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In the Name of God بسم الله

Al-Khattati

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  1. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Abu Nur in Did Prophet Musa Actually Exist?   
    Salams,
     
    I have a book by an archeologist/egyptologist called "On The Reliability of the the Old Testament": 
     

     
    http://www.amazon.com/On-Reliability-Old-Testament-Kitchen/dp/0802803962/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1414525528&sr=8-1&keywords=reliability+of+the+old+testament
     
    He is actually a Professor Emeritus of Egyptology and Honorary Research Fellow at the School of Archaeology, Classics, and Oriental Studies at the University of Liverpool, England. He is one of the top scholars in the field and his book answers various questions regarding the existence of various biblical events and persons. 
     
    Luckily enough, William Lane Craig has answered this question and even referred to this book so I will save myself some time and copy paste his response here:
     
    As for the Exodus, I want to commend to you a book that I have here on my desk by the famed Egyptologist Kenneth Kitchen entitled On the Reliability of the Old Testament (Eerdmans, 2003). Kitchen’s lengthy chapter 6 is devoted to a discussion of the Exodus and the Sinai wanderings of Israel in light of archaeology. You’re quite right to say that archaeology does not afford a proof of the Exodus. But Kitchen explains in some detail why no such proof should be expected. For example, he points out,
     
     
    The Delta is an alluvial fan of mud deposited through many millennia by the annual flooding of the Nile; it has no source of stone within it. Mud, mud and wattle, and mud-brick structures were of limited duration and use, and were repeatedly leveled and replaced, and very largely merged once more with the mud of the fields. . . . The mud hovels of brickfield slaves and humble cultivators have long since gone back to their mud origins, never to be seen again. . . . And, as pharaohs never monumentalize defeats on temple walls, no record of the successful exit of a large bunch of foreign slaves (with loss of a full chariot squadron) would ever have been memorialized by any king, in temples in the Delta or anywhere else. On these matters, once and for all, biblicists must shed their naïve attitudes and cease demanding ‘evidence’ that cannot exist (p. 246).
     
     
    Kitchen also marshals positive evidence to show the historical credibility of the Exodus narratives (such as the otherwise inexplicable quintupling of the population of the land of Canaan between 1210-1150 B.C.). The salient question is not whether we have a proof of the historicity of the Exodus but whether the evidence disproves the historicity of the Exodus. It does not.
     
