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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. Isn't it more than self-understanding that ANY kind of intercourse must be consented to by the wife? Otherwise we call it rape. It would have been nice if neutral.sage had given any foundation for his "scientific/biological" statements. If he had paid any attention in biology class, he'd know that VDs are transmitted only if one of the partners is carrying it. And I'm really curious what specific diseases would be transferred by oral sex that cannot be transferred by other forms of intercourse.
  2. Then who does get the house and the land etcetera, if not the wife? Does this mean that the wife has no claim on the house she lived in with her husband, and could be force to move by whoever does inherit the house? Can the husband make a will to give his wife a larger share or (some of) these material goods? In Dutch law, the longest-lived partner and the children all get a share, but the children's claim is postponed until the longest-lived partner dies. This is to make sure the longest-lived partner doesn't have to sell the house or other valuables because the children want their share of its value.
  3. Squat, definitely. Where I live, bending is associated with sex. Could this "shame" thing that apparently is on in Syria have something to do with squatting being the position used at the toilet? Then you may consider kneeling on one knee rather than squatting?
  4. If you feel that you're on the same mental level and she really wants to get married, why not? Does she plan to go to college? (which is perfectly combinable with marriage, here speaks someone who knows) Please do make sure you have the same plans and expectations for at least the next 10 years.
  5. It's an oldie, but still a very strong one... Don't take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here!
  6. Doesn't matter. Issue comes up especially if parents are divorced of course. Even if they pay alimentation. A close friend of mine had this dispute with her ex husband (islamic, never legal marriage) over getting a passport for their toddler son. the namard had effectively made her passport with her son's subscription in it disappear when she had fled the house from his violence, and now he'd refuse to sign for a passport for the boy himself. This was quite an issue, until she was told at the city hall that the father had actually no legal authority over the child, even though he had acknowledged the boy, so she was free to get him a passport.
  7. Oh my, you guys really rescuscitated this ancient thread, which was ridiculous from the beginning? And actually are SERIOUS about this all over again?
  8. Don't forget legal representation and the custody on children! If you have no formal registration of your relationship, either marriage or cohabiting contract, you're no more than accidental flatmates to the law. So even, Allah forbid, one of you should end up unconscious in an ICU, the other wouldn't have legal representation and any other family member's say would prevail over yours. If you don't have any kind of registration, the father won't be considered a legal representative of his child, even if he has acknowledged it and the child carries his name. Just some things to think of...
  9. As for the topic: well as many above said, it's a terrible thing that has happened to this girl against her will, and does NOT NOT NOT I repeat NOT affect her chastity in any way! So it shouldn't be any issue to her candidates, and those in the community who know should KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT! And in the subcontinent the boys and their aunties just need to put their cultural bias aside. However, what the girl has experienced will bring "issues" into the bedroom, and the groom should not only know where these issues come from, but also he will need a lot of patience, understanding and love to turn physical initmacy into something positive instead of the horror it is to a rape victim, especially when it's been her only sexual experience (opposed to a widow or a divorcee, who may have serious problems due to the rape too, but has positive associations to resort to as well).
  10. It depends on how culturally stuck he is. If his parents keep telling him that he first needs so-and-so much money and a house and a car and I don't know what else, that might be a real issue for him. But islamically there's no need for him to be rich first. We were both students when we married, living on student scholarships and small side jobs, money came much much later. If he means that he has to find a way to clear his large debts (depending on how he got them obviously), that would be quite a different story. It's very unwise to marry a man who is irresponsible with money.
  11. Sure? I've always read that bibi Khadijah (as) had married and become war widow twice before (and had children with at least the first husband and maybe the second too) before marrying the prophet (as)... just one source: http://www.al-islam.org/biographies/khadija.htm
  12. Most simple solution is to use the unimprinted side...
  13. I have always learned that you need to state your niyyat: you take wudhu with the intention of "qurbatan illalah ta'alah" (obeying/pleasing Allah)
  14. What's wrong with seeking comfort in your partner's warm and gentle body, especially when your mind is full of grief and sorrow and you've had an emotional evening away from each other? I really don't see the contradiction here.
  15. Thanks a lot! I'm stuck in a forum debate with a particularly stubborn sunni brother, who (after discussing with him for several days now) I think does definately qualify as "fool". So I wanted to use this when it becomes too annoying.
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