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In the Name of God بسم الله

Inner Peace

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  1. New year new thoughts thread! Special thanks to a person who wishes to remain anonymous.
  2. Yea, I never lived back home but that's been the case with most families I know too. Migration comes with so many difficulties that often give a couple experiences that help them with bonding.
  3. That is a statistic I've read all over the internet. I haven't verified it myself but if you google it it'll come up everywhere. https://www.forbes.com/sites/amyguttman/2015/12/09/set-to-take-over-tech-70-of-irans-science-and-engineering-students-are-women/#461fd4e544de However, I'm assuming the course ban in 2012, employment statistics and various announcements from university will discourage females continuing pursuing STEM fields in Iran. "On 20 August 2012, an announcement was made by Iran's Ministry of Science, Research and Technology that 36 universities in Iran would be cutting 77 fields of study from the female curriculum, making them male-only fields. The fields chosen include most sciences and engineering, among others." "The announcement came soon after the release of statistics showing that women were graduating in far higher numbers than men from Iranian universities and were scoring overall better than men, especially in the sciences." Cultural issues regarding emotional independence of women in the West compared to the East? I don't think this is an actual cultural issue amongst Western women, if anything like I said I think Muslim women are more emotionally dependent than Eastern women are.
  4. So I'm not sure based on what data you're suggesting that emotional dependence or love amongst partners in the East is more than the West? Where exactly are you getting this information that this is a western culture female issue? That's a specific example but actually for the most part I'd say females want to spend more time with their partners and need more attention than vice versa. To my knowledge, this has been supported by studies, hence, the stereotypical term "clingy" is used usually for females. Generally what we know about female psychology conflicts your specific example, so the trend is not what you say necessarily. Regardless, emotional dependence is very individual and couple dependent. Some people are more independent emotionally and others aren't. Thus, why two good people may not be compatible with each other in marriage. This is not evidenced supported but I actually think Western society can be more isolating (especially when you're Muslim) so it would logically make sense to turn to a spouse more. There's always something social happening in Eastern countries, if anything the men and women are socializing and spending time with other people that are not their partners more than in the West.
  5. Regarding dependence, even back in the days when females were more dependent on men it was problematic if things didn't go well (e.g., husband passes away). However, due to various reasons females didn't have the opportunity to establish independence as much back then. Now that women do have the opportunity to take more control over their own lives, they recognize that they can and should prevent the risk of losing everything in a relationship and being left with no support. Yes you are right that in some areas of the world partners are more dependent on each and dependence will typically lead into a higher likelihood of remaining married. However, I would argue the success of a marriage should not be measured based on the longevity of the marriage but rather the quality of the marriage. Someone may stay in a marriage due to financial dependence, but I don't necessarily think staying in a marriage because of dependence is a good thing. In a marriage you can't control every factor, what if your partner for whatever reasons decides to step out of the marriage. I read a quote along the lines of, your career, education and money won't one day wake up and decide to leave you. Now of course I understand this quote is problematic, but nonetheless, women can still have a stack of degrees and become a house wife if they want, but at least they have a backup and potential for employment if things go wrong. With so many degrees available nowadays through different mediums (online, in class, etc) and so many areas to work in, you can study while being married (I'm assuming if you don't have kids and you're a housewife you probably have some free time). Contrary to popular belief, education of females (especially in academically prestigious fields) is being recognized more in some Eastern countries compared to many Western countries. In Iran, 70% of engineers are females, while in Canada only 13% of engineers are females. I don't see how the female rejecting the guy who was not raised in the West is an issue. There are compatibility and cultural issues in western-eastern marriages. When individuals have very different upbringings it may be harder to get along and make mutual life decisions (e.g., raising kids). Naturally your upbringing affects your opinions, perspectives and life outlook. I would say even language is a barrier. For example, even though I'm bilingual I am more comfortable and have an easier time expressing myself and engaging in intellectual conversations in English rather than my mother tongue (which I fluently speak, write and read in). Majority of the females I know all unanimously agree they would not marry a guy raised in the East, at least, they highly prefer not to and are avoiding it. They all prefer to marry someone from a different nationality that's raised in the West than marry someone from the same nationality raised in the East. I know a couple girls in our community who married guys raised in the East and all of them were very firm with saying it is extremely difficult (they didn't regret it but they don't recommend it). When we criticize the independence of women in the West we often forget Khadija (as) was a successful business woman and very established prior to marrying the prophet. She was a divorcee who proposed marriage to the prophet. It's amazing how many cultural stereotypes the prophet's life breaks.