     
    Read more: http://www.reasonablefaith.org/problems-with-the-old-testament#ixzz3HTGQwogC
  2. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Ali Hamieh in My Husband Is Bi Sexual   
    That's very offensive. We live in a culture where the suffering of men is constantly denied but women are very often portrayed as victims. I find that a lot of men get fooled by this culture of hating men until they get married and realize that women can be as equally demonic. I actually know a lot of men who live under verbally, emotionally and physically abusive wives but this dosn't get reported because there is a huge culture of shame and stigma attached to it.
    This is just a small piece of advice for those young males thinking of getting married. For there are just ad many absusive women out there as there are men.
  3. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from bano in Online Q&A with a Shaykh - Moulanaonline.com   
    Salams,
    There is a new Shia site available where the resident aalim of the SABA Center, Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, answers questions regarding Islamic law. For basic questions you should get your response within 48 hours. More complex questions require more time.
    You can find the site at http://www.moulanaonline.com
    Those of you who wish to know more about Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, you can see his facebook page (Saba Islamic Center)
    or check out his center's blog at: http://www.sabacenterblog.com
    or his main webpage: http://moulanaabidi.com
  4. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Hameedeh in Moulanaonline.com - Online Islamic Law Q&A by a Scholar   
    Note that there is an option to put your marja's name in there. Usually the sayyid will also quote the marja's opinion on the given topic. 
  5. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Hameedeh in Online Q&A with a Shaykh - Moulanaonline.com   
    Salams,
    There is a new Shia site available where the resident aalim of the SABA Center, Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, answers questions regarding Islamic law. For basic questions you should get your response within 48 hours. More complex questions require more time.
    You can find the site at http://www.moulanaonline.com
    Those of you who wish to know more about Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, you can see his facebook page (Saba Islamic Center)
    or check out his center's blog at: http://www.sabacenterblog.com
    or his main webpage: http://moulanaabidi.com
  6. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Abu Nur in Moulanaonline.com - Online Islamic Law Q&A by a Scholar   
    Salams,
    There is a new site called moulanaonline.com http://www.moulanaonline.com ... where the resident aalim of the SABA Islamic Center in San Jose answers Q&As regarding Islamic law. I thought this was a useful site to share with members of this site. The mission of Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi (the resident aalim answering the questions) is to answer your questions within 48 hours. If the questions, however, are more complex, it may take a little bit more time to answer.
    You have the option of having answers to your questions made public or private. The aalim has taken great care in preserving privacy. 
    Those of you who wish to know more about Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, you can see his facebook page (Saba Islamic Center)
    or check out his center's blog at: http://www.sabacenterblog.com
    or his main webpage: http://moulanaabidi.com
  7. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Ali_Hussain in Moulanaonline.com - Online Islamic Law Q&A by a Scholar   
    Salams,
    There is a new site called moulanaonline.com http://www.moulanaonline.com ... where the resident aalim of the SABA Islamic Center in San Jose answers Q&As regarding Islamic law. I thought this was a useful site to share with members of this site. The mission of Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi (the resident aalim answering the questions) is to answer your questions within 48 hours. If the questions, however, are more complex, it may take a little bit more time to answer.
    You have the option of having answers to your questions made public or private. The aalim has taken great care in preserving privacy. 
    Those of you who wish to know more about Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, you can see his facebook page (Saba Islamic Center)
    or check out his center's blog at: http://www.sabacenterblog.com
    or his main webpage: http://moulanaabidi.com
  8. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Hameedeh in Moulanaonline.com - Online Islamic Law Q&A by a Scholar   
    Salams,
    There is a new site called moulanaonline.com http://www.moulanaonline.com ... where the resident aalim of the SABA Islamic Center in San Jose answers Q&As regarding Islamic law. I thought this was a useful site to share with members of this site. The mission of Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi (the resident aalim answering the questions) is to answer your questions within 48 hours. If the questions, however, are more complex, it may take a little bit more time to answer.
    You have the option of having answers to your questions made public or private. The aalim has taken great care in preserving privacy. 
    Those of you who wish to know more about Sayyid Nabi Raza Abidi, you can see his facebook page (Saba Islamic Center)
    or check out his center's blog at: http://www.sabacenterblog.com
    or his main webpage: http://moulanaabidi.com
  9. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from hafiz in I Am Lost   
    Salams
     
    Laziness is an acquired habit and it corrupts the heart. The more you procrastinate, the more this disease will take hold of you. 
     
    My suggestion is to start with really small things to kick off the habit, say, read one page a day and you'll realize it's not so bad. Do one small task a day, and when you're up for it, do another small one. Eventually you will want to do bigger things. 
     
    Slowly you begin enjoying getting things done as for one, it helps fight off depression --> yes, laziness  often begets nasty kinds of depression. 
  10. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from reisiger in I Am Lost   
    Salams
     
    Laziness is an acquired habit and it corrupts the heart. The more you procrastinate, the more this disease will take hold of you. 
     
    My suggestion is to start with really small things to kick off the habit, say, read one page a day and you'll realize it's not so bad. Do one small task a day, and when you're up for it, do another small one. Eventually you will want to do bigger things. 
     
    Slowly you begin enjoying getting things done as for one, it helps fight off depression --> yes, laziness  often begets nasty kinds of depression. 
  11. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Abu Nur in I Am Lost   
    Salams
     
    Laziness is an acquired habit and it corrupts the heart. The more you procrastinate, the more this disease will take hold of you. 
     
    My suggestion is to start with really small things to kick off the habit, say, read one page a day and you'll realize it's not so bad. Do one small task a day, and when you're up for it, do another small one. Eventually you will want to do bigger things. 
     
    Slowly you begin enjoying getting things done as for one, it helps fight off depression --> yes, laziness  often begets nasty kinds of depression. 
  12. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from tendersoul in Should I Do Tatbeer?   
    If there is any decency left in a human being he should run away from it as far as possible. As ayatollah muhsin al Amin (رضي الله عنه) said, tatbir is from the encouragement of Satan.
  13. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Hameedeh in Battle Of Kirkisia Or Qirqisia?   
    I think we can raise some questions about its sanad, but that's irrelevant at this point. I'm running on the assumption that ok, the Imam (as) did historically actually say this but even if this is the case we cannot  put ourselves in the position of identifying specific current events with the very general predictions in the tradition.
     
