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In the Name of God بسم الله

AbdusSibtayn

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  1. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to starlight in Maintaining spirituality at work   
    This^^ 
    I could be wrong here but what we a usually do is we chat and make light hearted comments(nothing indecent or crude of course) when we are in a group but in a one to one setting everyone is strictly business. This is something we have developed over the years and everyone seems to be comfortable with it. 
  2. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Waseem162 in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Just think like this dear sister - Everything GOOD comes with patience.  We all here are for test. And we all are tested every second of our lives. Put your Trust in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى.
    The ONE who created you and is fully aware of your state and needs. Pray to him alot. I mean ALOT. Sometimes Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى keeps away His material blessings from a person to make that person come to Him, beg Him and spend time with Him. Go to Him and InshaAllah He will provide you. He is Khayyr ur Razeqeen. He is your Lord. Your Creator, Cherisher and your Sustainer.
    Keep your search and Rely on Allah's Wisdom. 
  3. Like
    AbdusSibtayn got a reaction from Urwatul Wuthqa in Maintaining spirituality at work   
    Assalam alaikum,
    I am in general agreement with the rest of your post, brother, but I think that the talking with non-mahrams point requires a bit more qualification.
    I feel that informal conversation with colleagues of the opposite gender is not wrong in itself. In the corporate and the academic spheres, the boundaries between personal and the professional might not be that clearly drawn at times. It might very well be the case that informal connections beyond work might get you a good business deal or a good peer review. Moreover, excellence of personality may also act as an instrument of dawah, and conversations provide a window to showcase that excellence and refinement.
    I feel what it ultimately boils down to is the contents of the informal conversations one is having. An instance is the Prophet(S) 's joke with the old lady who came to ask him if she would go to heaven, and he replied that old people won't enter heaven, and just as she was about to leave disheartened, he said that the old would be made young again and then enter heaven.
    Are you discussing spirituality, politics, hobbies, offering life-advices  etc to the opposite gender colleagues? I don't see any un-Islamic stuff there. But, if your conversations are about frivolous things, gossip etc then it is problematic.
     
