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In the Name of God بسم الله

Lilly14

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Everything posted by Lilly14

  1. Honestly, I never fear like I'm in danger when I wear hijab in the U.S. So I would not worry over it too much. I just avoid going out alone walking at night, but many non-hijabi/non-muslim women do that too.
  2. I've been wearing hijab in the United States since I was 8 and now I'm almost 24. My mom actually never asked me to put it on,and I was the one who told her I wanted to do it. I honestly don't think most people think we're powerless and weak. I mean I've never been approached about that being their perception except for when I'm online. But I do think we are judged, but we are not the only one's who get judged by our appearance in our society, so it doesn't bother me much at this point. I do think people may avoid hijabis because they are unsure about us, but getting to know others definitely helps clear up misconceptions. But I usually don't mind not being approached by people because I'm an introvert. As for your question about whether other people make me feel different or if my perception of myself makes me feel different... I would say both. When you're a hijabi, most of the time you aren't hit on by guys, and the people who do try to get to know you are open minded people, so you're experience is going to be different than the average woman here. BUT no one goes through life the same anyways. And I feel like I'm different because I perceive it as such. My characteristics are different from most people, even my own family. So, even though I enjoy "normal" things, even if I wasn't a hijabi, I would still consider myself different than others in terms of personality, interests, etc. All in all, I think we need to focus on the benefits of hijab,. The personal benefits of hijab to me is that it helps me be humble about my appearance, it helps hide my insecurities, I spend less time worrying how I look/getting ready, and it's a feminist statement for me as well because I live in a society obsessed with sexualizing women and squishing them into very specific molds. I've also reached a point in my life, that I don't care too much about what strangers think about me, or people that I'm not close with. I'm happy with who I am, and I don't think it's worth worrying about the fact that I don't fit in all the time. It's taken me a lot of struggle in high school ad middle school to get to this personal understanding regarding hijab though, but I'm glad I learned from it.
  3. Hello! I got a message from someone who is interested in Prophet Mohammad. Specifically she said "Can you tell me all that you can about the last prophet Muhammad? I want to know about him. I want to more about all he has done and why he is so special." I've been looking for some resources for her on reliable Islamic websites like Al-Islam but there is way too much information (dozens of pages worth of info) on those sites for someone who is only at the point that she's curious about Islam, and it will probably overwhelm her at this point. So, if any brothers and sisters know of any reliable resources pertaining to her question that are short and easy to read I would be very thankful. Especially if it has information about the Prophet's life, his miracles, what makes him special, etc. Jazakallakhayr!
  4. You just have a strict sense of gender roles. People are changing things because some women want to take an advantage of fulfilling and sometimes vital opportunities that their mother's and grandmother's didn't have. My dad prevented my mom from learning English to be able to get a job in the U.S. so she would feel helpless and could never be on her own with her little children. Her inability to support herself is another reason she had to stay with my dad for so many years. For me my education and career is my ticket to being able to take care of myself if my future husband turns out to be anything like my abusive dad. I'm in my last semester of my bachelor's degree, and after that is graduate school inshallah, so after all that time and effort, inshallah I would continue to work when I am married. And as for a robber, I also plan to go to self-defense classes once I find a female instructor, which is hard because I live in a small town at the moment. I also expect that my husband will help me with household chores, and with taking care of any kids, if I ever want to have any. I believe in equality in marriage. That being said, I respect anyone who chose to follow traditional gender roles, it's just not for some people like me.
  5. Being brave is a relative term. Yes being selfless and brave in the face of danger is the bravest thing possible. But there other things that make a person brave too! Why is being open with your emotions throwing away your masculinity? Being a "man" is a relative term too. Being a man will be different to you, and every man. There is no one correct way to be a man. And also, let me tell you, my dad was a masculine man. He was not open with his feelings. But guess what? He was abusive scum. My mom's best friend's husband is openly expressive with his emotions, and guess, what they have the most supportive relationship I have ever seen. You can't just make up facts, and say that men who are comfortable with being open about their feelings will cause divorce lol. @baradar_jacksonAnd as for the strength of men being able to contain their emotions to their "damn selves". Women have been doing that for ages too. For thousands of years, it was not uncommon for women had suffer through beatings by their husbands, and yet always stay by his side because a good wife in all societies had to stand by her husband no matter what. That's how my grandma and mom were raised. This type of mentality is still present in some traditional societies today. So if you're basing you're definition of a traditional men's strength on keeping emotions to yourself, then you're also saying that the definition of a traditional men's strength is also a traditionally feminine strength. And that would mean that keeping your emotions to yourself isn't such a masculine trait after all.
  6. Exactly, brother! I'm an openly emotional person since I was a child, so if I was a man, this stigma of for men to not be openly emotional and vulnerable would suffocate me.
