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In the Name of God بسم الله

fathl

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  1. Salaam Kim, I'm a talkative guy, and usually have some humerous and interesting things to say. I would assume she laughs at my comments because she enjoys the interaction. Not necessarily because she is emotionally fulfilled/happy or something. Anyway, since I appreciated your thoughts, here is how I approached her, and won her yes :-) I basicly told her that I needed a female perspective on a dilemma, and that I wanted to get her thoughts on them. After work, we had a pleasant conversation, and then i brought the issue up. I said something to the tune of: "Hey, I have a close friend who needs advice. He was raised in the west, and isnt familiar with Tunisian customs. So basicly, he fears that he will damage a good relationship with his colleague, by coming forward with it. And I thought that your advice would be very valuable in this perspective." And than I told her of the "interest this guy has for his female colleague, but kept it a secret to himself, so that he could focus on more pressing matters of work." and that "when news circulated about an other party, having proposed to her, he kicked himself for not approaching earlier. And the question he faces is, do you think he should still come forward, and approach the girl, and inform her of his interest, or should he back off?" Aware of here intelligence, I could see in her eyes she knew that I was talking about me and her. And from the expression on her face, I knew her answer, so there was no need to make it an intellectual or moral issue that needed elaborate discussion. After that, I deleted her number from my phone in front of her, and asked her to put her number in, for the second time, only this time as a friend, as opposed to just her colleague/boss. The following days, I kept the poor girl in a state of excitement and anticipation, until yesterday. There is nothing more beautifull than a happy innocent "child" enjoying everyday moments. I will try to visit her parents before returning back to the netherlands. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On a general note to the admin and all other male cowards in this forum: of all the worlds religious denominations, to have shia muslims think like cowards, was the last thing I ever expected.
  2. I never expected the guys at this forum to be so contemptious and hostile against a fellow shia muslim, for simply asking advice. And to top it, to give such malicious and cowardly advice; lecturing me about some ettiquete while being so rude and unrespectfull. Maybe next time, I should resort back to my atheistic friends in the netherlands, who have proven to be far more friendly and wise than most of you did. Really, I've never personally experienced racism, or visible hostility from from my contemporary friends in the netherlands, or fellow citizens for that matter; to experience these attacks from fellow muslims (again!!) make me doubt how useful and enriching islam has been to your lives. . Admin, Good luck pretending virtuousness.
  3. Ali_Hussein, Good point, and its an assumption I'm well aware off. I wouldnt press her to give up her carreer, or neglect it, not at all. By all account, I would love to see her continue to grow, intellectually, carreer-wise, and preferably at our office. At the board, we have no doubt that she might prove herself to be the most valuable programmer among all her peers. Yes, thats right, a woman so briliant and fast-paced, that she overtakes all her highly experienced male colleagues. A soft-mannered, mature woman, which projects brilliance and innocence, seems to me the ultimate a candidate for marriage. And I have no doubt such a woman would grow to be a good mother and a good wife. If I have to take a few hits to win her over, I'm willing to absorb them if she will have me. But it seems that I'm in the minority, and noone has previous experience on how to deal with such a situation. Thanks for your critical view btw. If you have any other points of concern, particularly if it concerns the possible blowback I would have to face, I would be very glad to ponder over them, and share my thinking.
  4. Keys2paradis, she hasnt formally/publicaly accepted his proposal yet. I think she has yet to get to know him. And she hasnt informed this to me herself. She only revealed it after an interview with our HR manager, and she implied that the issue wasnt certain yet. starlight, that is correct. she isnt engaged, its just thinking and talking. ruffles, The situation that your friend experienced doesnt necessarily scale to my situation. I'ld be interested though in the reasons that contributed in the breakdown of these relationships. So if you could elaborate, I would appreciate that. admin, your eloquence is superb, your wisdom is unmatched, and your thoughtful advice is highly appreciated. Unfortunately, my monstruously selfish character doesnt value your ettiquette. So you understand my problem.
  5. Its seems all the men are cautioning me against approaching her. And there are some good reasons to do so. Women are in plenty supply, but I might miss out on one of the best chances in life to get a woman of that high value and quality, a perfect mother. And really, although the costs might huge, I still wiling to incur the cost to take that shot. I just dont know yet how to get mange the possible blowback. Admin, I dont watch hollywood movies. And your making false assumptions about me which are completely untrue. On the otherhand, the reasons you summed up, are my fears too, an its the worst-case scenario. But men shouldnt be guided by fears when making important decisions, dont you agree? Starlight, does it occur often that women get multiple proposals? And does it happen that women settle for a candidate, due to low number of proposals (in this part of the world, most girls dont wear the hijab anymore) or because of the heavy pressure by her family? I've heard the girl once cry for a good few minutes whilst on the phone in the balcony, that was shortly before this news reached my ears. And in a case where a girl receives multiple proposals, does this confuse her emotionally, or would she appreciate the additional information. Lets not forget, if the intention is to get married, which is a long-term "investment", I would definitly like to consider all of the options (candidates) with their pros/cons. I'm just not sure others would see it that way. Im curious on a woman's take on this.
  6. Perhaps I've come to the wrong forum for advice. Never expected an Admin to be so hostile, and full of contempt. Enlightment, feelings are like apetite, it comes and goes, and I wouldnt count on them to guide me in my decisions. But I do blaim myself for not approaching her earlier, and going forward from there. In this north african city, and of the close to hundred of university graduates that did a job-interview at our office, I havent met a man or woman yet who could match this particular girl in terms of her value to the company (knowledge, skills, and experience) and her personality. I've had a number of exchanges with her, and she impresses me. And now I want her. I dont need her, but I want her. Good things never come cheap. But I just dont know how to manage the cultural sensitivities since some guy from the gulf states has overtaken me. And this is a problem, since the possible blowback might be harmfull to my reputation an to the company. And yes, she does wear the hijab, is sunni, and there is a good chance things might not work. Logical Islamic, I cant cut off all contact with her. She works at our office and we see eachother regularly there. And sooner than later, we will be meeting and discussing many issues together too. Sami II that was funny. Thanks for the laughs!
  7. Salaam brothers and sisters. I could really use some advise. We have a female employee working at our office. She has proven herself to be a very disciplined, intelligent and hard working female, and I felt immediately attracted when I was first introduced to her. I have kept my feelings inward, and have remained focused on my own responsibilities, and have cherished the intention of approaching her after I have finished my main work. This was like two months ago. And just yesterday, I heard from the CEO (who is my elder brother) and human resource manager (who is a close friend and trustee), who interviewed her that someone has proposed to her, and they are expected to get engaged soon. I am happy for her. But it breaks my heart that I was too late. Im still seriously considering approaching her, en informing her of my interest of getting to know her. But as I was raised in Europe, and I'm currently residing inTunisia, would it be scandalous to do so? My brother is grooming me to take over his job, and I cannot permit myself a vulnerable position and risk a bad reputation. And since her importance to the company is increasing, I dont want to raise fears about her job security because of my position of influence. I'm seriously considering approaching her in the coming days... Your brother, Fathl Wassalaam
  8. fathl