  4. My Prayers
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to HopefulBeliever in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Thank you for your response. I actually live in London- probably one of the most diverse, shia packed city outside of muslim countries. My issue is just the quality men available for marriage.
  5. My Prayers
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to HopefulBeliever in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Of course, marrying a sunni is a last resort particularly because of the issue of raising children.
    Yes, all of the guys I've met but just don't seem to know how to keep a conversation going or have any interests outside of the gym or shisha. I've met plenty of interesting non- muslim non-shia guys in my life but all the prospective men have been dull and in-inspiring. Probably just my luck or maybe all the good guys are taken, lol. Tbh a lot of my beautiful, intelligent, practicing friends are single and it really boggles my mind.
    Like you said I can't fake my personality and don't want to. Alhamdilalah I get on with the majority of people and am very sociable so my qualities can't be that unattractive surely. Also I've noticed an interesting juxtaposition (if you can call it that)- many men want a sexy, attractive woman but want a super, hijabi, modest woman... so when you share pics they assume you're one and not the other. You can't win.
  6. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Don't rush into marriage, it's alright that you're being picky. Inshallah you'll find a great Shia guy.
  7. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Waseem162 in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    It looks you don't live in a densely Shia-populated region. Usually where I live (India and most of the South East Asia has the same practice), its the responsibility of women of the house (including the close relatives) to find a spouse for the man/woman who wants to get married.
    And as you said your Mom has brought you some random people. Try to socialize much. I can't believe a Social girl doesn't receives much proposals. My sisters started receiving proposals as early as when they turned 19. Not saying to demoralize you but just showing the impact of socializing.
    Also make sincere dua to Allah. I know one of the sisters (who was a school friend as well), she really wanted to get married and all her sisters got married, even the younger ones, and she really was smart, intellectual, practicing Muslimah and good-looking but was unable to find the right match.
    And recently I received some updates from his brother about her potential husband coming into the picture. 
    So its just that patience sometimes brings you more sweet of a fruit so PLEASE SAY NO TO SUNNI , you are calling on a real danger Remember this.!! but that doesn't means you ust give up searching the right guy. Remember Allah is ALL-WATCHING. He hasn't left you even for a second. So Trust His plans and don't digress from the right path. InshaALlah we all will make dua for you to get married with a great guy asap.
    Be patient and keep the search on.   
  8. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to AStruggler in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Don't give up! iA you'll find the one! And he'll be one who has wilayat of Amir ul Momineen (AS)!
  9. Haha
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to AStruggler in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Was thinking the same.
  10. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Carlzone in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    There are really good guys out there so don't give up. I personally don't think going for Sunnis is a good thing to do, even if he is a great guy. Think about your future kids. 
    Do you mean that out of all the guys you've met no one has been interesting to you? Or is it that the ones you like don't like you back? In that case you need to reflect a little on how you are being perceived. Ask family and friends or even acquaintances. They will tell you how you are seen from the outside and that is valuable information for you.
    There are certain qualities in a female that most men like. If you have them you'll attract a lot of men. But I wouldn't recommend "faking" them. It's better to have them for real and just be genuine.
  11. Haha
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to notme in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Hmm. We've got a male guest complaining of a lack of intellectual women for marriage, and a female guest complaining of a lack of intellectual men for marriage. 
    Matchmaking/marriage solicitation on the forum is prohibited, but there is no rule prohibiting two members from exchanging contact information. That would require both guests to sign up. 
  12. My Prayers
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to HopefulBeliever in Mid-twenties, female and single - what am I doing wrong?   
    Salam alakum,
    I already feel ridiculous writing this post but I would genuinely like to hear other people's thoughts/ experiences. I have actively been looking for a husband over the past couple of years via online match-making sites. Also, my parents have introduced me to some random prospects, I've asked some close friends if they know anybody and nothing has seem to come of it.
    Most guys I've spoken to (generally in their 20s) cannot keep a conversation going, don't have any intellectual interest in Islam or are simply don't seem interested in genuinely settling any time soon or are simply not interested.
    I am not bad-looking, I practice my faith in a committed but balanced manner, I am relatively smart so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am also open to guys with different backgrounds and am not too fussed about looks.
    Do guys in their 20s generally not want to settle down? Am I expecting too much of a guy to have an intellectual and interesting conversation? Perhaps guys are put off by a confident girl? Am I missing something?
    I am starting to give up and am close to considering sunni prospects. I really don't want to do this as the ahlulbayt are my everything but also, a woman has needs.
    Any suggestions on how I can meet a good, decent guy?
  13. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to AmirAlmuminin Lover in Maintaining spirituality at work   
    I know guy at work who refused to go the party of his supervisor just because of serving wine
  14. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to ali_fatheroforphans in Maintaining spirituality at work   
    Salam,
    Work is not an excuse to say bye bye to your spirituality. It's sad how during our youth, we can completely get distracted from our goal main goal in life - to attain nearness to Allah. Many Muslims will go to work with pure intentions but sometimes the environment can subconsciously affect them. There are many things in a typical office job which should make you feel very cautious. 
    (1) Unnecessary chatting with the opposite gender.
    At work no one will care whether you're a practicing Muslim or not, those of the opposite gender will defs open up to you at some point. You have to be strong and to not let things escalate, regardless of whether you're into someone or not. If you have a female/male colleague who sits next to you, only talk work related stuff with them, don't feel the need to always talk about everything, like "how is your cat?" etc. 
    (2) Say no to work parties and dinners 
    Gosh you won't believe how many Shias who go to the majlis of Imam Hussein (as) are totally okay with work parties (even Christmas ones) where there is free mixing, music and alcohol being served. Work dinners should also be a big no if it's in a bar.
    (3) Pray your Duhr/Asr salah
    During your lunchbreak, take a few minutes out to pray salah. There is a difference between someone who prays on time vs someone who delays salah. Your spirituality will take a big blow if you say to yourself "for the next 10 years of my life I will always delay my salah". What a sad state to be in! I'd rather leave a job which prevents me to pray my salah on time.
    (4) Don't waste time at work, take your job seriously given you're being paid. 
    From Sayed Sistani's website:
    Question: A Muslim works in a non-Muslim country, in a private office, or in a government office, or on contract for a specific project where he is paid by the hour. Is it permissible for him to waste some hours or work negligently or intentionally delay the job? Does he deserve the full wages?
    Answer: This is not allowed; and if one does it, he is not entitled to full wages
    (5) Shaking Hands of the opposite gender.
    Very difficult but defs doable. It's clear in our books of fiqh that we can't shake the hands of the opposite gender.
    (6) Don't gossip
    Some people at work can be very shameless as they love to talk bad about other employees. As a mu'min, you have to be very fair and just. Don't let someone's biased opinion affect your view on another employee. Never take part in gossip!
    I've just listed the points which I came up with, a lot of them are very obvious, but are to be taken very seriously.
  15. Haha
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Irfani313 in Maintaining spirituality at work   
    this is what you do when a non-mahram extends her hand 
  16. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to notme in The Threat of Social Media   
    I don't think the problem is social media itself, but rather its misuse. 
    You don't have to expose your entire life to strangers. 
  17. My Prayers
    AbdusSibtayn got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in The Threat of Social Media   
    There is also this controversy in Iran, that banning Facebook and Twitter has given a shot in the arm to the royalists and CIA-MI6 stooges to spread misinformation by making it impossible to post a counter narrative on these platforms.
    Honestly, it is an individual choice, according to me. If you feel that social media is interfering with your peace of mind, then quit at once.
    I like SC much better than Facebook. Part of the reason is that I am an introvert/socially awkward, and I like the relative anonymity and Islamic environment that SC offers. Secondly, brothers and sisters here are vastly superior in terms of their online behavior here. Moreover, the content quality on Facebook is no match for that on SC. I have personally benefitted much from this site.
     
