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In the Name of God بسم الله
Shia-Rukaya got a reaction from Sirius_Bright in Introduce yourself here.
inshaAllah you're doing well!
I'm 23 years old, lebanese and live in Germany, so I apologize in advance for my bad english :blush:
I am relatively active in the German shiaforum and now I am here to learn from you.
God bless u all and fill your hearts with the love and the light of the Ahlulbayt sws. :angel:
Shia-Rukaya reacted to fatemeh_hadidian in A Child’s need for Love and their Self-esteem
A Child’s need for Love and their Self-esteem
By: Tahera Kassamali
The need to be loved is exceptionally strong in all human beings. From childhood to old age, humans want to be loved by those around them. Love connects people in the strongest of ways. It produces care and concern, without which no one would take the responsibility of looking after others. Love makes the difficulties of life bearable, and helps ease the struggles of life. The love given to a child is more important than any material goods the family can provide.
Life cannot just run on cold and hard rules. The warmth of love is necessary to infuse spirit and joy in life. A home without love, however orderly and organized, has not fulfilled its true purpose. A family is not just a micro-organization where the needs of members are met. This could be done by a state run facility. A family’s outstanding characteristic is that members love one another, and this emotion binds them together.
Love or the lack of it has a profound effect on the lives of children. Their mental capabilities, their fluency of speech, their observations and deductions on life, are all affected by it. That is why Islam emphasizes the display of love to one’s family. The Holy Prophet (s) loved his grandsons dearly, and often showed great affection to them in public.
When Husayn (a) got on his back while he was in sajdah, the Holy Prophet (s) prolonged his sajdah. He could not bear to see his grandsons cry, or get hurt. He encouraged his companions to show affection to their children.
Effects of Love
A child who knows he is loved has a great head start on life.
1. He is happier and calmer. A child who is loved is at peace with the world, and is able to bear disappointments better. Without love, a child’s world is bleak. Such a child often resorts to misbehavior to get attention.
2. He is more confident of himself. He knows that he is worthy of being loved, and that is a great boost to his self-esteem.
3. He can form better relationships with others. A loving relationship with the parents makes the child a kinder, more loving person. Lack of love hardens the heart, and he could become less prone to showing love for others.
4. Has a positive outlook on life. A child who is loved looks at the world with enthusiasm He will be eager to try and experience new things. A loveless home produces a negative outlook, in which the natural curiosity and interest in life is deadened.
5. The child will be more responsive to what parents tell him. Reproaches and scoldings become bearable when he knows he is loved. Parental orders are followed with more enthusiasm.
Letting the child know he is loved
It goes without saying that most parents love their children dearly. It is a natural instinct placed by the Almighty into the heart of all parents. This love for children is a sign of the wisdom of Allah, for without it no parent would have borne all the pains and troubles of raising a child. However, many parents think that children know, without being told, that parents love them. They do not realize that children need to be reassured constantly. The effects of love must be evident in the speech and behavior of the parents. Children do not have the wisdom and insight of adults to realize that even punishments and reproaches are signs of love. They often perceive the actions of the parents as a proof of the lack of love. It is thus very important to display love to the child, or at least inform him about it in subtle ways.
The display of love varies with the age and level of the child. It is most important at the very young age when children need to be cuddled and hugged. For a baby, physical display of love is necessary for positive growth and development. All through the toddler years physical affection remains the most prominent way of displaying love. As the child grows, this changes to less direct ways of showing affection. The occasional physical touch is still necessary, but is not the main way of showing love. Now the child has various needs and desires. To be considerate of his desires, talking to him constantly, reading to him, taking interest in his schoolwork etc. are all part of love. Love shows its bright face in the form of a smile, a tender tone, a patient ear, etc. A parent’s full attention tells the child he is loved enough to warrant it.
The older child has friends who are every important to him. To give importance to his friends is a good way of displaying love for him. Generally speaking, when a parent gives positive attention to the child, apart from the regular chores of bathing, feeding, etc. the child understands that he is loved.
The love of a mother
There is no doubt that the love of a mother is a very special gift from the Almighty for a child. It differs from the love of a father, or the love of any other person. The tender hand of a mother and her soothing voice has calmed many a troubled child. Mothers are thus the main instruments of transmitting love to the child. At its best, the love of a mother is completely unselfish, wanting nothing in return for the tremendous amounts of time and energy spent in raising the children.
From the time of birth, when a child knows the mother as a source of food and comfort, and all through childhood, the mother is the main caregiver for the child. The atmosphere at home depends on the nature of the mother. A loving, caring mother can do a great deal to make her family a happy and emotionally healthy family.
Some parents only love their children if they fulfill certain expectations. Gender sometimes plays a great role. So a boy after a few daughters elicits great affection and attention. Some families just prefer boys, even if they have equal numbers of both. Such gender biases are greatly condemned in Islam. The Holy Prophet (s) had a daughter at a time when daughters were disliked. He showed great love and respect for her despite the taunts of the Arabs.
