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In the Name of God بسم الله

Lilly14

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  1. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to musa shakr in tattoos and piercings   
    I'm a conservative with visible tattoos and pierced ears. How will I be treated by the rest of the conservative population? Im planning on lazering my tattoos but I also may get more depending on how people feel about it. I'm concerned I'll have a problem finding a conservative wife or that my appearance will be a problem for her family.
  2. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to 3wliya_maryam in If the person you are going to marry had a horrible family   
    Yes it does seem complicated. And there is a possibility that the guy who suffered from abuse may have mental health problems like anger management. So yeah its quite risky.
    If he's a really good guy as you say, then obviously I have to get to know him more first and whether he is meant to be in my life or not. The rest is up to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). If I truly loved him, and wanted to fight for him regardless of what his family says, then we both need to be aware of the fact that there are going to be many obstacles in the way that could potentially jeopardise our relationship. We have to be fully prepared for that and take action if we must. And then whatever happens definitely happens for a good reason, all part of Allah's plan.
  3. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to A_A in advice on interacting with friend   
    When life throws you to your knees, you're in a perfect position to prostrate. If I am not mistaken, Imam Ali Abi Taleb said that. 
  4. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from A_A in advice on interacting with friend   
    That's tough a situation, I can't imagine how bad the experiences were that led him to the extreme of hating God. Good luck to you, and I hope your friend finds God again someday. 
  5. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Diaz in Obstacles in life   
    Guys, I’m so tired mentally. Please pray for me, just when I was done with a problem for 12 years, another new problem came. Is Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) testing me or punishing me? Inshallah everything goes well. 
     
    Any of you guys had any obstacles in life, if yes what did you do to remove it? 
     
    Read below what to do if you have obstacles in life.

    https://www.al-Islam.org/ask/what-is-the-best-dua-to-remove-obstacles-in-life
     
  6. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Nobody2005 in advice on interacting with friend   
    I have a friend who is an atheist. that's fine with me but now he flat out hates God so its kind of awkward. he doesn't just not believe in God but he hates anything to do with God. how should I interact with such a person. he is a good kid, I just feel like he has had some bad experiences that led him towards this notion.
  7. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to Zellali in Please help me. Wise opinions is what I need   
    I am so sorry to hear this. Honestly this is so heartbreaking. My opinion would be to open your heart to both your parents, tears and everything. If youve already done this and it hadn't worked you need to include a senior person into this conversation the next time you have it, a marja, a person of religious seniority in your community, an aunt or an uncle or a grandparent. Maybe a family friends parent, someone close whose also the age of or older than your father. 
     
    If there isn't someone like this in your situation who you can ask for help from, then talk to the guy and tell him of the situation. Ask him whether his family can talk to your father to push the subject towards marriage between you two. Tell the guy to tell his parents about your situation. If you can’t take them into trust about this situation, maybe they're not the right family/guy for you. Because remember, once you get married you also form relationships with his family. Maybe this is Allah's way of showing you they won't have your back in life, or maybe it will show they do. 
     
    This is all I can say. Prayers are with you Insha Allah everything will be fixed soon. 
  8. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Maryamayram in Please help me. Wise opinions is what I need   
    Salam everyone. Please read this, any kind words will help, I promise you. I know it’s very long but there is soo much emotions going through my head at the moment 
     
    4 years ago, I found someone perfect for marriage. We told our parents 1 month after. I’m Iraqi & he is Lebanese. We knew it would be an issue but we are both Shia and we just knew this is the right choice for each other. 
    when I told my dad, I was crying. I told him he’s a great man & a great family. He has so much deen in him, has a great character and very family oriented. My dads problem was only the nationality & our generation talk about us. Which aren’t valid for him to reject it. 3 1/2 years later, he allowed for him to come over and he absolutely loved him. He said as soon as I laid my eyes on him, I knew he was a very innocent good guy. Which is great right? 
    It’s been 1 month since they came over twice and my dad is making this his last priority! He wants to go overseas, and my mum keeps telling him to go after I get married but it seems he gets annoyed when my mum talks to him about it. He will talk about my brother getting married but not me. So again, my mum would said stop talking about our son when our daughter is more than ready to get married, his family is waiting to hear from us. 
     
    this situation in my life has broken me soo many times. I have cried over it way too many times, I will act like I’m not hurt infront of anyone, as I’m driving off crying my eyes out in the car. Everytime I smile I’m dying inside. I feel so drained, this is not far.. 4 years is way too long to wait when I was ready so early on. It’s not fair to me or him or his family. I don’t know why my dad isn’t making this his priority. I know what sabr is and I am, I mean 4 whole years of sabr but it’s sooo hard. I’m still doing my duties of being the perfect daughter, I help my dad out in any way possible but it’s gone to the point where I will be dropping him of somewhere and I’m literally tearing up driving while he’s in the passenger seat. Doesn’t he know that this is killing me? I have already finished 3 degrees because there’s nothing else to do, I’m ready for marriage, I’m ready for kids, I’m ready to do the duties of a wife. Why from all people, my dad is stopping me.
     