  6. Walaykum Salam, Picky eating is completely normal in toddlers and shouldn't be a concern. Try to minimize distractions and set regular meal time patterns. Toddlers often imitate older siblings. Remember appetite generally goes down at around 12 months. Allow their independence and curiosity. Aversion to meat in toddlers is very common behavioural concern for parents. Don't force your child to eat meat if he/she doesn't want it. There shouldn't be a power struggle when it comes to eating. Use alternative vegetarian or vegan options. Food complementation is also a great way to get complete proteins. No don't give a toddler smaller amounts of vitamin beverage. Iron anemia is the most common deficiency in North American toddlers but iron toxicity is also the most common toxicity in toddlers. He won't take the chewable gummies either? Since he doesn't eat bean and meat good sources of iron rich foods for toddlers are fortified cereals (often very high in iron), raisins, green peas and dried apricots. Fibre, iron, calcium, zinc, vitamin D and fluid are important for toddlers.
  7. If you could ask God one question what would it be?
  8. Thank you so much for your explanation. I really appreciate it. It did clarify some stuff. I have a couple more questions if you don't mind. Do you know why the particular reason for the shorter iddha period is? Would this not interrupt the wife's duty to her husband then if she has to maintain iddha from prior relationships? In addition, considering her husband, doesn't this go against the nature of men as explained from an Islamic perspective, if a married slave was shared? Does the concept of relationships with a slave being halal without marriage apply to a female master and her slave? I realize this is more 21st century thinking but consent is an issue discussed in Islam. For example, a female must give consent to a marriage, she can't be forced into a marriage. So without the slave's permission it was allowed? I understand slavery but this concept is difficult to understand because it seems like borderline zulm to me to treat someone like that if they don't want to. There's a difference between slavery and sexual slavery I'd say. Yes, it was a global phenomena but many things that were practiced were banned by Islamic. I understand slavery couldn't be banned but sexual slavery forcefully just seems like zulm. Wasalam
  9. Is this permissible without her consent or against her will? Also, in terms of a female master with a male slave, relationships aren't permissible right?
  10. I was really confused about what he was saying too because it went against what I had previously researched. But what about his point regarding iddha (e.g., if the slave was previously married)? Does a slave need to maintain iddha prior to relationships with the master? Honestly, this is such a sensitive topic that I have a hard time coming to terms with. It's so hard for me to accept this is Islamically allowed.
  11. I've heard from multiple people he answers Facebook messages much faster than emails but don't quote me on that.
  12. This truly is a tragedy for Hugh Hefner. Not because of his death, but because of the eternity he faces.
  13. Persian culture is probably the most westernized in comparison to other Muslim countries in terms of marriages. It is extremely rare to live with your parents after marriage. I actually don't know anyone who does this in Iran or the West. Sometimes you may live in the same apartment building as your in-laws but that's because traditionally the husband's family provides a house/apartment for the couple and the wife's family provides furnishing and everything inside the apartment/house. Usually many families purchase apartments for their sons in the same building when they buy their own. That's the closest you'll get to living with your parents. Most Iranian families I know have a great relationship with their in-laws. I'd even say some respect and are kinder to their daughter-in-law than their own daughter to make her feel welcomed and a part of the family lol. My grandmother and aunts treat their daughter-in-laws like princesses. My uncle's wife when she lost her mother she said, "I can't even complain and I'm at peace because Allah has blessed me with two mothers (referring to her mother-in-law as one) and I know even if my mother can never be replaced, I have another mother and for that I'm always thankful". Of course there are always exceptions, but the in-law relationship is complicated historically in various cultures due to many reasons, a lot of it has to do with psychology, but it's changing everyday. Very similar to Persian culture.
  14. Not commenting on this specific case but just wanted to mention that staying with someone if you're unhappy for the sake of children only is not always the better option. It's not healthy for the parents or the kids. Sometimes it's healthier for children to have divorced parents on good terms who co-parent respectfully and responsibly. Happier parents usually provide a better up bringing for their children whether that be with their children's other parent or not. Being in an unhappy marriage doesn't necessarily set a better example or provide a more stable household for the children than a "broken" household. As taboo as divorce is in many cultures, it simply means a relationship didn't work out. Just something to consider.
  15. All are correct except the last one. Number of rakats stay them same when you pray in a sitting position. Of course while travelling zuhr, asr and isha are two rakats.
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