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In the Name of God بسم الله


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PureExistence1 last won the day on September 14

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  1. As salaamun aleikum dear sister, its been quite awhile! Thank you so much for your response and posting the video, I'm going to watch it right now. Thanks for all the support you provided in your post. It is very difficult and I can't see how Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) would count any of this in my benefit because I am having such an unhealthily hard time with it. But Allah knows all of everything that we're going through here and He is Just, be that for or against me.. in sha Allah it will be for me! I had no idea how difficult things would be. It really happened suddenly.. it was a very bad decline for my father.. The hardest thing is not knowing what the end game is. I don't have a light at the end of the tunnel or a particular goal for things to move forward towards because no one knows how things are going to progress and this creates A LOT of mental and emotional stress. There isn't even a general idea because his health is so bad that anything could happen at any moment, or it could stretch on for another 15 years. And whether a facility needs to be the next step or stay here at home and keep dealing with stuff the way it is which is already hard and getting harder. There's "problems and messes" in the bathroom now, he can barely walk without using a shovel handle because he doesn't like to use a regular cane.. he's barely able to walk at all because his hip replacement has caused pain and the doctors can't figure out why (nothing showing up on x-ray) so he practically hobbles around in pain with this shovel handle and he keeps falling.. he fell three times in 36 hours...it's just a matter of time before he breaks another hip or pops the replacement out of its socket..he just won't cooperate or agree to things that can be done to make it safe for himself and us. There's so much more you have no idea about sister @Laayla but I don't want to hijack this thread any further. I just want people that will be having children to know that if they don't take care of their affairs when they still have the ability, their children could very well end up in the position that I'm in. THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT (AND UNNECESSARILY SO) THING IVE EVER DEALT WITH AND ITS SERIOUSLY SLOWLY KILLING ME. Please have enough forethought and consideration for your children's futures and the families they will have to not put them through all this when you become older and start to go downhill.. in the very least, try to stay socially connected with the community so if needed, people can step in and help because my parents didn't have a social life, weren't involved in church, didn't know anybody in the neighborhood, don't have any friends from work or elsewhere, lost touch with their own relatives, there is literally nobody here to help us when all of this happened except for my younger brother and I. And bringing In-Home Care is SO expensive. The last thing I like to mention because it took me a while to learn this caveat, no one can make another person shower if they decide not to. Only if the person is committed into a facility will they be forced to wash. So if you're an elderly mother or father who decides you don't want to shower for 3 or4 months, there's no one that can make you. Just know that there's nothing that can be done about that and you will sit there and stink of BO and have filthy clothes on and filthy dirty feet and toenails 2 inches long and there isn't anything anyone can do because you have the right to be that way. This is what the social workers, the home health nurses and the caretakers have told me about both my parents, so just let that sink in a bit.. it's obvious when you're elderly and making a decision to not shower for three or four months, that's something is not right and therefore you're in need of professional help to get you clean because we're all Muslims on here, we know the type of hygiene we are supposed to have and when we start not being able to maintain that hygiene, this a problem spiritually as well as physicaly. if there isn't a plan in place to deal with this situation when it arises, you (AND YOUR KIDS!) will be in a very intolerable situation. Dont put your children in this situation if u can prevent it..i know some may not be able to prevent it, and if that's what turns out to be the case for you, then at least have decent personalities and cooperate with them...give them the power of attorney to manage all of your affairs without creating any extra stress. Their job is most likely going to be way harder than it was for you to raise them in the first place. Ok, rants done! May Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)grant u spiritual wisdom and knowledge and increase u in rank! With duas @ @Laayla
  2. As salaamun aleikum, thank you very much for yiur kind words and duas. Duas really ARE the best thing we can do for each other. May Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grant you and your loved ones all best in the world and the hereafter, in sha Allah. Thanks for taking the time to respond:)
