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In the Name of God بسم الله

Love of Islam

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  1. Salaam Hannibal, I only came to this forum because I was too embarassed to go any where else. I didn't want to tell my parents in fear they will loose respect for her. I didn't want to go to anyone within my community because I dont want rumours to spread ultimatelty making her to be outcasted, and truly just want her to be happy whether its with me or not. I usually wouldnt believe people would come on these chats to garnish symptahy - but after all this I believe anything is possible. But just to clear this up, my intention is only to try and figure out why this happened, and the reason for the istekhara. Anyways thanks for help and all the best. With Salaams
  2. Salaam awaiting_for_the.12th, I originally did want to do a new istekhara and found another Mulana, but my issue is I had begun to loose faith in istekhara, and if I did another istekhara it would only confuse me more if it came out good. What I am going to do from here on in is use intellect that Allah has given me, and hadith the Prophet (SAW) gave as a guideline on how to select a spouse. She did tell me (and this is the few things I actually believe her in) that she prayed to Allah after her Dad said no about her husband to find someone to marry her. I honestly believe she had good intentions thats why the istekhara came out good. But with her constant lying, keeping in touch with her husband while I was in the picture - its hard for me to trust her. I dont think I have a big heart brother, I just fell in love with her and believed Allah guided me to her. You have no idea how hard it was to accept this, and how the littlest things use to trigger my emotions to the point of depression. Thank you for taking time to help me. With Salaams,
  3. Salaam Waiting For HIM - Yes you are correct she was lying to me from the onset, however, she was lying that she was a virgin to me, but her homosexuality and threesomes were all true. The way I found this out was by talking to her, and the things she would say would be contrary to what she is portraying...But you are correct that I did fall in love with her "Character", and the fact she appeared to be a good muslim girl was incredibly heart warming, which is why I thought she was the one. I never did look at it like that, that Allah was teaching me a lesson - I know now that I do want a girl who wears hijaab (even though this experience was bad) because having a solid and true religious understanding can help cement a bond between two people. I am going to research Hoob FillAh & Bughz FillAh because I am not familiar with this. It is extremely hard for me to move on, because for some reason I still love her...I have blocked her on all my accounts except for email - and she emailed me yesterday claiming that she loves me, and that she wants to live a life filled with Islam and that she wants to change...all things I want to hear but I cannot trust her at all....InshAllah I pray something good comes along, because this experience made me realize one important factor: I do want to get married but to a good Muslimah. Thank you brother from the bottom of my heart for helping me think about this situation in a positive light, it is honestly appreciated. With Salaams,
  4. Salaam Alaikum my Brothers and Sisters in Faith, I have recently endured so much pain and am affraid I am loosing my faith, and I am hoping someone out there could help me.... I got engaged to a girl on June 24th, 2013 and from that moment my life has taken a turn for the worse. I went to Dubai for my cousins wedding and had my family set up a "meeting" with a girl and her parents.The meeting went well (better than expected) and we ended up talking for 3 hrs. When I flew back to Canada we kept in touch via email and then moved to whatsapp. A month later she came to Canada (she is also a Canadian Citizen) to visit family. We began talking more and more, and I developed feelings for her. I was confused to start off with because I never really wanted a girl who wore hijaab (she is not the type of girl I typically go for). Our parents got a long great and everything seemed perfect. I began getting more serious about my religion (something ive always wanted) and started reading hadith on how to choose a wife. I began to really love her, and the fact she wore hijaab and practied her religion was something so wonderful, that I thought I found "the one". I always wanted a wife to go to mosque with, to share experiences of Ramadhan, muharaam, eid etc. Before we got engaged she told me she wasnt a virgin (I was upset, but I understood and could accept it, as I am not a virgin either - although I always practiced Mutah). I inquired about her past and was shocked to learn she engaged in homosexuality. I was so confused and perplexed as I thought this girl was the one. I spoke to my brother and family, created a pros and con list and was still confused. So I finally decided I should do istekhara and ask Allah to guide me for what ever is best for me. When I made my niyaat I asked so sincerely and in tears if I should marry this girl with her past, I also quoted the Quran