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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Lilly14

  1. Just remember if you plan to have a spouse/kids, they might not want the same lifestyle, as in having only the bare minimum basics like food, as you said.
  2. Oh wow, I never knew that this belief would be held by a sheikh. Inshaallah things go well for you in all aspects of life, and it doesn't reach the point of more conflict for you. Inshaallah, so would I inshaallah. But I was saying that any Shia men would be lucky to marry you for many reasons, including that they know you're not marrying them for their citizenship, since you already have yours.
  3. If worst comes to worst, and your parents try to coerce you to marry a specific syed you're not interested in, maybe you're going to have to get your mosque's sheikh and/or family friends to have an intervention with your parents, to talk some sense into them that in Islam, you don't have to marry a syed or that they can't force you to marry someone you don't want to. And if someone truly wants to marry you, they will accept reasonable conditions that you place on your nikah contract, like right to travel or right to work. You're an educated, virtuous syed girl who has UK citizenship, any Shia guy would be BEYOND LUCKY to marry you. If they don't accept your conditions, it's their loss because virtuous girls are very hard to find in the west, and syed girls aren't very common in the west either. Yes, they could marry someone from Asia or the Middle East, but as many of us Muslim women and men with US, UK, Canadian etc citizenship know, there's a risk with marrying a non-citizen because the non-citizen may be desperate to get out of their country and only accepted the marriage to get a visa or citizenship easily through marriage, and will get a divorce once they get it... which could be a huge financial blow for men if you consider the possibility of division of assets, child support, etc.
  4. Wait a minute. What will they disown you over? It's a little unclear, and I don't want to jump to conclusions
  5. Maybe there was an entire childhood of abuse, isolation, or oppression involved in those cases. My mom was very affectionate and the only place in my life she was strict about was hanging out, and even then, I wasn't deprived of social interaction outside of school growing up and had neighbor friends, friends in the mosque, and friends on the school girl's soccer team in certain periods of my life. I was miserable sometimes as a teen too because I didn't want my mom around when I was hanging out, but I moved passed it in college because we were busy and my friends mostly moved out of the city, but thanks to the internet/phones we could still keep in touch. But I can understand her feelings since obviously we didn't share the exact same circumstances in life, and she is more concerned about the importance of being proficient in day to day social interaction required of an adult, which I didn't care much about since I'm a type B personality and I figured I'd learn it slowly with practice, which I find college helps with. -------------------- I really hope you don't get coerced into a marriage you don't want. Not to mention, as women we are not guaranteed to get more freedom after marriage, because in some instances, husbands are just as, if not more restrictive as our parents. So, if you do decide to get married, you might have to get the freedoms you want clearly stated on your nikah contract so that, for example, you don't need your husband's permission to travel or work after you marry him. @YaAliMadad110786
  6. That's exactly why many of us adult Muslim girls, and sometimes adult Muslim guys, have to abide by the same rules as we did when we were little kids (no sleepovers, no visiting friend's homes without a parent, etc) and teens (no overnight school field trips, no dorms, don't go out alone at night, etc). And from all the insane and scary incidents people who didn't have parents like ours share on social media, I now agree that it's better to be safe than sorry, and I don't resent my mom for how she raised me or that she's still very protective.
  7. I understand your situation with the hanging out aspect, and even though I'm in my 20s I still have the same strict hanging out rules as I did in high school. But it's slightly better since my mom won't call or suddenly show up to see if I'm really where I say I am or with who I say I am with like she did when I was in high school. I think she finally learned to trust me alhamdollilah. I'm already introverted, but as I've grown older I've naturally become less concerned about hanging out with friends in person, and also you and your friends get very busy as adults, so you have less time to hang out... So maybe you'll feel like that too sooner or later.
  8. I'm not sure. I think it depends on what was promised. Like if his family promised to pitch in for the normal wedding expenses (rings, venue, catering etc) and now they say won't pitch in at all, can he pitch in something himself, so that it's not just my family paying for everything? About his family's attitude, I'd hesitate about what to do, and discuss that with my mom in depth since she has much more personal life experience, and surely knows couples who went through similar situations and how it worked out for them.
  9. That's tough a situation, I can't imagine how bad the experiences were that led him to the extreme of hating God. Good luck to you, and I hope your friend finds God again someday.
  10. Never give up faith and that your family can change, and keep them in your prayers do that inshaallah Zareey will be guided. But even if they don't, know that an understanding person and/or their family that is considering to marry you knows that they shouldn't judge your iman by your family's iman. The fact that you've kept your iman despite being surrounded by people in your family and community that aren't practicing Muslims says a lot about your will to hang on to your iman mashaallah and alhamdollilah! Inshaallah you fill find an understanding and good spouse one day when it's right! P.S. many religious people have family that aren't religious, so it's not as uncommon as you may think!
