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In the Name of God بسم الله

salam006

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    Shia Islam

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  1. Thank you for your comment! You are right that it is a way to bring us back to him. My biggest concern is that it wont be 'effective' unless its read in arabic...which also doesnt make sense to me because I dont understand! Its all just a bit confusing. Do you know of any marja who has ruled on such things?
  2. Hello, I have a question. So I have an issue in my life and have been advised to read surah Yasin 40 times for my troubles to be fixed. I agreed to do it and started to read. My problem is that I dont speak arabic and can barely read it. After some practice through the years I am able to 'read' it...as in I know the alphabet and how it works and can sound it out....but I am really bad at it. For example it can take me a full minute or two to read a line. Not only am I veryyyyy brutally slow, I also make mistakes, and I also dont understand it - Like I have no idea what I am saying! After a gruelling 3 times of reading it in arabic (and it took me an hour each time to read something that takes people 10 minutes to read!) I got really frustrated and stopped. It literally has no meaning for me and I felt it was useless. Then I decided to read the english translation of it and thought wow! how beautiful! Got Chills! So now I am wondering if I could just read it 40 times in english? would that 'count'? Or does it *need* to be read in arabic? My reasoning is: - It takes forever to read it - I am probably making a million mistakes and dont even know it - I don't understand anything I am reading - if I am going to go through all of that should I not at least LEARN something from it? I feel I can LEARN the message of the Quran by reading this over and over (it is the heart of the quran!). But if I read it in arabic it literally does nothing for me aside from give me a really big headache. SO what do you guys think? Can I just read it in English? Or does it HAVE to be in arabic for it to 'count' ? :/
  3. thank you for all of your kind comments and advice. I guess what I should do is 1) not tell my parents 2) Try to talk to him and get to be more 'friends' with him, but not bring it up (what I saw). And to clarify, I'm a girl, so I am his big sister :) This is what kind of makes things a bit difficult for us....when we were younger we were really close to the point that he would worship me and follow me around everywhere and do WHATEVER I said, and I in turn, was reallly caring for him, spent hours devising games for him to play, taught him everything from his A-B-C's to 1-2-3's. We got along really well. However as we got older we naturally drifted a bit as our interests changed etc. We tend to fight a lot and butt heads but I dont think much of it - I mean its a sibling thing right? Of course I care deeply about him and I'm sure he cares for me (deep down lol). Its just that we don't have much in common and I guess we cast each other into the 'annoying older sister' and 'annoying younger brother' roles. I have started today trying to take more of an interest in him and he has reciprocated...so I guess I need to work on this? The issue is, and probably the reason I was so shocked, is that it is really 'not like him'. As in, he isnt a moody boy locked up in his room who doesnt do anything all day. Hes a healthy, reasonable, good, down to earth kid. He is doing well with school (getting scholarships every year), he worked part time jobs, works out, and is an overall 'good kid' who is actually at home most of the time (so I know its not a constant occurrence). What shocked me so much is that it SEEMS soooo OUT of character for him to do that I dont know what to think of it. Thats whats most concerning...its not a pattern of, say, skipping classes, going out late, being untalkative etc etc. My concern is that though he is a good kid, that friends who are a bad influence may push him towards a wrong path. And I dont know how to prevent that from happening.....I can't just say "dont hang out with him".Hes 20. He can do what he wants! And yes I know what you mean but I think there is a level of difference from how far someone falls? For someone who grows up in a religious family and has never seen anyone drink or even eat non-halal food it is a big deal. Its one thing to have a strong belief but not make your prayers every single time (I myself am not very regular in it but I *strive* to and *hope* to one day improve) and its another to drink I think? One is a failure to do something, another is an intentional act to do something you shouldnt? And I sort of see it as an escalation? Like One can be on a path towards hopeful improvement in deen (ex. I myself am far from perfect but I DO have a strong belief in it and I TRY to improve....if I dont do the things I should, I at least dont do the things I shouldnt) The reason I am afraid of it is because it had happened before when he was younger. He was on facebook (I think he was like 12?) and we were facebook friends and he was posting inappropriate things (that a 12 year old boy may post