Some parents only show their love for the child if he is attractive, behaves well, and generally lives up to their expectations. Such a love is conditional. If the child brings a good report card, he is showered with praise and affection. A bad report card will not only bring reproach for the low marks, but will make the child feel completely rejected. Parents often forget that it is only a particular act that should be condemned, not the child in general. A child who obeys is praised for his obedience, but loved for himself. In the same way, a child who is disobedient is reproached for his disobedience, but still loved for himself. Many parents fail to draw the line and make their love conditional to the acts of the child. All children have faults, and the parental reaction to these faults sometimes convinces a child that he is not loved at all. It is necessary that parents ensure that the child understands it is only his act that is disliked and not he himself. A child deserves the unconditional love of the parents.
A potential danger for many parents is excessive love for the children. It is often difficult to control the intensity of emotion one feels for a child. Thus a child may be showered with a lot of love, often misdirected. Everything in excess is harmful, and too much love is detrimental to the child. The fifth Imam, Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a) has said: The worst of parents are those who transgress the limits in their love and goodness to their children.
Excessive love is when a parent pampers the child, refusing to let him face any trouble or difficulty, tending to his every need, and giving in to his desires. Its results could include:
1 -The child becomes totally reliant on the parents. Even as he grows, the chances of emotional and mental maturity are slim. He has less courage and feels offended easily. He becomes more like a soft egg which needs constant protection.
2 - The demands of the child who is excessively loved are unending. He will constantly want more – more attention, more treats, more toys etc. When refused or frustrated, he will resort to whining and complaining.
3 - He may become very egoistic, and expect the same degree of attention from others in his life. The child feels that he is the center of the world for his parents, and thus all things should revolve around him. He believes he has no faults, or at least none that others can perceive. This elevated perception of himself often lands him in trouble, especially when others do not see him in the same way.
4 - When others will not give him the same attention and pampering he has known from his parents, he will be unable to bear the disappointment. Often such people lose confidence in themselves, and feel they are not worth much as they have not been granted the degree of attention they believe is their due.
1. Kiss your children often, for every display of affection will raise your status in Heaven. Holy Prophet (s)
2. Allah has mercy on a parent who loves his child greatly. Imam Ja`far as-Sadiq (a)
Self-esteem and Children
Self-esteem is defined as feeling oneself worthy of the respect of others. All human beings have an innate desire to be respected and liked. They want others to look up to them. There is great wealth in self-esteem. It brings confidence in one’s own abilities, and helps in initiating and achieving one’s goals. Feeling good about oneself brings peace and happiness to the heart. It boosts the spirit and produces noble characters and lofty ideas.
Self-esteem is different from vanity. When a person has some good qualities and/or abilities, to know that and be thankful for it, is self-esteem. To be proud about it, and to think oneself to be better than others is vanity. There is a fine line between the two, but a basic difference is the understanding that all that is good in one-self comes from Allah. That eliminates all feelings of pride and leaves only gratitude for it, and the desire to be able to use it in the best way.
From a very young age, children show a desire for respect and attention. They show off in order to get praise. Sometimes when attention is not forthcoming, they revert to negative behavior such as fighting and screaming in order to get attention. There are various views on the origins of this desire for respect. Some psychologists believe it stems from a natural desire for success over others. Others say it comes from a love of self, an egoism inherent in all human beings. Religious scholars believe that within the human resides a Divine spirit. Almighty Allah says in the Qur’an: So when I have made him complete, and breathed into him of My spirit fall down into prostration to him (15:29). This Divine spirit, with its greatness and nobility, propels the human being towards dignity and respect. He needs to be valued, and would not naturally put himself in a derogatory or lowly position. The Creator Himself has respected the human being when He says:
And indeed We have honored the son of Adam. (17:70)
Thus the human being has the expectation that others will also respect him in this world. Whatever be the origin of the desire for respect, all scholars believe that a healthy self-esteem is a vital ingredient for the progress and success of the human being. The roots of this important quality are often built, or destroyed, in childhood.
Advantages of a healthy self-esteem
1. The child who knows that he has some good qualities that others respect is satisfied with himself. This will translate into rational and calm behavior. There will be no need for tantrums and aggressiveness to demand attention. A child with self-esteem is a happy child.
2. Such a child values himself, and knows that he has a certain respect and dignity. Thus there will be lesser chances for him to become involved in acts which lower the status he envisions for himself. A child who respects himself will not easily give in to peer pressure to perform immoral and indecent acts. He would realize that it is beneath himself to stoop to it.
3. A child with self-esteem will try harder to achieve high goals. He knows he is capable of good, and can set lofty targets to achieve. He will have the initiative to start things and get involved in various activities.
When self-esteem is lacking
1. The child gives in to wrong more easily. He is easily swayed by others as it is difficult to be firm on one’s own principles when there is no confidence in oneself. The views and opinions of others will carry great weight. Such children run a higher risk of succumbing to peer pressure and joining unseemly groups.
2. A child who has no self-esteem accepts failure as his lot. He will not try to challenge himself, or have high expectations of himself. He does not think he has the ability to achieve anything good. This resignation to failure sets ground for future defeats, and the lack of struggle to progress in life.
3. He suffers more from negative emotions such as anger, jealousy, frustration etc. A child who has confidence in himself, can accept another child’s success as he knows that he too is successful. But when that consolation is absent, jealousy is a natural reaction. Often there is anger at oneself, or even at others who may be seen as responsible for the failures. There is then little room for happy, healthy feelings necessary to make the child an emotionally stable human being.