    Muttah

    logical islam, How could you commit yourself to long-term relationship with a girl, whose moral values are "unknown" to you? I partially agree with you on muttah though, its diffucult to talk about it openly..
  9. (salam) I just read your replys(both The patriot and blessedflower), and want to thank you for your greatly for them, may Allah reward you. In a kaffir society as where i am, finding a person for marriage is a good as impossible if u want her to be either a muslim or from ahle-kitab, coz most females in the universitys are just plain atheists/agnostic. I see no other option left but keeping the gaze low. But I will need a lot of will power to do that, anyone any good advices how to train myself into that? or maybe a link to a good book/lecture which deals with this kind of sittuations? And now I am thinking about it, perhaps my belief is becoming weak.. djazakallahoe ghairan, Fathl
  10. (salam) sorry for my late reply, uhm, a friend of mine informed me that any type of physical contact is not allowed in islam, and that this is zina (even if its not sexual). So as a muslim ur not allowed to give a non-mahrem female a hand when greeting eachother. With this issue, i have no problem and i can understand. But this brother also told me that in islam it is not even allowed to look at the face or eyes of a non-mahrem women because this is zina too. But to me, this can sometimes look more like an act of dis-respect, when people are talking to you and you dont look them in the eye/face. So without ''bad-intentions'' it is allowed to look at the other person face to face? And what more things are regarded as zina? ( I ask this only as to know from what I should take distance from) thanks in advance, Fathl
  11. (bismillah) (salam) Suppose you just happened to meet a female, be it a teacher or whatsover, could someone please tell me what the apropriote islamic way is to have a conversation with her? I also was wondering if there are any ''halal'' ways to get in touch with women (with the intention of marriage). What is allowed in Islam and what is not? And what acts or behaviour constitute zina? please, send serious post because im daily confronted with these issues wassalaam Fathl
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