ex. inappropriate language, comments etc), so I told him "you shouldn't post stuff like that people may get the wrong idea about you" and he became incredibly defensive and angry and told me to mind my own business etc. I didnt even 'tell my parents' and make a big deal of it because it wasnt THAT big of a deal - it was just advice an older sibling may give a younger one on social media for the first time. But he proceeded to block me, and when I questioned him about it, he said he deleted facebook (though I know otherwise). Recently (6 months ago) he friended me on instagram, and I was happy that he was 'trusting' me again, and though I have seen *questionable* things I have kept it to myself in the hopes that he wont cut me off again....I want to be able to know if he gets into deeper stuff (which unfortunately I saw last night)
  4. what do you mean by show him problems of the world? The thing is I dont think he would smoke *maybe I'm being naive?* because he has always hated the smell of cigarette and weed smoke (like would cough and make comments about how gross it is). Going out with girls? Don't think so but who knows :/ Thank you for your comment Summayyeh :) Yes I need to calm down. its 1:30 am and I cant fall asleep :( My problem is I don't know who to consult. The people who attend our religious/community events are people who know my parents very well and I just can't trust them with this 100%. Its why I am posting here to keep things anonymous for now. No he doesnt have any religious friends. He has never been a very 'outgoing' guy and has had 2 best friends since childhood. These guys are non muslim but they are really good and decent kids! However they have both moved away in the past year so he has been very limited. My parents have recognized this and have actively encouraged him to make new friends, preferably muslim, but he hasn't been able to. My parents have gone to the extent of suggesting he be friends with boys his age we know that are religious, inviting their families over for dinner in the hopes that the boys kick it off and become friends, without it working. I've even suggested to him that he should come with me when I go to events (ex. a muslim friend of mine has a younger brother his age who is religious and they could become friends) but he resists. He is not a very social person so he doesnt like being 'forced' to be friends with people. Which is why I think he has gone down this path in the first place....he has found a new 'friend' that *he* likes and is willing to give up his morals to continue being his friend and not be lonely :/ The thing is I am almost certain he will get defensive as thats his personality since he was a young child - doesn't like to be 'told' what to do and gets really angry/ defensive when hes been caught doing something he should be (even as a child stealing extra cookies ;P )
  5. Thats my point exactly! He is not a child! We cant FORCE him to do anything (nor do we have a desire to). I don't know if theres anything I can do....or if there is a point in telling my parents? If theres nothing they can do? But wont they be upset if they one day found out I knew and didn't tell them? :( It was a guinness cup filled to the top with white foam. Usually they dont pour coke in guinness cups do they? >_>
  6. Hello, I honestly cant believe this and am in total shock and not sure what to do so all I could think of was to turn to this anonymous online forum for advice :( My family has been in Canada since before my younger brother was born (he is currently 20). We are a fairly religious family and it has always been important for my parents to raise us to believe in the Islamic Faith. For example, every year since I can remember they have made sure we attended muharam events, explained things to us about the events and its significance etc. They have told us in our day to day lives the importance of charity, prayer, etc. This year and last year, my mother decided to not 'force' my younger brother to go to Muharram events (as she did when we were younger kids) in the hopes that he would of course come willingly. When we were younger we would both protest going, but when given the choice I myself chose to go at least 70% of the time. Last year my brother still attended. This year he didnt go even once. So my parents were VERY upset about this, and have asked him why, and have asked him what it is they can do, and tried to get him to talk to them but his excuse wasnt "anti religious". He kept saying "I have exams" "I have assignments" (which were technically true!) Anyways my parents have been a bit worried about him religiously because though he doesnt outwardly say anything negatively, he does not 'practice' very well either (doesnt pray / said he wasnt feeling well for fasting etc). They are trying hard to not 'push' him but at the same time its important for them for him to be religious (at least somewhat). In fact at times I have seen them depressed and I asked whats wrong, and they say "did we do something wrong?" "what should we have done more?" etc. which makes me really sad :( I tell them you did a lot! As a new immigrant family with NO outside support or family here my parents gave their