    I Don’t  know what to do anymore. My sisters and friends will tell me “omg I would’ve lost my calm if I was you” “how are you so patience” or others will say “just be patience” & it’s starting to make me angry because I’ve been patient for 4 years, Don’t  tell me “there’s no need to rush”. I honestly feel numb. Please someone say something just to make me step back & fall back on wallah. Sometimes I think to myself, why isn’t Allah helping me.. he knows the pain that I’m going through. 

    Waiting to hear from you all, thank you for reading this. Btw I’m 24 now. 
  9. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in I am religious, but my sisters are not - What to do now?   
    Never give up faith and that your family can change, and keep them in your prayers do that inshaallah Zareey will be guided. But even if they don't, know that an understanding person and/or their family that is considering to marry you knows that they shouldn't judge your iman by your family's iman. The fact that you've kept your iman despite being surrounded by people in your family and community that aren't practicing Muslims says a lot about your will to hang on to your iman mashaallah and alhamdollilah! Inshaallah you fill find an understanding and good spouse one day when it's right! 
    P.S. many religious people have family that aren't religious, so it's not as uncommon as you may think!
  10. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from baqar in I am religious, but my sisters are not - What to do now?   
    Never give up faith and that your family can change, and keep them in your prayers do that inshaallah Zareey will be guided. But even if they don't, know that an understanding person and/or their family that is considering to marry you knows that they shouldn't judge your iman by your family's iman. The fact that you've kept your iman despite being surrounded by people in your family and community that aren't practicing Muslims says a lot about your will to hang on to your iman mashaallah and alhamdollilah! Inshaallah you fill find an understanding and good spouse one day when it's right! 
    P.S. many religious people have family that aren't religious, so it's not as uncommon as you may think!
  11. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Joshua Bin Medellin in I am religious, but my sisters are not - What to do now?   
    Never give up faith and that your family can change, and keep them in your prayers do that inshaallah Zareey will be guided. But even if they don't, know that an understanding person and/or their family that is considering to marry you knows that they shouldn't judge your iman by your family's iman. The fact that you've kept your iman despite being surrounded by people in your family and community that aren't practicing Muslims says a lot about your will to hang on to your iman mashaallah and alhamdollilah! Inshaallah you fill find an understanding and good spouse one day when it's right! 
    P.S. many religious people have family that aren't religious, so it's not as uncommon as you may think!
  12. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to 3wliya_maryam in I am religious, but my sisters are not - What to do now?   
    Salam,
    Let me just start by saying that you already did your part. Insisting only makes things worse. Use less words and more action. This includes praying infront of them, or reading the Qur'an loudly if you want to. Islam is all about encouragement, and unfortunately I believe that one of the reasons why the youth do not consider faith is because a lot of our families either make it seem like our religion is forceful or that they're not bothered to teach their kids at all. When forcing a child to pray by using threats or other type of language, it later does more harm than good. Parents should learn to keep an environment that's supportive in faith and other aspects.
    I really do not know how to answer this. What is your mum's view about your sisters, considering that she's a convert. I'm not trying to judge here or make an assumption, but I did hear that a lot of converts are not that religious (there are some who are tho). If people are going to talk, let them talk. Between you and Allah is what matters.
    There are a lot of good potential women out there. Just give it some time and Insha Allah khair
    No mistakes brother your english is perfect mashallah
    fee amanillah
  13. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to AbdulKarim313_Austin/Nola in HELP non religious revert Husband   
    Alhamdulilah, 
    Sister, May Allah make it better for you and your whole family. In your time of trial you should move forward with patience and ask Allah to guide the way. 
    The fact that your husband is a revert is not the problem. There are many Muslims who reverted to Islam who are great husbands. My mother had a friend who married a man from Saudi Arabia. Her husband who was born Muslim wasn’t so religious and he beat her like a UFC fighter leaving her with bruises on her face and body. 
    I knew another brother who use to live right onside of the masjid I use to frequent. He was a very cocky Jordanian born Muslim. Turned out he use to beat his wife and she left him and went back to Jordan. These were “born Muslims” and they sure didn’t use 100 quail feathers. 
    Brother Qa’im had some good suggestions which you should definitely try. I’m not sure if you have talked to your husband but that could be a effective. Communication is key in a relationship. Let your husband know how you feel. If that doesn’t suffice then you could ask that you both get some Islamic marriage counseling from someone worthy in your Islamic community. 
    Insha’Allah all the best to you and your family 
  14. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to Qa'im in HELP non religious revert Husband   
    If Arabic is so important to you, why didn’t you marry someone who knew Arabic? Did you expect him to learn a foreign language as an adult and teach it to your kids too?
    Kids don’t necessarily end up like their fathers or their parents. You do your part by teaching them the religion and the language, and putting them in a good environment. What is most important are their prayers and their morals. All they really need in Arabic is some reading comprehension, otherwise you can live a righteous life treating it as a liturgical language. 
    As for your husband, perhaps try introducing him to religious families, going to events, watching lectures or reading books together, watching a religious tv series or movie. You can’t just nag someone into religiosity, it must be inspired and cultivated. 
  15. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Followerofthetruth in HELP non religious revert Husband   
    Salam I need help I married a revert who at the begging of our Marrage use to be religious nowadays he just prays and that's about it.we share 2 children with each other and simple things such as saying bismillah before eating he never does and never encourages our children to say. I suspect him of not fasting and not praying if I'm not around .
    He does not show a desire to go to Haj and makes it seem impossible for us to go he also does not pay zakat or such and when it comes to his money he is tight fisted and has never on his own accord donated to charity . He also shows no desire learning how to read or write Arabic and simply states not All reverts need to know how to read and write in Arabic he has such a weak character and I do not find him to be a man of complete faith.