How to foster self-esteem in a child
Having seen the importance of self-esteem in the life of a child, many people wonder what can be done to ensure that a child has a healthy sense of self-esteem. There is much that parents can do, or avoid doing, that will help the child to respect himself. The following points are not meant to raise the child on a pedestal, and turn him into a proud, selfish brat. When doled out in moderation, these tactics will help foster a feeling a sense of self-worth. All parents should use discretion in their individually unique circumstances to avoid over indulging and spoiling the child. These points are given only as guidance.
Show respect to the child
Many parents do not feel it necessary to respect the child. They expect respect, but believe that respecting the child will amount to spoiling him. However respect for the child in the following ways will help the child feel good about himself, as well as respect the parent more willingly:
a) Talk to the child in a normal voice or tone. Don’t belittle the child by talking in a childish voice. Talk to him constantly, not only when you want to scold him or tell him to do something. Talk about everyday affairs; school, work, political issues, stories from your past, etc. etc. Some parents believe that because children do not understand at the level of adults, there is not much use in talking to them. But children who are talked to more often become more understanding and insightful than those who are not. These children feel a sense of communication with the parents, and know that their parents deem them worthy of a conversation. It is a great boost in confidence.
B) When scolding the child, do not totally destroy his feeling of self-worth. Reprove him for a particular action rather than a general “you are good for nothing” attitude which, if dealt out constantly, will lead the child to actually believe it. As quick as parents are to point out a wrong act, they should remember there are good qualities also present in the child.
c) Listen to his ideas and opinions. When the child wishes to say what he thinks of something, encourage him to talk. Don’t ridicule or put him down. A child will not have the wisdom of an adult but deserves to be listened to so that he will be forthcoming in his views in future. Dismissing a child’s opinions as unworthy is a perfect way to suppress any thoughtfulness or creativity in the child.
d) Sometimes speak positively about him to others. When a child hears himself being talked about positively, he feels that it is a sincere appreciation. It need not be long praises, or undeserved praise. But when the child does something good, mention it to a relative, or a friend, etc. This will seem more genuine and have more effect than a word of praise to the child himself. Parents who criticize and complain about the child to others, in front of the child, often ruin any feeling of self-worth the child may have. Sometimes parents and relatives act as if the child cannot hear. They discuss him in his presence, comparing him to others and mentioning the bad qualities he has. This has a very negative effect on the child.
Teach the child to think highly of himself
Encourage him to set goals and have high expectations of himself. In school and Madrasah and any other activities he may be involved in, help him to do well and to achieve the utmost possible with his capabilities. A push of encouragement from the parent, as well as concerned interest, helps the child try hard in his daily activities. Teach him that certain things are below his dignity. These could include complaining too much, asking for things from others, getting into trouble with authority etc. The child will become habituated to a certain type of behavior. Anything below that will seem unworthy for himself.
Make him familiar with stories of great people
Children love stories, and these are a great medium for imparting valuable lessons. When the children are young and rely on parents to read to them, use the opportunity to read inspiring stories of great people. Many Islamic books for children are available these days, and Muslim parents should make good use of them. Even when reading secular stories, search your local libraries for stories that will inspire the child towards good virtues. Heroes and their heroic actions are often imprinted in the minds of the child, and this will do more to push him towards noble behavior than a lecture from the parents. Manipulate the interest in stories to gain a sense of respect and dignity for noble behavior.
Listen to the child’s wishes
Sometimes a child is opposed to what the parent wishes him to do. This could be as simple as an enforcement of bedtime, wearing of appropriate clothes, or going for a particular outing, etc. The child may have a different view as to what should be done. A good parent would listen to what the child has to say. This does not mean that the parent gives in to the child, or lets him do as he wishes. It just means that the parent respects the child’s opinions although not necessarily following it. The child will eventually do as the parent wishes, but will feel that he was listened to.
Practical Do’s & Don’ts for fostering self-esteem
Do give your child responsibility at home. Give him basic duties and chores, according to his age, to do around the house. It is important that the child feels he is part of the household and is needed for the daily work that goes into running the home.
Do talk to him about major changes or decisions being made for the family. If a new house is being bought, or a job is being changed, let the child know about it. Often parents leave the child completely out of important decisions being made.
Do teach him not to accept undue praise or flattery. The child likes to be praised but should only accept it when deserved.
Don’t interfere in everything your child does. The child needs some space for healthy independence and originality. If he wishes to arrange his things in a particular way, for example, or plans something for himself, let him do it so long as it is not wrong in any serious way. Some parents expect children will do everything exactly as they wish, and fuss over every small detail in the child’s life. Such a child grows up to feel he cannot make any decisions for himself.
Don’t pamper the child too much when he is sick, or hurt. The child should be taught to be strong and bear a little pain. If allowed to whine and cry a great deal, the child may learn to be a complainer and will be unable to bear difficulties.
Don’t ignore the child when you have company. When a family has guests, Islamic etiquette demands that the host pay great respect to the guests. This does not mean however, that children should be ignored and brushed aside. Instead the parent should encourage the child to be part of the gathering, and involve him with the guests.
