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khudr

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    شيعة

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  1. khudr

    When is Eid?

    I don't understand what Southern European countries should do. I personally follow Sistani. From his website: " However, North Asian countries, China, Russia, Azerbaijan and European countries will celebrate Eid on Thursday. " but quoting few posts ago I'm confused :S
  2. khudr

    marriage confusion

    Salam sister. Thank you thank you thank you. This was so refreshing to read. I'm very motivated to undertake this new path in Iran. It's beautiful beyond expressible thoughts. This is something I've explicitly asked God in my du'aas and He responded beautifully not so long after, not only with being given this amazing opportunity itself but also with an additional gift: the very next day I was informed about the course, I got a call from the iranian center where I converted. They told me that a girl who won a quran quiz game decided to hand over specifically to me the prize she had won: a plane ticket for Mashhad. I couldn't believe my ears! I was almost crying :,) God is great. It was like a big "GO!" And naturally, I would put into practice what you and other have been saying. Maybe since he seems so understanding he will understand my fears regarding marital duties. Who knows. I just trust in God. Regarding compatibility, well, you are right. There's no such thing as the 100% perfect match in terms of background. I'm a very adaptable person and I truly believe in faith as the strongest bond between two people (assuming that both parts are sincere). I know of very successful inter-cultural marriages as well Seeking advice it's something that I've been meaning to do, in particular from someone who has an unbiased opinion such as a mentor since I can't unfortunately rely on my parents. Oh, dear Lady Fatima Masuma (as), I can't wait to meet her.
  3. khudr

    marriage confusion

    He actually suggested mutah but with certain conditions (no physical contact of any sort) because he doesn't want to lose his virginity in a temporary marriage. Mutah in this case would be just for the period prior the ceremony. But of course nothing has been decided yet. It's only a possibility, for now it's all theoretical. Yes, I'm going to study in Qom. For a year, then I'll see what happens. I think I will learn so much from living there even for just a year. I can't draw my conclusions now. My parents are very supportive by the way, they have my back, so to say Yes, I understand what you're saying and I totally agree. Better safe than sorry. Regarding the right to divorce that's on my priority list in any case, one never knows.
  4. khudr

