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In the Name of God بسم الله

Skye

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  1. Hey.. I saw your post about salaat and thought to say hi.... hope you, your brother and sister are doing okay :)

  2. Dear erum, I read your post about not being able to cry but feeling really sad. do you think you're suffering from chronic depression?

    Sometimes we're so sad that we're numb and can't feel anything. I was like that for three months and only just started crying again. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a counsellor....... depression just creeps up on u...

  3. Dear Zahratul Islam, I'm posting my thoughts. I hope they help. If they don't, I hope they help someone else. You aren't going to find any hadith for all the things which we face today (and tomorrow and even yesterday). The basis of humanity is that we continue to search and to learn through trial and error. It really is a messy path, but that's the way this world and it's laws have been constructed. I have to constantly remind myself that. I tend to fall into the trap of wishful thinking that I can find an ayat in the Quran or a phrase in a dua or something in a lecture that will help me be a better me instantaneously, or even after a while - and to remain stable like that forever. Or to 'prove' something. Just automatically. It's never going to be like that. EVER. Otherwise, I'd know how to cure dysfunctional family relationships and mental health issues. And addictions. All addictions are in part fuelled by anxiety, fear, boredom - we all know that. excessive consumption can contribute to hypertension and high blood pressure.Those of you on coffee, switch to tea - those on tea and knowing that even that level of caffeine is harmful and addictive, try switching to green tea (still has caffeine), then herbal tea (if you can afford them, some taste really really really good - redbush tea almost tastes like normal tea once you get used to it) or a dash of lemon or a dash of honey or some cinnamon or other spice in hot water. I thought tea was ok - I just couldn't keep awake in the daytime in winter (didn't realise I was suffering from SAD and carbohydrate overload of course), but then I became highly sensitive to it that it caused me to go on caffeine high. And with the high is always the low and it messes things up like bringing up the energy and motivation to write an exam or an essay... and relationships... so, I managed to get over my tea addiction....but only after it caused mayhem... It's difficult to get rid of addictions, but you've got to really want it. try seeing your body as a temple; that only good things should go into it and that you deserve to treat yourself well. Once you take care of the body, the mind functions at a higher level, then the spirit. These three are so closely related and balance is required. But please be aware that since the core emotional/mental issues aren't being dealt with (who has time or funds when at uni) your addictions may just switch - maybe to TV, internet, food, negative thoughts, aggression..... I've noticed this in myself, which is why I'm highlighting it - I hope it doesn't happen to you all. I know that if you persevere with yoga, since it helps to calm you down you might be able to deal with addictions better.... hope you drink lots of water to cope with the dehydration..... and praying dua would help as a catalyst.... Treat yourself as your own best friend - you know it's harmful for your health and you'll find out later on how it affects you... so as you'd like to help a friend, try helping yourself...it's a bit rich coming from me, but I still hope these bits of knowledge and experience help.... try aversion - I sometimes told myself that something is not 'real', it's 'fake' food or drink so why would I want to have it in my body.... just a thought. With my most sincere wishes and apologies if this answer sounds so far away from anything concrete to help you overcome your addiction.
  4. I really like the new site now that it is up and running. Thank you! It works really well....
  5. To the Original Poster, Salaam. I'm sorry to have said things which may have hurt you. That was honestly the last thing I wanted my post to do - and yet, it did exactly that. Karma! I realise you didn't require a lecture. You just wanted support. Although, please find assurance in my sincere claim that I wasn't having a go at you. There's absolutely no need for that.