  3. Salaam, I agree with the same statement you have quoted as well.. Slightly off topic but still to do with having children as Islam doesnt allow children to abandon their parents, I feel it's appropriate to put this here and if it isn't, mods please erase it or do whatever you feel is necessary. After dealing with the extreme hardship and stress that I personally am not cut out for with my physically as well as psychiatrically sick parents and knowing the finances are there for them to get professional care but father chooses not to, plus the extra stress and emphasis Islam puts on us to take care of our parents and this not saying uff to them, it is MUCH more than I can bear and I would not wish for any children brought into the world to have to go through anything even close to this. This isn't a matter of American culture being individualized, selfish and unwilling to take care of the elderly, it is all to do with the huge responsibility of 2 80-year-old people with the mentality and stubbornness of 5 year olds (and no hope that it will improve as it would with a 5 year old as that is not how ageing works...) that I cannot manage and it is literally killing me physically, mentally and now spiritually. (If you know, you know.) I now have psychiatric problems of my own, physical health problems and my spirituality is declining. On many days, I even forget that I have to offer afternoon prayer. A half an hour before evening salaat, I suddenly realize I completely blanked on my afternoon salaat and have to race to complete it. Many salaats have been offered spur of the moment on sides of roads, in parking lots, and anywhere else i can find... I've had a headache for 10 days and doctors can't figure out why. It is because of the tremendous amount of stress that I am under trying to manage their lives. My father is still in enough mental capacity so I cannot Force his hand in a court to allow me to take over legally. But since Islam says we have to take care of our parents, don't say uff to them, and as long as they don't tell us to do anything against islam, I am shackled to this responsibility. I guess I am just going to deal with this until I either die, or have a severe psychiatric meltdown which I was already in the hospital for last weekend, and/or lose my religion. My parents didn't plan to be in the condition they are in, it's just what happened. (Such is life) But since we spend our entire lives never knowing what's going to happen even when we plan for it, the variables do not always come together for our success. Because that risk is as huge as it is, I personally would not take the chance of having children and putting them in the same position that I am in. The human population is not starved for children to carry the torch after we die. There's no shortage of children so if a few people decide not to procreate, it isn't going to hurt anything and there will always be people who want children. The situation leads me to have a lot of doubts about this whole "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" thing, because even though I have doctors and psychiatric help available to me, the doctors don't know what's wrong with me physically so can't prescribe any medication or direct me otherwise, and psychiatry for the most part is just a matter of them throwing pills at you until something sticks which comes with a lot of side effects, side effects that I do not currently have any space whatsoever for right now. I'm also concerned about potential long-term changes to the brain. My life is a living hell 24 hours a day. I am awoken throughout the night by my subconscious imagining I hear my father screaming and yelling for me, and I jolt awake only to find out it is 4:00 in the morning and no one is awake anywhere and lights are not even on! Even when I am away from my parents house and in another city,I still hear my dad's voice and I'm jolted awake, sometimes 3 to 4 times a night. The psychiatrist says this is known as hypnagogic phenomenon. Whatever it is, it has ruined my ability to get a sound night's sleep and there is nothing that can be done to get rid of it. I'm very glad I made the decision to not have children because I wouldn't want them to have to put up with a mess like this. The fact that I short circuit and cannot handle the stress that I am under just allows me to continue to accumulate sin because I find myself completely out of control and I cannot reel it in. At this point, I have to walk away from the situation, regardless of what's going on. I can only imagine the level of guilt I will place upon myself once my parents have passed away and I am just left to sit there and degrade myself with how bad of a human being I am because I didn't behave better while they were alive. And trust me, that's exactly how it will play out. Not everyone is cut out for the role I am in just like not everyone is cut out to be an Olympic athlete, a good school teacher, a good cop, a good mechanic, etc... And yet we see these people that are subpar in those fields doing those jobs subparly, but at least they are allowed to change jobs. I cant abandon my parents. I am substantially and hugely failing at this task and it is destroying my relationship with my parents. This is not how this period of our family's life should be, but for whatever the reason is, it is, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else nor set anyone else up for the potential of having to be in my position, but since I'm muslim and we are not allowed to abandon our parents, this is just how it is and I would not want to shackle some other person to the same situation by having my own kids. I'm glad I made that decision 25 years ago. One last thing I want to say is, parents, if you plan to have children or already do and want the best for those children's futures, please do everything you can to put things in order so that if your health declines and your mentality goes downhill, that the children are able to swiftly come in and easily manage things. Do not make it harder than it needs to be on them because really, you will only be hurting yourself in the end. A child's responsibility clearly doesn't end when they become an adult and go off to college and get married and have kids. The responsibility of their parents will always be on their neck until death separates the relationship. If you make the decision to have children, you owe it to those children to not make their life suffering and misery when you yourself go downhildownhill. In america, things like long-term care policies that would kick in when a person becomes too sick for family to manage are not granted once a person is already too old or sick, so that needs to be taken care of far before someone begins to show the effects of aging and serious sickness. Otherwise, professional care costs skyrocket when no LTC policy is in place.
