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In the Name of God بسم الله

PrincessOfDeen16

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Everything posted by PrincessOfDeen16

  1. I dropped really good hints that kind of did suggest that I was interested. I told him I liked talking to him in the sense that I enjoyed his company I used to always ask him to talk to me for longer when we had conversations over the phone The only thing that lead to istekhara was my shyness. Because this was my first time, I was pretty unaware of how much someone should discuss with a guy about marriage. I mean we discussed future plans and everything that could be taken into consideration when talking to a potential spouse, and then as you become more sure of each other you share more stuff. That's how I thought it was anyway and everything seemed to be going good but he got a bit confused about his feelings. And he had pressure on him, didn't want to say yes didn't want to say no so he asked Allah which I kind of feel that he could have asked me how I felt, but it's done. All this happened because in our community the guy sends a proposal to the girl, if I could have sent a proposal to him I would have done it a long time ago myself lol I did everything :( Poor guy never got my hints. And then after the istekhara I kind of did go overboard in expressing my feelings. I was just so overcome with emotion because I had such high hopes. In my opinion, I think the matter is still pending because I told him that an istekhara can be done more than once if circumstances change, so his answer to that was "let circumstances change and then Inshallah if Allah wills it will happen" I also did say we could just give sadqa and go ahead with it, but he seems a bit reluctant so far. I mean I know that no one should go against an istekhara but I think sometimes istekharas can be misused. Like some good istekharas I know have turned to bad marriages. I'm just keeping up hope I had a friend who did an istekhara for studies abroad, she got a good istekhara, she came here and things didn't go as she had planned. Thanks for the luck! Inshallah good will happen :)
  2. Sometimes it doesn't hurt if a woman intrudes does it? So I as a girl am going to also voice my opinion. I am of marriageable age and I can say one thing for sure, for men looks matter a LOT. He won't even try and get to know you if you don't look good and equally for a woman looks matter (in a different way I assume). From personal experience: This was about two years ago: My mother had asked me to go down the road and buy a few things so I put on a chaadar and went. I come back home and my mom asked me "what are you wearing underneath that chaadar" so I lift my chaadar and I'm just wearing pyjama bottoms LOL bad idea for that day. So my mom had a proper go at me. She goes "do you even know how many men have looked at you and rejected you because you don't dress up, you always look so pale. Put some make up on, wear high heels, attract attention etc etc". So what did I do? I went to my room and started crying because of one word. REJECTION At that time, I wasn't really into the idea of marriage and didn't really care if I got proposals or not. But then when I did care, I dressed up. Not like face slapped in make up or anything, but I made myself someone who could be looked at twice. & guess what? That was the beginning of marriage proposals for me. & women go for looks too. I know someone who got an AMAZING marriage proposal. Never seen the guy myself but just heard about him. Well guess what? This girl is drop dead gorgeous (although her ego does destroy all that). So when he sent the proposal, she found out from someone that the guy was a little dark and this is how she lost one great proposal. So looks do matter, but for me: looks catches the eye whereas personality catches the heart. If you want a successful marriage, go for someone who is decent looking as well as has a great heart and Iman & trust me when I say: someone with Iman is beautiful in all ways :)
  3. Forgive people instead of wishing bad on them. I know it's hard but I think you're making it harder to forgive them by trying to take revenge. You can pray to Allah to help you and give you the heart to forgive
  4. I know how you feel. I am in such a position where I am too attached and I don't know how to un attach
  5. Salaams If this sister loved you truly she would never let you go. I know it's easy for us to say. Sometimes you just need to accept things and pray. I knoe exactly how you feel, when you want someone in your life but they choose to leave and you do all you can to cling on to them. It's hard but you just got to accept it. Not giving you any false hopes or anything but I can understand that you're in a bad situation ao what I am doing in this situation which is not as bad as yours because I haven't been told anythjng as such but I am just praying to Allah to get me that person so when I do get that person I know Allah has answered my duaa For each different situation there is a different solution. As for yours...forget her. No woman leaves a man she loved because woman appreciate love more than men and if she did love you ahe would stay by your side through good and bad
