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In the Name of God بسم الله

Lilly14

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  1. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Northwest in "Fragile" masculinity   
    These are the appropriate contexts for both those terms 


    A real life example I remember in a Domestic Violence support group I was in was a man beating his wife for getting her 10 year old son to help her wash dishes, because he believed washing dishes was a woman's job. 
  2. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 got a reaction from adi_a in Recs for Shia Sheikhs who write posts on social media about social, family, etc topics?   
    Sheikh Nasser has created a following of Shia and Sunni Muslims through funny and serious posts about family, society etc, and he also sometimes promotes Shia beleifs. Plus, Sunni Muslims have so many scholars that have a huge following online, and I think its a shame if as Shia we don't have those, which might be help some Sunni Muslims be more exposed to Shia beliefs, so even if they don't become Shia, at least they get to know more about real Shia beliefs, since they are often fed absurd and baseless propaganda about us, and even a little bit more of peace between us is great in my opinion.
    And in general, I think our online presence is a bit lacking, since I learned first hand how hard it is to find easy to follow resources about shiasm all in one place online, which would be helpful for revert and Sunni Muslims.
  3. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Joshua Bin Medellin in Ascetic life anyone?   
    Just remember if you plan to have a spouse/kids, they might not want the same lifestyle, as in having only the bare minimum basics like food, as you said. 
  4. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to SoRoUsH in Should I Reject a Woman for Marriage if She Wears Makeup?   
    It depends. Are you a perfect follower of the religion? Or do you have flaws, too? 
    Before being too picky (and implicitly arrogant), look at yourself. If you're flawless in matters of faith, then seek a flawless wife.
    Wassalam
  5. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from AmirioTheMuzzy in Ascetic life anyone?   
    Just remember if you plan to have a spouse/kids, they might not want the same lifestyle, as in having only the bare minimum basics like food, as you said. 
  6. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Ascetic life anyone?   
    Just remember if you plan to have a spouse/kids, they might not want the same lifestyle, as in having only the bare minimum basics like food, as you said. 
  7. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to Love4the14 in I feel lonely   
    Salaam,
    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way sister. it sounds like you may have clinical depression. Feeling disconnected from your family, not motivated, crying spells and feeling guilty are all typical symptoms. It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time so I would encourage you to see a doctor to at least discuss options. Unfortunately in most cultures there is a stigma with seeking assistance with mental health issues, it is not recognized or discussed in our communities. This might feel like a big step but talking to a counselor or doctor will help. 
    Here is a link from another thread which might be helpful
    https://muslimmentalhealth.com
  8. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to Moalfas in Marital Relationship   
    It takes two to tango my friend. 
    Luring someone and consenting to sex are two very different things. 
    Both genders can lure each other by something as simple as a subtle smile, movement, hair flick etc 
    Consent vs rape is a whole different story. 
  9. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to Revert1963 in Marital Relationship   
    What about the man? I wouldn't advice any Muslim Sister to marry a man who didn't have the shame, honour and respect to stay away from luring married women astray!!!
  10. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 got a reaction from Joshua Bin Medellin in Helicopter parenting   
    I understand your situation with the hanging out aspect, and even though I'm in my 20s I still have the same strict hanging out rules as I did in high school. But it's slightly better since my mom won't call or suddenly show up to see if I'm really where I say I am or with who I say I am with like she did when I was in high school. I think she finally learned to trust me alhamdollilah. 
    I'm already introverted, but as I've grown older I've naturally become less concerned about hanging out with friends in person, and also you and your friends get very busy as adults, so you have less time to hang out... So maybe you'll feel like that too sooner or later.
  11. Thanks
    Lilly14 got a reaction from YaAliMadad110786 in Helicopter parenting   
    Oh wow, I never knew that this belief would be held by a sheikh. Inshaallah things go well for you in all aspects of life, and it doesn't reach the point of more conflict for you. 
    Inshaallah, so would I inshaallah. But I was saying that any Shia men would be lucky to marry you for many reasons, including that they know you're not marrying them for their citizenship, since you already have yours. 