    With that said, I did not mean to come off as arrogant or rude. If you feel like this was the case then please forgive me. My concern is that there are many young kids reading posts on this forum and unfortunately, soothsayers tend to be a very attractive market to them. Unfortunately, the environmental conditions set forth by our current age is very conducive to cults and cult following.
  14. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Ali Musaaa :) in Problems With Arabic Text On Office 365 For Mac   
    salams
     
    So I figured out the problem (no thanks to the Microsoft techs). Office 365 for Mac doesn't have the RTL feature (right to left language) but it does have it for Windows although they do have the vertical features for East Asian languages. Anyone wanting Arabic on their word 365 needs to type it in directly or get a software that supports RTL, like Nisus or Milel. 
  15. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Ali_Hussain in Should I Do Tatbeer?   
    If there is any decency left in a human being he should run away from it as far as possible. As ayatollah muhsin al Amin (رضي الله عنه) said, tatbir is from the encouragement of Satan.
  16. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from aliyah21 in How To React When People Don't Greet You?   
    Bismillah Ta'alaa
     
    Salam Alaikum
     
    Say salams for the sake of Allah and reap your rewards. If they are rude to you but you stay kind, you will reap even more rewards and blessings will be taken away from their own lives at their own doing. Rudeness comes from a diseased heart so do not be upset with them, their hearts are sick and they are miserable. My advice is to have pity and make dua for them that Allah removes whatever darkness there is in their hearts. Make sure to concentrate on the emotion of pity as it is the best remedy for hatred and spite against another who does wrong to you. 
  17. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from AnaAmmar1 in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    From my understanding (which may be wrong) it is for two reasons: 1) marriage is an opportunity to struggle against one's ego. It is like a boiling cauldron which brings out the worst out of people out in the open like boiling water but by doing so it also gives us a better insight as to what the diseases of our heart are and creates a ground where we can fight them and grow to become decent human beings. 2) it is there as an alternative to zina. Marriage saves the soul, zina destroys it. Permanent marriage has a plus over temporary marriage in that its spiritual effects are greater as it involves deeper commitment and the production of offspring which as a result makes it in a person's interest to find a person who has real imaan and real commitment to bettering themselves. 
     
    Allah knows best, but that's my take and I may be wrong 
  18. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from AnaAmmar1 in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    Salams,
     
    This fallible advice is first and foremost directed at myself before anyone else:
     
    1) Real love happens after marriage. But there is a secret to it which the Qur'an unlocks for us, 1) mawaddah and 2) rahmah. The first (mawaddah) refers to a deep seated friendship between husband and wife, and the second (rahmah) is understanding that your spouse is a fallible and weak human beings. He or she will make mistakes, will sometimes act childish and not listen, do wrong things etc. part of rahmah is that you forgive the person for their faults and make excuses for them. This is not easy, but a good way to help is to put your ego aside and contemplate on your own faults and mistakes. If you can do this then it will be harder to put yourself at a higher moral ground than your spouse. Perceiving yourself as superior to your spouse is a recipe for disaster. This can be for example, you think you are more ethical, nicer, smarter, etc. do not let these thoughts take root in your heart, fight them as much as you can for these are the whispers of demons. You may be better than them in something, but surely they are better than you in other things.
     
    2) Be humble and know each one of your priorities are in life. Most likely, your priorities will not be the same so this means that you need to come to a middle line and compromise. Know that your priorities will shift as you grow older. Your priorities when you were in your early 20s will not be the same as your priorities in your early 30s. Do your best to know your spouse's priorities and meet them as much as you can even if they don't make sense to you. If they don't make sense to you, they make sense to your spouse. I am sure you have priorities that your spouse doesn't think make sense but you would be happy if they tried to respect them anyways. They will notice it if you do this. 
     