    marriage confusion

    Salam sis. Thank you so much for your kind words. You are very right, I should cultivate more tawakkul. Because at the end of the day it's only Him who puts into effect what I'm destined with. Regarding letting go of everything, yes, it's not easy, but I'm working on that. The past doesn't represent who I am at all. So who judges me on what I have done it's not a good person to begin with. As you wisely point out no one is free from guilt. Thank you again. I'm not from the US but from Europe (from a very malfunctioning country) so I don't think it's in his interests to have my same citizenship (no real benefits with living here at all and according to the laws of my country, he would get it only after three years of marriage, so quite a long time). No, I don't think that Muslim/middle eastern men don't oppress women, I've read nasty stories about it and I know how ugly it can get. People are just people, be that in the West or anywhere else. I myself had to do mainly with abusive relationships in the past (with western people) so I know what it is like, I know all the red flags but you can't never be 100% sure. I was only disagreeing with my mom's remark on how especially middle eastern men abuse women, I don't like generalizations. However you're right with being very careful, it's not something you can easily take back once it's done. The trickiest part is to figure out by myself if a person is worthy or not, since I can't ask to my parents (they are not aware/nor they care about all the religious requirements etc etc). I'm surely not going to commit any sin like randomly sleeping with other people but you don't necessarily need another person to commit sinful acts, if you know what I mean. I have very good control over myself but as time goes by I get more attacked by certain energies. May God help me. Certainly my priority as of now is to complete my education but I don't think I'll be done in less than 5 years possibly. I just wonder if I'll be able to deal with it but at the same time I'm scared by the idea of marriage.
  5. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته (I'm not very sure if this is the appropriate section to post this topic, in case it's not, please forgive me). I'm a female revert (almost two months now) and I'm experiencing something that is weighing on my heart. I am very confused regarding marriage. Being born in the west, in a predominantly Catholic country, in a quite liberal family, I was never exposed to the sacredness of marriage and that has mentally affected me (you would think that my catholic upbringing should have helped up to a point but believe me when I say it didn't). Before converting I would date guys as it's something very normal here. To be honest I always felt out of place while doing so as if I knew I was just following projections, it never felt right to have such inconsistent relationships with people who hardly cared about another person but themselves. It was merely physical and I think this had a very bad impact on me. I suffered a lot throughout my teenage years/early twenties (I'm almost 25) because of non-reciprocated love disguised as "maybe, one day I will fall in love with you but for the moment let's just have a physical relationship" and naturally, I was so blind that I would give in every time. I didn't know any better (and they still have the nerve to claim that the western society doesn't oppress women?). I feel so regretful about those moments, however that's the past. After converting your sins are canceled and you are like a new born baby, which to some extent is what happened to me. I think I'm deeply scared about the idea of marriage/dealing with men. Since I'll be moving to Iran in two months, I already got a proposal through an iranian friend which I personally find interesting and indeed a very healthy approach for someone like me who is not used to this at all. At first I was very enthusiastic about it but it's been days that I'm feeling so misplaced. This guy is very understanding. He understands my limits as a revert and totally respects them. However I'm wise enough to know that before making any decision I will have to meet this guy in person. My confusion regarding marriage is more general, I feel like I would screw up everything anyway. Firstly is not easy for a religious person to want a non-virgin girl and I can now understand better why. However now the idea of sex repulses me. If I think about it, I become very sad and self-conscious which is weird knowing about my past. But this is the way it is. This guy knows I'm not a virgin and he doesn't mind (he is) because he knows that my past has no effect whatsoever (very weird considering he comes from a quite religious family and he, himself, studies in hawza). But what if actually it does? Not in the sense that I still enjoy "dating guys with no purpose" but as negative side effect of that period. Secondly the culture difference is not something to overlook, I'm very concerned about this. You would say, well, you still have the choice to marry a convert like you, or a western born muslim, the problem is that I don't know anyone who could help me since there's no shia community where I live, and as I already said I will move to Iran very soon. Thirdly, my non-muslim family is not supporting me. They are not religious in the common sense, they are kind of spiritual/philosophical parents but not really keen on marriage matters (or religious rules in general). They frowned upon the whole idea of me getting married at this age (which according to their western perspective is too early). For various reason regarding my health I hadn't been able to pursue a further education after graduating from high school, but alhamdulillah, I've recovered and God has helped me with a new path to follow. For this reason, my parents just want me to focus on my studies and nothing else. When I told my mom about this guy (I tend to be very sincere with them even though we tend to disagree more often than not) it was like the end of the world. I can partly understand her reaction because I know where she's coming from but she just threw a bunch of cliches that really made me upset (like: middle eastern men are abusive, they just want you because you are white/european/*insert random reason here/etc.). Not that here men are angels (in fact they are not) but she sees marriage as a very big step - a permanent one. This is not wrong at all, it *IS* a big step, however it's not that you would "try" people before being committed to them as they do here but you wouldn't even blindly marry them either. The problem is that once I provide her with Islamic laws regarding marriage or general indications about marriage in Islam to reassure her about the practice, she says that it's not true because she has read an article that says........ I try to be as empathetic as possible but sometimes it's very challenging for me. My dad, more or less, agrees with her. I know I know they are doing everything they can to protect me, out of love and I'm so thankful for that. However I don't think marriage is counterproductive when one is still studying, in fact there are many couples in university. They say no, it's rare (?). I don't want to blame my parents for being this difficult because they have already accepted A LOT compared to what I thought they would have accepted at first. However I partly think my marriage confusion is also due to their not very kind remarks about me not being independent (my mom claims I need a crutch to fall back because I'm not mature enough to face my own problems alone and that marriage is not the answer - she got married at 24 but divorced 4 years later because her ex-husband blatantly cheated on her / same my dad - he got married first a little later - they met but didn't marry until 18 years of "being together" which was when I was 16). I think that having to deal with this set of "revert-problems" is something that no born muslim man would ever wish, so I don't understand what's wrong with this guy (lol). I seriously told him that I don't want to waste his time with these silly matters. He calmly said that this doesn't constitute a problem at all and he's willing to work on it step by step (given that we'll still like each other the moment we meet). I'm concerned about being fairly delusional, be with this guy or be with anyone else, I feel so insecure. What if I will say/do something, later in the marriage, that upsets the other person because it has to do with the negativity of my past? What If I'll still be scared to have a sexual intercourse with my future husband? Maybe my parents are right, I shouldn't think about marriage and avoid it completely. I know celibacy is not accepted in Islam but I think messing up with people's lives because of some mental issues, is not right either. Thank you for reading!
  6. khudr

    wuḍūʼ doubt

    Thank you so much!
  7. khudr

    wuḍūʼ doubt

    Salam. It seems that I can't do it right, I've just realized that I keep making mistakes with my wudu. I realized that I have been wiping my head the wrong way ( not from the upper part - downwards but the other way round). This is making me very upset because all I want to do is to please God but instead I keep making these silly mistakes. I must say that praying here at home is very difficult. Sometimes I'm forced to postpone my prayers because my mum's dogs are around the house so by the time I finish my wudu they would cross my path anyway as I head to my room. This is quite upsetting. I just don't want to create tension. My parents have been so great since I converted. They have accepted many things which I know are difficult for them to accept normally. but I can't ask them to completely change their habits. Anyway sorry, I'm just ranting. If anyone could help me with this it would be very appreciated as always. Thank you.
  8. khudr