  12. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to WisdomAndAnswers in If the person you are going to marry had a horrible family   
    Thank you for your answer. He was going to pinch in for the wedding. He was actually planning to do more for the wedding than his family. His family just pretended to help so that they can look good in front of other people.
    My mom never liked the mom and his sister from the start. It’s a long story on how it worked out in the end. But his sister and mother are very sneaky and shady. His sister fought with him just because my mother spoke out to his mother. The sister and mother told him in their own words “we lied to them about getting gold when we came back from our travels so that they can accept you.”
    I’m not completely upset about they didn’t get but it’s just the sneakiness and the lies that really upset me. 
  13. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from WisdomAndAnswers in If the person you are going to marry had a horrible family   
    I'm not sure. I think it depends on what was promised. Like if his family promised to pitch in for the normal wedding expenses (rings, venue, catering etc) and now they say won't pitch in at all, can he pitch in something himself, so that it's not just my family paying for everything? 
    About his family's attitude, I'd hesitate about what to do, and discuss that with my mom in depth since she has much more personal life experience, and surely knows couples who went through similar situations and how it worked out for them. 
  14. Like
    Lilly14 got a reaction from hasanhh in Helicopter parenting   
    That's exactly why many of us adult Muslim girls, and sometimes adult Muslim guys, have to abide by the same rules as we did when we were little kids (no sleepovers, no visiting friend's homes without a parent, etc) and teens (no overnight school field trips, no dorms, don't go out alone at night, etc). And from all the insane and scary incidents people who didn't have parents like ours share on social media, I now agree that it's better to be safe than sorry, and I don't resent my mom for how she raised me or that she's still very protective.
  15. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to azizaliallah in Helicopter parenting   
    Be patient strive to assume as much responsibility as you possibly can, learn how to communicate and work on building adult relationship with your parents.
    Best of luck
    Salam
  16. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Northwest in Reprogramming oneself at age twenty-seven   
    To Whom It May Concern,
    I am currently twenty-seven years old and am in need of being “adopted.” I did not grow up in a religious background but feel that religion may be beneficial.
    Specifically, I am wondering if I may be able to be adopted by, live with, and witness (or be tutored by) a very observant, strict family—directly or indirectly.
    I am currently unmarried, unemployed, and studying a foreign language at a community school somewhere in Europe. I am still dependent on my family.
    Characteristics:
    Brought up in a non-Muslim, irreligious family in the USA, with a weak father and dominant mother Precocious intellect from age three or so, but overly sensitive, rebellious, controlling personality Tendency to procrastinate and/or blame others for personal problems (Asperger’s diagnosis, age three) Was shown and/or watched various films over the years, leading to bad subliminal effects, many jinn (?) Father studied psychology, mother studied childhood education (latter used music, song, and dance) On-and-off schooling (including online) due to behavioural problems, so delayed educational path Scored 4 or 5 on three Advanced Placement tests while attending high school in the USA Required many accommodations for assignments throughout primary and secondary schooling Graduated high school at age twenty, then attended university for two years, stayed in a dormitory After two years, could not balance studies and social skills, had poor planning skills, too emotional Stopped listening to music in the past year and tried to avoid looking at females, but desperate Wishes he was brought up in a much stricter family and/or responded to challenges better Feels that he lacks virtually all the skills to be an independent adult, not sure what to prioritise Battle between guilty conscience, inferiority complex, and a very stubborn, complicated nafs Thank you for any assistance that you may be able to render.
    @Ashvazdanghe @Mohammed-Mehdi @layman @Logic1234 @Azadar-e-Ali @ali_fatheroforphans @azizaliallah @Haji 2003 @Qa'im
  17. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to Dr Nadia in Please help me remove my confusion regarding istekgara   
    Salam 
    I am a Doctor by profession and married I am about to select my speciality of future and I am too confused so I did istakhara from Qur'an after isha prayers after learning how it is performed in imamia jantri so I did like that, I was thinking about gynecology and obstetrics so my istekhara waNJs about whether should I do it or not so this ayah came 
    And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.
    People have confused me about this now some saying there is prohibition others saying there is positive sign of success
     
    as gynE is female speciality and patients are only females now I am confused any learnt person who know about istekhara please help me
    jazakAllah
     