  7. I'm not sure why you're presuming people who have self-esteem and mental illness issues can always just snap out of it the moment their partner starts acting abusive... Crying is a human emotion, and that men have every right to cry if they feel like it. Crying isn't a sign of weakness to me, it's a sign of natural human emotion. I'm a passionate and emotionally expressive person, so I would need someone who could communicate with me, the way I communicate with him, to fully feel like there is mutual understanding. Inshalla, I don't want to marry a man who wouldn't feel comfortable with expressing his emotions openly, at least to me. I would never want him to feel like he was being "too weak" in front of me for crying about something on his mind. I don't expect, want, or even need my husband to be strong for my sake all the time, because I have been, and Inshallah will continue to be, strong enough for my self. And I would be more than happy to be strong for my husband's sake whenever he needs it.
  8. I added another post above that I think maybe addresses your confusion. You might have a grown up in a good environment, have a healthy mental status, and have good self-esteem, but not all men do sadly. And I think that is the reason why men can be abused by women. I don't think that being abused by a woman makes you less of a grown man though. Just saying.
  9. Also men with very low-self esteem or men with mental illness like chronic depression, are likely going to respond to abuse from a woman differently as well.
  10. Thank you. But in an ideal world, men and women should have the dignity to no get bossed around, or controlled. And people shouldn't abuse others. But that's not how our world is. Men are human beings, just like woman, and they fall victim to the same things we do. Expecting all men to be dignified in a relationship is just not realistic, especially if you consider the vastly different backgrounds and personalities each man has. A guy who has grown up in a loving, caring family environment will probably react to an abusive woman differently than a guy who has grown up in a broken home, or was bullied all through out childhood.
  11. Convincing someone to get out of an abusive relationship, is not always easy. The person may acknowledge that they are being abused, but until they want to get out (or can even get out in some cases) themselves, it is futile. Abused people can come up with so many excuses to stay, even if they have the ability to leave. My mom for example, said that she didn't want us to grow up without a father, and she thought that one day he would change. Before that, in Iran, she physically could not get a divorce because she knew that if she got a divorce, she would lose custody of my brother and I, because my dad's family had deep connections. These are only my mom's reasons, so there are so many reasons out there.
  12. Men are not beings that are immune to abuse and staying in abusive relationships. Hyper-masculinity in society is the very reason why men who finally admit or seek help for the fact that they are being abused, are made fun of or not taken seriously by some. My uncles are married to women who control every aspect of their life with iron fists, yet they only give hints or mumble about it, because men in society aren't supposed to show vulnerability and weakness. Reversely, my dad was psychologically, financially, verbally, and physically abusive to my mom, until my mom, my brother, and I finally ran away after many, many years of patience. We are all humans, we are all prone to being abused, and staying with the people that abuse us, for whatever reason.
  13. I enjoy really her commentary as well! I follow her on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/dalia.mogahed.9?ref=ts&fref=ts&__nodl Another recently well know hajabi social activist in the U.S. is Linda Sarsour. This is her page https://www.facebook.com/linda.sarsour?ref=ts&fref=ts&__nodl
  14. Thank you for your answers! Jazakallahkhayr. I have directed him to this thread. But I'm not sure he'll come here, because that would spoil his illusion of shias.
  15. He was saying false things such as how shias believe that the last 10 chapters of the Quran is hidden. And that Gabriel made a mistake by giving Prophethood to Prophet Mohammad (saw) and had inteded to give it to Imam Ali. He also brought some random haddiths to "prove" that we believe that stuff, even after I told him that we don't believe any haddith book is 100% reliable. I wanted to see what other shias had to say since I don't know haddiths that we consider reliable to counter him. He said: " Allaah often lies and does mistakes. (usool-e-kaafi, page #328, yaqoob kulaini, vol1). The Munafiqeen (i.e. Sahaba) took very much out of Quran (took out the verses). (Ihtijaj-e-tibri, page #382). When Imaam Mehdi comes he will bring with him the real and original Quran. (Ahsan-ul-maqaal, page #336, safdar Husain najfi). The person who says that the present Quran is complete is a liar because the “complete Quran” was compiled by Hazrat Ali. (Fasl-ul-khitaab fee tahreef kitaab rab-ul- arbab, page #4, Noori Tibri). Imam Jafar (as) said: “The Quran that Gibrael (as) brought to Muhammad (saw) had 17,000 verses"
  16. I am aware that the devoted followers of the previous Prophets didn’t mean they were less devoted to Allah or the Prophet of their time than the followers of Prophet Mohammad (SAW). And btw I had never spoke to this particular person before, so I had said nothing about the Prophet (SAW) to make him ask me those questions. He practically opened the conversation with those questions himself. That's exactly why I asked the original question, I didn't want to say "simply because he is the last Prophet". But as for virtues, if I'm not mistaken, I think that's important to mention because the Prophet (SAW) had the best virtues of all of humanity.
  17. Hello my friend is planning to convert to Islam but I was wondering what valid resources I should suggest so that they will know where the Gibla is?
  18. Someone I know is seriously interesting in becoming a muslim, as in they're doing the research, they are reading the quran, and they believe Islam is the right path etc. but of course there is so much more to learn, but I have no idea where I can find resources or guides that are in English for this person. Like information on the Ahlul bayt, islamic lifestyle, and other things etc. That being said, I'm aware that you should not share an overwhelming amount of information with potential converts. So, if you have any suggestions on how to interact with someone who is seriously thinking about becoming a muslim, please let me know. Jazakallakhayr
  19. I'm just a regular muslim college student so I didn't know how to explain these questions that he asked me in a way that would be informative. If any brothers or sisters can help me provide a detailed answer for him I would be thankful. He asked me: "What makes Muhammad more important messenger than Adam who was created before him? Or the other true prophets before him ?" "Why dont the other prophets receive equal in the seven heavens?"
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