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In the Name of God بسم الله


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    Shia muslim

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  1. This is why i wouldnt define polygamy as an islamic act. Just like i wouldnt say enaging in the slave trade by buying or trading slaves, was islamic. The verses were brought down to limit both acts during our time of jahileeya. God knows His creation best. Women are possessive, jealous and sensitive. Polygamy is regarded as a trial, a burden, an afflication, -insert any other hurtful synonyms- to most women. I am yet to meet a women who would accept a man looking to marry more than a single wife. Because that's just the way we are. God has made arrangements to help men with their lustful drives by instructing women to adhere to a strict hijab. So why would he pay no attention to a woman's comfort and happiness? What happened to, we created you in pairs? I would understand if a second marriage was a necessity. For example, a widowed woman who is constantly harrassed by men in a small village without access to single males willing to marry her. A man with a wife may marry her to protect her from said harassment. A second wife becomes a trial for the family- like adopting a vulnerable orphan child, she is an "adopted" vulnerable woman. Working out and establishing a new family dynamic with a new foreign member (orphan or wife) will most definitely prove to be a challenge. Coincidentally, or maybe not, the verse (4:3) also mentions orphans. The prophet's marriages (pbuh) have been necessities too. To make alliances or to protect women. If i recall, he didnt marry anyone else while he was with his first wife Khadija (a.s.); a woman he loved and married without any motive.
  2. Im confused too ... i thought they were speaking against interracial marriages and asked women to stick to tradition by marrying someone of their own race ...? Every culture has its good and bad. The "western" culture isnt exempt. I put it in quotation marks since west often refers to europe, north america and australia- different continents, different countries, different people and different cultures. In the Uk, if you befriend the average adult woman or man (28+ years), you'll come to realise that our gender roles aren't too different. In fact, i feel like (us) arabs care more about appearances than they do. So they're not as "enslaved" as you believe them to be. There's a new movement for the acceptance of all body types and looks too. The issue is not with "western culture", but with what we choose to adopt. That applies to both whites and non-whites. Plus, what does it mean to be traditional to you? Tradition varies even among families. You cant expect a woman to fit a mold, nor a man. Marriage is not a one size fits all deal. Your opinions, perspective, needs and desires have to be explored and discussed before marriage. If feminism means equality and/or justice among the sexes, remember Mariam al-athra'. The jewish temples prohibited women from entering, until God commanded Mariam (a.s.) to enter and worship Him there. She is the only woman mentioned by name in the Quran; a true role model for women
  3. Salam So i typed this very long response, and decided to visit the first page to check whether i missed anything from your original post... it all disappeared. Shiachat used to save your response - what happened?! I basically said I had a friend who is in a very similar situation to your own. She married her cousin from her motherland but had to return to the west, because she was still a student. And you- for whatever reason- moved to a new country. Both with a complication as a result of marriage. You expect one thing, but get another. I used shock to describe what you both were experiencing. We all remember when our parents or swimming instructor told us to jump into the deep end of the pool for the first time. You expect one thing, but again- you experience another. It's much colder than you thought, and you swallow a good bit of water some of which will run up your nose. Your instinct is to swim up and keep your head up. You pay little attention to your surrounding or how much your arms are flailing. Everything you learnt about how to swim is forgotten for that brief moment. So because you both were placed under unexpected conditions and circumstance, you experienced a form of shock. Consequently your judgement was dulled. I assume, you moved countries and instinctively tried to assimilate to integrate. You did little things that just kept building up without you realising, or perhaps you did. Whether you purposely looked the other way or unintentionally overlooked your actions, you're now facing the consequences. If I'm honest, I'm not entirely sure what it is you seek. You tilted your thread "religiously confused"- why is that? It seems as though all you seek is guidance concerning your change of heart. Now regarding your thoughts and desires towards this non-muslim man, there are many solutions. Some are acceptable others depend on your priority. It all comes down to what you prioritise and where you want to see yourself in the next 20-30 years. Here are some options: 1) Stay with your husband and avoid the non-muslim man (if he's a work colleague, speak to him only at work, only if necessary and if possible, only if other company is around) 2) Separate from your husband and attempt to convert the non-muslim man (chances are, it won't happen. If he does convert, you may still question his sincerity or feel regret) 3) Separate from your husband and marry the non-muslim man regardless of our sharia laws (i.e. separate from sunnah) Something my mother said once in relation to a friend confiding in her "If God conceals a matter for you, don't undo his work and announce it." I think that is very relevant in your situation too. What you need to do, and what your sense of regret is pushing you to do, is repentance. God is most forgiving. If you repent and He wills it, He will forgive. That doesn't mean locking yourself up in a dark room to pray every minute of every day. Express sincere regret in prayer. Perhaps research some other methods on shiachat, of ways to express your regret and repent. Spending too much time away from your spouse- for a woman especially- is very risky. Every woman I know who's separated from her husband by a fair distance, has struggled. Mind I only know 3 women. One of them visits her husband almost every weekend, the other two couldn't afford to do that. One of the other two, is the girl I mentioned earlier. The third started to doubt her feelings for her husband and regreted her choice to marry him. After seeing him again, all those feelings flew out the window. She remembered why she loved him and how much she cared for him. Surprisingly, when children are involved things are very different. The complaints and concerns sound very different too. I wanted to say more, but my eyes have started to sting and burn. I need to sleep. WS