  11. "There is no minimum amount set for Mahr although various Hadith suggest that it not be excessively low. Imam Sadiq (‘a) has cited Imam ‘Ali (‘a) through his forefathers: I do not like Mahr to be less than ten dirham, so it does not resemble the payment of a prostitute." https://www.al-Islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-Islam-ayatullah-ibrahim-amini/mahr-women-and-its-philosophy
  12. I don't think that was his intention to insinuate all or almost all women need to wear niqab.
  13. All hijabi women have at least a few points in their hijab wearing life have been ogled or catcalled, even while wearing loose and long fitting clothes and no makeup. This conclusion of yours would make Niqab wajib for all Shia women. And most of us by no means agree with your conclusion, nor is it practical in western countries, where even non-niqab hijab upsets some people and/or indangers us.
  14. Good luck to you! I'm so happy you've decided to research Shia Islam!
  15. The pill's various side effects effect more than just small percentage of women. And some women have a difficult and long time find BC that works for them. Well even a small chance is is a deterrent for some women, if the situation isn't prime for having kids Then that would have to be stipulated on the Mutah contract so there would be no he said she said arguments about it afterwards.
  16. Unfortunately, some women react horribly to the pill or other hormonal birth control. Major weight gain, severe mood swings, etc. I knew someone who developed a fibroadenoma as a result, though thankfully in her case it was harmless. And many of us know women who used the IUD and had horror stories. So menopausal women or women with their tubes tied would least have to worry about this.
  17. Their rights can't be neglected, but the rights of his Mutah kids and his permanent marriage kids are somewhat different according to this source, unless this source is wrong... children born from Mutah do get much less inheritance than a permanent marriage child. "There is also the question of inheritance by a child born as the result of a temporary marriage: its inheritance from its father is one-half of that of a child by permanent marriage" https://www.al-Islam.org/muta-temporary-marriage-Islamic-law-sachiko-murata/statutes-muta
  18. If you go back, I said there are logical reasons (less rights, not ideal for virgins) why many people prefer nika over Mutah, not that it is always the less preferable option. You were talking about the west's previous practices in terms of female slavery etc so I just pointed out the negative aspect of what you stated. So no, you did not burst my bubble, I know human rights abuses have gone one everywhere and in every time. I looked it up, kids born from mutah get 1/2 the inheritence nikah born kids get, and since no contraceptive is 100% effective, that's a pretty big logical reason why a woman and/or her wali would perfer normal nikah over Mutah. And I do know for sure know that women do not inherit from the husbands in Mutah marriage, which is understandable considering it's meant to be temporary, but it's still not as financially enticing for a woman.
  19. My logical reasons were all based on Islam. Also, I updated my previous response with a source. I'm not sure you realize, but in the west in the past, women in slavery were often raped against their will. Their children that were conceived were not entitled to inheritence and were often seen as the abomination of the family and were bullied by the main family, or at least by society. Often the mistress or slave woman was also ridiculed too. If I'm not mistaken, I believe children born from Mutah are also not entitled to inheritance unless the man decides to grant it himself.
  20. No one is saying Mutah is wrong, but there are logical reasons why many people prefer nikah over mutah. Women have more rights granted to them by Islam in a nikah marriage than in Mutah marriage. Not to mention, if it brings shame to the girls family, like in the society they live in, it makruh for virgin girls to partake in Mutah, or if the source of shame would be due to her having intercourse with the man, they can do Mutah, but shouldn't have intercourse. https://www.al-Islam.org/nikah-al-mutah-zina-or-sunnah-toyib-olawuyi/5-practice-mutah
  21. I imagine very vocal pro-mutah males would quickly change their opinion on Mutah if their sister, mother, or daughter was considering a Mutah marriage.
  22. Slightly off topic, but have you already tried visiting various Shia mosques and asking the sheikh to help you, or asking aunties you know to help you? You can give them your criteria too.
  23. I didn't know there was such a big difference between Sunni and Shia until I joined Muslim women's groups. Their hadiths can be completely different. They don't celebrate the birthdays of the Ahlul Bayt, although some believe in celebrating the birth of the Prophet while some believe it's an innovation unrelated to Islam, and strongly condemn it. They also believe hadiths about the ahlul baht that makes them seem not infallible, like that Imam Ali AS wanted another wife while married to Hazrat Fatima AS, but she was jealous and didn't let him. Their practices, even within Sunni schools can be different too, like what type of seafood is halal. Overall, it seems that Sunni women have less rights than Shia women, like how they can't travel without a Mahram. If she does insist on marrying him just to be safe she should write that she will remain Shia after marriage and will raise their kids with Shia beliefs, so he can't claim that since she is his wife he has to listen to him. She might want to look up the topic of divorce, Khula, and the payment Khula requires the woman to pay the man. I'm not an expert in divorce in Shia Islam, so please look into this more and don't take my following words as 100% fact. But perhaps she can get the right to divorce written in her nikah so she doesn't need to do Khula, or at least specify the price of the Khula payment she has to make him, so he can't specify whatever amount he wants after marriage and she would have to pay him. Also, have in her nikah written that in case of divorce she gets at least partial custody of the kids, since I've heard some countries usually give all custody to the father.
  24. I didn't even consider the male's struggle of Nikah then waiting several months to a year to have the wedding party and/or moving in. For my physical and financial protection, I already inshaallah wanted get to know my future spouse by having a chaperone around each time, and then having nikah, western legal marriage, wedding party, and start living together on the same day.
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