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In the Name of God بسم الله

hawrsh123

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  1. Actually I agree with you I feel like it wont change. He's way too attached to his mom Guys that are too attached to their moms and only listen to her should never get married. It's not fair to the wife. I hope I can get the courage to bring up his mom one day. It's just so hard to bring up his mom because he thinks shes right and does nothing wrong. Obviously if I bring her up I will be the wrong one :/
  2. I can't tell my mom I'm having problems with his mom because she actually warned me about them before we got engaged. She told me that his mom is evil and warned me against them but I was too caught up with his physical appearance. I've just realized how personality and deen are more important than appearance. I wish I could use the haram and halal thing with him but in his mind he hasn't done anything wrong and as long as I'm not starving, living on the streets, and he doesn't physically abuse me then I'm a happy and spoiled wife and should be thankful to have a guy like him. He is good to me and loves me but he does so much bad things that it outweighs the good. He's a mommas boy and it's ruining our marriage. I wish I could get it through his head :l thanks for the advice.
  3. Honestly it is causing me a lot of pain. I feel like he didn't deserve to marry a girl like me. My parents helped out so much in the beginning of our marriage because he didn't have much and he has the nerve to go talk about them with his mom. Were you the one who brought up divorce with your ex? I feel like letting go of him will be so hard just like you said but at the same time I would probably benefit from it. Did you get remarried?
  4. Hey guys, so I'm having some marriage issues and I'd like to get some other peoples opinions on this. I'm sorry theres a lot of details but it would mean alot if you could read them. First off, I got engaged in Iraq and I bought my husband to America. We live with my parents. The first couple of months were hard but alhamdulilah we got through them. We both fell in love with each other and things were great. He would help out with the bills and everything like that. Anything I would need to buy, he would buy for me. Our marriage was good literally up until the point where we decided to visit Iraq and see his family after a year of marriage. We went to Iraq and everything went down hill. First off, his mom is an amazing liar and manipulator. My problem is, my husband loves his mom to literal death. And theres nothing wrong with that but no matter how wrong she is, he will always be on her side and whatever she wants him to do, he will do it. When I went to Iraq, I saw his true colors. In his family, if you put down the wife it's considered manly which makes no sense because his mom is the queen in their house. Shouldn't they be treating their wives like queens too? No. She encourages them to not spoil their wives, and to not be romantic with them because according to her this will give the wife confidence and will make her spoiled. Their mom is literally never in the house she's always out and they never ask where she is but when their wives want to go somewhere they don't allow them. What really made me mad was the fact that my husband was talking about my family behind my back. I know this because of his little sisters. They're still young so they don't understand and they come and tell me what they hear. He literally told them how he buys bread and pays bills. He doesn't agree with that and his mom doesn't either apparently. She tells him don't pay anything, what are they gonna do to you? She wants his money for her only. She manipulated him into buying a piece of land for 30 thousand dollars in iraq for his "future" when we don't even have a house here to our selves in America! I tried talking to him but he tells me to not worry about it and that he's doing something good for us. He makes plans with his mom when it's supposed to be between me and him because it's OUR future, not hers! When we were in Iraq, he would keep all his money with his mom. Again, no big deal but it made me feel sad because it's like I'm your wife, aren't you supposed to trust me with your belongings? I don't even know how much money he has! Theres SO MUCH more that happened in Iraq that made me change my feelings toward him but moving onto my problems now- I became really close with my brother in laws wife when I was there. We were going through the same things with our husbands being obsessed with their manipulative mom so we were the only ones that understood each other. Anyways, when we came back from Iraq, me and my husband had a little argument and he just couldn't help but go and call his mom and tell her about it. And her advice to him? was to hit me! Obviously he didn't hit me. But what made me mad was the fact that it was such a simple argument, and he HAD to tell his mom about it. It couldn't stay between us. In my opinion, everything and anything that happens between a man and a woman in marriage should stay only between them. The argument was over a towel. I can't imagine what he would've said if it was actually over something serious. This made me lose all the respect I had towards him. He proved to me that I'm married to him and his mom, not just him. And that things can't stay just between us, which is very important to me. Before we came back from Iraq, we agreed to start trying to have a baby. We're over our 2 year mark and and we agreed it was time. We came back and one day he randomly told me he doesn't want a baby anymore. I was devastated so I called my brother in laws wife and told her that we aren't going to be trying for a baby anymore. She literally tells me that his mom talked him out of having a baby because of how much money they would cost which is exactly what his excuse was to me. His excuse was bs. He said we don't have time and when he comes back from work he will go to the gym so he won't even see his baby and that they cost money. This and everything else that happened really made me rethink my future with him. My husband would put the gym over his own child? My husband doesn't want to spend money on his OWN child yet he'd spend thousands of dollars over his mom in a heartbeat. Now I'm just so repulsed at the fact that I'll EVER have a baby with him. He wants to wait until we own our own house and make over 5000 a month until we try. I feel like those things are soo far down into the future. Not everyone owns their own house before they have a baby and they're all doing fine. And when will we own our own house if youre buying lands in Iraq?? He's waiting on ME to finish my education and work before buying our own house. There's just soo much stuff that changed in him after we went to Iraq and it made me rethink my future with him. I know you guys will say to talk to him, and I have tried but he's hard headed. I can't tell him your mom is manipulating you don't listen to her. There's just somethings that can't be said. We care for each other and love each other but we're both unhappy in our marriage. It actually breaks my heart to look at where we are now compared to how happy we were before. What do you guys think I should do in this situation? I'm considering divorce because I'm married to a guy that doesn't know reality exists. He wants to please his mom and only his mom and will listen to her only. A man makes his own choices. I feel like he'll only benefit his mom instead of our future in the long run.
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