1.Allah has decreed everything for a believer, except that he humiliate himself. Holy Prophet (s)
A lesson from the Life of the Prophet
One day the Prophet was sitting with his companions when he saw a young child in the group. Having a great love for children, he called him and sat him on his lap. The people around him watched as the Prophet (s) gave his attention to the child. Suddenly the boy, over-awed perhaps, urinated on the lap of the Prophet(s). Embarrassed, the father sprang forward. “What have you done, you silly boy” he shouted. His arm shoved forward to grab the child away from the Prophet(s), his red face showing his anger. Fear and confusion showed in the face of the child. The Prophet(s) restrained the man, and gently hugged the child to him. “Don’t worry,” he told the over-zealous father. “This is not a big issue. My clothes can be washed. But be careful with how you treat the child” he continued. “What can restore his self-esteem after you have dealt with him in public like this?”
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Muhammed Ali in Sex addiction/need advice.
I respectfully disagree. I think it's very likely to be haraam.
We need to clean up how how people understand morality and this religion. People are getting the wrong impression - even by visiting this forum.
Edit: I noticed that you used the word 'might', which means that you may have intended conditionality.
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Ahmad.G in Ayatollah Khamenei's Opinions On Women's Issues
The Supreme Leader's View of Women's Role and Rights in Society
Part one: The role of women in society
The role of women in a human community
The issue of women and how they are treated in different communities is an issue which has been discussed among different communities and civilizations for a long time. Women always constitute half of the world's population. Life in this world is as much dependant on men as it is on women. Naturally, women shoulder the greatest responsibilities in the world. They do essential things such as giving birth to and educating children. Therefore, the issue of women is an important issue and has been discussed in societies among intellectuals for a long time.
Having an appropriate view of women
One should have a high regard for women in order to understand their rights and freedoms. In order to understand women's rights and freedoms, one should look at them as human beings who can be a resource for society by helping to educate moral humans. Women should be looked upon as the main element in the formation of a family. Although families are made up of both men and women, and both men and women play a role in the formation of a family, the peaceful atmosphere inside a family is due to the existence of women and their womanly nature. One should have such a view of women in order to understand how women can move towards perfection and what their rights are.
Historical oppression against women
Throughout history, women have been oppressed in different societies. This is due to the ignorance of human beings. Whenever there is no use of force, the more powerful people tend to oppress the weaker ones. This force may come either from within humans – strong faith – which is very rare, or from outside – force that is exerted by the law. This is part of the nature of ignorant humans.
Unfortunately, women have always been oppressed throughout history. This is mainly due to not recognizing the true position of women. Women should find their true position, and they should not be oppressed just because they are women. This is something very bad. Women have been oppressed in many ways. Sometimes certain things have been done in regard to women which may not be called oppression, but they are in fact a type of oppression. A case in point would be directing women towards luxury, consumerism, wearing make-up, extravagance, and becoming an object for use. This is a great oppression against women. One can possibly claim that this is the greatest oppression against women because it will completely prevent women from achieving their goals and ideals and will lead them towards petty and worthless goals.
The issue of women in the world
Despite all its claims, all the efforts made by committed and sympathetic people, and all the cultural activities that have been done in regard to the issue of women, humanity has so far failed to find an appropriate solution to the issue of women – as a result of which the issue of men is raised too.
In other words, extremist measures, deviations, and lack of proper understanding of the issue have resulted in oppression, violation of rights, psychological shortcomings, family problems, and problems about the way men and women should interact with each other. These are among the problems which humanity has so far failed to solve. In other words, human beings who have made numerous discoveries in materialistic issues, in astronomy, and in the bottoms of the seas and who claim to have in-depth knowledge in the field of psychology and social and economic issues – they have truly made progress in many of these fields – are unable to solve this problem.
The role of hijab in society
In Islam, there is a distance between men and women. This does not mean that women live in a different world than that of men. This is not the case. Men and women live together in society and in workplace. They interact with each other in many places. They solve social problems together. They solve the problems of war together. They manage families and bring up children together. But that distance is maintained outside home and the family environment. This is the main point in an Islamic model. If this point is not observed, the same corruption which is prevalent in the west will happen here too. If this point is not observed, women will no longer be the pioneers of moving towards values – as they are in Islamic Iran.
The issue of hijab is not intended to isolate women. Those who have such a perception of hijab are mistaken. The purpose of hijab is to prevent men and women from interacting with each other without observing any boundaries. Such an interaction would be detrimental to society and both men and women – particularly women. Hijab helps women reach the lofty moral position they deserve and prevents them from moral deviation.
Any effort to defend women should be based on safeguarding women's morality. Morality is a means which brings about honor and respect for women in the eye of others, even in the eye of licentious men. Morality brings about respect for women. Islam stresses the issue of women's morality. Of course morality is important about men too. It is not limited to women only. Men should also maintain their morality.
In places where women are encouraged to ignore hijab and immodest clothes are encouraged, women's security will be undermined in the first place. Then the security of men and youth will be undermined too. Islam has introduced the issue of hijab to help men and women carry out their duties in society.
