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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by seekingadvice1

  1. You sound like my ex father in law..have some faith..and have some mercy on the suitor bro..Yes people are evil and you should do a background check but you need to draw a line somewhere To the OP's question, I would recommend get married. In our times I dont believe that one can stay away from sin if you are single. Humans have a dire need for companionship. At some point in time you would want a partner and what if its too late by then..yes there are bad marriages, failed marriages but that shouldn't stop you from doing something which is recommended by Allah, our Prophet(S.A.W.W) and Ahlul Bayt (A.S)
  2. Umm..i want someone who puts me before everyone else..someone who understands that after marriage i am her priority...someone who loves me like the way i love her..someone who is emotionally and physically compatible with me...i dont want a hoor princess but something about her should click for me..i have fell for innocent faces before but i wish i could get someone who is from the outside what she is from the inside.
  3. Let me give you a guys opinion on this. I had my nikkah too and rukhsati was planned for later. Before getting nikkofied I shared my past with my to be wife because I wanted to be honest with her. She decided not to. After my nikkah somehow I found out about her past and it killed me. What bothered me most was the fact that she lied and hid about it when I came clean with mine. I never got over it completely but I chose to forgive. It was only a week for which I was mad. It wasnt her past which bothered me it was the fact that she lied about it was what bothered me. People might have different opinions on this that ones past is not someone else's business but the truth is in the world we live in its better to be honest about such stuff before marriage. You dont need to go into details and each of the partners should be wise enough not to ask for details. In your case I would suggest that be honest. Stop lying to him and he should stop asking you for details about your past, it wont do any good for him. As others said if he is wise enough he will forgive you for it. Pray to Allah that He softens your husband's heart. Please dont listen to people's advice here that you should just break it off with him and you are better off without him. If he is a good person otherwise and a good muslim then dont let go of him. Separation/divorce have the worst implications on people and there is a reason why it is disliked by Allah to such an extent. The problem with our generation is that we arent willing to compromise. We are highly emotional and act out of impulse. The consequences one has to face after separation, the emotional trauma is too much. Keep praying and be honest with him. Please dont lie to him about small stuff. Lies just ruin the relationship. May Allah ease your hardship and you have a blessed and happy married life with your husband. InshaAllah Khair.
  4. Having been in a similar position like the OP, I strongly advise you not to get intimate before your wedding reception. We got intimate and eventually our wedding didn't happen. I am not saying anything of that sort would happen with you. But its better to follow society's norms and wait for the reception. I didn't wait and now that things didn't work out I regret getting intimate with my wife. May Allah bless you with a happy married life. I was also a believer of nikkah first and wedding reception a few months later but after what I have gone through I strongly suggest that you expedite your reception.
  5. Salaam.. i am going through something similar. The only difference is that I am a guy and was left alone by my wife. We had our nikkah, rukhsati was planned for later. They accused me, my intentions and left me in a difficult situation. Now my wife who claimed to have loved me has filed for khula with some Maulana. She says she cant hurt her father who doesnt want this marriage to continue. I am still praying and fighting to save my marriage. Because for my wife her dad comes before her husband and nikkah is just like engagement.
  6. "Love the girl you marry". I did that and she still left. It is more difficult to move on if u are not the one to initiate the breakup. I got dumped by my own wife she left me for her father.
  7. I got married(nikkah only rukhsati later in July)to her. I trusted God and realized that this was not a reason to leave someone. I thought that it would have been something God would dislike. 4 days after my Nikkah I fell sick and was hospitalized.I had developed a clot in my left leg 10 years back so my father told her father about it when I was hospitalized. It was never something that crossed our family's mind at the time of proposal. Once I was discharged (my hospitalization was a result of pneumothorax which has nothing to do with my clot in my leg several years back) the girls father took me to low profile doc who told them about my clotting prob amd did his best to exaggerate it. Since that day they made up their mind to break their daughters marriage with me. They said ridiculously bad stuff about my parents and me to one of our relatives. My father and brother in law went to meet them and they insulted them, shouted at them. They accused us of hiding my illness deliberately when it was never the case. They accused us that it was our plan to get married soon so we can hide a "disease" which happened 10 years ago. They told my father to convince me to divorce his daughter. The girl isnt strong enough to leave her parents although she is in my Nikkah. I dont know what to do now. My parents are advising that i should leave her because there is no way she would come with me against her parents will. It is not possible me to accept her parents after how they treated my father. What is the Islamic thing to do now? My heart says I shouldnt divorce her since both of us love each other. We are in a nikkah. We are husband and wife. But I dont see how her parents would ever hand her to me. Although she is my wife I can do nothing about it. I thought that me and my family accepted her with vitiligo with good intentions but they cant accept me. Its her family that doesnt want to accept me but the girl has no such problem. I dont understand what to do. Her parents are unreasonable and would never agree.
