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In the Name of God بسم الله

Lilly14

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About Lilly14

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  1. For those with mental illness, some types of mental illnesses can’t be controlled with just mindset and religion, because the illness has to do with their brain's biology. They might also need family support, therapists, medication, etc.
  2. That's wrong. Only Allah swa knows and can dictate how much a person deserves to punished by Him and whether they go to Hell. Allah swa is most merciful thankfully. We can't forget that.
  3. I want to point out that sometimes even the loved ones closest to a person like don't know if someone has depression. There was a boy in my high school that committed suicide. He was popular (liked by everyone in school because he was friendly to everyone regardless if they were his friends or not), doing well in school, had a twin sister he was close with etc. And even she didn't see it coming. He was an active member our school's Christian faith club too. So he was exactly the last person you'd expect to lose hope. So judging by what you said about that boy (his extreme dispair and extreme fretting over sinning) no one can rule out depression or other mental illnesses, since often mental illness is comorbid. Allah swa knows best. Such a sad story regardless.
  4. Her intention is not exclusion. There is a culture shock being raised in a non-Muslim household most of your life and then becoming Muslim, because Islam is very much a lifestyle, and there are so many intricacies that you have to integrate into your life. And while western born Muslims have often similar problems as reverts, it's very different at times. Say, how to deal with parents who don't like that you're a revert Muslim, and as a born Muslim I could never understand that major struggle, but I'm sure some other reverts can. I've seen many mosques in the west have groups, but if no one wants to take initiate for making one specific group, doesn't mean there should be no other groups.
  5. Waalaykomassalam. As with many groups, someone's going to have to be passionate enough abut the initiative do the heavy lifting, as in you're going to have to take leadership yourself by finding members and organizing the group yourself. Like tell sisters in your mosque who are reverts to join or ask others to inform reverts they know about you're initiative. I'm sure your mosque would be OK with hosting the group, and if not, you guys could designate a meet up spot yourselves or if that's too inconvenient, make a facebook group maybe so you can all communicate without trying to find a meeting date that will work with everyone's scheduals. Many mosques have Qur'an groups, youth groups, women's only programs, besides the regular programs, I think it would be nice for reverts to have their own groups too.
  6. Sounds like he's not over her to me. Logically, I'm not sure why they would even be in contact still after the families said no. It's like beating a dead horse. This is exactly why I don't respond to men's messages on social media. My family wouldn't accept a random stranger man from halfway around the world to marry me, so there is no reason to chat with guys.
  7. If you are having trouble leaving please join a local women's support group for abused women or join a support group for abused women on social media, there's lots of private groups so no one can see you're in them if that's what you worry about. Emotional abusers know exactly just what to say so that you will feel like a villain for wanting to leave their abuse. That's why it might be helpful to have people around you who have been in your shoes help you escape his manipulation. Id say, if you can safety and secretly collect any evidence that you can that proves he yells/is verbally and emotionally abusive so you have proof if anyone is skeptical or points a finger at you instead. Like maybe put a password on your phone and let it record an argument. I'm praying everything goes well for you inshaAllah. My best friend has been from what started as only an emotionally abusive relationship, then it progressed to an also physically abusive relationship, with her cousin. Then in April, he chocked her until she passed out. She almost died! And when she wanted to leave him, he sent nude pics of her to their whole extended family, parents, grandparents, to punish her. Her family took her car so she can't meet him, tried to take her to support groups to heal, which she rejects. She still to this day talks to him on the phone secretly, and probably meets him too. I stopped talking to her until she leaves him because she vented the horrific abuse to me almost daily and it was too much to bear since she never broke things off with him for more than a week. My point is get out before you lose your life, your dignity, your self, your mental health, and your loved ones. You can actually develop PTSD, depression, and anxiety from physical or emotional abuse.
  8. OK thanks for clarifying. The language of the text was a bit confusing and seemed to imply different.
  9. In Mutah, men truly seem to have the longer end of the stick, as he's not doing Zina, and he's seemingly not held responsible if he does happen to have a child from it. I can't imagine how hard it is if you're poor, and/or can't relocate to get away from the judgemental people... how hard life will be for both the child and you. Especially in non western countries, where you are surrounded by other Muslims all the tine and your child doesn't have rights.
  10. I understood that it is saying that children from Mutah are meant to be in the custody of the dad, if the dad wants custody, but if he doesn't, he can give custody to the mom. Nor is he required to help provide the child's sustenance/material needs to an extent. Which I'm guessing that that means he's not even required to pay anything even if his child is dying in poverty somewhere. But is it saying in both permanent and Mutah marriages the child belongs to the man, but the man can not deny providing for his child if and only if the child is from permanent marriage? I'll have to read up more on these rulings and my Marjah. These are really rough, especially if a woman doesn't know these things and enters Mutah. But I'm glad that there can be a premutah contract stipulating conditions, like child support to circumvent these rulings in case of pregnancy. And prenikah contracts that can stipulate joint custody of kids in case of divorce. I'm thankful at least if someone has a baby from Mutah marriage, there are laws in places so the father has to financially partially support the child whether he wants to or not in my country, regardless if the couple is married by law or not. And that joint custody is the default.
  11. Even if you don't list that you were in Mutah on your page, you should tell them before they invest emotions and time into you, because that might be a major deal-breaker for them. And even if the fact that you were in Mutah isn't a deal-breaker for them, withholding the truth about something important is a major deal breaker for some people.
  12. My mom comes with me when I hang out with my female friends if it's a far location, since she has to drop me off and pick me up so it's more convenient for her to stay. Like if I go to a cafe with my female friends, my mom will sit on the other side of the cafe, so she's not eavesdropping on what we talk about, and it's not awkward for me. There's always a nice, happy medium if you look for one!
  13. You don't have women in your family who have good judgement who can help you find a wife from your mosque, community, neighborhood, or their social circles? Once they talk to the girl's family, and they agree to meet you all, you and the girl can decide if you want to move forward with getting to know each other through halal means, like halal text conversation/ chaperoned meetings. I have known some Pakistani, Indian, Iranian etc Shia who have married like that. So it's not like those of us who marry through our family are not getting to know our potential spouse at all before marriage. And you say Islamically it's wrong for girls to laugh loudly in their groups of friends, but personally I think its detrimental for a girl and guy to meet up in private before marriage if they are unmarried, as that can unintentionally cause the couple to succumb to Haram temptations. But maybe I misunderstood, and you meant get to know through texting only
  14. Some people do their Nikah ceremony weeks or months before their public wedding celebration, so if you see a couple touching before marriage that doesn't necessarily mean that they are doing Haram. I'm a girl and I'm not saying you have to do this, but personally I would try to involve my family in all steps of my marriage process. I know not all elders are like this, but my elders have good insight and judgement, plus they know how to navigate the Islamic marriage process intricacies. Plus, personally I'd never want to invest in someone emotionally, like through text conversations, if I didn't know for sure both our families agree to us getting married. But as for your OG question... I'd want his family to approach my family, and not me at all first. (which is possible since the only time you run into Shia is at the mosque in my city). I know my ***extremely*** traditional mom would feel like I was disrespected if a guy approached me himself. But I know many Muslim moms in my community are nowhere as traditional as my mom. Like my mom agreed to talk to a guy's mom about me, but she never returned their calls when his mom suggested me and him meet up at a restaurant to talk before we even met him and his family for the first time lol. But to be fair my mom didn't know too much about the family and the guy in the first place, so she might have explained for us to all meet if she approved of the family and/or the guy was a total catch.
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