  4. Salam I'm really going to start with this- Some men are such hypocrites! I don't see the connection whatsoever... how do did you make that deduction? What source did you use? What hadith or ayah made you come to that conclusion? I'm genuinely curious to see your thought process. Isn't this why God commanded a woman to wear a hijab? To protect men from their supposedly weak hijab and shaytaan whispers (wrong thoughts)? So without a woman's khimar and jilbab, are all men disbelievers who lack love? Your thinking is flawed. We all possess desires and may fall for temptation. Women are not exempt. I suppose not avoiding temptation is exactly what she regrets. Often we don't realise or appreciate the weight of our actions until it reaps the negative results. You're left with consequences and problems that need solving. I would also ask, would a man avoid situation that might cause him to be physically or emotionally invested with another woman? In that case, why do second marriages or mut3a outside of marriage occur? It can happen even if you avoid situation you think might create such issues. I can guarantee you, you have done something you regret. You are fallible. Don't be like the shaytaan who still refuses to express regret towards his sinful act. For that, he is condemned to eternal hellfire. Ws
  5. .... i workout with my dad lol I honestly dont think people will pay attention to a woman in hijab. You might get a few curious glances but that's all. I dont know what sort of gyms your countries run- I'm quite concerned now... One of my favourite things to do is rent out bikes and cycle with my dad around our local park. We've planned on going to the gym on a few occasions but our plans never worked out
  6. Salam I think perhaps they ask because many reverts choose another name...? So maybe that's just their attempt to keep a friendly conversation going..? A name is very important in our culture too. Some even believe it to influence a person's fate- my mother is one of those people. Middle-easterners often use names to identify a person's faith. An arab looking man called George is probably a christian, Omar is probably a sunni and Abbas a shia. A surname helps paint a better picture. Sadly, ISIS actually asks for names for this very reason. Names and location, they can tell you a lot about a person's religious background. My first generation cousins in the west are giving their children english sounding names, like emily for example. It really doesn't matter as much anymore. I realise that it's mustahab to name children after prophets or imams, but it's not wajib. If God blesses me with kids, I intend to suggest hebrew names. Mine is hebrew too. In fact it sounds very western. I'm always asked whether it's my real name. But I understand they ask only because many of my ethnic colleagues use western names instead of their own. It makes introductions easier. Zarifah becomes Zack, Nurul-ayn is Nana, Ke-ying becomes Celeste etc. So they often assume, I'm doing the same. It happens I'm sure when the muslim brother asked, he didn't mean any ill by it. He just noticed a pattern and assumed you've given yourself another name. I hope it doesn't upset you too much when they ask.
  7. Salam More than the comment, I'm disappointed by the reactions. She's asking you for help, don't mock her. She said she was participating in the past, but after quitting her job, she wanted to become a better person. She's a changed person.
  8. Death? Please reference your source... there is no death punishment in islam. at most, the punishment would be lashing. Clearly the two misunderstood the validity of their marriage. They are not committing zina if they're ignorant. So you need to clarify and convince them. If that doesnt do it, you leave them be. They're not in a muslim country and as such, are not subjected to sharia law. But the marriage remains void islamically. The lady is living a lie.
  9. In my extended family, the children followed their father. There is one family with both shia parents, but an iranian mother and an iraqi father. Here, the children identify as iranian not iraqi and only speak farsi. So from my own observations, children are more likely to take after their father. Growing up, i also favoured my father's opinion over my mother's. Plus even when i didnt want to do something- like wear the hijab- i had to because he wanted me to. My mother didn't want me to wear it, but that didnt matter. Also, i didn't say they weren't religious. I said they weren't too religious. Their faith does not take the forefront in their lives. I had to clarify because i don't want you to misunderstand. I dont have a holier than thou attitude. I am not judging them. It just explains why their marriage worked out better. I just realised you are married to a sunni man. Please dont take this to mean that your marriage is destined for failure. There were other issues that lead to divorce/a second wife. It wasn't just the difference in belief. That just played a single part. It just added fuel to an already burning fire.
  10. Salam, I always wonder whether it will last. Especially if one of the two is a revert. Did they revert with the right intentions or solely to be with the woman/man they love? In my family, many interfaith marriages occurred. Not only involving sunnis, but christians too. None but one lasted. There remains one sunni man married to an aunt of mine, but both aren't too religious. They pray and do wajibats (except my aunt doesn't wear the hijab), but they let their children do whatever they want. They don't seem to care much whether their children commit to islam or not. So do i think it works? If you're absolutely committed to your faith, no. Because you would want your children to share your truth. If you're tolerant and patient, sure. Because you're unlikely to panic, should your children chose a different path. So it depends: what do you want? Do you want your children to share your truth or have them find their own in time. Muslim women are prohibited from marrying non-muslim men. So in Islam, the woman's marriage to the christian man in the article is void. I believe that muslim women are only allowed to marry muslim men for the reasons discussed above. We still live in a patriarchal society (for the most part) today. A father's decision, often, still trumps a mother's. So if there was a conflict in fiqh/sharia/law, the father's decision precedes. Say a son attended mass and wanted to drink wine- in islam this is forbidden. In christianity, it's encouraged during mass. Children are more likely to listen to and take after their father than their mother's. This law is supposed to protect muslim women from unnecessary discomfort, conflict or even potential abuse (should disagreements escalate).
