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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Peace30

  1. You haven't actually addressed the issues I have previously underscored..! Repeating my argument back to me doesn't make the points you raise any more valid.. Perhaps if he examines the reasons why she has psychological problems, such as, oh, I don't know, because she could be DEPRESSED, or deeply unhappy within her marriage, or some other reason that we don't know about. Frankly, as her husband it is his duty to enquire and assist her with these needs, instead of just looking at how he can cast cast her to one side without any, seemingly, consideration towards her. Further, I am abhorred at the level of mysogenistic comments arising from this post. Islam doesn't need reviving, but many Muslims clearly need to get in touch with the 21st century!
  2. Very well said! At last some common sense!
  3. What a wonderful example of a noble Muslim man you are to the rest of the world! The response you've given is what contributes to Islam having a bad name in the West! Your comment and attitude is backward and primitive! Did you not bother to read the original post properly?! He explains that his wife has psychological problems. Where is the consideration towards her? She may be suffering from depression and all I hear from a lot of so-called men on this thread is " go ahead" without any thought for his wife. People like you don't spouses..!
  4. Bring out the violins! It's so difficult being a man..! You poor things..!
  5. Yes he's being shallow if he only cares for physical appearances! His wife has her own problems which he appears to oblivious about! Or are you one of these patriarchal men who gives Islam a bad name? It might surprise you to learn that the world doesn't revolve around men and their " needs"! We're only getting one side of the story. His one. Maybe he's not a good husband towards her and she has her own grievances...? Not everything is so black and white!
  6. Your wife may have become overweight due to depression..you said she suffers from "psychological problems". Obviously, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but maybe she hasn't received adequate attention from you, or something else is troubling her. Have you tried finding out what is causing her psychological problems?
  7. Sorry, but you should very shallow! Marriage isn't just about looks and an active sex life! It's about understanding and mutual respect! You say she has psychological problems! Well, try helping her instead of just taking care of your own desires and needs! You say you're good looking. You're very modest aren't you?! Try being a little more humble and less judgemental to your wife. I think you should be ashamed of yourself!
  8. I think you are both complicating the issue.. Lol. Sometimes incompatibility can be that their personalities are very different and at odds with one another. If their difference are vast it can pose problems within the marriage.
  9. Actually, its interesting that Ayatollah Jawad Tabrizi, though he says Polygamy is allowed, also says its "contary to being kind to the wife.". I couldn't believe it, a marja that takes our perspective into account for a change. It got me thinking about how man can only do it if he is "just" to his wives. This is an interesting point and one that I think marjae should look into further. As it is understand, being "just" means treating them equally and being fair'. But if the wife(s),is being mentally and emotionally suffering by him taking another wife, how is that being "just". Being just isn't just taking care of the physical and material factors. It is also about her psychological well being too..Also, why would it be permissible IG it meas a family unit may suffer as a result?!
  10. @l'Optimiste, no worries. Sometimes in written discussion, our intended words get misunderstood by the recipients. :) @ Baqar, yes, it can be used to help others, but it's so refreshing to hear a man acknowledge that a lot of men use/abuse it for selfish reasons. Also, that you are trying to put yourself in the lady's position. I have been approaching different marjas on these issues for further clarity.
  11. Sometimes, with all the many social and psychological issues surrounding Polygamy, one wonders why it isn't revised and its rullings scrutinised in light of all the negative experience the first wife often has to be subjected to, as Kim highlighted. To the outsider, it appears as though the man's rights are paramount. In Shiaism a man can have 4 permanent wives and as many mutas as he wants! Surely, in Islam we are encouraged to control our lusts, at least to a point? I've even heard (men) say that it has no concern of the first wife if a husband wants to marry another. Its between him and the other woman! Basically the first wife has to keep out! She has no significance.And why is a woman labelled a 'feminist" simply because she believes her needs and rights as s human being., with human feelings are not perhaps being given enough recognition? Do all rulings have to be set in stone, or is there room for further debate amongst Shi'a jurispudants and interpretation?
  12. Yes, actually Kim Tinkerbell that is an interesting point. Islam allows divorce, but divorce is not, as a general rule, a positive thing. Polygamy is a provision but it is conditional and should not be abused. I think there are men that seem to think its their right to have a hareem of women because God has given the right to have as many as they can. Yes, it is encouraged in some cases when the man cannot control his nafs, so he needs to satisfy his lusts by having multiple partners. It is not a green light to abuse it and have lots of women for the sake of it. Islam does not promote debauchery. You also make a valid point about if the situation was in reverse. There is no way a man would tolerate it for a minute. I think in some cases men forget this, when they quote Quran and verse. Anyway, its interesting to hear both sides of the argument.
  13. Marriages can also break down due to incompatibility, not necessarily because the husband and wife are doing anything wrong per se.
  14. Thanks for your feedback. I do think that your response is a liitle over-simplistic and perhaps over- generalised. When I said " suffer in silence" I am referring to women who find this issue hard to comprehend, for one reason or another, and would perhaps find the polygamous scenario intollerable. Of course, there are many who have a positive experience within a Polygamous relationship, but we must also appreciate that it isn't for everyone and respect that; which is why I posed the question: how can a woman have an open and honest relationship with her equal if she is not allowed to object? I feel perhaps you have misunderstyoof my question. To say that it has been allowed therefore it is not negative is a good point. However, one must also take individual situations into account too. It can be a good thing, but only if it is harmonious and not imposed or forced upon. It is like saying marriage, in general is never bad because God has allowed it, but there are marriages that break down and the family unit falls apart. Wassalm
  15. Salam all, Been discussing the issue of Polygamy in Shia Islam(mainly) on another forum. Many of the arguments in favour of Polygamy were put forward, as well as arguments against it. There were some very intereisting, and I thought, valid points from both sides. One of the points raised was the issue of marrying another woman without the consent or approval of the first wife. This was a much heated part of the disccussion. Many women felt that it is wrong, ethically, to go against his first wife's wishes. Some also believed that the first wife has little say and that this can cause great friction and general disharmony within that family life. It was argued by some that jealousy can amount to kufar. The definination of this was a little unclear for those in favour of Polygamy. It was counter-argued that a woman has human feelings and jealousy is normal. Therefore, it is unjust to say it takes her out of Islam because of it. My questions are:- If it is not allowed for a wife to prevent her husband for marrying another, then how can she have an open and honest relationship with her equal if she has to suffer in silence, so to speak? Does she have any rights regarding objecting to her husband taking another wife? If preventing the husband amounts to Kufar, then why are women allowed to stipulate divorce in their marriage contract should her husband wish to marry another? Can adding the above condition be defined as preventing him .i.e., it can be viewed as a kind of emotional blackmail - though that may not be the intention of the wife? Would love to hear your thoughts and proofs. Thanks all. Wassalam. [Mod Note: Large fonts were reduced in size.]
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