The role and duties of women
In an Islamic society, men and women enjoy sufficient freedom. Islamic works which exist in this regard and the equal social duties which Islam has assigned to men and women bear testimony to this fact. Prophet Muhammad (s.w.a) said: "One who spends a night without caring about the affairs of Muslims is not a Muslim." What the Holy Prophet (s.w.a) said is not limited to men only. Women should also feel responsible towards the affairs of Muslims, the Islamic society, the world of Islam, and everything that happens in the world. This is an Islamic duty. Hazrat Fatimah (s.a) was present in all the events which happened in Medina – which was the center of all political and social events of that time – after the Holy Prophet (s.w.a) immigrated from Mecca to Medina. This is a model for women to follow and is indicative of the role of women in an Islamic system.
According to an ayah in Sura Al-Ahzab [ayah 35], men and women are equal in regard to being faithful, obeying God, being humble and truthful, fasting, being patient, guarding their morality, and remembering God. Women's activities in society are completely appropriate and acceptable. They should be active in society by observing Islamic limits. Women constitute half of society's work force. When both men and women are educated, the number of society's educated people will be doubled compared to when only men are educated. When women are also involved in teaching professions, the number of teachers will be doubled in society. There is no difference between men and women with regard to construction and economic activities and in planning the affairs of a country, city, village, group, or family. Everyone is responsible and should play a role in these fields.
The basis of women's social movements
Every social movement will only succeed if it is based on wisdom, thought, and logical and appropriate bases. Similarly, every movement that is intended to defend the rights of women should be based on the same criteria. That is, every movement should be based on wisdom and understanding of the realities of this world – understanding the nature of men and women, duties and responsibilities of men and women, and what can be shared by both men and women. Nothing should be based on imitation. Every movement that is based on imitation or blind decisions will be harmful.
The role of women in national development
If a country intends to engage in reconstruction in the true sense of the word, it should focus its attention on its human resources. When one speaks of human resources, it has to be noted that half of every country's population and human resources is comprised of women. If there is a misconception about women, reconstruction cannot be done in the true sense of the word or in a comprehensive manner. Women should be aware of the issue of women from an Islamic perspective in order to be able to defend their rights on the basis of Islamic principles. Similarly, men as well as all other members of society should be aware of the viewpoints of Islam in regard to women, their presence in different arenas of life, their activities, their education, their working, and their social, political, economic, and scientific activities. They should be aware of the role of women both inside and outside the family.
The necessity of acquiring knowledge
Women can receive academic education. There are some people who think that girls should not receive education. This is a wrong belief. Girls should study in fields which are useful for them and which they are interested in. Society needs educated girls in the same way it needs educated boys. Of course the atmosphere in which they study should be healthy. Ignoring the moral principles about the relationships between men and women is not a prerequisite for education. Rather, it is possible to acquire knowledge and reach high positions by observing these principles.
One of the basic things that should be done is to encourage women to read books. An innovative way should be figured out to encourage housewives to read books. Books are a source of knowledge for humans which help them think about and understand matters better. They also help us introduce innovations and adopt better positions.
Knowledge is a valuable thing. I support the idea that in an Islamic society there should be female scientists in all fields. There were some women who thought that women should only study gynecology and childbirth. This is not the case. Women should pursue their studies in different technical fields of medicine – cardiology, internal medicine, neurology, etc. This is both a religious and a social duty.
Islam is not opposed to women's employment. Not only is Islam not opposed to employment of women, it considers it as necessary as long as it does not prevent women from fulfilling their most basic duty which is educating children and safeguarding the family. No country can afford to dispense with women's services in different arenas.
There are some people who have extremist views. There are some women who believe that they should not engage in social activities because it will prevent them from caring for their husband and children and dealing with household affairs. There are also some women who believe that they should not care for their husband and children because they prevent them from engaging in social activities. Both beliefs are wrong. They should not miss any of the two for the sake of the other.
Of course the issue of employment is not of primary importance for women. Although Islam is not opposed to the employment of women – except in specific cases, which may or may not be agreed upon by all Islamic jurisprudents. The main issue regarding women is what has now been completely destroyed in the west, that is, the feeling of peace and security and having an opportunity to show their talents without being oppressed in society, in the family, or by their husbands and fathers. Those who are active in the field of women's affairs should make efforts in this regard.
Part two: The role of women in the family
Islamic education of women
If an Islamic society can educate women according to an Islamic model, women can reach their true position. If women can acquire knowledge and gain the moral and ethical virtues which Allah the Exalted has specified for all humans – both men and women – they can educate their children better and the family atmosphere will become warmer and more pleasant. Also in this case, society will make more progress and problems of life can be solved more easily. Therefore, men and women will have a prosperous life together. Islam does not intend to pitch men against women. The purpose of Islamic teachings is not to cause a fierce competition between men and women. The goal of these teachings is to help women reach the same position as men by doing the same things as they do. In Islam, this is possible and has been done before.
One of the most important things is to teach women the right methods of treating their husband and children. There are some very good women who are very patient. But they do not know the right methods of treating their husband and children. These methods are tried and true. Over the years, these methods have improved as a result of the experience of humans in this regard. There are some people who possess useful experience in this regard. The ground should be prepared so that these people can instruct women in these fields.