  8. JazakAllah for your reply. To be honest she is reasonably attractive at the moment and seems to be a woman who could prove to be a good parent to my children.. I just wonder what God would want me to do.. Rejecting her because of something that might affect her beauty in the future, would it be something God would like? What would happen to her? I think the guilt of leaving her because of this would bother me more. Maybe it is a test for me. I don't know. I think if I go ask an Alim about it he would tell me to ignore it too. Would it be wise to do an istikhara? They did an istikhara before saying yes to me and the Alim who did the istikhara said that there could be nothing better than this. I dont want to leave her because I really like her as a person. Her nature, her being religious, educated, etc. What if I get someone who isnt as pious as her? End up marrying someone who is not as good as her. My life may be full of regrets of letting her go just because of my fear that I may not be attracted to her after a certain time. Maybe its a tradeoff between character nature and looks that might worsen in the future?
  9. Assalam o Alaikum, I am getting married very soon. It is an arranged marriage and the girl I am marrying is religious and seems to be a nice person. I recently found out that the girl has a skin condition in which white patches appear on the skin that may or may not spread (vitiligo). It is not a disease just a condition in which the skin loses its color. I just recently found out and it is bothering me. This was not told to us when we got engaged. I dont know if they hid it deliberately or not. I wouldnt be too shocked if it was deliberate but that is understandable. So this bothers me. I keep thinking about what if the disease spreads God forbid and I am not attracted to her physically. What will happen then.I am confused I dont know if it would affect my love for her later on in life. Its something I do not know. This is an arranged marriage and I am not in love with her at the moment and maybe that is the reason I am uncertain as to how I would react. Would it bother me if God forbid it spreads? These are questions that make me uneasy. I am getting married pretty soon and instead of being happy I am worried about this. I dont discuss this topic with my fiance because I dont want to stress her or make her feel bad about it because this could happen to anyone. I just need suggestions from married members of this community as to how do you think it would affect your love for your partner if she had this condition. Should i just leave this to God and pray? Or should I discuss this with my partner(may give her stress and aggravate her condition). Or should I do something else? Please advice some dua for peace of my heart in this case. And I also request you to pray for my marriage which would happen pretty soon InshaAllah. Your suggestions and duas would be helpful. JazakAllah
  10. I think its a brilliant idea..but i hav no clue how it can be done..maybe someone with an IT background can help
  11. The question is how they live. Life is no more the same for them. Nothing hurts more than losing your love. And the hurt stays forever. They say its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved. But thats rubbish. Its better not to have loved than to have loved and lost because its not worth it.
  12. I think the OP is the girl hersef and just wants to know how the guy she likes would react after finding out the truth so please dont be harsh on her. I honestly believe the guy would be shell shocked but if he truly loves you he would get past it.
  13. I second you. Well said.Please remember that TUQ does not belong to our sect so we cant expect him to undermine the other Caliphs. He is a lover of Ahlul Bayt and makes it a point to mention Imam Hussain(A.S) in his speeches. Please note he does not need to mention Imam Hussain(A.S) to get public's praises since majority of the polulation of Pakistan are sunni and not shia. While I agree he is not a saint, but he is someone who is standing up for the Shias of Pakistan. Moreover he makes it a point to emphasize on the importance of the Ahlul Bayt in his speeches which has had a huge impact on the Sunni population of the country who follow him. We love everyone who loves the Ahlulbayt. The onky greivance we have is with those who try to undermine their importance.