blood sweat and tears for us. They tried their best to teach us religious values, and lived by example (NEVER drank, smoke, ate non-halal food etc). So about 20 min ago I was looking through instagram and I somehow ended up on the page of one of my brother's friends. This friend is someone whom my family doesnt quite approve of. I don't know the guy very well, but my mom has told me that the few times she has met him she has gotten a bad feeling from him. My mom discourages my bro from hanging out with him, but since he has very few friends, he insists on being able to go out with him and hang out. Despite my moms wishes, my dad told him he could go out with his friends as long as he was back within a few hours, best behaviour etc. (trying to give him our trust) So I go on to this friend's instagram picture and I see him and my brother and they are both holding up a cup of beer for the picture!! :o :o :o I was so completely shocked and horrified I didn't know what to do!!! I am pacing in my room trying to figure out how I should handle this I don't know what to do :'( On one hand I want to tell my parents, but I KNOW it will BREAK their hearts, and both have health issues which will make it even worse (one has diabetes, the other has a disease that is made worse with anxiety). On one hand I want them to know so they can handle it, on the other hand I don't want them upset. I was thinking I should talk to him, but then I dont want him to try to block me from social media so I don't see whats going on in his life. I know that this friend is a reallllyyy bad influence on him - how can I encourage my parents to put their foot down on stopping him from seeing the friend? But at the same time can we? He is a 20 year old boy and he can do whatever he wants! My parents had hoped by giving him some 'limited' freedom (as they had with me) and giving him trust would prevent anything bad. I want to talk to him about it, (maybe he didnt actually drink it - trying to look cool for a pic??) but I really dont want that to lead to a fight where he blocks me on social media. I honestly dont know what to do or how to handle this situation :( :( :( Please help me!
  7. LOL I dont think so. You are sitting beside them. Not having sex with them. :P
  8. The exalted one, I like how you get offended at the mere thought of being told 'there are no real men', and yet have no hesitation on blaming it on 'the women', and that any problems that exist are because of ' most women' I thought the article was very true and well reflected. There are many men who are like this in this day and age, not EVERY MAN, but some men. I can see it from many of my friend's spouses. But that doesnt mean there arent equally flawed women who 'pose provacotively on instagram' etc... It is a both sided issue, but I am finding that for some reason men of this generation tend to be like this a lot more. This is actually a discussion that came up in my community recently and 99% of people (men and women alike) agreed that it is a problem. (though note these werent the 'young men and women' refered to above but the older men and women - parents / grand parents) This is an interesting point. What do you define as the true or 'correct' feminism...and how is it different from your perception of 'modern feminism' How are women trying to be more like men? Is it the fact that they want to be educated? Or is it because they want a career? Is that not the 'correct' form of feminism? Or are you reffering to something else? I am genuinly curious :)
  9. I always thought you could have an abortion based on three things: 1) Risk to mothers health, 2) rape, and 3) If the fetous is unhealthy (as in severe deformities etc) This is correct...isnt it?
  10. salam006

    Indonesia

    I heard about it and I am even facebook friends with one of the girls who was in the contest :) I have mixed feelings on it and havent really decided where I stand. On one hand I think Ms.Universe pageant is really stupid and serves no purpose other than to objectify (vapid) women. There is no 'greater purpose' to it than having a bunch of women compete against each other for stupid things like 'beauty' and 'bikini bodies'. Sure they claim they will do 'good' with their titles for charity...but really who are we kidding? How much effect are they REALLY having :p So with that mind set I was like...ugh...why are they having a muslim one? What are the values they are trying to pass on? Like what are they trying to say? On the other hand I think its good to say 'you could be like the Ms.Universe people' or 'you could be like Ms. Muslima' so thats cool....'look I dont need to get naked on the world stage to prove my worth' sort of thing. I am a strong muslim woman being values. But at the same time isnt it judging woman based on their beauty too? And how is *that* Islamic? I dont know it all just left me feeling a bit uncomfortable and unsure about it all. If we are saying Ms. Universe is wrong then why are we mimicking it? I can understand trying to 'create new positive role models for the westernized world' ... but what is the message we are sending? Im also wondering about the, for lack of better word, 'halal-ness' of all of this.