  6. Salaams. I just want to say that with stress comes ease. Allah tests those whom He loves. And like you and many others, even I have faced hardship and feel the best comfort comes when you cry to Allah. Read what I have posted below. Might make you feel better because it made me feel better. Let us start off our week with some words of guidance and contemplation given to us by the Gate of Knowledge, Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as). First, it would be wise to remind ourselves that, "Like our bodies, our minds get tired. So refresh your minds with wise sayings." - Imam Ali (as). The Imam (as) gives us an all encompassing "mind-refreshment" through the following saying: "Hate no one, no matter how much they have wronged you. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. Smile, even if your heart is bleeding. Give much, even if you have been given little. Keep in touch with the ones who have forgotten you, and forgive those who have wronged you. And do not stop praying for the best for those who love you." It's no wonder why the Prophet (sa) said, "I am the City of Knowledge and Ali is its Gate. Whoever wishes to enter the City must enter through its Gate." And if you feel like you're carrying too large of a load and you just feel like the world's knocked you down to your knees time and time again, the Imam (as) has something for you. He says, "When the world knocks you down to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray." So pray. Pray to God and pray for all those you love, like the Imam (as) told you. Don't let the negativity of others bring you down. In fact, don't let anything bring you down. Don't feel small, weak, incapable or incompetent. Because you're not. And if you can't help it, think of these words: "So you think that you're insignificant, but within you lies the greater universe. Your ailments come from you, but you don't see it. Your cure is within you but you don't feel it." What more motivation and inspiration do we need? Here the Commander of the Faithful tells us that the greater universe lies within us. Not out in the starry night, staring into the majestic milky way, but rather it's in you and me. Take that inspiration and fly with it. Know that you can avail yourself from your ailments through your own self, for the treatment is within your own self. We just need to dig deep enough and truly hold on to the rope of God, praise Him, and seek Him in the good times and the bad. We need to remember where we came from, who we are, and where we are going. We need to spend the time, on our selves, and move forward. Why? Because we're worth it. Because God created us to be the best we can possibly be. Because if anything, we should make Him proud. In the end, "there is enough light for those who wish to see." - Imam Ali (as)
  7. Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it. I shall pray to Allah to do what is best for the man himself and for me :)
  8. LOL that is a possibility. I don't know. I'd rather prefer honesty. But I can be 100% that an istekhara did take place. I am sure of that. I can only pray for the best now. Thank you so much for your advice! I personally now feel that I would be against doing istekhara for anything taking into account how much this istekhara has affected me. I just wish we got more time to know each other. I think it was just the pressure on him to make a decision that lead to the istekhara. Yep, that is true. Marriage is a big decision but then again you cannot base a marriage solely on an istekhara. If the istekhara would have come good he would have married me. Nevermind, prayers help so I shall just pray. For sure, this istekhara has got brought me much closer to Allah. He is 25. Yep that's what I feel. There are many fish in the sea. And I was the first fish so he must be exploring his other options. Thank you-But I repeat, I do believe there was an istekhara. I think we all complicate marriage and look for chemistry before marriage whereas that cannot exist among people who do not know each other that well. I just have a point to make to anyone who reads this forum: During our parents generation, marriages were more successful because they held a deeper meaning, people didn't rely on chemistry between the two before marriage rather they married with the intention and want of making the marriage work. Nowadays I see so many marriages failing because of silly reasons. People choose women based on their beauty rather than character. It holds less meaning. Rather than working together in a marriage and communicating, couples seek other methods of avoiding communication. It's difficult to know who is the right guy or the right woman. I guess marriage is just a gamble (I have heard of marriages with good istekharas have failed and marriages with bad istekharas have prospered)
  9. Salaams. Best advice, recite the dua of istekhara. Don't do it using the Qur'an or Tasbih
  10. I am on the receiving end of a 'bad' istekhara so I know how you feel. I have NEVER in my life relied on an istekhara although once there came a point where I had to make a painful decision and I did ask my dad if I could do an istekhara and he just looked at me and said "no" so I used my logic and intellect and trust me when I say I DO NOT REGRET THAT DECISION I feel that we should look up to our Imams and Prophets and learn from them. They never did istekhara for marriage so why should we? My question to many people out there would be, if istekhara is so much prescribed in Islam why do so many couples get married and have a successful marriage without doing an istekhara. Also, from my research Ayatullah Khomeini only did an istekhara once for himself and he does not advice istekhara for marriage. After receiving the bad istekhara myself, I was so disheartened that I researched on istekhara like mad. In my opinion, istekhara is being misused by many people. As for the OP, lets just assume he, like any other Muslim accepted the good istekhara and proceeded with the marriage, he would have suffered all along thinking "the istekhara came good, then why is this happening?" For other people who proceed despite a bad istekhara, a small argument could result in the thought "now I know why istekhara came bad". I have lost hope in istekhara. Allah has give you a brain so USE IT! (As for the OP I am glad you used your brain and intellect instead of just going along with the istekhara and hoping for the best) Everyone else on this forum sees it as a good sign from Allah that the OP learned from the istekhara and everyone is looking at the good side of it. Is anyone looking at the other side, where if the OP just married the woman and destroyed his own life just because an istekhara told him to do so. Lastly, I want to say: Use istekhara, don't MISUSE it because as someone mentioned above, many positive istekharas resulted in negative outcomes and maybe good marriages were broken off because of a bad istekhara. After reading every post on the internet about istekhara outcome, I have personally lost trust in istekhara.