  4. Salaam, id be hard pressed to find a place that wasnt affected by colonialism or western influence..havent the slightest idea. It's a global issue, no longer a localized problem thanks to fast easy travel and the internet and cell phones. It was kinda like a pre-covid infectious virus.
  5. Salaam brother, thank you for your input. So basically there is no more that can be said other than what I have already said, as to do so is basically outside our ability to speak on, correct?
  6. As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters. I don't usually get involved in threads like this, but I was feeling saucy and so I engaged this person and somehow got stuck as far as expressing what i know in my heart and soul and manifesting it in words. There is much wrong in the original post as well as this person's response, however I chose to focus on their idea of God/Creator being limited in the way they claimed, which would be the Creator evolving through learning through its creation. (Lol) Im looking for help with rebuttals and how to develop a coherent explanation for how Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) cant be limited in such a way that He depends on His creation for His own evolution. Mind you, this is a non muslim, but I still think the point can be made without resulting to Islamic wording as Allahs(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) necessary unlimtedness can be proven in a very rational manner. Please see the brief exchange below, and thanks in advance for your thoughts. Random question asked on Quora: "I believe that we are consciousness experiencing itself through physical bodies. Why would individual souls exist after death then? What is the point or need for this continuity?" Someones reaponse: The view that “we are consciousness experiencing itself through physical bodies” does not accurately reflect either the Creator or the design of the Creator, an integral part of which is that every spirit is an individual, beginning with their creation and extending through eternity. The Creator does continue to grow and evolve through interactions with both the spirit world and the physical world, which you might interpret as “experiencing itself,” but that would make the intention self-centered, which it is not. The intent is to provide opportunities for both spirits and mortals to also grow and evolve to their full potential. There is no merging of spirits into some undifferentiated bliss when they have reached a certain level. They continue to be actively involved in various roles in the spirit world, either as mentors/instructors to less experienced spirits or in providing assistance to mortals. My response/question: Hello, would this: “The Creator does continue to grow and evolve through interactions with both the spirit world and the physical world..” Mean that: The Creator is somehow in need of creation in order to become 'more' than what the Creator is? Maybe my understanding of the Creator is skewed, but it doesn't feel right that an omnipotent Creator/God would be in need of this contingent creation for Its own growth/evolution. The creation is wholly dependent on the Creator for its existence, and without the Creator, creations existence would be impossible, so how can the Creator depend on/grow/evolve/change Its state through something the Creator created Itself when the Creator already knows all there is about its creation as it is the Creator that created all? Its almost as if the Creator changing It's state implies that the Creator is subject to time, place, movement, moods, etc that Its own creation is subject to, which would in turn limit the Creator in many ways. Their response: I can only say that the Creator did not create the physical world for the purpose of their own growth, but does grow and evolve nonetheless through interacting with it. For the Creator to remain static would seem to be more of a limitation. My response: "Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I guess my understanding of the Creator is that they are and always have been Absolute Pure Perfection, so with this understanding, I am left with the question of how can Pure Perfection need any improvement / gain / growth, etc.? When something is already absolutely perfect, what more can be added to that? Maybe it's just that my understanding of the Creator is different." Any thoughts on how i can bolster my stance?