  6. Salaam alaikum to "keep me in your duas," (you are in my duas!) I just wanted to give you some empathy. I'm sure you want to marry and I empathise. Ideally,we would all marry wisely and at the right time, because it's so inherent to who we are as humans. And then as Muslims. Do you have the right reasons for doing so? Getting married is still easy; but remaining married is becoming increasingly difficult. Remaining contentedly married? Ha ha... tell me another one! To go on a theoretical and hypothetical path, why do some people not marry even when they would like to? Well, we'd be better off to take it as a test. Allah is so kind he wouldn't punish us with something that is highly recommended and the natural state of things. - Some people would never make good spouses because they can barely manage themselves or have severe emotional issues, or feel entitled to things or have violence and anger issues or are immoral - even if they themselves don't realise it and so Allah saves them from oppressing the potential spouse, the in-laws and potential children. I mean, why create more suffering through marriage when your own family has to deal with you? God's saving that person from increase in the burden of sin. This is not with reference to you, just a general observation. - It may not be the right time for you because you must experience what you are experiencing right now for your spiritual development. It'll happen when it'll happen. Or it may not. The fact is that your salvation will never be in that marriage but in your own self. How well do you know yourself? How strong are you within to realise that your happiness will come from within and not from without? Are you expecting things to "fall into place" without understanding that it's the daily nitty gritty of ironing clothes and cleaning toilets and dealing with anger and lack of gratitude and dealing with his family and your family and keeping a job and rights being violated all around and perhaps a potential mis-match? Maybe the best person for you is still not ready for marriage, so you have to wait for him (this is a more hopeful suggestion!) :) Please don't try to pressurise yourself - especially if you're still under 40. The loneliness you're feeling now, rest assured that people feel the same loneliness even when they are in relationships. Whatever you are experiencing, you would still be experiencing it in different circumstances - because you are experiencing it now. I hope that makes sense. It ties in with what Bonafide hustler said about being tested no matter your circumstances. And your duas are possibly being answered. If you've been asking "Allah please bless me and give me the best" He of course gives us the best - it mayn't be what we want or think we want. So your asking for the best and Allah giving you the best means you're still single.... check dua 33 of Sahifa Sajjadiya for clarification. I've read that reciting Surah Dhuha and Surah Inshirah helps to alleviate that loneliness you feel - it's helped me sometimes. As for coping when duas aren't answered - ah, the million dollar question.... maybe gently allowing ourselves to realise that we have 100% free will but that the outcomes are all Allah's. Imam Zainul Abedeen's Sahifa Sajjadiya you should look into definitely. Maybe thinking about people who are married but made collossal mistakes in choosing a spouse because they thought they'd never get married otherwise. Or that they were somehow faulty because they weren't married. No one is faulty. You're you. You are worthy as a person in your own right no matter what the outer life situation is and that's enough! Please be patient. When I say that I mean live your life, feel gratitude on a daily basis for stuff like "Oh, I'm alive today and can hear the birdies chirping..." I know it's tough - but understand that Satan uses our despondency against us and taints our lives by pining away for one thing when we are blessed with other - better - things. As for me, yes I am old and single and possibly shall remain so unless I can improve myself and become someone who'd actually be able to be a good spouse and partner. For, up til the age of 22 I thought yes, I can do it, it's easy to adjust. But I have more self knowledge 3 years along than I did then and although all this self knowledge is horrible, to have to admit your dark, shadow self - I can't imagine the pain I would have caused had I married. Keep your faith - Allah loves each of us in spite of our frailties and misgivings and doubts - I don't see why you won't marry - but InshaAllah it will be only when it's best for you and your spouse. Because then it's a whole other ball game and the challenges keep coming. Remember that - the challenges keep coming after marriage. Feel free to reply..... I can only empathise and in a limited way, because obviously you are more aware of your own pain than any of us will be... With love and dua.....
  7. Skye