The right to choose one's husband
As a spouse, women have been given special attention by Islam from various perspectives. Firstly, it is the issue of choosing a husband. From an Islamic perspective, women are free to choose their husband and no one can impose his or her opinion on women in this regard. This means that even a woman's brothers or her father – let alone the more distant relatives – have no right to impose their opinion on a woman in regard to who she should marry.
Of course there have been some wrong habits in Islamic communities over the years. But what some ignorant Muslims do should not be attributed to Islam. These are wrong habits. Ignorant Muslims do certain things based on their wrong habits which have nothing to do with Islam and its holy principles.
Two examples of ignorance in marriage
If anyone forces a girl to marry her cousin, they have done something wrong. If a boy prevents her cousin from marrying another person because she did not marry him, he has done a haraam act, and those who help him also do a haraam act. These acts are against Islamic Sharia and there is no difference of opinion among Islamic jurisprudents in this regard.
If two tribes decide that a girl from one of the tribes should marry someone from the other tribe in order to settle a dispute and they do not ask for the girl's consent in this regard, they have done a haraam act. Of course if they ask for the girl's consent, then there is nothing wrong with doing that. There might be a girl who is willing to marry a boy from another tribe and to solve a dispute too. In this case, there is nothing wrong with doing so. But if the girl is made to marry someone, the act is haraam from an Islamic perspective.
A place for peace
Peace is one of the most important things which humanity needs. Humans need to be away from anxiety and emotional turmoil in order to achieve prosperity. Peace is a feeling which one can only get from his family. This is the case for both men and women. There is a Quranic verse which says: "And of His signs is this, that He created mates for you from yourselves." This means that God created men for women and women for men. "From yourselves" here means that men and women are the same as one another. They have the same position. They are the same entity and have the same nature.
Of course men and women are different with regard to some of their characteristics. This is because they have different responsibilities. Then the verse continues: "That you might find quiet of mind in them". This means that the creation of two sexes among humans is aimed at a lofty goal, which is to bring about peace of mind for them. This is to help women find peace beside their opposite sex in the family. For men, living in the calm atmosphere of a family beside a kind, loving, and sincere wife is a means for finding peace. For women, having a man who loves them and whom they can rely on is a type of prosperity. It will bring about a sense of peace and prosperity to them. A family can bring about this feeling for both men and women. Men need women to find peace in the family and women also need men in the family to find peace. "That you might find quiet of mind in them." Men and women need each other in order to find peace.
The importance of women in a family
In fact, it is women who manage the family. Women, and not men, are the main element in a family. There might exist a family without a man. If in a family, the man is not present or has passed away, the woman can maintain the family if she is wise and cares about her family. But if the woman is taken away from a family, the man cannot maintain the family. Therefore, it is the woman who maintains the family.
The reason Islam has stressed the role of women in a family is that if a woman is committed to her family, cares about the education of her children, breast-feeds them, brings them up under her support, and feeds them with cultural food – Islamic principles, Quranic and instructive stories – as well as food for the body, then the different generations of that society will become successful. This is a special skill for women and is not in contradiction to education, teaching, working, entering politics, and similar things.
In all social plans, the family should be considered as the basis. The issue of being a mother or a wife as well as the issue of the family are very basic and vital issues. This means that if a woman is the greatest expert in any field but is not a good wife at home, then this is considered a weakness for her. The woman should be like a master in the house. This is a principle. If we are allowed to make an imperfect comparison, a woman can be likened to a queen bee.
Natural influence of women
Women naturally have a special influence on their husbands, except in special cases. Of course this does not mean that if a woman is dominant on her husband, we could say that she is influential on him. What I mean is their God-given power. Ultimately, I consider women to be stronger than men. This is my belief. In a confrontation – if the confrontation lasts for sometime – the person who wins will be the woman. This means that women will use the tools and powers which God has given to them and will overcome men. This is one of the beauties and mysteries of nature. Apart from their role in society, women can also play a role in encouraging men to fulfill their roles.
Men prefer to let their wife and children stay at home and fight alone. For instance, we were present on the battlefields, but we did not like to take our wives with us. We told them to stay and that we would go to the battlefields alone. But when women go to a battle, they take their husband with them and send them ahead. Women are like this. This characteristic, natural influence, and prominent role in the battlefields should be preserved.
The center of kindness
The divine nature of men and women cause a relationship between them which is based on kindness and love.
A good relationship between men and women should be based on kindness, love, and friendship. They should like each other, show love towards each other, and treat each other kindly.
A family is a place where kindness and emotions should be promoted. Children should be treated with kindness. The husband, who is a man, and is in certain cases more fragile than women needs his wife's kindness. This is the only thing that will soothe a man. Sometimes even a mother's kindness is not as influential. For an adult man, his wife does what a mother does for her baby. And women who are accurate know this point. If these emotions and feeling were not dependant on the existence of a main element in the family – which is the woman – then the family would be a meaningless unit.