  7. Thank you for your explanation, brother. Do you also experience your memories in the same way?
  8. Salaam, To give her PLENTY of opportunity and time to repent and mend her ways so there could be no wrong doing or injustice attributed to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), astagfirullah. Also: [3:178] And let not those who disbelieve think that Our granting them respite is better for their souls; We grant them respite only that they may add to their sins; and they shall have a disgraceful chastisement. And: And he to whom We grant long life We reverse in creation; so will they not understand? (I wonder if she ever understood?) And somewhere else it says that Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) grants the world to the people who desire it but they have no share in the afterlife. As far as prime ministers are concerned, did she speak against their decisions openly? She has more going against her than for her as far as morals, ethics and justice are concerned..Just cuz she looks like a nice sweet ol lady and gave a few emotional speeches doesnt mean jack in the whole scheme of things. Practically every move she ever made is Google-able. People are short sighted/ deficient in memory and not good at critically thinking. (Sorry, dealing with a 3 day migraine and cant think too well and dont have the ability to search for all the specific ayahs) If ive said any wrong here, may Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) forgive me and may others correct me!
  9. As salaamun aleikum brothers and sisters, I have kind of a weird question. While sitting here and just thinking for a while, I realized that as far as I can remember, all my memories from childhood moving forward have all been from the perspective of me seeing the event happening from outside of myself, usually from the upwards vantage point. Are anyone else's memories like this? Like for example, if I'm looking back over a memory of me holding a chicken when i was 9, I don't see the chicken in my hands, rather, I see the event unfolding from outside and above myself. And as I go back through most of my memories, that's the perspective that I see things from....18 years old jumping in the balls outside in McDonald's playland... I see myself and my best friend playing in the balls from outside myself. On remembering myself skateboarding on my ramp when i was 12, I do not see my memory through the eyes of a person on a skateboard going up and down the ramp, rather, I see myself from up high and from a distance watching myself skateboard. It's like this with all my memories. If everybody else has memories from the same perspective, I'm wondering why it is that we see things from outside ourselves in 3rd person perspective and not from the perspective of 1st person and being the doer of the action. Thanks for any input!
  10. SubhannAllah! Its very sad that this version wasnt chosen as so many problems regarding certain ayahs, especially those regarding particular people or events wouldve prevented so many problems in the ummah. I wonder what the hikmah behind this is???
  11. Salaam, Thanks for providing all this information, its very helpful. I have a question. Im sure none of us doubt that all the Imams(عليه السلام) had the Holy Quran completely memorized, and we know Imam Ali(عليه السلام) came up with the punctuations(?)/diacritic marks, so why did it take him 6 months to compile it? Was there a reason why he needed to collect random inscriptions from here and there instead of just sitting and writing it all out in one go? Thanks in advance for all insight!
  12. Salam, as someone else mentioned, we are supposed to be muslims first, and that requires having furqan of who is on haqq. Which world leaders are on haqq? I like to know so i can recognize haqq as Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has told us to. Thanks for suggestions.
  13. Salaam, It's normal to have a lot of questions about something you're about to dive in and devote your entire life and existence to. The important thing is that you keep searching for your answers. Each correct answer you get will make you more firm in your path and if you ever come across a question you are unable to get answers to, come here and post it and I'm sure the brothers and sisters here that have email addresses to sheikhs that accept inquiries will help you..or download the app "Ask Those Who Know" app and you can choose from about 15 different sheikhs you can send your question to. If someone don't answer it sufficiently, send it to someone else. The important thing is that you continue to seek knowledge and don't give up!
  14. Really?? This technology os currently in use at airports?!? Everyone even brothers should be asking for private screenings then...
  15. Salaam, Sorry this is a bit off topic, but we know Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) doesnt have a literal throne, and im not gonna bring all the reasoning for how it limits Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to have him confined in a place/on a throne, so how are we supposed to understand things like this when we come across them? ...lifted my head and saw: ‘Laila ha illallahu Muhammadur Rasulullah’ written on the Throne.
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