    3) Do not make judgments or talk when you are angry and do not make promises when you are very happy. Make sure your mind is tranquil when you make important judgments and decisions. If you are in a fight or disagreement, whatever you do do not attack your spouse's person, focus only on what the problem is (i.e. talk about how you don't like them leaving a mess in the house, don't call them lazy and good for nothing). 
     
    4) Very important, be cheerful. Imam Ali (as) says "al bashashatu mukh al mawadda" which means cheerfulness is the marrow of friendship (mawaddah). Stop being grumpy, stop being critical, stop complaining, stop fault finding, stop the frown. Bite your lip when you want to say something negative. If there is a problem, say the problem but then do shukr and flood it with positive things. Fault finding and complaining is a very serious disease and it will ruin your mind and your marital life. It will infect your spouse and all those around you and invite an army of demons in your life. Force yourself to be cheerful, force yourself to have a positive mindset and see the good in things. This will help you be grateful and take your imaan to heights you never imagined. It will also make turn your marital life into heaven on earth.  If you want to be happy, be cheerful even if you are not cheerful inside. The more you repeat something in your outer behavior, it will slowly sink in your heart and become an inner virtue. It will change your personality. Repetition, repetition, repetition. 
     
    --> so be cheerful. Laugh and smile a lot even when you do not feel like it. Laughter makes you smarter and helps you make better decision. It makes you smarter and wiser. Just google the effects of laughter on the brain and you will see. Just an example here, laughter helps you make better financial decisions: http://www.moneysense.ca/columns/laughter-prompts-better-decisions/.... there are a lot more benefits, like better blood circulation etc. just search it and you will see. 
     
    Ayatullah Jawadi Amoli in one of his durus said he knows couples who at 80 are more passionate about each other now than when they were newly wed. Mawaddah, a divine gift, is something that grows over time. Studies show that happily married people live 15 years longer than single people or people in bad relationships. If you want to be happy, you should try your best to be humble and fight your demonic urges to be right and superior. Be compassionate and have pity. Put your spouse first.
  19. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from .InshAllah. in Some Tips On Dealing With Difficult Marriages   
    Some Tips on Dealing with Difficult Marriages
     
    Bismillah
     
    I would like to begin this post by first admitting my ignorance and my own lack of wisdom when it comes to life issues and how to lead a healthy married life is one of them. But I have been married for ten years with two children and Allah blessed me with teachers throughout this time who imparted some of their wisdom to me although I must admit that I didn’t always follow them. Given how active this part of the forum is and how this is a main issue in the lives of Muslims and non-Muslims alike, I thought I might share a few tips given to me by some wise people in my life.
     
    I will begin by making it clear that these tips are not directed towards couples as such, but towards individuals who are living in difficult relationships or individuals who have unrealistic expectations about what marriage has to offer.
     
    Having observed a number of marriage cases, the most important thing to keep in mind is what your primary expectation out of this union should be. If your goal with marriage is to be happy, then your marriage is likely to end in divorce because you are in for a very, very rude awakening. Marriage is not primarily about finding and uniting with your soul-mate (although you should find someone you have a lot in common with) but it is about two alternate egos trying to live and deal with each other. It is about two insecure, broken and egotistical individuals trying to live under one roof, in the same bed with different visions of how life is supposed to be like and last but not least allocating to very demanding and tiresome children (these go from the insomniac-ones to the terrible-twos to the throat-slitting-threes and furious-fours.)
     
    But if your goal with marriage is to gain wisdom and learn how to be a compassionate individual despite all of life’s difficulties; then your marriage will allow you to achieve spiritual enlightenment and inner peace. This inner peace will create true divine love (mawadda) and compassion (rahma) in your heart and hence one that is of such intensity that no early lovey-dovey phase that people are accustomed to can match with:
    “and among His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquility: He ordained divine love (mawadda) and compassion (rahma) between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect” (30:21)
     
    This of course is if your spouse falls into a proper range of what is considered a normal and relatively rational person (I will get to the abnormal ones in my post-script.)
     
