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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Islandsandmirrors

  1. Hello everyone, 

    I’m leaving ShiaChat permanently due to unfair biases, bullying, and unislamic/toxic attitudes.

    I’m sure you all know that this site is extremely biased toward women and ruthless to those who are not “perfect” enough in Islam. This forum has encouraged incessant bullying and verbal abuse to take place and I will no longer stand for this. That is why, after 3 years of being an active member on this forum, I have decided to leave permanently.

    This online community has failed to be of an encouraging and positive place. Instead, it’s home to those who ridicule and shame and bully others—those who have no lives and hide behind their computer screens, forgetting that we are real people with real lives, emotions, and struggles that are not to be made fun of by the Ummah.

    If you are a bully and you call yourself a Muslim, then you need to re-evaluate what it means to be Shia. Being a Shia is not just beating your chest for Imam Hussein (عليه السلام) or fasting during the month of Ramadan. You must be willing to treat others well, year-round, 24/7. Not just when it’s convenient. Maybe it’s time to reflect during this month and own up to ill-treatment of others. 

    1. Ruqaya101


      Hmm, thats upsetting that you have felt that way. Not sure if you will see this, you may come on as a guest, so, if you do see this by any chance, Im sorry that you had to deal with any unnecessary comments and/or bias, that may have personally affected you. The online world on average, isn't really the brightest place to be on/around. 

      I pray you that you find better ways to handle everything that comes your way. And I pray for your success and happiness. As for the bullies, I think that people are more brazen to speak out truly what their views are knowing theres no physical consequence for it.

      Stay strong and move on, sister. Take care. Theres more good then the bad. 

    2. Noor Taleb

      Noor Taleb

      OMG I love you sister

      I will pray for you my dear!

      Hope who ever bullies others gets punished by Allah 


    3. Lilly14


      I agree with many of your points. But my first interaction with you was when I made a discussion topic and your response felt like bullying towards me, perhaps partially because you hadn't read the discussion fully and got an incomplete picture. So, I'm just saying, you need to also be mindful too. 

