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In the Name of God بسم الله

DownToEarth

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    Shia Islam

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  1. Wa alaykumassalam, What you've described are wrongs done to you for sure. I don't think anyone have their ideal parents and this includes both things that are related to the religious level practiced at home but also parent's who oblige you to carry out wishes, not necessarily haram things but what one personally don't want to be doing. It's not on you that you've had to deal with haram beverages by serving them cups, from a young age. As for what they've done to you when you were young, their disrespectful behavior you can try to forgive and forget that. Having despise about wrongs/abuse done to you in the past will do you no good and will make you to only grow hate in your heart for them. It will not help your personality in any way and it will not change the past. Look forward. You need to break the silence with your parents, let them know that you don't tolerate the things you've just described. You might not have any control over them but you can show them with actions that you're someone who wants change and that your approach to religion is different than theirs', that you don't want to lie or do any thing that would be seen as haram. Leave their company if they do a haram activity and let them know that you're displeased with it. You've listened to their wishes too much and they've grown accustomed to it. Don't be quiet, show your resistance, be tough in your approach towards them but with a respectful manner. Let also your siblings know that you're displeased with your parents behavior, whatever age your siblings may be, they will still understand. If you're worried about what path they might take, I would advise you that you don't need to be, you simply don't need to be worried about that now. Spend good time with your siblings and do fun activities together. Because you've said that you're young, leaving your parent's house is not an option for you nor do I think that it would solve the problems you have, for example by having to sign incorrect information on papers. Pray to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) that He will make a way out to you so that you don't have to lie when signing papers. Do your qadha fasts and namaz as you've said. Don't be shy to pray infront of your family, leave your door open, don't do all of your namaz in reclusion. Let them know that you're someone who carry out the prayers and the fasts. Show them what kindness is, if you wish to take it a step further, behave with them in a good way and hope that they will see your genuineness. Do any simple act of kindness that you're not used to be doing and do it for them. You might see them as bad and wished for better parents, but parents also change, relationships changes, children also have an impact on their parents even though it may be small, it's still worth it. Continue talking with them and spend time with them in permissible activities. Most importantly, your worth is not at all measured by the degrading words they throw at you. Don't take it in, ignore it, whatever bad word they call you. Don't let their emotions cause you to feel less than what you are. Your worth is not measured by who your parents are, their personality, their background or what they're doing. Work on yourself and build your confidence, don't pity yourself, you're still young and have a great way ahead of you. You will be met with other type of hardships when you grow up. Dua is your weapon in every one of them. So start doing any little change you're able to carry out, no other day than today! I hope you will inshallah be successful You will be in my prayers.
  2. Salam alaikum sister,

    I am wondering if you can approve of a post that I have made, but before that, if it's not too much to ask of, could I edit it, before you do so?

    Thanks
     

    1. Hameedeh

      Hameedeh

      Salam @DownToEarth. It is possible that a Mod might approve your topic, but let me know what you want to edit and I will try to do that before your thread becomes visible to everyone.

  3. Salam Alaikum, I hope some married sisters can answer this question of mine and kindly with a well thought out reply. This question is mainly for married sisters who live far away from blood relatives. Friends and brothers who know of such situations can also give their opinion and observed experience of it. Is it a bad idea to marry from abroad and thus not having any parents or siblings around. Of course the world is being more easily connected and God knows what the future holds more for that. If you are a married sister who had to leave your family for marriage did you think it was somehow still worth it despite the far distance between your former family and that you still could get married but to a person residing in the same country? Did you ever feel that it wasn't worth it and wished to stay nearer your family without having to take a plane in order to visit them? Would you still feel relieved and "enough" after having visited them? Were there any difficulties? Would it be worth it if the husband had a hard time marrying because he was wrongly seen as incapable by the general community when they would give away their daughters but not the daughter herself. By that I mean, either being diagnosed with a chronic disease of some sort but with high life expectancy, high functioning autism(not the same as only autism!), blind or deaf, adhd, or wheelchair bound. I don't want to say which of what i wrote are prevalent in the situation that I am in, but because of it, I see it as worthy considering that the compatibility exist, otherwise if it was any other man without a condition that would lessen his chance of marriage, It would in my opinion definitely not been worth it for me as a woman to be far away from my family. I hope to receive some replies sooner than later, Thanks.
  4. Salam Alaykum While it's true that you're young, in my opinion you should not underestimate your range in birth. If you're the oldest brother you have naturally an upper hand. Befriend your younger siblings and don't worry if praying publicly will upset your (atheist?) parents. Take it step by step, and start praying infront of your mother. Take your faith a step further because only Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the one one should fear.
  5. JazakAllah khayr Yes he will stay in Sweden, though my mother is worried whether or not she could cope with being parted from him, however it may go, she still has hope that he's going to come back to his family sooner or later, when we return back to Iraq. I definitely want someone to talk to him, so yes I want to, though I don't know If he wants to. He's not an outgoing person that likes to talk with people, I mean the last time he stepped out from the house was about two months ago. Though I think he sure likes to have a debate, but maybe through social media instead. I'll have to think about it more. Thank you for the tip, I thought about that too, filling business gap, helping poor people and so on. However, I've always thought of conveying the message of Islam through making an animated movie or series, or maybe only through art with pictures. Nevertheless, Thank you for taking your time to reply back.
  6. Hello everyone! Sorry for not replying back to the comments! We did travel back to Iraq in August, though we moved back to Sweden in October, things were not going our way! My mother was worried of the thought of me and my siblings walking our way to school. We planned that our father would drive us there everyday but that did not work. Nevertheless, the schools in Iraq start very late after summer vacation, sometime in September. That's also a reason why we moved back. However, the intention to even consider moving back to Iraq was because of my oldest brother deviating away.....deviating away from light to darkness... I didn't realize it until he told me it, I got shocked. My mother got to know about it too, we had debates after debates with him, but to no avail. He gains his knowledge about Islam from websites that's against Islam, I told him he must know both sides, from sources that is for, but all of that in vain too. He said you don't have to. Well right now, my parents only wait for my graduation from high school, then off we go, back to Iraq. I don't wan't to take the risk of losing my younger siblings too.
  7. Hi! I don't use makeup and I barely even know how to put it on, you wanna know more: I haven't even stepped my foot in a makeup store! It's not because I think that I already look good, with no dark circles and blemishes etc. but because the moment you wear makeup and then see yourself without it you'll gonna think that you look really tired or ugly, when you're not. It's true that you can see all the layers and pores, so in my opinion I think that it doesn't matter anyway if someone wears makeup or not.
  8. Thank you very much for the answers! My friend will see them soon.
  9. A non-muslim friend of mine wonders about this issue.
  10. Hi! I have always wondered why not the prophets daughter got to be the successor after the prophets departure. Thank you!
  11. Hello! My family is planning to move back to Iraq after 20 years in Sweden and I have accepted that. My only problem is that I don't know how the education system for Iraq's high school work and how many subjects they have and what kind of subjects. Also, is the education good there? Every answer is much appreciated.
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