    I feel like religion to him is not taken seriously.whenever I try to show him correct methods of doing things such as praying he takes great offence.He Also does not allow our boys to get circumcised stating that it's not religious at all and he himself is not circumcised.

    Im scared my children will be raised not knowing religion and will not know Arabic does anyone have any advice on what I should do also he's the type of person that if I raise such issues with him he will bring up personal faults of my own and say im no were near perfect and the circle goes on.

    I feel trapped in my Marrage it gets to the point where all I think about is my children growing up not knowing Arabic and not knowing how to pray and this is affecting my mental wellbeing. I slowly begin to feel depressed these issues occupy my mind day and night and everyday that passes nothing changes what gives me strength is knowing that Asiya peace be upon her was married to the most wicked Pharon. I
    desire a Husband who will teach my children my native tongue and most importantly how to pray how to fast and such positive example but with my current husband I feel like the future holds nothing but living a life of no purpose.

    I'm no where near perfect but when it comes to religion I do what is required of myself and take this aspect of my life very seriously.My children also pick up on his native tongue and begin to forget words which I have taught them and this makes me even more depressed.

    Putting religion aside character wise I don't find him to be generous or fuffiling but quiet boring.so in both regards he is not fulfilling.
  16. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Joshua Bin Medellin in First Time going to Mosque   
    Good luck to you! I'm so happy you've decided to research Shia Islam!
  17. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to realizm in First Time going to Mosque   
    Brother, no need to feel nervous about it. You owe no one nothing, you are going there to gain knowledge and spirituality. Just be nice as you would at work or school. 
    And as usual when you face situations you are not familiar with, just go with the flow.
  18. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to Iram Sheikh in dream interpretation   
    Thank you very much! 
  19. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from MM:) in why are all the marriage thread made by brothers?   
    I think maybe it has to do with communication at least partly. Unfortunately, men are less likely to speak to others even privately about their problems. So I guess an anonymous place like shiachat has that appeal of venting/asking for advice with less judgement.
    I wonder if the long term bottling up of problems instead of expressing them is the reason why some men have underdeveloped emotional intelligence, which is important to have when married. 
  20. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to AkhiraisReal in Fatwa on Marriage with Non-Shia   
    I am not sure on this, but I think a Shia man is allowed to marry Sunni girl. But not the opposite.
    But let me just ask this: Why would you as a female want to marry someone who follows the murders of bibi Fatima Zahra (عليه السلام)? your future kids, will most likely chose the sect of the father.
    but in other words, many Shia Sunni marriages have worked out, and some havn't. It depends on the couples and in-laws involved.
  21. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 got a reaction from AliTanjiro in why do women like men?   
    Lots of girls have low self esteem because of western society's beauty standards or because of childhood abuse/neglect so they'll easily accept a sub-par guy because they don't believe they deserve better, or they're naive and believe their spouse will change one day, or the people around her encourage her to put up with the bare minimum effort her spouse puts into their marriage or encourage her to put up with the abuse/cheating because in certain cultures women are expected to tolerate more bad behavior from their spouse, compared to men. 
    Plus bad boys and/or covert narcissists are good at manipulating/finding naive or low self esteem girls who they know will tolerate their bad behavior long term. 
  22. Disagree
    Lilly14 reacted to King in why do women like men?   
    Because we make them laugh and don't judge them like other women do.
  23. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from ireallywannaknow in Should I end my engagement?   
    Agree 100%
  24. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from habib e najjaar in why do women like men?   
    Lots of girls have low self esteem because of western society's beauty standards or because of childhood abuse/neglect so they'll easily accept a sub-par guy because they don't believe they deserve better, or they're naive and believe their spouse will change one day, or the people around her encourage her to put up with the bare minimum effort her spouse puts into their marriage or encourage her to put up with the abuse/cheating because in certain cultures women are expected to tolerate more bad behavior from their spouse, compared to men. 
    Plus bad boys and/or covert narcissists are good at manipulating/finding naive or low self esteem girls who they know will tolerate their bad behavior long term. 
  25. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Diaz in Should I end my engagement?   
    Agree 100%
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