    Compassion is the highest goal of most of the world’s religions. The “Compassionate” (al-Rahman, al-Raheem) is the most commonly cited attributive name of Allah in the Qur’an.  It is an attribute that the servants of God should internalize but it only comes through tremendous effort. Aristotle taught us in his Nicomachean Ethics that virtue was not just some natural disposition that human beings are born with, but something which we acquire through constant repetition and habit (known as habitus). At first, it seems unnatural to us, we feel like hypocrites when outwardly presenting an ideal state but feeling the opposite in our hearts. Sometimes we succeed in keeping up, sometimes we fail but we don’t give up. But slowly this outward habit slowly begins to be internalized until it becomes a natural disposition and hence when virtue is born. The historian Will Durant, summarizing this Aristotelian view, said: We are what we repeatedly do, therefore excellence is not an act, but a habit.
     
    Why is compassion so important for a successful marriage? Remember that we live in a cruel world that is full of suffering. The person we marry, as a child of this world, will be broken. Sometimes it is our parents and how they raised us, sometimes it is abandonment by parents, other times it is the modern standard education system that more often resembles a prison with bullies that nurtures the worst human traits so that we may have a shot at survival. Other times it is the economic class we grew up in, or the refugee camps we had to spend so long in, or sexual molestation as children or rape. Sometimes it is verbal abuse, having people look down on us, telling us how low we are and how we don’t amount to anything. At other times it is the demonic violence and paranoid control of the modern nation state, systematic racism and discrimination, or alcoholic parents or drug addicted siblings. Sometimes it is the mass media that exploits our fears, anxieties and unhealthy worldly desires. Often enough it is a mix of many of these things.
     
    I do not claim that all people can be fixed for if that was the case, all of the prophets would have been successful in their mission. On the contrary, there are some people who are so diseased that it is simply too dangerous to remain with them. But compassion for many people can do wonders and I will explain this part in a bit. In our daily relationships with people, there is always an invisible demon or inner-shaytan. The Buddha called it the “anger-eating demon.” This demon resides in our hearts and the foods this beast thrives on are our spiritual vices like anger, jealousy, hatred, pride, unbridled fantasies etc.
     
    As a broken child of this world, your spouse will have many if not all of these diseases in his or her heart. Sometimes they will put you down, insult you, and make you feel like you are worth nothing. Sometimes they will make their hatred for you known, or because of their pride feel that you do not deserve them and they will make sure to convey this message very clearly. Other times they will trample over you, be ungrateful and ignore all the good things you have done for them.
     
    No matter how much we know, knowledge often means very little to us when we are hurt or become emotional. But just like you are likely not to be offended by a mental patient who hurls insults at you, you must be the same with your spouse. We must realize that when spouses are ill-mannered and say or do hurtful things, they are like someone with a stomach disease who will - because of that disease - vomit uncontrollably. Foul words and actions are the vomit of a diseased spirit and the person you married most definitely had this disease in them before they even knew you. It is just that now you are the outlet for their insecurities, anxieties and spiritual illnesses (this perhaps explains why some of them become nicer to their parents after marriage; because now they have a new outlet for their anger.)
     
    Responding in the same manner will only feed the demon and make it bigger and tragically consume more of your soul and whatever light there is in the home. Compassion allows you to see this person as who he or she really is, a broken person who needs your help. You do not stop a fire with fire but with cool water. In a moment of tension, react with calm and kind words and reserve your advice (without personal attacks) when they cool off (science has shown that our critical reasoning abilities shut off when we become angry or emotional.) Make sure to sandwich your counsel or kindly criticism between compliments: start with a compliment à add respectful criticism à quickly follow with another compliment. This is one way of getting someone to listen and without attacking their egos. Of course people are different, so you would have to test and see what works best for you.
     
    Jesus (as) said blessed are the pure at heart, for they shall see God. The Russian Orthodox Monk, St Silouan the Athonite gave a simple formula on how to reach a purity of heart and see God with the inner eye: 1) obey God’s commandments, 2) have humility and 3) love your enemies. Obedience to God purifies our souls and makes Him content with us. Humility of the heart is extremely important. Humility is the absence of pride (takabbur). Pride is an illusion of the lower self, an imaginary construct of our minds but unfortunately it is the source of our blindness and all evil in this world as the Qur’an teaches us. But it is also our ego, our pride that is at the source of our own personal misery. Pride is the reason we fight those who love us, why we turn away from Allah. Pride is the reason we get offended by insults or gossip and why we often can’t sleep at nights. It is why we get angry at people. Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (as) said that anger is the key to all evils الْغَضَبُ مِفْتَاحُ كُلِّ شَر . It is the reason why humans make others suffer so much and why we equally make ourselves suffer. Imam Ali (as) said the proud are the loneliest of people. This is because their hearts, lacking compassion, are closed to everyone else, including Allah. But humility is the breaking of this inner idol, the breaking of our main delusion and the primary source of food for our inner demon. With a humble heart you are like the wind, no matter how many insults people hurdle at you it is like punching the empty wind, there is nothing there to offend. It will not bother you one bit but people will still feel your calming breeze.
     
