Islandsandmirrors

It’s time to move on with my life and move on to greener forums, focus on my career, and my personal life. Thank you to the few members who have made this place a memorable and great experience. Your friendship, wisdom, and your support means so much to me. You know who you are — I will miss you guys dearly. Islandsandmirrors

Yes, you can get married without witnesses, but why would you? While I understand not wanting to have a lavish wedding, getting married in secret would be no fun. There’s something nice about having a small and intimate nikah with a few close family members. You ideally get married once. It’s nice to have people there to support your union and see you get married. Everyone dreams about seeing their son/daughter get married. So you might end up regretting getting married in secret/without witnesses down the line. Just something to consider.

Lol this guy is just trolling us, come on. He talks about wanting the perfect wife in hijab because of the children and in the same sentence talks about marrying non-Muslim women? Because the children, right?

The reality is that in restrictive settings and/or arranged marriage route, most people are not open and upfront about who they are. They tend to lie a lot or exaggerate their abilities due to familial pressure and wanting to just be married to someone. Then you get married are are stuck with someone and just have to deal with it at that point. It’s not a very healthy model of marriage nor is it romantic. Not only will the couples never get a chance to experience the love that so many non-Middle Eastern born and raised people do, but also it devalues the sacredness of marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a spiritual experience at the highest form.The only one for you whom you get to experience deep love and friendship with unlike any other. Islam encourages love and deep friendship between spouses, and yet, culture reduces the relationship between the spouses through a limited lens of everyday duties, career advancement and child-rearing without developing the essential emotional and intellectual component of bonding.

Lol the majority of people who claim that one should embrace arranged marriages and that falling in love is a waste of emotional investment/not real have likely never been married and have no idea what a lasting and healthy relationship takes.

I have started university and since this is a new campus, I’ve developed allergies (blinking too much, watery eyes, runny nose) being around so many trees. How do I manage my symptoms?

I believe you need to fall in love before marriage —but wait until you get married to do what people in love do. Otherwise, what’s the difference between marrying some random person on the street verses being arranged someone for you, where you’d feel little to nothing for the person and likely won’t know them well? Marriage is between two people who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together. Obviously there must be something that would differentiate someone from another person. People who advocate for arranged marriages over estimate the importance of looking good on a paper and underestimate compatibility with regards to how the two people get along and their overall connection. You can arrange two people who seem to “tick all the boxes” on paper but they can’t stand being around each other for very long. The arranged marriage route is rooted deeply in shame and duty, especially if you are indecisive or feel lukewarm about the other person or overlook red flags. Either they divorce or stay unhappy. The process moves rather quickly as well. Talking to someone for too long is seen as a negative. Marriage is a sacred union, and it’s a big deal. To be honest, no one knows what you want in a spouse but yourself. You shouldn’t trust any auntie/mother/friend to find someone for you. What do they really know about your likes and dislikes?

Lol you just described me, Gaius. Hope I don’t annoy you. Things that annoy me: 1. Abrasive people who completely lack emotional intelligence or disregard emotion entirely. (They tend to disrespect others.) 2. Anger/people who yell all the time. 3. People who try and over-exaggerate an event for the sake of gaining sympathy. 4. Perpetual victims. People who view themselves as endless victims to manipulate and control others.

Definitely not so, where I was helping out. The third graders would write and polish their essays for just two hours before their first recess. As I would grade papers, they’d ask me for help on sentence structure and correcting any grammatical errors. I had to read everyone’s essays out loud as I’d correct them. I managed to help them with their essays individually during silent work (25 kids) within the allotted time before moving on the next subject (I believe Science.) prior to lunch break/recess for one hour. During this time, I would re-organize the room, and grade some more, take down old projects, prep. There was history to be taught, art projects to complete and display in the classroom, and go over quiz answers during math before reading for 5 minutes prior to the kids being sent home. P.E time, assemblies, visits to the library were only a couple of times per week. Movie days were rare. Of course, I don’t know what it’s like in Canada. Maybe more time is spent on procedures. Besides, maybe you personally prefer an older climate of students. So naturally, you’d think that teaching younger children is a waste of time since you’d have to teach them critical thinking skills, be able to correct behavioral issues, go over topics at a slower pace, etc. Maybe elementary teaching wasn’t intellectually stimulating for you.

Yes, I’m sure. In your post, you mentioned that all schools waste time on things that you don’t find necessary like extra curricular activities. It seemed like you were talking about the school system in general and not about your children’s school. If it’s a private school they attend, then I’m really not surprised. Private schools can either be great or really bad. Maybe you approached the topic as more parent-centered while I approached it from a more teacher-centered position. Also, I don’t really know what public schools are like around the world. I don’t know their laws, regulations regarding education, standards, what kind of people are in your city, etc. what I say is purely as a result of my American upbringing and knowledge of teaching standards within the United States. I know that teachers in other parts of the world are not as regulated and behavioral problems are out of control due to cultural factors that are largely unconsidered and would never be tolerated here.

I’m just rephrasing what Starlight said. She said she thinks that her children are wasting precious time being in school and thinks that she could do a better job at teaching her children. Which obviously is an insult to teachers since we are the ones who put in all the work to teach. But yes, former teachers and teachers do complain and bash the system, but those who complain end up leaving the profession anyway due to burn-out and unreasonable expectations. People know what they are getting to when they decide to teach. So those who bash didn’t have the drive or motivation to follow through when behavioral issues start and reality begins to set in. The school system, like anywhere else, has rules and regulations and standards to be met, just like any other job. Those who complain or end up leaving the profession were likely tired of the structure of the curriculum, and likely don’t work well with organized lesson planning and structure, rules to adhere to, etc.

You decided to go on a rant about how awful all public schools are. Teachers work in public schools and to bash their place of work where they passionately and tirelessly take the time to make sure your child is getting an education and the solid foundation they need for success is very much in poor taste. It’s very ungrateful and it seems as if you are saying that our hard work is useless and meaningless, that our profession is meaningless and you think that you could do better, which you had stated in your previous reply. No one who isn’t in your line of work would tell you, “I would do a better job as a psychiatrist.” When that person doesn’t have the qualifications to do so.

There is a curriculum/lesson planning handbook for teachers to use. Teachers mainly use the worksheets in the handbook for in class/take home assignments, however, it’s a teacher’s individual choice how to teach lessons. Also, teachers adjust the pacing of the class depending upon the capabilities of the particular climate of students. If teachers see that a few students have failed to understand the required standards, often small group workshops will be made where a teacher will work individually with students who are struggling with similar topics. Most teachers will never use the handbook on how to teach. There is a lot more creativity and input from teachers when in the classroom. A lot of time and effort goes into making sure the classroom is a safe and healthy environment for learning, and the best teachers use their own money on additional resources. Most teachers spend 700-1000 dollars out of their own pocket every school year. As for standardized testing, it’s mostly given out for statistical purposes and to measure how well a school does overall. Rarely ever are teachers reprimanded for children doing poorly on standardized testing. (It is optional as well.) There were only two cases where teachers were fired, and let me tell you: their teaching style was bad, zero classroom management skills—just all around bad, ineffective teachers. Their standardized testing result was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. EDIT: I just read you used to be a teacher. As you know, districts vary with how strict they want the curriculum to be taught. Some districts are very “by the book” while other districts provide teachers more leeway and creativity. I don’t know how your district was like or what state you taught in, but here in California where I live, teachers are given a lot more room for lesson planning the way they see fit.