    Temp marriage

    Salam, I have a question: Why is temporary marriage still considered bad even if done and intended as an "engagement" phase? I've read many opinions against it. If certain limits are decided and agreed by both (like no physical contact of any sort, ...) then I don't see the problem. Of course, on the other hand, I think, It shouldn't be for a very extended period of time if the ultimate goal is permanent marriage.
  9. khudr

    wuḍūʼ doubt

    Oh! Thank you so much for researching further! I was slowly giving all the qadha prayers but it seems like I don't have to anymore.
  10. khudr

    LONELINESS SUPPORT GROUP

    yes, precisely. For some reason I've always been surrounded by people who were far removed from God/spirituality in a broader sense. And even if they claimed they were, their actions, their interests showed the exact opposite. Alhamdulillah I've never felt like this. I accept what it comes.
  11. khudr

    LONELINESS SUPPORT GROUP

    "Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it and your remedy is within you, but you do not see it You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe. You are indeed the evident/clear book, by whose alphabet’s the hidden becomes manifest." Imam Ali (a.s.) I've always been a very lonely person, mainly because I never truly found like minded souls. After converting I distanced even more from the few friends I had. This is good because I don't want to live in between, I don't want to be a hypocrite and when I embrace something I want to embrace it fully. I still go through moments when I wish I had friends on my same mind setting, someone to share what I go through every day (and someone who wants to share with us the same, as a true friendship is never one sided). When I realize that nothing is necessary in itself, that at the end of the day you will always feel alone because that sense of incompleteness is normal due to our limited human nature, then you'll become more sensitive, more aware regarding God's presence (especially where you didn't expect to find Him). As others said before me, it's a matter of being selective with your own thoughts. Welcoming God in your life also means to choose what is beneficial on a practical level and what's not. No one is perfect, however we can still strive for the best example given which is found in our Infallible Imams (May God bless them). Educating ourselves is the best way to show God our gratitude for His infinite blessings upon us.
  12. khudr

    Verse in the Quran

    "How is it that slaying a human being is equal to slaying all human beings and saving a person is equal to saving all human beings? To answer this question, it is only possible to say that in this verse, the Qur'an has referred to a social and training fact. The person, who slays an innocent human being, has such a preparation, in fact, to kill some other innocent persons, too. This person is, indeed, a homicide whose prey is innocent human beings. And, we know that there is no difference between the innocent persons from this point of view. On the other hand, the person who, because of having the quality of philanthropy and human emotions, saves another person from death has such a preparation to perform this sympathetic action unto any other human beings. So, regarding the fact that the Qur'an has applied the phrase: /fa-ka-'anna-ma/ (it is as it), it seems that although the life and death of a person is not equal to the life and death of a society, it has a likeness to it. Again, it can be said that in potency, there is a capability in any person to bring a great society, or a new generation, into existence. Hence, annihilating a human being sometimes results to the effacement and murder of a generation. It is worthy to note that once someone asked Imam Sadiq (as) about the commentary of this verse when he (as) answered: "The purpose of the words: 'to slay' and 'to save from death', which have been referred to in the verse, is saving from a fire accident, a whirlpool, and the like. Then he (as) kept silent and after that he added: "A greater interpretation of this verse is that a person invites another one to the path of right or wrong and the one accepts that invitation." " source: An Enlightening Commentary into the Light of the Holy Qur'an vol. 4 - Section 5 you may want to read the rest also, it's a very precise commentary
  13. just today my mom told me "go get some sun" but then I reminded her that I can't take off my hijab, not even in our garden (since at least 5 houses overlook it). She got upset (it's been only 3/4 weeks I've started wearing it) saying that I will have severe deficiencies. I guess she has a point (I'm lactose intolerant + don't eat fish). I will try my best maybe to put a shield or something on my balcony railing and sit down so nobody can see.
  14. khudr

    wuḍūʼ doubt

    oh! okay, I get it now. I thought rukn = wajib but I see how I was wrong. now everything makes sense. thank you for clearing that up!
  15. khudr

    wuḍūʼ doubt

    Thank you all for taking the time to read my topic. I feel somehow relieved to know that either way it's okay and it's up to me. Step by step. Thank you brother @mostafaa for the detailed information about the validity of prayers. So If I decide to make up all wrong prayers, should I perform them with the intention of qadha sticking to the rukn parts only? (is qunoot part of the obligatory acts?)
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