    Given up hope...

    A warning before you read this: if you like efficient posts, please refrain from going through this one. It will just irritate you and you may write something that will hurt me. Because it's not a to-the-point post. It's more philosophical/depressed and from an INFP - Idealist type of person who doesn't really live in the real world. I've been telling myself not to write it, but I can't bear the pain in my heart any more. I may still have hope to find solace from someone's words. Secondly, I'm 25 and a liberal arts college graduate so I really request only those people who know what I'm talking about and if they truly feel they can say something to say it...i don't want to clog up the Shiachat server for no reason and for one-liners. Please. I've been raised as a Shia Muslim to best of my parents' and family's ability of their understanding of what it is to be a Muslim. But then I saw a lot of things, like fatalism and ill manners and anger, so I realized I couldn't always look to them for guidance for everything. Then I've tried educating myself through reading and lectures. I thought I was improving on my faith, I honestly did. I used to say that I turned Muslim for real at age 17, whereby I understood what I had been brought up with. Ah, the arrogance of ignorance and naivete of youth! Then the real world hit me. The more I read and hear, the more confused it gets. I suppose coming to Shiachat is a mistake, firstly - lol - you know what I mean by that, in the most sincerest of ways. But even talking to people I consider knowledgeable, I no longer get the answers that I'd say were concrete. And you'd like to give up, but that's not an option either because it doesn't help to be lax in faith in Allah with the problems you face daily. You know for sure they will remain regardless, so it's better to keep up the faith. I really though I would gain more certainty the more I knew. I believe in all the fundamentals and I hope I do continually and steadfastly for the rest of my life and as I die too. But you grow older, your responsibilities towards faith increase and before you realize it, it's waxed and waned and you thought you were okay, but you're not really. And with knowledge comes the unbearable pain of having your belief system shaken up yet again, and then not really knowing if the new knowledge is valid, the old knowledge, are each equally valid in different situations or are you misinterpreting... You're also faced with real life. Dealing with all sorts of people daily and all sorts of situations and governments and fear and doubt and the lack of real human love and you face your own negative traits and acknowledge them to be there and you just want to do the right thing, but it's never really right because how do you know? Having to deal with choosing a career - or at least, a first job - you are lucky enough (though not realising at the time, of course) to get into a good university, to manage to slog out 4 years and graduate and you really do think things will work out. Or the marriage thing, recommended at a young age, but not all of us are ready, not all of us will and even if we do, the fears of a bad marriage or a divorce are huge. And to live with the decisions you made because you always think "if I had only.." - but you never know for sure if you had only - then what? And you pray to Allah "give me the best" "grant me patience with the decree" in Imam Zain ul Abedeen's beautiful duas - but the poetic duas are so divorced from the nitty gritty of life. No wonder they are Masoom, being able to balance esoteric life with their daily life of an ignorant populace and war and droughts and - life. Although I do believe that at each moment, whatever we experience is that of our highest good. Always. Just not what we want sometimes. But what we need. So basically, all I see is that the more I try to be good and a Muslim and a mumin, the more knowledge I try to gain that fits with who I am as a person and a Muslim, the more doubts there are to whether I'm doing it right - in spite of the sincerity of my intentions. We forget, we hate, we get angry, we lose hope, we are arrogant even when we think we aren't, we are ungrateful..... I mean, which of us actually has it right? Sigh. Well, anyway, not quite all I had to say but then again, I've said enough for now. I think I've just "woken up" and it's horrid. A request for you to take a moment out to pray for me "whatever is best".... Thanks and Salaams
  8. Salaam alaikum and welcome to the faith and the Muslim community I'm posting the link of Sahifa Sajjadiya as although there are certain duas specific for the negativity of others, each prayer in this book is a gem. And they ask for a lot of things apart from what the title says.....some are shorter than others, which would be helpful, I'm sure. http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/sajjadiya.htm may Allah truly bless you - it's life and it's tough. reciting Surah 114 Nas(Man) and Surah Falaq 113 (Daybreak) would be beneficial. I've also read that Surah 93 Dhuha (the early hours) and Surah 94 Inshirah (Solace)- 94 helps you against loneliness. I have started to recite these myself. Also, if you keep reciting There is no power and Strength save that of Allah, perhaps you'll find peace in that. I keep trying to remind myself, and have to do it a lot of times, that there is no support save with Allah and that He is truly aware of the loneliness each of us feels and is the only one to give us the peace inside. We eventually get that people come and go, our own family too - they are forms of love if we are lucky enough....but Allah is the constant. I really hope all of this will help you. Loneliness is a killer for each one of us. it hits each one of us in different ways too. My duas are with you...
  9. The best explanation I've come across to date (for the level of awareness I am at at this point). Thank you ever so much, especially for distinguishing between spirit and soul. I've never come across that before and it makes complete sense to me now that you've explained it so concisely. However, if you've read A New Earth, the definition of ego (mind-ego)is different from Sigmund Freud and then can be understood properly in context of this discussion.
  10. Dear bladeknight, There is no reason to burn any sort of book, whether you are Muslim or not. We are trying all to become civilized human beings first and foremost. but since this is not evident to loads of people because of whatever reasons, please rest assured that it is not acceptable for a Muslim to burn any book. Especially Holy Books. The Bible is the Bible. Corrupted or not. To think that such an act is ok is just plain misguided effort. If he can return it to the bookshop, well and good. If he can't, then sell it on Ebay or just donate it to a church. Just know that God is the one who changes our hearts to his faith, not any book. The book as such is just a Book. and of course it also has Allah's name in it. And people do read it purely for research. How do/would you feel when you see people burning Qurans and there have been many incidents of that? So please don't burn the Bible. Donate it to a Church.
  11. walaykum salam - I just checked my profile and saw your comment about remembering me in your prayers with regard to my parents. Thanks very much for your kindness and for thinking of me. :)

  12. September 2009/ Ramadhan 1430 at Stanmore Mosque, London http://hujjat.org/index.php?option=com_zina&Itemid=29&p=Video/Sheikh%20Arif%20Abdulhussein/1430/Ramadhan%201430 Unfortunately you can't pause or rewind. Is it just me or was the Human Islam series of Muharram 1430 so unbelievably new in thought and actually painful - especially the last two lectures? Changing one's worldview always has pain as part of it. Does anyone know what the reaction was after they heard it? It made a lot of sense but... if I was to say any of this to my family, it would cause so much of chaos and anger...and I'd be the only one to at least listen to the point of view, regardless of whether I was able to accept it as feasible.....
  13. Dear Sukaina,

    Salaam alaikum. Just a random note. I saw your post about your parents wanting you to go to church and you not being ready to tell them you're a Muslim. Just wanted to let you know that you are being thought of in my prayers. Hope your fasting is going well. May God bless you.

  14. the Muharram 1430/2009 lectures at Birmingham.... http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=human+islam
  15. salaams...lol.. thanks for the wishes... I just checked my account today after years...imagine, all my real time friends forget and the virtual brother or sisterhood make it a point to say hello. life is weird! peace... Skye

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