    The final point is love your enemies. Love here is not love in the conventional sense, but in the sense of compassion as derived from Allah’s name al-Rahman. The word Rahman in Arabic comes from the word rahim which means womb, thus the love we speak of is like the compassion of a mother. Compassion is an attribute of God and should be the attribute of His servants as well. Remember when Allah asked Musa (as) in the Qur’an to speak to the mass murdering Pharaoh with gentle words (qawlan layyinan) so that perhaps he may become mindful or be apprehensive [and regret the evil deeds he committed.]  (20:44) This verse teaches us that there is a connection between compassion through gentle words and making the most evil of people mindful of their erroneous state.. It also teaches that the worst of people in this world still have a chance to change and become better people. Although the Pharaoh failed this test, the implications of the verse are great and still relevant. If the Pharaoh deserves gentle words and compassion, how much more do our spouses deserve who like us are broken people?
     
    We have a lot to gain from showing rahma to our spouses. It will teach us patience; it will teach us true humility of the heart and help us break our pride and inner demon. By turning this into a habit and internalized virtue with union with Allah (Exalted is He!) as our primary goal, we can break that inner idol that causes so much misery and fill our hearts with the light of the divine; the ability to have pure hearts as the Bible and the Qur’an say (qalbun saleem) through which we can see God. It is the spiritual level that Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq (as) spoke of when he said do you not see Him at your present moment? أَ لَسْتَ تَرَاهُ فِي وَقْتِكَ هَذَا when asked by his enlightened companion Abu Baseer (ra) if we will see God on the Day of Judgment.
     
    And it is through this inner sight and witnessing of God we achieve inner tranquility and real happiness as the Qur’an says for it is in the remembrance of Allah that the hearts find peace. (13:28)
     
    This is the trait of the true servants of Allah, as the Qur’an says: the servants of the Lord of Compassion are those who walk humbly on the earth, and who, when aggressive people address them, reply with words of peace. (25:63) for the compassionate and humble servants of God are in a state of peace and tranquility and their words and deeds reflect this state unlike those who are diseased of heart.
     
    And this will have an effect on those who are around you, including your spouse. As the Russian Eastern Orthodox Saint Seraphim of Sarov said, acquire inner peace and thousands shall find salvation.
     
    To wrap this discussion up, it is in marriage where our struggle of egos takes place, namely the greater struggle (jihad) within. This is why most of the prophets, including our master the Prophet Muhammad (s), were given difficult spouses (among other tests) because it was through difficult spouses and showing compassion to them that they grew nearer to Allah and developed compassion even for the most difficult of people.
     
    ---
     
    I want to add a post-script here. My intention with this post is some little pieces of advice for people who are married to individuals who fall within a proper range of normalcy who although are not ideal and can say or do hurtful things, they are not beyond repair and can be reasoned with. I understand that there are people are married to drug addicts, serial adulterers and adulteresses, alcoholics, physically violent spouses or genuinely evil and sick people who will only get worse as they age despite all the compassion that is shown to them. Initial attempts to help these kinds of people is very welcome, but if spouses show no willingness to change over time then there is so far that compassion can take you. There are some people who simply deserve to be let go, but that’s for everyone’s self to judge when enough is enough. 
  20. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from .InshAllah. in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    From my understanding (which may be wrong) it is for two reasons: 1) marriage is an opportunity to struggle against one's ego. It is like a boiling cauldron which brings out the worst out of people out in the open like boiling water but by doing so it also gives us a better insight as to what the diseases of our heart are and creates a ground where we can fight them and grow to become decent human beings. 2) it is there as an alternative to zina. Marriage saves the soul, zina destroys it. Permanent marriage has a plus over temporary marriage in that its spiritual effects are greater as it involves deeper commitment and the production of offspring which as a result makes it in a person's interest to find a person who has real imaan and real commitment to bettering themselves. 
     
