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In the Name of God بسم الله

rxdbx

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Posts posted by rxdbx

  1. Salam alaykum,

    I have my period for 7 days straight, and usually do ghusl on the eight day, but recently I read somewhere that I’d have to do my ghusl before fajr of the 8th day. Since I don’t fast until the 9th day, I miss 8 days without me being on my period the last day, is that unreasonable and do I have to make up 60 days for it, or only 1 day?

  2. Salam alaykum, 

    I started on birth control a couple days before my period started and I didn’t get it whilst being on it, but then I stopped with it and I got my period, and I’ve had it for 11 days and I still have it.. How should I treat it? Should I do ghusl for haydh and pray or what? 

  3. Salam alaykum,

    so I was doing ghusl after shaving, and I got a couple of cuts from shaving on both my hands, and during the ghusl one of the cuts was bleeding a lot, like blood would ooze out of it constantly despite me rinsing it off during, but I still kept on doing my ghusl and trying  my best to keep rinsing whenever blood would come out, is my ghusl valid and can I pray or do I have to take another one?

  4. It is allowed in Islam, but I recommend thinking about it for another year or so, just so that you're completely sure on the decision, bc once you do it, you can never go back. Also don't rush it and go to a cheap plastic surgeon, rather save up and go to one with good reviews, bc a girl I know completely messed up her nose (she got it done in Iran though).

  5. 1 hour ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

    I'm more concerned about this:

    I don't know how it is Norway but in the US, that's perjury and people go to jail for it.^

    My mom can go to jail, but my little sister is a minor and also heavily influenced by everyone around her, so she won't get penalized for it, however my mom is just lying to save my dad so that's her choice.

  6. 52 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

    This is why myself, and many others, always said to not take drastic steps like leaving in the middle of the night. Also, this is why everyone keeps saying to keep in touch with your Mother and not be rude or harmful to her. Regardless of what she may have said to you, she's never stopped loving you.

    That's not so much her fault overall. Being a desi myself I know very well how important it is in that culture to be cognizant of what the opinions of others are. I'm not defending it, nor am I condoning it. I'm just speaking on the cultural status of it. Couple that with the fact that desi women love to gossip about things like this.

    However, this isn't a situation just of social standing, this is a life and death situation, or at the very least a permanent physical injury situation. I won't even comment on the mental damage situation because that's already happened for all involved. As such, you need to find a solution that works best for you. Desi culture is just as toxic as your Father's mentality. 

    See above. Are they making a mockery of her being a victim of physical violence? If so, then they aren't the people who's opinion should matter at any degree. 

    However, I doubt that they are aware of the physical violence. I'm pretty sure that the story being put out by your Father's family is that you overreacted to a simple argument and had him thrown in jail. They would never allow the fact that he beats his wife to get out to the public, That would destroy their public image.

    Don't worry, in time the truth always comes out.

    Well, that's unfortunately the damage that your Father's actions wrought upon his family. Not only did he damage them physically and mentally but financially as well. Not sure how to respond to this issue, but perhaps if you spoke to someone at your shelter they might be able to route her towards a charity organization that would help out. Doesn't hurt to ask.

    Best thing right now if for you to reply to your Mother with potential solutions. Her list of worries is quite extensive at this point and since she is your Mother you need to speak to your Shelter's staff and ask them how they can help. Allah does not place an obstacle in front of you which you do not possess the ability to overcome.

    I didn't leave in the middle of the night. I left during the day, but I didn't tell her I was going to the police, because obviously she would never have allowed me to. They have several times told her that she can stay in a women's shelter, and I will ask someone tomorrow whether they could get someone to talk to my mom about what she can do financially right now.

  7. It's just that my mother is one to put her kids before herself. Before eating she always made sure we were fed and everything. Always did everything for us instead of putting herself first. She has always sacrificed her wishes in life for us, always making sure we got everything we wanted and needed materialistically, and that's why I feel like what I'm doing is wrong. But in this situation she's really worried about what others will think.

    She's sent me a new message saying: this isn't the person I gave birth to, I don't recognize you, and that people are laughing at me and making a mockery out of me because of you, and after all I've done for you this is how you repay me. And that death would be better than this life, also that she doesn't know how to pay the rent, because it's always dad that's done that.

    I replied with "you can tell the police, and they'll get people that work around that field to help you with that."