  18. Like
    AbdusSibtayn got a reaction from hasanhh in The Threat of Social Media   
    There is also this controversy in Iran, that banning Facebook and Twitter has given a shot in the arm to the royalists and CIA-MI6 stooges to spread misinformation by making it impossible to post a counter narrative on these platforms.
    Honestly, it is an individual choice, according to me. If you feel that social media is interfering with your peace of mind, then quit at once.
    I like SC much better than Facebook. Part of the reason is that I am an introvert/socially awkward, and I like the relative anonymity and Islamic environment that SC offers. Secondly, brothers and sisters here are vastly superior in terms of their online behavior here. Moreover, the content quality on Facebook is no match for that on SC. I have personally benefitted much from this site.
     
  19. Angry
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Mohammadi_follower in The Threat of Social Media   
    Not a so long time ago I was insulted in PM in Instagram by a woman because I said I was in favor of mandatory hijab and I was forced to block her because she didn't stop to insult me. 
  20. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Abdul-Hadi in The Threat of Social Media   
    Stop using social media, yes. The tech companies are agents of this Dajall you speak of. Social media was designed to deliver dopamine hits when people like your content, much like the pharmacological action of crack cocaine: a short term high that quickly fades and gets you hooked quickly, so that you spend as much time on social media as possible where the technocrats mine data on you and create a very detailed profile of who you are and then use this to feed content back to you that they know you will like so that you are never exposed to new ideas or opposing views. They do this so that the can sell advertising space for lots of money to the highest bidder and trigger you into materialism and consumerist desires. It's also posited that social media has made people more withdrawn from one another as well as much less civil/far nastier and this is evident when seeing the types of comments that flood YouTube about religion from bitter and hate filled atheists as well as people threatening one another and slandering other's families over politics on Facebook. Furthermore, children and teens commit suicide frequently as a response to bullying on social media.
    I don't use Facebook at all. I still use Instagram, but it's less bad because people don't really comment the way they do on YouTube and Facebook.
  21. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Waseem162 in Mutah with my western girlfriend   
    Alaikum assalam. And why would you want to do that?
    Remember every thing you do in life will affect your spiritual relationship with Allah. And something as big as Mut'ah which is Marriage (though temporary), make sure you don't do it just because you are unable to dictate your nafs.
    Be patient and think again whether this Mut'ah is for Allah or for yourself??!!
  22. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to aaljibar in How to take summarised notes   
    I agree with this. But if you’re lucky enough to have the learning outcomes available at the start of each chapter. You can build your skeleton from that. The sub topics will go under each learning outcome as well. 
     
    True, Questions at the end of the chapters are really important though. They really make you think rather than just consuming information mindlessly.
    Applying what you learnt by answering questions is a higher level of understanding according to blooms taxonomy.
    Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى help us all with our studies. ;)
  23. Like
    AbdusSibtayn reacted to Abdul-Hadi in Humanist organisation (IHEU) publishes Islamophobic report   
    You have to do it in a different way and above all, you have to be graceful about it otherwise you will get nowhere with Western secularists.
    If you try to shut them down, they will use it to say "LOOK AT THE MUSLIM WHO WANTS TO SILENCE OUR FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Are these the types of people you want to allow into our "free society"?" Because they don't want to actually debate you, they want to make you seem hostile, angry, and above all "intolerant" (when they themselves are intolerant of religious people, because that's the last remaining bigotry that it's ok to have in America, apparently).
    You're actually fortunate that you are a Muslim, because if you were a Christian, they would mock and blaspheme to you far worse, accuse you of being an "idiot who believes in a Jewish zombie sky daddy" because they have no respect for the ideas that allowed them to live in a society where they are free to say these things without fear of repercussions.
    My advice to you is to do the exact opposite of complaining and trying to shut them down: prove them wrong. Only by proving them wrong and not acting in anger or hostility can you actually win with these people because then you didn't play into their tricks to make you or your religion look "backwards" or "oppressive".
    Tl:;dr-- use their own values to defeat their argument and propaganda. 
  24. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn got a reaction from Ralvi in How to take summarised notes   
    Assalamu alaykum,
    What works for me is, I read the text carefully, divide the material into subtopics, and then jot down points under each subtopic. It just looks like a bare skeleton/minimal summary of the text and I keep the writing to the bare minimum. Our focus should be on understanding the text, and the notes are just ready-reckoners for  revision before exams. also, we should try to write things in our own words as far as possible.
  25. Completely Agree
    AbdusSibtayn got a reaction from aaljibar in How to take summarised notes   
    Assalamu alaykum,
    What works for me is, I read the text carefully, divide the material into subtopics, and then jot down points under each subtopic. It just looks like a bare skeleton/minimal summary of the text and I keep the writing to the bare minimum. Our focus should be on understanding the text, and the notes are just ready-reckoners for  revision before exams. also, we should try to write things in our own words as far as possible.
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