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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About Sehnsucht

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  1. Yes, people can change. (They usually don't, but anything's possible by God's will.) If you come across someone whose present genuinely seems good- religious, good akhlaq, humble, etc.- let him have his say. Relying on hearsay when the person isn't able to defend himself isn't worth it, and it isn't society's place to forgive us for our sins. In their ignorance, people may be recounting the sins of these guys long after even God has forgiven them. (On the other hand, if a guy hasn't changed yet but promises to, or is only halfway there, or is being actively deceitful, it's probably best to look elsewhere.) Here's some food for thought: one of the best ulema I've ever met had his first great epiphany about religion while in a pub... Even the best of the diamonds start off among the coal.
  2. Allah (swt) bless you sis, that's a lot to go through. =/ In all of this, try to remember that it isn't your fault things are so messed up, and it isn't your responsibility to patch them up... Do what you can insh'Allah, and where you have no hope of improving things, leave it up to God. Also, try your best to understand where your siblings are coming from. I know you probably feel like socking your bro in the face right now because of how selfish he seems, but he's probably behaving this way because he hasn't had a decent father figure to look up to. Hurting others and behaving recklessly may be his way of dealing with his resentment towards your dad. Given that he has trouble respecting others, he may also have deep-rooted self-respect issues... growing up, did he have a strong source of emotional support, or was there a lot of instability in his life? What was he like before he made all these destructive choices? At present, does his wife have any idea about the girlfriend and his other issues? Has he talked to anyone about wanting to break his nikah off, or does he still want to end up with his wife? Is your husband aware of your bro's problems, or do you have reason to worry that your own marriage might be threatened if he continues to ruin his? Where your dad is concerned... if he's 41, was he 18 when he had you, or is that a typo? As for your sister... honestly, her staying away- provided she's safe and financially independent- may be for the best right now. She's probably the ultra-sensitive one out of you 3, and whereas you might find ways to live with the situation, she'd probably (literally) go mad if she didn't leave. Maybe if you tell her that you understand her needing to get away and show that you aren't holding it against her, she'll warm up to you in time. If not, try not to worry or take it personally... she's probably an internalizer, and the first thing internalizers do when they can't handle things anymore is cut off everyone they care about because it hurts to keep in touch. If you want a deeper insight into what's going on with your family, look into the psychological angle... there's tons of writing out there on the characteristics children from dysfunctional families tend to adopt as a means of coping. Some of the categories are explained in detail in the first section of this page: http://www.mudrashram.com/dysfunctionalfamily2.html#roles Based on the above article, you're probably 'the hero', your brother's probably 'the scapegoat', and your sister is 'the lost child'. If you understand what's driving each of you to be the way you are, insh'Allah you can get to the root of the problem more quickly. If you can at least rekindle some sort of bond with your siblings, it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders. In the meantime, keep your mother close and maintain as warm a relationship with her as possible. She probably counts on you a great deal for that. Also, have her talk with your husband often... having a good son-in-law is one of those things every mother is consoled by. Remember that Allah (swt) is looking out for you... You're incredibly lucky to have found someone stable to spend your life with mash'Allah, may God protect you and your spouse... whenever you feel down, remind yourself that He must've wanted you to be happy considering this match came about. Many kids who grow up in unstable families end up with someone terrible and the cycle never ends... Insh'Allah you can change that in your situation. You're a brave person. Jazak'Allah sis.
  3. Subhan'Allah, that's a beautiful sentiment. :) May Glenn Beck have tons to whine about in the days to come, insh'Allah. It's truly a blessing to be alive right now and watch all this unfold.
  4. It's an immense danger to let this sort of thing slide and allow questionable characters to speak to the masses, but it's also dangerous to make a sport out of accusing people who dedicate untold years of their lives to the study of our religion for the (essentially) selfless purpose of informing us. I'm sure no one here has done that, but better safe than sorry... If any of the people whose motives we question are in fact nearer to Allah (swt) than us, we're in serious trouble. Trivial aside: Sarah Palin's daughter (ie. the one who got famous for having an out-of-wedlock child) gets paid $15,000-30,000 per speech. True story.
  5. ^ True say! Salaams sis, Going to Karbala, circling the Kaaba, etc., won't in itself change you- these things simply comprise a physical journey. The real journey is the one within, and you don't have to wait for a physical pilgrimage to begin it. I've known many people who went for ziyarah/hajj and didn't feel any changes in their lives upon returning, while there are plenty out there who have yet to go but have transformed themselves in incredible ways through sheer willpower. In any case, I hope you get to go soon insh'Allah, you seem like you'd genuinely gain a lot from it. :)
  6. Sehnsucht

    Sc Smilies!