  18. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to YaAliMadad110786 in Helicopter parenting   
    I’ve tried to sit down and speak to my mum, as shes easier to talk to and explain how I don’t want to depend on anyone ever. But no, they do not get my point. Even if it has made me feel depressed and somewhat anxious of the outside world 
  19. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to Hussain_ in Helicopter parenting   
    Eventually you’ll have to sit down with them and tell them what’s on your mind and how you feel about it
  20. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to YaAliMadad110786 in Helicopter parenting   
    Assalamualaikum, I have a problem. I live in the UK and I am now considered as an adult (18 turning 19). However my parents see it differently. I respect their beliefs, but it can get pretty extreme at times. From a young age, me and my siblings have been very dependant on our parents and at the time, we felt protected and knew we had our parents standing behind us no matter what happens! But growing up, I realised my parents had bought me up differently compared to my classmates(Muslim or not.) My mum would pack my bags and do my homework for me sometimes. My mum was against me showing by myself till I was 13! I do love both of my parents and I’m not going to deny that. As I grew older and older, my parents kept a close eye on me(which I totally understand) but now it is somewhat getting out of control. My parents do not trust me. I’ve not had the best grades in the past but I work hard and my grades are getting better and better Alhumdullilah, I help around the house, and try to be an obedient daughter. My father doesn’t trust me, when he drops me off to college, he doesn’t leave till I’m fully inside. I haven’t done anything for them to feel like that. I try to avoid interacting with the opposite gender unless its needed, and my group of friends are decent, I’ve never hung out with the wrong crowd. They won’t even let me leave their sight if I go outside. I decided to walk outside for 5 minutes and my dad came running after me using the excuse theres stabbings around and people go missing. I get that but then when he sees girls my age go out with their friends, even if its just to go out and eat, they think its not decent. They allow me to go out with one of my friends, and they have to drop me off, and SEE I’m actually with her and not with anyone else. My mum always talks about how she wants me to get married within the next few years but I want to be independent before that so I don’t have to depend on anyone when times get rough. I don’t want to seem like I’m spoilt and truly want the best for my siblings and myself. Jazak’Allah Khair
  21. Thanks
    Lilly14 got a reaction from 3wliya_maryam in If the person you are going to marry had a horrible family   
    I'm not sure. I think it depends on what was promised. Like if his family promised to pitch in for the normal wedding expenses (rings, venue, catering etc) and now they say won't pitch in at all, can he pitch in something himself, so that it's not just my family paying for everything? 
    About his family's attitude, I'd hesitate about what to do, and discuss that with my mom in depth since she has much more personal life experience, and surely knows couples who went through similar situations and how it worked out for them. 
  22. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to notme in Bowing to "master" during jiu jitsu classes - haram?   
    It's not like prostration. It's just a gesture of respect for the school and the system. If you respect the training and trainers, and they expect you to do it, you should do it. 
    It's comparable to a military salute, not sajda. 
  23. My Prayers
    Lilly14 reacted to musa shakr in tattoos and piercings   
    I'm a conservative with visible tattoos and pierced ears. How will I be treated by the rest of the conservative population? Im planning on lazering my tattoos but I also may get more depending on how people feel about it. I'm concerned I'll have a problem finding a conservative wife or that my appearance will be a problem for her family.
  24. Like
    Lilly14 reacted to 3wliya_maryam in If the person you are going to marry had a horrible family   
    Yes it does seem complicated. And there is a possibility that the guy who suffered from abuse may have mental health problems like anger management. So yeah its quite risky.
    If he's a really good guy as you say, then obviously I have to get to know him more first and whether he is meant to be in my life or not. The rest is up to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). If I truly loved him, and wanted to fight for him regardless of what his family says, then we both need to be aware of the fact that there are going to be many obstacles in the way that could potentially jeopardise our relationship. We have to be fully prepared for that and take action if we must. And then whatever happens definitely happens for a good reason, all part of Allah's plan.
  25. Completely Agree
    Lilly14 reacted to A_A in advice on interacting with friend   
    When life throws you to your knees, you're in a perfect position to prostrate. If I am not mistaken, Imam Ali Abi Taleb said that. 
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