  11. Brother, what you see on social media does not represent real life. Sit down and actually talk to married men/other women. With regards to bigger women/men, I think obesity is a result of more than just poor choices. There is an underlying cause, whether a medical or mental health problem. These need to be addressed. Both genders should have access to support communities. I think what needs special attention are male victims of domestic abuse....
  12. Salam sister, I understand the trouble you have experienced while wearing your hijab. I have faced some too, though fortunately none of them were aggressive. But I have friends and family who've had the misfortune of running into sick minded people. I think within our community the purpose of our hijab has been placed in a false frame. I think it often focuses on men- it hides a woman's beauty, it protects her from assault, it protects her from a perverted gaze etc. In reality, I think a woman develops her own purpose for her hijab. Personally, I believe the hijab was gifted to us by God. God chose the delicate, nurturing, patient and softer gender to represent Islam. Humans are far more likely to approach a woman than they are a man. Women are simply more appealing, attractive and approachable. Note how I mentioned that everything in my life has become about religion, culture and politics. It opens a doorway to introduce Islam to strangers who would otherwise never ask and never hear its message. It's an honourable task assigned to us by God. The reason I don't believe this to be a universal purpose for women is because, individual women -like men- live under different circumstances. For example, many Muslim women live in predominantly Muslim countries. Long ago, many women rarely left their homes or walked further than their local market. These women would have their hijab serving a different purpose. vs. ....who would you approach? There are always two sides to a coin. The hijab has its burdens, but it also comes with gifts.
  13. Salam though this is sad what upsets me more is the fact that it had become international news. our sisters in hijab face such discrimination on a daily basis. Are their voices given a platform too? Liberal and reform jews don't regard the kippah as a compulsory command. It's optional. He can simply choose to take it off. A woman in hijab however, will continue to experience the abuse... He didn't even care to mention other people who've faced religious or racial discrimination. If he was actually wearing the flag around his body, it wasn't because he was a jew but because he was a zionist supporter.
  14. Salam, would you mind clarifying some things? You say independent women are materialistic women who also lack faith, but encourage young men to engage in extramarital relationships? So you shame women for their independence, but encourage men to commit sins? Unless you mean to say, they should be marrying women at a young age. That would explain your frustration, considering an increasing number of young women choose to pursue a higher education and therefore opt for a later marriage. Because they are career driven and often well established in their working place, they also tend to become "pickier". She would want a man who can compete with her. So now, you're not only competing with your fellow man but the women too. Focus from a woman's beauty has also started to shift. People are now also interested in her career and education- her independence if you like. I think that is a very healthy change.
  15. Salam I think a lot of brothers here are misunderstanding the purpose of this topic. Ignoring the grave sin of using Nakshawani as an example, she asks why there is little attention paid to a man's dress code. I will be digressing, but I just wanted to add some things. Because I don't think reflecting the treatment of women and projecting it onto men, will help either gender. I just wish for men to understand how difficult it is for a woman to accept or even love her hijab. We struggle a lot, ... we do. This is why I sometimes feel a little envious of men. So I just hope you come understand and empathise. Allow a woman to freely dissect, understand and develop her relationship with the hijab. We aggressively reinforce a female uniform, but there is none for a man to adhere to. A woman wears her religion like a banner, but a man is free to assimilate and even marry of different people (ahl alkitab). A man who is better/well received outside our community and with greater cultural freedoms within our community, can't begin to understand a woman's struggle. Wherever she turns, she is hurt. Hijab when forced, is no different to branding a girl. She won't associate it with worship. The Hijab will make her stand out among her peers, so she needs to posses confidence to tolerate that. If her skin colour didn't separate her, her hijab will forever remind her she is different. Her peers won't hesitate to help remind her either. Almost everything becomes about the hijab, the religion, politics and her culture. I see no problem for this if a mature teen/woman decides to wear the hijab, but a young girl of 9 years is still growing and barely understands. She still needs to establish her confidence and character without judgement from peers or society. If it's forced and she feels that isolation and discrimination, she will develop hate towards it and anger towards her parents. She hears mean comments from her peers and mean comments from her community. She's left stuck in-between pleasing neither and falling into a pit of spiralling confusion. Eventually she's left with one thought, "What's the point?" ... I think many of us have met women who have decided to remove the hijab. This is not a decision that would have been made over night. Hijab is a 'till death do us part' commitment. To remove it, is almost like a divorce; it's caused by a poor/dysfunctional relationship (with the hijab). Anyway.... I digress. I just wanted to voice some of my thoughts ...
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