Sharing the duties
Men and women have got different natural characteristics. Inside the family, women should not be expected to do the same things that men do or to have the same characteristics as men. Similarly, men should not be expected to have the same characteristics as women either. Men and women have each got different natural and emotional characteristics. It is to the benefit of humanity and society that the emotional characteristics of men and women be taken into consideration in the family. If these characteristics are observed, both men and women will feel happy. But men and women do not have the right to oppress or try to dominate each other. There are some men who think that women have to do all the things that are related to them. Of course in a family a man and a woman who love each other will quite willingly do anything for each other. But doing things willingly is different from feeling or acting in a way as if women have to act like a servant in the house. Such a notion does not exist in Islam.
Prioritizing the housework
There are some women who work outside the house. They do surgeries, visit patients, do scientific jobs, develop plans, and teach at universities. They do all these things. But they should think of the housework too. Of course like all other things, the quantity of the housework can be sacrificed at the cost of its quality. This means that the quantity of the housework can be reduced. The presence of women at home twenty four hours a day is one thing. It is quite another thing if the number of hours is reduced but the quality is increased. If women feel that working outside home has a negative effect on their household duties, they should do something about it. This is a basic and important issue, unless in exceptional cases. In all cases, there are necessities which are outside the scope of rules and what is common. For women, the most important thing is educating children and raising the spirits of their husband for entering important arenas.
Educating children is one of the duties of women in a family. Women who avoid giving birth to children because of their activities outside home act against the human nature and their womanly nature. God will not be pleased with doing such a thing. Those who give up their duties towards children, educating children, breastfeeding children, and bringing them in an atmosphere of kindness and passion in order to do things that are not dependant on them are doing something wrong. The best way to bring up children is by showing them motherly affection. Women who deprive their children of this God-given gift do something wrong. This is harmful to themselves, their children, and society. Islam does not allow such acts. One of the most important duties of women is to bring up their children with kindness and educate them properly and carefully so that they are emotionally healthy when they grow up and do not suffer from any emotional complexes or the problems which currently afflict European and western youth.
Because western women did not care about the education of their children, western societies have now reached a position where millions of corrupt teenagers are now involved in criminal acts in European countries and the US under the shadow of their materialistic civilization, their tall palaces, atomic bases, multi-story skys[Edited Out]ers, and their scientific and technological advances. There are thieves, assassins, drug dealers, and addicted people among their teenagers. What is the reason? This is because western women did not value the family.
The story of the flower and the gardener
From an Islamic point of view, men are supposed to protect women like a flower in the family. There is tradition which says: "Women are flowers". This is not related to political and social arenas or the arena of acquiring knowledge. This is related to inside the family. "A woman is a flower and not a servant at home". By saying this, the Holy Prophet (s.w.a) has falsified the claim made by those who think that women have to work like a servant at home. Women are like a flower which needs to be taken care of. If you wrestle with a flower, its leaves will fall off. If you treat a flower like a flower [delicately], it will bring about beauty and will be noticed. Women who are emotionally and physically delicate should be viewed in this way.
In Islam, the womanly nature of women, on which all the needs and emotions of women are dependant, has been taken into consideration. That is, women are not forced to think, work, and act like men while they are women. This means that the womanly nature of women which is a natural characteristic of women and the basis of all their emotions and efforts has been taken into consideration by Islam. In the mean time, according to Islam, women are free to be present in such arenas as gaining knowledge, spirituality, piety, and politics. Islam has also encouraged women to acquire knowledge and be present in different social and political arenas. Islam has also ordered men that they do not have the right to impose their will on women or to ignorantly force them to do anything. This is the Islamic perspective on women.
Oppression to women in the family
Throughout the world, women suffer from numerous incurable problems. Women generally suffer from problems on two fronts: Inside the family and in society. These problems are prevalent in European countries, the US, and countries which follow their model. These problems are more severe in some places as compared to others. In families, the rights of women are violated. That is, men sometimes oppress their wives. The greatest oppression towards women on the part of men is that they do not consider women as their partners in life. They do not allocate all their emotions and time to women. Outside home, men pursue their carnal desires. Inside home, there is a cold atmosphere which lacks kindness. This is sometimes accompanied by a bad temper and different kinds of pressure. The most important point in a family is the point of interaction between a woman and her husband. One brings up a girl by tolerating many hardships and by showing her kindness and affection and teaching her to be kind towards her parents. That girl reaches her youth, and while she is still considered a child by her family, she gets married. Then they expect her to understand everything and to be able to do everything. Therefore, once she makes a small mistake, she gets criticized. This should not be the case.
If men have a feeling of possession in the family and look upon women as servants, then they have oppressed women. Unfortunately many men oppress women in this way. This is true about outside the family too. It is a type of oppression against women if they are not provided with a secure atmosphere for studying, working, earning money, and resting. It is a type of oppression against women if they are not allowed to receive education and gain knowledge. It is a type of oppression if women cannot focus on their ethics and faith due to work pressure or other kinds of pressure. It is a type of oppression if women cannot use what they possess freely and in the way they like. It is a type of oppression if a husband is imposed on a woman, that is, if the woman has no role in choosing her husband. It is a type of oppression if women are not allowed to benefit emotionally from their children either when they are living with their family or when they are divorced from their husband. If women are not allowed to show their talent – for instance a scientific, political, or social talent or a talent for making discoveries – then this is a type of oppression too.
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Hameedeh in Sayyid Ali Khamenei [OFFICIAL THREAD]
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The Concept of Combat in the Life of Imams
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Soldiers and Saffron in I Curse You.
