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  1. Salam, May I request that you delete my account and ALL my posts. Please this is very important to me. I have made the request but it has not been gone through. Thank you again.

  2. Actually I do know that for a fact. Because I know my parents and because of past experiences.
  3. Broken

    Salam Alaykum, Please delete my account and all posts. Thank you.

  4. You obviously don't believe that there are parents out there who disown their children...are you living in a perfect world? Guess what there are parents out there who are like that. So yes it does make sense. I told you his his father was worried about his status not he himself was. And his father never knew that he was in a halal relationship because I didn't want him to tell ANYBODY. I don't know about you but I am not the type of person who throws blame on everyone. What happened was something we both did. He did not force me into marrying him so no he was not the only one to get what he wanted. I am an adult and have a mind of my own. I'm not looking for someone to blame, that's not why I'm on here. Maybe you're one of the many people who don't believe in mutah and that's why you are saying the things you are but it is halal.
  5. Being that he is Lebanese and you're Iraqi shouldn't be a problem especially since the cultures have similarities BUT religion is very difficult. Think about your future children and how they will be raised and about family gatherings and the differences between the two sects. If you think you can convert or he can convert than that is a horrible idea because if someone converts only for marriage it never works out.
  6. I do agree with you that I am THEIR daughter but what everyone else has been saying makes sense to some extent. Marriage is a part of my deen. I want to stay as far away from sins as I can possibly and really speaking to my parents may be the only way even if it is over and over and over again. At the end of this life no one will be going in my grave but me. I know you are trying to help and I don't mean to sound rude or anything but you should never judge anyone without knowing them. Calling him an idiot or anyone you don't know for that matter is uncalled for. As I said before if I had thought there was the smallest chance that he would be accepted by my parents and he didn't try to ask for my hand than I would feel differently about him. As for his father, when he told him he would disown him if he found out he was in a relationship from someone from the community he did not know it was me and he as every person with a high social status would not want their reputation to be ruined. Yes some people worry to much about what others think but I don't really think I blame him in this situation as much as I first did.
  7. Actually, my parents were pushing me to finish my studies and get a job so that I can help them financially. As well as pushing me to get my licence so I can drive my mom everywhere. I honestly think this is what is stopping me from getting a job and getting my licence because I have learned to drive but are prolonging getting my licence. I don't want them to depend on me because than it will be harder for them to let me go. Everything that everyone has said has helped me a lot. And has encouraged me to stand up to my parents. I was starting to really feel bad about my mutah marriage and feeling bad about disobeying my parents. Thank you!
  8. Thank you for all the advice and support. This is a very emotional and difficult situation for me. This is something I do not want to happen to me. If I do go against my parents and get married I don't know what the future will hold. I don't want to lose the support of my family. Parents just don't realize how their decisions impact us. Thank you for your understanding. InshaAllah I will be able to make the right choice with Allah's help. That is what I ask myself all the time. I keep thanking Allah that I met a man who put my needs ahead of his own. I have been seriously thinking about talking to someone who my parents respect. What I have to take into consideration is the constant backbiting in my community and finding someone who is trustworthy enough and won't go around telling people that I am desperate. The problem is every time I try talking to my mother she replies with "what would you do if I treated you like other parents treat their children?" As for this man he doesn't live with his father and is dependent on his self. He has a good stable job and his own home. But his father's approval is still very important to him.
  9. That is a horrible thing to say! These are the people who raised me...I thank Allah for them everyday. They were there for me when I was a child who wasn't able to help myself in any way. Their thinking may be wrong but at the end of the day they are still my parents and I am thankful for them because matters could be worse. Alhamdillah! If only my siblings were the type that would help me. They are all married and the things they say tell me they are afraid if I ever do get married they will be "stuck" with my parents. I am also their go to person every time they have marriage problems. I actually got really mad one time and told that that even if I don't get married I won't be around forever and they have to take some responsibility for their parents because I am not the only child they brought up. Their response was "wow", "you're so dramatic" and "hahahaha". So they aren't very reliable. He did not have a relationship with his father when he was younger because his father took on a second wife and moved to another country and was not exactly a father to him until very recently so for him to go against his father is very difficult. He does not want to lose him again. As for my parents they will never talk to me again and neither would my siblings leaving me to be alone. I don't think I would be able to handle that. I probably seem like I am not willing to help myself but my family means the world to me even though sometimes they make me feel like I care about them more than they ever cared about me. In fact a majority of them only contact me when they need me. But still I cannot bear to go against them.
  10. Maybe I am thinking with my emotions here but I don't see him to be cold. Yes he left me but when I think of it...can I blame him? He knows he will be turned down and I know he will be turned down by my parents. And because he is someone I see often and he sees my family often I wouldn't want him to be put in that position. If there was the smallest chance of them agreeing than it would be different. I wouldn't give him a second thought. He told me in the future if my parents come around than InshAllah if it is what Allah wants for us we will get married. As for the miserable marriages around...there are also some very happy marriages around.