  2. It’s time to move on with my life and move on to greener forums, focus on my career, and my personal life. Thank you to the few members who have made this place a memorable and great experience. Your friendship, wisdom, and your support means so much to me. You know who you are — I will miss you guys dearly. Islandsandmirrors
  3. Yes, you can get married without witnesses, but why would you? While I understand not wanting to have a lavish wedding, getting married in secret would be no fun. There’s something nice about having a small and intimate nikah with a few close family members. You ideally get married once. It’s nice to have people there to support your union and see you get married. Everyone dreams about seeing their son/daughter get married. So you might end up regretting getting married in secret/without witnesses down the line. Just something to consider.
  4. Lol this guy is just trolling us, come on. He talks about wanting the perfect wife in hijab because of the children and in the same sentence talks about marrying non-Muslim women? Because the children, right?
  5. The reality is that in restrictive settings and/or arranged marriage route, most people are not open and upfront about who they are. They tend to lie a lot or exaggerate their abilities due to familial pressure and wanting to just be married to someone. Then you get married are are stuck with someone and just have to deal with it at that point. It’s not a very healthy model of marriage nor is it romantic. Not only will the couples never get a chance to experience the love that so many non-Middle Eastern born and raised people do, but also it devalues the sacredness of marriage. Marriage i
  6. Lol the majority of people who claim that one should embrace arranged marriages and that falling in love is a waste of emotional investment/not real have likely never been married and have no idea what a lasting and healthy relationship takes.
  7. I have started university and since this is a new campus, I’ve developed allergies (blinking too much, watery eyes, runny nose) being around so many trees. How do I manage my symptoms?
  8. I believe you need to fall in love before marriage —but wait until you get married to do what people in love do. Otherwise, what’s the difference between marrying some random person on the street verses being arranged someone for you, where you’d feel little to nothing for the person and likely won’t know them well? Marriage is between two people who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together. Obviously there must be something that would differentiate someone from another person. People who advocate for arranged marriages over estimate the importance of looking good on a p
  9. Lol you just described me, Gaius. Hope I don’t annoy you. Things that annoy me: 1. Abrasive people who completely lack emotional intelligence or disregard emotion entirely. (They tend to disrespect others.) 2. Anger/people who yell all the time. 3. People who try and over-exaggerate an event for the sake of gaining sympathy. 4. Perpetual victims. People who view themselves as endless victims to manipulate and control others.
  10. Definitely not so, where I was helping out. The third graders would write and polish their essays for just two hours before their first recess. As I would grade papers, they’d ask me for help on sentence structure and correcting any grammatical errors. I had to read everyone’s essays out loud as I’d correct them. I managed to help them with their essays individually during silent work (25 kids) within the allotted time before moving on the next subject (I believe Science.) prior to lunch break/recess for one hour. During this time, I would re-organize the room, and grade some more, take
  11. Yes, I’m sure. In your post, you mentioned that all schools waste time on things that you don’t find necessary like extra curricular activities. It seemed like you were talking about the school system in general and not about your children’s school. If it’s a private school they attend, then I’m really not surprised. Private schools can either be great or really bad. Maybe you approached the topic as more parent-centered while I approached it from a more teacher-centered position. Also, I don’t really know what public schools are like around the world. I don’t know their
  12. I’m just rephrasing what Starlight said. She said she thinks that her children are wasting precious time being in school and thinks that she could do a better job at teaching her children. Which obviously is an insult to teachers since we are the ones who put in all the work to teach. But yes, former teachers and teachers do complain and bash the system, but those who complain end up leaving the profession anyway due to burn-out and unreasonable expectations. People know what they are getting to when they decide to teach. So those who bash didn’t have the drive or motivation to follow th
  13. You decided to go on a rant about how awful all public schools are. Teachers work in public schools and to bash their place of work where they passionately and tirelessly take the time to make sure your child is getting an education and the solid foundation they need for success is very much in poor taste. It’s very ungrateful and it seems as if you are saying that our hard work is useless and meaningless, that our profession is meaningless and you think that you could do better, which you had stated in your previous reply. No one who isn’t in your line of work would tell you, “I would d
  14. There is a curriculum/lesson planning handbook for teachers to use. Teachers mainly use the worksheets in the handbook for in class/take home assignments, however, it’s a teacher’s individual choice how to teach lessons. Also, teachers adjust the pacing of the class depending upon the capabilities of the particular climate of students. If teachers see that a few students have failed to understand the required standards, often small group workshops will be made where a teacher will work individually with students who are struggling with similar topics. Most teachers will never use the han
  15. Where do you live? Make no mistake that teaching is a profession. Yes, there will be bad apples within districts who should never set a foot in a classroom, but to state that they are “wasting precious time learning useless things” is so disrespectful to the profession. If you live in Pakistan or anywhere in the Middle East, then I’d somewhat agree that the education system is a waste of time. But in the United States, it’s very different. Schools and districts/most states have implemented Common Core standards. This means that the standards of grade levels have been pushed back an
  16. Lol to the people disagreeing: teachers are professionals. You wouldn’t tell a lawyer that you disagree with how they run their profession. You wouldn’t tell someone studying law that “you don’t need to attend university to learn.” So why do you think it’s okay to not respect teachers? Without public school, and especially without teachers, there would be no doctors, no lawyers, no psychologists, no engineers. It’s because somebody TAUGHT them the material. You may disagree with my statement that public school is often the best option for your children to get a well-rounded education beca
  17. As a future elementary school teacher, I would say that children attending public school (not Christian schools, charter schools, etc.) is paramount. Public teachers (wether that’s k-8 certification or 6-12 single subject certification) are prepared vigorously to help students grow, learn, and develop their cognitive, emotional, and social development all within nine to ten months until they are sent off to a higher grade level. Learning targets must be met within that time, and only a teacher certified to teach public schools is truly qualified to accomplish what needs to be done. Additi
  18. Awesome!! First year of college is great. Some tips: - Get involved on campus/campus life. Join a club, sorority, etc. - read the required materials ahead of time - break up larger assignments into small, more manageable pieces - talk to your professors during office hours good luck!
  19. Smiley, it’s not because of your not revealing everything. That was his excuse to leave. He was seeking an opportunity, any excuse, to walk out on you.
  20. What a crazy, awful man. Causing you humiliation like that. May Allah humiliate him in the hereafter. Any other man would have gotten over it and realized that most people, unless entirely secluded in an island away from civilization, have some sort of past or getting to know potential partners. But unfortunately, he is not that man. So that’s good he showed his true colors to your family. Alhamdulilah you two have no children and you’ll be able to move on with your life easier.
  21. Lol this woman probably wants a man to demand that she make him tea when he gets home. Such misery living with a sweetheart.
  22. Let’s pray and hope that your mother won’t act like this so long as you set boundaries and present a unified front together. She will try and start some antics but might give up when she sees that you’re no longer under her thumb. Of course she cares about you... but she will not care about your marriage because it’s not about you anymore. No mother, and I mean this, likes to see their son happy with a woman who isn’t them. She raised you and made sure you were comfortable. And happy. Now another woman, your future wife, is making sure you are comfortable and happy. Mothe
  23. No problem, @Sumerian. To answer your points: 1. Simple: in-laws, primarily the husband’s parents, will mostly intervene and inevitably meddle because the sons allow them to. It’s because a son never puts proper boundaries in place for when a new bride enters into the family. Just because they have more life experience does not give them the right to intervene within your marriage. Many in-laws won’t have the best interest of their son when he gets married. They don’t care about making sure their son’s relationship remains happy. This is because when in-laws intervene, they aren’t t
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