Allahumma salli ala Muhammad va ale Muhammad
With his blood he sealed the truth about what is true, for anyone seeking truth, his blood painted the way, Allah(SWT) as a mercy to us, made it clear, even more clear than what it already was, He made it obvious, obvious for he who uses what Allah(SWT) gave him to seek, so that there may be no doubt for those seeking truth about what is true.
Allahumma salli ala Muhammad va ale Muhammad
You who fought against him. You who fought against the man whose forehead the Prophet used to kiss. You who fought against his beloved. You who fought against him and you who still fight against him, I curse you.
I curse you.
By every breath I did not take, by every breath I take and by every breath that I will not take, I curse you.
By the every tear wept in mourning of him, by every time his name has been mentioned, by every matam made in commemoration and in honor of him, I curse you.
By every grain of sand from the dry lands of Karbala, by every drop of water from Eufrat, by every time a being has felt thirst, I curse you.
By the every feather of every beard, by every snowflake of every winter, by every rain drop of every spring, I curse you.
By the mountains heights, by the oceans depths, by the wide fields of land, I curse you.
By the marrow of your spine, by the every bone of your body, by tip of your fingers, I curse you.
By the multitude of the stars, by the heath of the sun, by the beauty of the moon, I curse you.
By the planets known, by the planets unknown, by the darkness of space, I curse you.
By every atom in our world, by every atom outside of our world, by the division of worlds, I curse you.
By the most gracious, by the most magnificent, by the one beyond beginning and end, by the light, by AllahÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, I curse you.
I curse you.
Verily, this curse is not enough for you.
Verily, the languages of humans lack words sufficient enough to describe the curse you deserve.
Verily, this curse will be seen as a blessing in comparison to what awaits you.
Verily, it would be an insult and injustice towards animals to call you one.
Verily, you are neither human nor animal.
I curse you.
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Hameedeh in Ethics Book List
[MOD NOTE: The project of adding PDF links for every book will continue.]
People want to discuss and learn. Here is a list of books, in no particular order, that might be useful.
Akhlaq e-A'imma, Morals & Manners of the Holy Imams AS. Get PDF
Ethics and Spiritual Growth. Get PDF
Jami' al-Sa'adat (The Collector of Felicities). Get PDF
Moral Values of Qur'an, a Commentary on Surah Hujurat. Get PDF
Code of Ethics for Muslim men and women. Get PDF
Qalbe-Saleem, Immaculate Conscience. Get PDF
Adabus Salat, The Disciplines of the Prayer. Get PDF
Self Building, An Islamic guide for Spiritual Migration towards God. Get PDF
Spiritual Discourses. Get PDF
al Siraj: The Lantern on the Path To Allah Almighty. Get PDF
The Elixir of Love. Get PDF
Awsaf al Ashraf, The Attributes of the Noble. Get PDF
Concentration in Prayer. Get PDF
Last Will & Testament. Get PDF
Diseases of the Soul. (No PDF link. Can download at the site.)
Anecdotes of the Ahlul Bayt. Get PDF
Jihad al-Akbar, The Greatest Jihad: Combat with the Self. Get PDF
Struggle against the Self (jihad al-nafs). [PDF only]
Du’a (Supplication). Get PDF
Sexual Ethics in Islam and in the Western World. Get PDF
Principles Of Marriage & Family Ethics. Get PDF
Rafed.net Ethics articles:
Shia-Rukaya reacted to Haji 2003 in World's Most Beautiful Mosques ?
Most of the ones in the list only make the list because they were built by corrupt Sunni rulers, who pay the international media to curry favour. For the complete set of monstrosities see the article, I've shown the better ones, mainly.
And they've completely missed out Uzbekistan whose historic mosques are worthy of inclusion IMHO.
Nasr-ul-Molk is the only Iranian one to make the list. It's nice, but it's a fairly recent construction, AFAIK.
OK, the Wazir Khan mosque in Lahore merits inclusion. I've been there, it's pretty amazing.
A copy of a well-known building and not a very good copy at that:
One of the few to be genuinely worthy of inclusion:
I have a suspicion that the Masjid an-Nabawi makes the list because the architect was a westerner who copied the mosque in Cordoba.
Shia-Rukaya reacted to khamosh21 in Why Does Allah Test People?
great question... i never completely understood until i heard these 2 lectures... they literally blew my mind and i felt i understood why Allah swt tests us... also, don't think that wealth people are not being tested, their test is harder in my opinion since they more opportunities to fulfill their desires and go towards sin! i've watched these lectures 2 to 3 times now... absolutely love his style and wisdom:
Shia-Rukaya reacted to starlight in Hazrat Bilal E Habshi
Hazrat Bilal was one of the most trusted and loyal companions of Prophet Muhammad(saw). However, there isn't much information about his life after the time he refused to give Baya'h to Abu bakar. Did he leave Medina?? For where?? Did he any children?? Time and place of death?
Is his really buried in Syria as the per popular belief? Where were his descendants, if he had any, at the time of Karbala??
How can a devoted companion of ahle bayt simply fade into oblivion so soon after the Prophet(saw)'s death??