  11. Thank you for your advice and no you did not hurt my feelings. I know that if there is no Islamic reason for their rejection they have no right to turn proposals away and that is what lead me to do what I did. I have multiple time brought up that it is haram but not directly speaking about myself and marriage. I do not want to seem desperate. Finding a husband is not as easy it some make it out to be especially since I am not the type of person who is out there but rather shy. Yes we are old enough to decide for ourselves but there is also the aspect of respecting our parents which is something we both find to be important and feel we can not go against them. As for the mutah it's already been done...I can't undo it. I am the last of their children as I said in my original post their reason years ago was so that I would care for them the rest of their lives which later changed to other reasons. Wanting me to stay and care for them to me is selfish because we are all here as guests and this is not our permanent home so what will happen to me when they are gone? I will be alone. Also, they travel a lot and leave me here alone. There is honestly nothing more to it they don't want me to get married for reasons that do not make any sense. Not getting me married because of fear of divorce to me is like they are going against Allah. Thank you for telling me I did nothing wrong, I needed to hear that. As for having someone speak to them...I tried with my sister to did speak to them which ended in them getting upset. Going to friends of the family or a sayed makes me fear them getting angry because I would be going against them. Thank you...I don't know how long it is going to take me to move on...but I hope it is soon. The problem is I am not given choices to choose wisely.
  12. Salam, I have been reading topics on this site for quite some time but tonight thought I would make a post and maybe I will be able to get some help. As many people on here I find that finding a spouse to be very difficult. For me, it is not because there are not any proposals but rather the proposals being turned down for no reason other than my parents not wanting me to get married. I am 26 years old and have completed my studies so that is not the issue. You may think they have valid reasons for this decision of theirs but I cannot seem to come up with a single one. I am very mature and physically and mentally ready for marriage. Their reasons for turning people away and straight out telling them that they will not marry me have changed quite a few times. At first, their reason was because I am their "baby" and they want me to stay and care for them, Now the reason was because they fear I will get hurt and end up divorced due to the high divorce rate and my sibling getting divorced. I do not find either of these to be valid reasons. Not so long ago I walked in the house only to hear my mom on the phone telling someone "no, we are not marrying her off" and I later found out through my sister that it was a phone call leading to a proposal. I was very upset at that moment because this was not the first time and I knew it would not be the last time. It especially upsets me because I am never told by them or given a choice; this has been going on since I was in high school and even before my older sister got married. After that phone call I started to get very active in my local Masjid. I had always attended and had been attending this Masjid for quite a few years but at this point I became one of the head volunteers. I ended up meeting a brother at the Masjid who is also a volunteer and all our talking was always at the Masjid and about the Masjid but one day he asked me if I was married. I told him that I am not married, obviously this lead me believe that he wanted to ask for my hand in marriage. During this time I received another proposal and this time because they allowed for the family to come to our house but they made it perfectly clear that I was not to get married and did not give me a choice in the matter. After that incident and some time passed and the guy from the Masjid did not propose to me I started to distance myself from him until one day he asked what was wrong with me. I was honest and told him that I thought he would propose to me. He told me that he knows my parents would not accept and his father told him that he does not want to ruin the relationship between himself and my father. Apparently word had gotten around that I am not eligible for marriage. This really upset me and I found myself talking to this man more and more but nothing intimate. We were getting to know each other until one day he asked me to contract a temporary marriage with him and I said yes. Now I know my fathers approval is required but I felt they had left me no choice. My shatan was strong and my emotions overtook me. During the contract we were intimate but I remained a virgin. This was something that he wanted and put as a condition. He did not want to ruin me and this made me love him even more, He always put my feelings ahead of his own and I felt that he truly did love me. We had a month left in our contract when he just disappeared for a few days and I got very worried. So when Friday came along and I saw that he was at the Masjid I asked him what was going on. It turned out his father realized he was in some sort of relationship and told him that if it is a girl from the community that he would disown him. This man is 30; not a child. How can you threaten to disown him? So, he left me with a month left in our marriage. I did not know what to do, day in and day out I was crying. I didn't get any sleep, I wasn't eating all I did was cry. I was and still am in love with this man (I know it is haram). I still see him at the Masjid but our communication even about the Masjid has decreased a lot. It hurts, to see him and not be able to talk to him. I keep thinking could I have done something differently? Is this Allah's way of punishing me? Was what I did wrong? What are my options now? I have thought of not going to the Masjid but the Masjid is like my second home, I grew up around the Masjid and one week of not going makes me feel like I am missing a big part of my life. Any advice as to how to deal with my situation of marriage and how to move on would be great. Please I don't need anyone telling me what I did was wrong because I already have a hard time forgiving myself for going behind my parents back. But did they leave me a choice? Thank you. P.S. Sorry if this is too long,
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