  11. do a big *ACHOO* when you see it coming and say 'oh sorry. dont want to get you sick' after you have met already there will no longer be a need to shake hands! :D My question is what to do when a MUSLIM offers you their hand! Boy was I surprised! :p
  12. Why are you guys trying to limit non-muslims from participating? Does that not foster a lack of understanding between religions? :( hahaha I agree with you 10000% Pinata, Im 22 and dying of stress from life already and not even married or have kids etc. I think you guys have it a bit wrong though in terms of 'perspective'. When you say 'women are more depressed than men' and associate that with them 'working outside of the home' is a very unfair and biased perspective. Consider this: In this day and age when a man and women both go out to work in the world the responsibilities of the home still fall disproportionately on the woman. There are countless statistics and surveys done on this. Both go to work and share the burden of providing for the family, yet they do not equally share the burden of the house work and child rearing. So OBVIOUSLY a woman would be more stressed than a man when she has to work a 9-5 job, come home, make dinner, make the kids do their homework, wash the dishes, do the laundry, do the grocery shopping, mop and vacuum the floor, dust etc etc, versus a guy who may go to work 9 to 5 and then plops his butt down in front of the tv and then eats dinner. Not to say he would not participate in the family unit...he may take out the trash or help the kids with homework etc but he still would not feel the 'burden' of having to take care of the house (something associated with the 'wife'). Of course this is changing slowly but surely (I read in an article the other day that the 'new generation' - aka under 30s are changing drastically with men recognizing the change and stepping up within the house work) but there is still a great difference. I think if a man and women both worked and shared the burden of income and the burden of home maintenance together women would not be more stressed! :) HAHAHAHAHAA!!! :p Most definitely :)
  13. ORRR the woman could just make it part of her marriage agreement that she has the right to 'leave the house' and 'work' whenever she darn well pleases :) (something about 90% of the women I know have done) I personally think it should come down to having 'open discussions' between both spouses to see what it is best for the family unit. At times it may be best for the woman to work, at other times it may be best to not. To arbitraily say 'NO! YOU ARE A WOMAN YOU STAY HOME!' is just stupid in this day and age in my opinion (unless you live somewhere like Afghanistan or Pakistan etc). When looking at those living in the western world most families are double income not because they necessarily 'want to' but because the HAVE to in order to make ends meet. I think it is really stupid when I see egotistical muslim men who are unable to provide well for their families (for whatever reason) who then say NO! My wife doesnt have permission to work (even though she wants to) based purely on the guy's ego. Would it not be best for the family to be able to lift themselves out of poverty by having both of them work? Is that not best for the family in the long run? I thoroughly understand the importance of having a parent at home to raise the children, but I think the decision for a women to go to work or not should be based on what is BEST FOR THE FAMILY UNIT and not based on a guy's ego as a breadwinner.
  14. Every time you think 'what if I could find someone better' you should think 'she could have found someone much much better than me and yet she didnt. She chose me' Because really....how do you have the right to think that way if you arent all that great yourself? Please dont take it the wrong way I am not trying to insult you or anything but we are all human and not perfect. The fact that you think you could 'do better' is a sign of your ego and thinking that "I am better, thus I deserve better". Unless you are prince charming (insert every wild thing a girl could want - model looks, tall dark and handsome, broad shoulders and well built; and at the same time super smart and can speak 10 different languages and highly educated with a medical degree a law degree and every other degree, filthy rich, and yet in touch with your emotional side, very caring and romantic, etc etc - -- LOL this list is making me laugh really hard) then how can you expect her to be perfect, and better yet what makes you think anyone else will think of you as highly too? We are all flawed and thats perfectly fine. None of us have the perfect characteristics of a 'perfect spouse'. But before wondering if there is a better more perfect spouse out there ( and umm...if they are perfect why would they want someone not perfect like you?) you should work on improving yourself :)
  15. Salams everyone, My question is simple. Does brushing your teeth while fasting break your fast? I always brush my teeth MINUTES before you have to stop eating, and then gulp down a couple of cups of water. And then I dont brush my teeth for the rest of the day because I have been told it breaks your fast. Is this true? I would benefit greatly with brushing my teeth a few more times a day because I am constantly talking to coworkers and feel really embarrased about the bad breath.
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