    :donno: / :mellow: / :lol:
  7. As the old saying goes, "if shaitan reminds you of your past, remind him of his present/future.' When God gave us the capacity to regret our past actions, it wasn't so we could simply beat ourselves up for the mistakes we've made... Every aspect of human nature is ultimately designed to bring man back to his Lord. You can convert your ability to regret into a spiritual weapon if you forgive yourself; because in doing so, you can ask His forgiveness with a whole, mended heart insh'Allah. You'll feel so much better when you realize that what you've done does not have to define who you are or limit who you can become. As for this notion of having a stain on your record... if you do proper tawbah in a way that God loves, all your past sins will be erased. Don't underestimate His mercy. :) In regards to telling people, there's a really important phrase in the Qur'an to keep in mind: God gives dignity to whom He wants, and indignity to whom He wants. If you do tawbah and become a better being for His sake, trust Him to maintain your dignity. Stop announcing your mistakes to the world; if you have the courage to turn your back on those acts, you wholly deserve to be respected because it's a rare man who can truly reform himself. If it'll help you move forward in life, confiding in a mature, nonjudgmental friend may be a good idea. Sometimes what seem like end-of-the-world-level mistakes to us can be put into perspective by an objective outsider. But make sure your confidante is male, trustworthy, and humble. If you need practical steps or advice, here's something: read Dua e Kumail and Salat al Ghufaila frequently. Reflect on the meanings. It'll change your life. If your heart becomes thirsty for conversation with God, stay awake at night and read Salat ul Layl. Also, refer to this page for tons of duas, amaal, and salaat you can read specifically for forgiveness: http://www.duas.org/seekforg.htm
  8. Salaams, Apply water/wet compresses, don't use butter/milk/lemon etc as these things contain natural acids of their own that could exacerbate the problem. Cover the area with dry gauze and leave it alone for a while. Aloe vera will help protect against scarring, but may also dry the skin out so don't use it until the skin has begun healing and is able to retain moisture. An alternative to this is Eucerin's Aquaphor ointment; it carries no risk of drying and is an effective measure against all sorts of skin problems including minor burns. The ingredients are a bit suspect, but it's designed for use on infants so it's gentle and relatively harmless. Consult a skin specialist, and if he/she gives the okay, consider using a product called Rosa's Scarless Healer: http://www.naturalhealthorganics.com.au/Rosa-Scarless-Healer-Cream-50g-pr-4301.html It has all-natural ingredients that should help your skin heal completely insh'Allah. :)
  9. ^ Anything for my beautiful, perfect sisters :wub: :wub:
  10. Wasalaam, Haven't seen this one in a while :) See the following threads: http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/topic/234966196-questions-about-nahjol-balagha/ http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/topic/234943936-women-are-deficient/ To summarize the repetitive arguments that typically crop up when this is discussed, the sermon is either of questionable authenticity and should be suspect simply because it would appear to contradict Qur'anic notions of spiritual equality among the genders (Ayatullah Saanei takes this approach, for instance), or the sermon was directed at and is merely regarding Aisha as it was spoken after the battle of Jamal, or these statements require abstract contemplation and should not be taken at face value. Regardless, I don't think anyone has ever emerged from any of the arguments trying to assert that women really are deficient.
  11. Sehnsucht

    Who Are You?

    Absolutely awe-inspiring, jazak'Allah.
  12. Waleikum salaam,

    She's one of my favorites too! She's one of the most underrated princesses. =)

  13. Salam. I just saw your avatar. Sleeping beauty is my favorite Disney Princess.

  14. Aww he looks like my cat!! :wub:
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