamers upset my stomach.
  23. I’ll start: I’m a Soprano—a Lyric Coloratura Soprano. Opera singers who share my voice type are Roberta Peters, Natalie Dessay.
  24. There are three main sub categories for both women and men (in terms of voices) and within those categories, there are sub-catagories. (The sub-categories are used only in opera.) To make it simple: Women: Soprano (highest female voice. Most women are Sopranos even if they haven’t unlocked their upper range yet.) They are typically categorized by having bright voices. Some are weighty, others are light, while others are powerful enough to sustain heavy long passages and cut through a large orchestra. They prefer their mid-high, to high range of their voice. They have weak chest voices, and their low-middle is uncomfortable to sing for long periods of time. Physical characteristics: Long to very long necks, smaller to average bone structure and rib cage. Facial bone structure may vary. Mezzo-Soprano Middle range, darker voices. They are much more rare. They live in their middle voices although they have high notes like some sopranos. They have a richer, rounder tone. Weakness is sustaining high notes for longer periods of time. Some Mezzos have a distinct agility that isn’t seen in Sopranos, and is almost Soprano-sounding, while others are much more romantic and richer sounding. Physical characteristics: Shorter necks, typically. Larger to medium sized frame. Larger, squarer jaws. Contralto: Rarest Female voice type. Androgynous tone, very masculine, and yet, still female. Deep and comfortable with chest voice and living in her low notes and its weakness is singing higher up. Typically most songs for women are too high for this voice type to sing, and would prefer to sing songs that are made in key for men. Physical characteristics: Short to medium length neck, robust body and build, deeper speaking voice than the average woman. Strong, large jaws. Male: Tenor— This is a common, if not the most common, voice type for men. They have light to warm singing voices and is comfortable with higher passages. Have forced sounding chest voice, which is its main weakness. Physical characteristics: Tall to average in height. average neck. Baritone: The middle voice. Masculine sounding. Comfortable in one’s lower mid range voice. Physical characteristics: Longer necks than tenors. Slightly shorter in height. Bass Deepest male voice. Brassy sounding with extremely low notes. Very rare, to the point that many are misclassified by teachers who sometimes want to “brighten” the voice with disastrous consequences. Physical characteristics: Longer than average neck and smaller frame, though can be almost very tall.
  25. As an avid reader, I would rather die than get rid of my books. I have hundreds of books that I’ve each read a million times. Other stuff I don’t really care for, but minimalism is not my thing, personally. If you are attached to something, why throw it away?
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