    Allah knows best, but that's my take and I may be wrong 
  21. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from .InshAllah. in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    Salams,
     
    This fallible advice is first and foremost directed at myself before anyone else:
     
    1) Real love happens after marriage. But there is a secret to it which the Qur'an unlocks for us, 1) mawaddah and 2) rahmah. The first (mawaddah) refers to a deep seated friendship between husband and wife, and the second (rahmah) is understanding that your spouse is a fallible and weak human beings. He or she will make mistakes, will sometimes act childish and not listen, do wrong things etc. part of rahmah is that you forgive the person for their faults and make excuses for them. This is not easy, but a good way to help is to put your ego aside and contemplate on your own faults and mistakes. If you can do this then it will be harder to put yourself at a higher moral ground than your spouse. Perceiving yourself as superior to your spouse is a recipe for disaster. This can be for example, you think you are more ethical, nicer, smarter, etc. do not let these thoughts take root in your heart, fight them as much as you can for these are the whispers of demons. You may be better than them in something, but surely they are better than you in other things.
     
    2) Be humble and know each one of your priorities are in life. Most likely, your priorities will not be the same so this means that you need to come to a middle line and compromise. Know that your priorities will shift as you grow older. Your priorities when you were in your early 20s will not be the same as your priorities in your early 30s. Do your best to know your spouse's priorities and meet them as much as you can even if they don't make sense to you. If they don't make sense to you, they make sense to your spouse. I am sure you have priorities that your spouse doesn't think make sense but you would be happy if they tried to respect them anyways. They will notice it if you do this. 
     
    3) Do not make judgments or talk when you are angry and do not make promises when you are very happy. Make sure your mind is tranquil when you make important judgments and decisions. If you are in a fight or disagreement, whatever you do do not attack your spouse's person, focus only on what the problem is (i.e. talk about how you don't like them leaving a mess in the house, don't call them lazy and good for nothing). 
     
    4) Very important, be cheerful. Imam Ali (as) says "al bashashatu mukh al mawadda" which means cheerfulness is the marrow of friendship (mawaddah). Stop being grumpy, stop being critical, stop complaining, stop fault finding, stop the frown. Bite your lip when you want to say something negative. If there is a problem, say the problem but then do shukr and flood it with positive things. Fault finding and complaining is a very serious disease and it will ruin your mind and your marital life. It will infect your spouse and all those around you and invite an army of demons in your life. Force yourself to be cheerful, force yourself to have a positive mindset and see the good in things. This will help you be grateful and take your imaan to heights you never imagined. It will also make turn your marital life into heaven on earth.  If you want to be happy, be cheerful even if you are not cheerful inside. The more you repeat something in your outer behavior, it will slowly sink in your heart and become an inner virtue. It will change your personality. Repetition, repetition, repetition. 
     
    --> so be cheerful. Laugh and smile a lot even when you do not feel like it. Laughter makes you smarter and helps you make better decision. It makes you smarter and wiser. Just google the effects of laughter on the brain and you will see. Just an example here, laughter helps you make better financial decisions: http://www.moneysense.ca/columns/laughter-prompts-better-decisions/.... there are a lot more benefits, like better blood circulation etc. just search it and you will see. 
     
    Ayatullah Jawadi Amoli in one of his durus said he knows couples who at 80 are more passionate about each other now than when they were newly wed. Mawaddah, a divine gift, is something that grows over time. Studies show that happily married people live 15 years longer than single people or people in bad relationships. If you want to be happy, you should try your best to be humble and fight your demonic urges to be right and superior. Be compassionate and have pity. Put your spouse first.
  22. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from mina in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    salams
     
    We should be generous with our smiles and cheerfulness, but be moderate in outright laughter. That is my understanding of all the hadiths on the subject when looked at holistically. 
  23. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from mina in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    Salams,
     
    This fallible advice is first and foremost directed at myself before anyone else:
     