  8. 1 minute ago, starlight said:

    It would be perfectly alright to keep it to a bare minimum until you are in a better place emotionally. Until then it would suffice to just let her know you are safe and she can reach out to you anytime in case she needs help.

    What about the messages she sends such as you're killing me, have mercy and all that. She knows I'm safe, but I don't know whether I should reply to these, and what I should reply with.

  9. I'm going to reply her with this. (her message about me killing her and Islam not allowing the child to leave their mother for death)

    "No, but Islam says you should stand up against thulm, say something when something wrong is happening to you or others, and it is my obligation in Islam to save myself from thulm. One who can beat up his own daughter and say all the things he says for several years, is not suddenly going to stop now. I tried to help you on Thursday, and I did my part, but if you don't want help, I can't do anything about it. Mom you are 37 and I think you know right from wrong. I must and will help myself now. I didn't tell the police that they should penalize him, and he is in custody so that they can investigate properly, I can't do anything about it. If he is not punished, I will have nothing to do with him anymore, unless you want to help yourself, no one can help you. I understand where (my little sister) comes from since she has only been beaten twice, but I literally get beaten up every six months, therefore I really want to change the situation compared to her. I also don't want to put myself in a situation where I was going to killed myself out of fear or hopelessness, which God never forgives. Nor do I want to live like that, even if I had actually survived living with him, I might have one day done it to my children. If in the future I ever get kids, and beat them up or make them that afraid of me, then I really hope they leave me and do something about the situation. And the fact that (my cousin) sends messages blaming me for everything, and says that every parent gets mad at times is wrong, parents shouldn't do that, and it's their duty to remove threats and dangers in their children's lives, not create dangers."

    I really don't know how to maintain contact with her, as most of you say I should. What should I reply to her?

  10. 16 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

    You need to go to the Police and tell them the truth. They will understand that your original statement was made under duress and hightened emotions. Also, tell them who told you to lie about and say the things you did. The absolute truth needs to be shared. 

    Yes, it would be because you are ignoring your Mother's attempts at contacting you. I'm not telling you to agree with what she is saying, I'm saying do not end contact with her.

    By being in contact with you, its allowing her as a Mother to know that you are safe. Don't add more problems to her already emotional state by ending contact with her. Its torturous for a Parent to not know where their children are and not knowing if they are safe and sound.

    I did go to the police and told them the absolute truth, that's the reason why my dad and uncle is in jail right now, so that they don't disturb the investigation.

    What should I reply to her then? I really don't know what to say to her, she says that I'm killing her, and she's begging me to tell the police to release my dad and uncle, saying she can't live without my dad and me. That's up to the police, to release them or not, and I've told her several times. On top of that she's saying that this is not love, and asking whether Islam says to leave your mother for death is right and all.

  11. 3 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

    What did you lie about ?

    More emotions from someone that lacks inner strength. Its not her fault, its the culture that she was raised in. 

    In my first interrogation everyone made me lie and say that my dad has never been abusive towards me, my mom and sister, and that I didn't actually see him beat my mom up.

  12. She's saying that I'm killing her and she's alone now when my father is in jail, and that it would have been better if I killed her, instead of doing this. She also said that he's not going to do anything to you when gets released, so please tell them to not penalize him, and that she can't live without my father and me. 

    I said: I can't do anything about him being in pre trial custody, and when I lied to the police I failed my duty as a Muslim. I can't lie or take back what I've said to the police. I love you mom, but what happened is wrong, and I can't lie anymore, and you know well that he's not going to let me be when he gets released.

    She replied "Does the religion of Islam teach you to let your mother die, you don't even have any mercy for me, after everything I've done for you. I can't leave the house you've brought shame upon my face, this isn't love, you're killing me.".

  13. 20 minutes ago, Guest Jem said:

    I say you should tell the police to release him only because your mom and sister are dependent on him for living.. they want to continue living with him so let them be at this point if you don’t see any reconciliation with your father you should just live away from them . I doubt he will ever do anything violent because he would not want to go back to jail again. Help your mom out do what she wishes and if anything happens its not your fault. You should not live with them if your scared of him stay at the shelter till you get a job and save money.

    I can't tell the police to release him, he's in pre trial police custody, so that he doesn't ruin the investigation, it's up to the police what happens not me. I just told the truth.

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