  11. Nope I would love to discuss future plans with my husband-to-be. Especially with how to bring up children as husband and wife must not clash on such important aspects of their lives which is their children I think any wise woman would actually understand what you're getting at and would express her point of view to you too
  12. And I wanted to add: I have told my parents about it and they suggested that I should pray. Allah can do miracles!
  13. I have something to say. I think a woman should PURSUE and tell a man if she wishes to marry him. I.e lets take ME, a living example. I got an amazing proposal for marriage. Talked to the guy but did not express my likeness for him. He expressed it frequently and me being a shy and well mannered girl felt I should wait for him to say yes to marriage, then I will say yes. THAT BACKFIRED ON ME! He got confused. Pressure was on him to make a decision. He didn't know what to do. He did istekhara. It came bad. His decision is made. After the istekhara I told him how I felt and he said "you should have said all this before the istekhara not now. It's done" Then when I said lets give it another shot and talk to each other again, he said let's not force it if istekhara wasn't in favour. If Allah wills for us to happen and we are destined to be together we will be". So this is what I am doing as of now. I am doing dua (because dua can change destiny) Moral of story: TELL THE GUY HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM because men don't get hints! It's sad but true
  14. No it's not hijab! I myself am someone who started wearing hijab at the age of 18. Started off with just scarf. Slowly slowly started wearing a shawl over my clothes especially mosque clothes because they were so attractive. Hijab is not about covering your hair! I don't get girls these days. They have a scarf on their head and wear amazing clothes, tonnes of make up, attract attention and their bra shows through their see through tops and then they say they are HIJABI? Ok feel good about yourself, put make up on and all, but at the same time look decent! We are women!!! The more you make yourself look attractive, the more likely you are to fall into a mess!
  15. I have a big big problem! I was talking to a man with regards to marriage. Him and I live in different countries, have never met but have talked on the phone and so on. So one day, out of the blue he calls me and tells me he did istekhara for our marriage and it came bad! So at first, I began doubting his honestly about this istekhara and thought it was a way out of making a decision but then later on got convinced when he told me he felt bad about it. Well, here is the situation. Him & I live in separate continents totally. We began talking on Whatsapp and Phone. Nothing haram, just genuine talks about life and marriage. So there came a point where there was a certain amount on pressure on him to make a decision about us as to whether he wanted to proceed or not. So instead of meeting me first, talking to me and then making a decision, he does an istekhara! And it comes bad! So he decides not to marry me or even considering marrying me! Is this istekhara even valid? It's driving me nuts. I wanted to really pursue thinking marriage with him but I was so shy in the beginning that talking to him so much about things was making me uncomfortable and he was my first conversation with a man with regards to marriage. He didn't even ask me if he should do an istekhara! I don't know what to do. All I know is I have feelings for this guy. Mainly because he is so nice! Perfect husband!! And he says I'd be a perfect wife! :( I don't know what to do. Istekhara has made me so confused. I really thought him and I were getting somewhere.
  16. Ok, I am not married but I am a woman of marriageable age and I would suggest talking to her. Tell her that evil eye does exist but there is a way of avoiding it. Calm her down, explain things to her. Like if something happened, give her reasons as to why they may have happened other than the black eye? if you get what I mean?
  17. My advice. If you do not want to marry her in the first place, nothing can or should make you marry her! It's you and her at the end of the day. Not your family. No disrespect to your parents though. But a forced marriage never looks pleasing.
  18. Salaams Brothers and Sisters, My question relates to istekhara for marriage Is it permissible for a man to do an istekhara for marrying a woman without informing her or asking her? I ask this because I have read that going against an istekhara is not allowed, so if the istekhara comes good, isn't it obligatory on BOTH of them to get married? Also, I hear istekhara can change with time. Is this true? Is it even allowed to do istekhara anymore because nowadays it's being used as a reason for not making a big decision and just relying on istekhara? When should istekhara for marriage be done? Both the people think they are good and decent people, yet if someone is not 100% sure, should they resort to istekhara? And if istekhara comes bad, can one still consider marriage with the same person after a certain amount of time, when circumstances have changed? Lastly, is our partner destined for us, or is there any way that we can make dua to Allah for Him to grant us the person we wish to marry but can't at the moment? Duas can change destiny. Allah accepts all duas that are legitimate. Isn't dua for marrying a specific person a legitimate desire? Thanks a lot in advance for your responses.
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