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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About Hajji87

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  1. Mainly I think the worst barrier for both men and women is the lack of community help. It's almost shameful for a girl to mention she wants to marry (even if she tells another girl) and it's shameful for the guy (unless he is stacking villas and cars into the dowry). This is even the case on SC. I think the generation that is married and capable of helping needs to be more active in marrying those that are facing difficulties. Whether it be financial, circumstantial, geographical, whatever it may be. Not every man has parents that can help him, nor does every girl live in the most populated Shia communities. I remember a couple of years back there was a rich Lebanese business man who wanted to give back to the community so he decided to sponsor some couples weddings and moving expenses in my moms village. It helped a lot of people that were struggling to get married. The men that are married and financially capable should donate to men that are deserving of some help, or at least vouch for them if they're good men, cut them some slack and give them that push. And the women need to become a community of match makers that introduces without forcing. People have this saying in Lebanon 'bhot 2edi b jnaze abel mahot 2edi bjaze', it literally means I would rather put my hand into helping with a funeral than a marriage. This way of thinking is just wrong.
  2. OP: This is one of the most beneficial lectures I've ever listened to. And yes I confirmed all of his research afterward on my own. Please watch:
  3. One of the single ones here just hoping to throw in my opinion. Hope no one minds. I don't know his side so I will focus on yours and I hope you know this is only constructive criticism : A lot was revealed by your OP. It seems you see a loss of character or individuality if you adapt a little more to his ways. But a woman should mirror the actions of her husband, especially if they are bettering her. Being active in the community, discussing news/politics, caring for ones parents means growing up and bettering ones self. That will earn his respect. Look to him as an example and a motivation, break that barrier of "he acts older". Also, you're not trying to understand his reasons. You are asking him to tell you them, but you are not trying to figure them out. He wont tell you because as he said that's some peoples characters but you should be able to pick up on it. Focus on his behavior, his facial reactions, what influenced him before that has changed now. It may be little things that you have done that has built up and caused him to be impatient. You mentioned the ipad but if he isn't home, then how does he know you're on it? Something doesn't add up. From that "nap and ipad comment" I can understand he doesn't seem to respect you and may feel you're slacking, figure out why. Maybe there is something you are over looking that is essential in his eyes. People don't avoid others (especially their wives) unless they feel they have nothing in common, or they feel that person is hard to be around. Pull him to you with your behavior, that's not just limited to cooking and cleaning. Remember your responsibility is to Allah (swt), he seems like a good person so inshAllah he will remember his responsibility as well.
  4. I never understand people that want revenge when others harm them. Honestly brother worse things have been done to me, you have to forgive and let go. She's already living a false life, that's punishment in and of itself. As for forgetting, this is why full love and trust should only be placed in Allah (swt). Your happiness shouldn't be based on a person. In the future choose a woman that loves Allah (swt), because as long as she loves him she will honor you. And move on. Past the memories and past this hatred.
  5. Totally agree ^^ To this day I never met a man in person I was attracted to. Perhaps that's because I don't bother looking. As for the "like brothers" ("like" being the operative word here) that's not acceptable. Period end of story.
  6. You have to actually live together to prove you're married so I'm not sure how you're planning on pulling that off. Unless you're going to do katb-ktab and then get divorced? Why get yourself in such a mess? Marriage isn't a toy. I suggest trying every other option first and if that's you're final option then I suggest looking for a real-marriage. And if a real-marriage does not interest you than don't even consider this fake marriage business. My sister brought her husband here, she had to prove through pictures, whatsapp convo's, facebook convos, phone bills, interview questions and residency that they are a couple. That wasn't hard being that they actually are a couple lol. False marriages are illegal, incredibly risky and you could ruin your life playing with the law. If marriage is your only option just try to get married legit. Find a girl that will understand your situation, get to know her and see if you might actually click. Lots of my gf's are married to college students and are doing fine with their partners. It's not wrong if its a legitimate marriage to someone that will be your life partner. But like I said marriage isn't a tool , not in Islam nor in the legal American way.
  7. Alhamdilla I'm glad the new marriage was a lie. Just move on brother. From a girls perspective; emotions will get you nowhere in life. And from a religious perspective; just because you want something, doesn't mean it's good for you. Best of luck inshallah.
  8. A one state solution in favor of the Palestinians is impractical and very very unlikely. A two-state solution is the most practical option. Of course they could just deport all Palestinians to KSA, they seem to love their wahabis.
  9. Situations like this is why people need to stop playing with Mutah. Im not talking about you but she should have been aware of this or at least asked. People need to stop treating Mutah like its boyfriend/girlfriend and need to take it as serious as its meant to be taken. It is a marriage, look up the rules, regulations and standards before you jump in and jump out. Look at this ridiculous situation she placed everyone in now. Either her dad is lying or she's committing zina with a man who is innocent and there's a very likely chance she can get pregnant. If I knew this girl I'd smack some sense into her brain. Whether or not there was a waiting period, if the dad is right, she married before ending her marriage. This isn't about you and her anymore, its bigger than that. Do a kheiri if you're really confused but I think you should speak up. Even if she did already commit zina maybe there's a chance you can prevent her from getting pregnant.
  10. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. All of us need this reminder.
  11. Oh wow. I don't even know why you would fall into a depression over her. If anything she harmed herself more than she harmed you. If I were you I'd be breathing a sigh of relief. In any case its too late to do anything about it. So just let it go. Btw if she was technically still married to you can she even marry anyone else? Wouldn't that mean that her marriage is negated and batel? Which could also mean she's living in zena and will probably have kids in zena? Or am I wrong here?
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