    1) Real love happens after marriage. But there is a secret to it which the Qur'an unlocks for us, 1) mawaddah and 2) rahmah. The first (mawaddah) refers to a deep seated friendship between husband and wife, and the second (rahmah) is understanding that your spouse is a fallible and weak human beings. He or she will make mistakes, will sometimes act childish and not listen, do wrong things etc. part of rahmah is that you forgive the person for their faults and make excuses for them. This is not easy, but a good way to help is to put your ego aside and contemplate on your own faults and mistakes. If you can do this then it will be harder to put yourself at a higher moral ground than your spouse. Perceiving yourself as superior to your spouse is a recipe for disaster. This can be for example, you think you are more ethical, nicer, smarter, etc. do not let these thoughts take root in your heart, fight them as much as you can for these are the whispers of demons. You may be better than them in something, but surely they are better than you in other things.
     
    2) Be humble and know each one of your priorities are in life. Most likely, your priorities will not be the same so this means that you need to come to a middle line and compromise. Know that your priorities will shift as you grow older. Your priorities when you were in your early 20s will not be the same as your priorities in your early 30s. Do your best to know your spouse's priorities and meet them as much as you can even if they don't make sense to you. If they don't make sense to you, they make sense to your spouse. I am sure you have priorities that your spouse doesn't think make sense but you would be happy if they tried to respect them anyways. They will notice it if you do this. 
     
    3) Do not make judgments or talk when you are angry and do not make promises when you are very happy. Make sure your mind is tranquil when you make important judgments and decisions. If you are in a fight or disagreement, whatever you do do not attack your spouse's person, focus only on what the problem is (i.e. talk about how you don't like them leaving a mess in the house, don't call them lazy and good for nothing). 
     
    4) Very important, be cheerful. Imam Ali (as) says "al bashashatu mukh al mawadda" which means cheerfulness is the marrow of friendship (mawaddah). Stop being grumpy, stop being critical, stop complaining, stop fault finding, stop the frown. Bite your lip when you want to say something negative. If there is a problem, say the problem but then do shukr and flood it with positive things. Fault finding and complaining is a very serious disease and it will ruin your mind and your marital life. It will infect your spouse and all those around you and invite an army of demons in your life. Force yourself to be cheerful, force yourself to have a positive mindset and see the good in things. This will help you be grateful and take your imaan to heights you never imagined. It will also make turn your marital life into heaven on earth.  If you want to be happy, be cheerful even if you are not cheerful inside. The more you repeat something in your outer behavior, it will slowly sink in your heart and become an inner virtue. It will change your personality. Repetition, repetition, repetition. 
     
    --> so be cheerful. Laugh and smile a lot even when you do not feel like it. Laughter makes you smarter and helps you make better decision. It makes you smarter and wiser. Just google the effects of laughter on the brain and you will see. Just an example here, laughter helps you make better financial decisions: http://www.moneysense.ca/columns/laughter-prompts-better-decisions/.... there are a lot more benefits, like better blood circulation etc. just search it and you will see. 
     
    Ayatullah Jawadi Amoli in one of his durus said he knows couples who at 80 are more passionate about each other now than when they were newly wed. Mawaddah, a divine gift, is something that grows over time. Studies show that happily married people live 15 years longer than single people or people in bad relationships. If you want to be happy, you should try your best to be humble and fight your demonic urges to be right and superior. Be compassionate and have pity. Put your spouse first.
  24. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from Abu Nur in Real Love.....after Marriage Or Before...?   
    salams
     
    We should be generous with our smiles and cheerfulness, but be moderate in outright laughter. That is my understanding of all the hadiths on the subject when looked at holistically. 
  25. Like
    Al-Khattati got a reaction from mina in How To React When People Don't Greet You?   
    Bismillah Ta'alaa
     
    Salam Alaikum
     
    Say salams for the sake of Allah and reap your rewards. If they are rude to you but you stay kind, you will reap even more rewards and blessings will be taken away from their own lives at their own doing. Rudeness comes from a diseased heart so do not be upset with them, their hearts are sick and they are miserable. My advice is to have pity and make dua for them that Allah removes whatever darkness there is in their hearts. Make sure to concentrate on the emotion of pity as it is the best remedy for hatred and spite against another who does wrong to you. 
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