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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by chai_cup

  1. (salam) sister ''notme'' Having children is important to me , I love children, children love me and my close friends always tell me I would make a really good mother. I am open for adoption, not underestimating the responsibilities and I have educated myself islamically in this regard. However the issue is that when I asked him whether he was open to the idea, he told me he wasn't purely because the child would not be his own (from his own blood). I can understand it from his perspective, I gave him an example of what would be better? a disobedient child that is from your own blood or raise a non biological child in a loving environment with love and protection into a responsible child , muslim, citizen. He has had a type of cancer that has minimized his chances on reproducing to almost zero, so even medical intervention or clinical help would not be an option either. He didn't preserve his ''sperm/ semen'' before the chemo therapy and surgery. It summs to : He cant have children , he is not open to adoption and clinical help would not be effective. I first thought that it would be cruel and unjust to reject a person based on his medical past and health issues, by putting myself in his position and thinking ''what if I were rejected if I were infertile?'' The other issue is that he is a ''work aholic'' , which can be good and he is a bit wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too open and honest about his past relationships which makes me wonder ''do i even want to know about all of this?????"' I am not saying that having children is a main reason that couples stay together, but it does bond the husband and wife. Other issues with this guy is that he is a work aholic ( he would be away for 2 / 3 weeks from home because his job requires this) , he is still friends with his ex-gf's and says that they are just friends :no: :donno: :mellow: , he is not in a rush to marry and tells me we should get to know each other better :mellow: :wacko: , he is not feeling any biological pressure because he can't have children anyway , makes me question how serious will he be commited to his wife? Love alone is not enough to make a marriage work. Am I ignoring red flags ? I am confused. (salam) brother , thanks for you for your input. True, I agree with you . If I am willing to sacrifice this much, he should make some efforts too and apprecieate this sacrifice. Not all guys do. I would not mind marrying a person who can't have kids, aslong he has Taqwa and is pious. But I am a little uncertain about him being momeen. He is a good person though , honest , intelligent, funny but I am confused about this one. Thanks :) Thanks for sharing this hadeeth, it is certainly food for thought.
  2. Dear brothers and sisters, Would you consider someone for marriage who is honest about his past health issues? A person who is cured from cancer and due to his chemo treatment not able to have children. I am interested to read your input. (It's a dilemma I am facing, and I am not sure whether it would be right to reject a person because of this)
  3. Off-topic question, should a lady marry a guy knowing he is infertile ? Would you marry someone who is infertile ?
  4. Darth Vader has spoken !!!!! And lets hope and pray the spouse is a "Trekkie " fan too...what more can one wish for ey???
  5. Please refer to your marjae to ask this question. Althought my fatwa would be '' it is perfectly okay to do so'' smiling is sunnah and being happy is halal
  6. chai_cup


    I didnt know there was a whole thread dedicated to me <3
  7. Theres a lot of double standards within our community and the youth seem to be be more and more confused despite the large content of information available at hand. What concerns me most is that guys use mutah to satisfy their sexual needs because it is " halal" , without fulfilling their marital rights as a husband. Marriage vows are taken lightly be it permanent or temporary , and theres a rise of divorce cases both in western and eastern countries. I have heard of a shiachat case where a guy has been manipulating girls into accepting mutah without their fathers permission , this site is one dangerous place (sadly though sisters becareful!!!) I have heard of first hand stories by friends who have forced the girl to have abortion , by these same brothers who advocate mutah ! As someone mentioned , it is halal but not wajib. There is a reason why sisters have to ask permision of their fathers.
  8. I comtacted them by email , i asked if they have a website so i could read reviews by other clients, but they told me they dont :/ how will i be certain if their work delivered will be actually good??? I have my doubts about them ..anyways i have to think about it :/ but thanks anyway :) :) :)
  9. Wow the level of topics posted on sc has really degraded
  10. You have been extremely helpful :) thanks a lot !! But them being docs wont that make their prices more expensive?
  11. Oh , i was recommended to contact freelancers though a website elance.com and that they r more affordable Are these guys professsionals and where are they based???
  12. Check hijabi fashion blogs. What about nice long chiffonnskirts , with a nice fashionable hip blazer and a different style headscarf. Example : black skirt , jeans jacket and a bright shocking pink silk blouse tucked in the skirt , with nice accesoiries and a plan black headscarf :)
  13. LOl @ marbles question ! I thought the same
  14. Dear brother Jafari , I just notice this message on my wall. I don't use this site frequently . I didn't go last arbaeen but would like to go this year inshallah. What about ?

  15. i read your reply to my post. Are you a freelancer ?

  16. Salam Aleikum ! I noticed your post that ''wives'' is written in plural form (sorry that one made me laugh :lol: ) Nowaddays its hard to find, marry , keep and maintain 1 wife let alone multiple ''wives'' I share a similar concern why ''the good girls/ sisters are left without a good pious husband''. It is possible but it is challenging and lonely. Women have more preservernce , sabr and can abstain longer than the opposite sex i guess. It seems the pious '' brothers are either take (they tend to marry at a young age ) or they are too young and in a different country -_- I know sisters at marriagable ages , but no good pious potential ''brothers'' whose intentions are pure and can balance both eastern and western culture. I can write a whole book on this topic :Hijabi:
  17. Salam Beta , are they freelancers working on sites such as elance.com ? How can I review their previous work ? I would be extremely grateful to hear about your feedback
  18. Dear members, I need help with a school assignment in Strategic Management and want to ask if anyone can help.me.with this ? I am willing to pay for the services too. Regards
  19. o its not haram to wear hair extensions but wajib to wear hijab! i.e. covering the hair and chest! no compulsion on that oops correction : compulsion should be *compromise* , we cant select things and leave out allahs commands , to what pleases us.
  20. unacceptable behaviour? i didnt say anything wrong or.are you buddies here backing each other up?
  21. inshallah you will get your admission :) praying for your succes
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