  14. Bro MashaAllah your level of emaan aspires me. I wish I could be as strong as you are. InshaAllah God makes it happen for you and everyone out there who faces injustice due to society pressure. No one should be put in such a situation. Remember me in your prayers too brother and that God gives me sabr too.
  15. Totally agree. Happened with me. The girl I was in a relationship for 7 years made the same promises to me that she didnt care about the other proposals and let them come without objecting to them. Eventually a better proposal came in and she went with the convenient option chosen by her parents. Avoid that situation bro..nothing in this world hurts more than losing someone you plan to spend your life with. Every girl is different, your girl might be loyal to you. But just be careful..people you think you can rely on have the greatest ability to surprise you.
  16. Can someone get a fatwa on this from somewhere? No one seems to be replying from the offices of Marjas. And I dont think this is the kind of situation that could be explained on the phone. This is a relatively new phenomenon and a large part of the younger population is currently involved in this kind of work without knowing if its Halal or Haram it would be great if we could get a ruling on this.
  17. Wassalam. I just shared what he said but I am pretty sure he would have a reasonable answer to your argument.
  18. According to Allama Talib Johri from Pakistan, all relationships in this world are predestined except for marriage. He says the only marriage which was predestined or made in heaven was that of Imam Ali(A.S) and Bibi Fatima Zehra(S.A). We are free to choose our own partners, God is not limited by time and space so He knows what choices in life we would make and who we would end up with. I do believe that people like me who fail to get married to people of their choice do find solace in thinking that God has someone better planned for us. This is because when God takes someone away from you and tests you, He is merciful and would reward you for your patience by granting you a better spouse or make better for you whatever choice you make.
  19. Just curious...how did you become a shia? If you can share your story it might be beneficial for other sunni visitors on this website.
  20. The people around me say the same that i was blinded by her love..and she wasnt this perfect person I thought her to be. But it really makes me question a lot of stuff..if that indeed is true and i was blinded by her love she was playing around with me..since yesterday when i saw her picture i have been feeling bad about myself. I have never thought of myself to be undeserving of her. But the guy she married is much older he is 31 and therefore more settled than I am. He is better looking than me. It just gives me the idea that i wasnt gud enough for her. While by the grace of God Alhamdulilah I have achieved alot of financial success at this young age. I did that for her i knew had to be extraordinary in order to impress her dad. I worked day and night to work alongside my studies and established myself by Allah's grace. Now that she is gone and I look back I feel my whole life was a waste. Remember me in your prayers and InshaAllah one day I can actually get a partner who is everything i want her to be. May God bless you all for helping me with your advice and thoughts. I can come here on this forum and share my feelings which lightens my heart for some time. JazakAllah again
  21. JazakAllah for your kind words. They really help. My parents get worried looking at me like this. I dont want to be a source of their pain. But then who would I look to for support if not my parents. There is no one else left other than them. But I dont want to share my feelings with them either because I dont want to hurt them. I dont know if I should seek a therapist's help or not. I just dont know at the moment what to do how to move forward. But do pray for me because only Allah can help me out of this. And InshaAllah He will.
  22. It was horrible to see her with another guy happily married after all the time we spent together. We were in mutah marriage for a year. And had known each other for 10 years. Whenever I close my eyes her picture of being happily married with the other guy comes infront of me. I feel cheated and betrayed. It has been 5 months only since her dad said no to me without even meeting me. Our mutah ended at the end of Feb so only after 3 months of our mutah she got married. The guy is better looking than me maybe that is the reason she is happier with him. I just dont know my self esteem is going down the hill. I started recovering but now I am back to square 1 after looking at her wedding pic. I wish I could just forget she existed. But all my memories of my adult life include her. How can I stop having feelings for her? I want to stop I would give anything to forget her nd have no feelings for her. Please remember me in your prayers in this month of blessings. JazakAllah
  23. Please i need help...i cant stop crying...she is so happy with him...y cant i find peace and hapiness...y do i hav to go thru all this..plz tell me a way to get past this
  24. Maybe some day I will realize what happened happened for the best..at present i only feel lost..dont know how long God wud stay displeased with me.
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