and asked Allah that in the Quran it says he has created mates from amongst yourself so that you may dwell in peace and tranquility (i didnt know which verse this was, but I remember reading this while I was researching on how to select a spouse) and begged Allah that is she isnt the one to please help me so I can complete 50% of my religion and seek closeness to Allah. The mualana called me back later that day and told me my istekhara came out positive and the verse that came out was Sura Rum Verse 20-21. The shock is verse 21 is THE SAME LINE USED IN MY PRAYER! "And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." I prayed so sincerely and only asked for closeness to Allah, and I believed my prayer was answered. I began to get more spiritual and for a brief moment was happy. After a few weeks we got engaged, and I was so happy that I chose a girl with deen over looks (Before meeting her I only wanted a pretty woman, but when I began reading I realized that Deen should always be my number 1 choice). We got engaged and our families were extremely happy. We use to recite duas together, remind eachother its prayer times (this is something i ALWAYS wanted), we even listened to islamic lectures together. However, throughout our conversations I always had a suspicion that she was hiding something from me, which bothered me greatly, as I was always open and honest to her. After the engagement, she went back home to visit family, the day before she left I inquired about her past and found something that greatly disturbed me. She was sexually active since the age of 13, she engaged in threesomes, she engaged in threesomes with her and two guys, and also homosexual activities. I was hurt digusted, but still loved her greatly. I strgonly believed in my istekhara and in Sura al-baqara it states "you may love something that is bad for you, and you may hate something which is good for you, only God knows". I wanted to help her and accept what she has done, and toghether we can climb the ladder toward Allah. She left for Ramadhan and I used this month to be closer to Allah and ask him for stregnth to endure (I can accept a past, but hers was so hardcore that is bothered me greatly). I prayed on the nights of Qadr for Allah to increase my faith, so that I may accept the istekhara with no doubt whatsoever. It seemed like each day I was learning more about her, and it got worse and worse...however, I loved her and believed she had repented and only God can judge. I accept her and endured so much because I love her and believed Allah knows best....she finally came back and things were going ok, then one day I get a call from her crying (I dont like to see her sad or cry, because throughout her past i believe she is a good person). She told me that the door to her past is open and she is affraid it wont close...what she told me shook my very foundation...she was apparently already married...and did a sposal sponsorhip with her husband and that she is legally married....she went behind her fathers back and married him although her father said no she did not listen. I realized that she knew this guy for 9 years and her love for him was unimaginable, and that she still loved him. I also found out during our meetings and when she came to Canada she was still in touch with him...which broke my heart and that she was also intouch with him after our engagement. I went with her to lawyers office to see what can be done....I helped her and directed her on how to get a divorce..i was able to except things I never thought I could, but this marriage issue was the icing on the cake and began to question her character and morality. How she could betray her parents who gave her unconditional love and support..She also told me she loved this guy more than me....I cant marry her if shes already married, and i did not want to force a divorce on her because if she loved this guy, i just want her to be happy....I also found out that her Dad forced her out of this relationship and then plugged her with me, which I found totally unfair on the both of us, as I want a wife who loves me and only me...Skipping forward we broke the engagement, as I wanted her to take time and think about what she wants, to reflect on her past actions, and see if she wants a change. I realized that she was with me only to make her father happy, and that her love for me developed later...I also realized that she doesnt understand how bad her sexual past is, and if you dont understand the gravity of the mistake/sin how could one truly repent? My question is, knowing all of this why would the allmighty make me go through so much pain? What was the point of all this? How come my istekhara came out coincidentally the same verse I used in my niyaat while doing the istekhara? Knowing her past I wouldnt have stuck around this long, but having faith and trust in Allah that he knows better made me stay as long as I did....I am so confused and hurt because i feel as though istekhara isnt real...i can deal with loosing love, but loosing faith and trust in Allah is so devastating...I am very sorry for the long read, but I humbly ask anyone to help me make sense of this for me... With Salaams,
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