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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About coffee.and.books

  • Birthday 07/01/1991

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  • Location
    Ontario, Canada
  • Religion
    Islam - Follower of Ahl Al Bayt

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  1. Read a large portion of it - It draws a very cold image of marriage in Islam - inshaAllah the organizations that aid marriages become more effective. The part about the hijab is very true - many Iraqi men in my community now specifically ask for a non-hijaby - and that places a pressure on the hijabi ladies. I've lost count to how many women have taken off their hijab - I'm sure the removal of the hijab is an indirect trend from the mens' selection process. Sad - sad...
  2. I wish I was a man. All the laws allow you to conduct yourselves like this, and when done correctly you lose nothing.
  3. Nadia, Iraqi, 21, Ontario - Canada, Student
  4. Do you really want the responsibility of rasing the children muslim on your own? Do you know how hard that is to do alone? Look at the long term: then your decision will come out of you naturally.
  5. You have all said wonderful pieces of advice; I've taken some of them and put them into action. I summed up the courage to ask Allah, before, during and after salah for a religious spouse. Mind you there was a lot of crying involved. However the emotions are still there, I suppose this is a process...today morning and afternoon was especially difficult. As I was reading - my mind wondered about...I found it so difficult to concentrate – I ended up reading the same sentences in my textbook three times. At the peak of the emotional instability - trying to stop harmful thoughts - I banged my head against my desk repetitively. That actually helped fade the images... I had a dream the night before that perhaps infected my mood today. I dreamt that meteors were falling on me at my old elementary school. Standing I was frozen in my spot watching them fall on me. Was it judgement day? I soon woke up, but soon fell back to sleep. In my next dream, I was in bed with an Iraqi friend of mine. In the basement back when I lived with my parents. I was sharing with him the dream of the meteors. The moment felt warm and comforting… Then I heard my mother’s yelling and shouting. I felt fright and dread. She was rushing down the stairs of the basement hysterically angry - wanting to hit me – holding a brick in her hand. Soon I found myself on the stairs next to her, holding her – telling her repetitively, “I won’t hurt you mama.” The Iraqi friend had stormed out of the house as I was saying this. IA tonight I'll have healthier dreams
  6. You welcome, I understand how she may think that. But with family planning I could maintain my studying. IA khair...
  7. Sadly, many people don't read his works, and thus he is highly misinterpreted. Usually – the youth take advantage of any leniency he may have written – for sexual purposes only. When asked, where did you read that? Or, have you read anything else of his work? They cannot tell you: they’ve based their actions on hearsay and diffused their Islamic responsibilities on to him for their desires.
  8. Book: Islamic Laws, English Version of Taudhihul Masae'l According to: The Fatawa of Ayatullah AL Uzama Syed Ali AL-Husaini Seestani Rule: 2386 (Page 439) In the following situations, it will not be necessary for a womean to seek the permission of her father or paternal grandfather, before getting married: (i) If she is not a virgin. (ii) If she is a virgin, but her father or paternal grandfather refuse to grant permission to her for marrying a man who is compatible to her in the eyes of Shariah, as well as custom. (iii) If the father and the grandfather are not anyway willing to partcipate in the marriage. (iv) If they are not in a capacity to give their consent, like in the case of mental illness, etc. (v) If it is not possible to obtain their permisssion because of their absence, or such other reasons, and the woman is eager to get married urgently. I would personally not reccommed it: Imagine this scenario, A man comes to ask for her hand later on in life, his Mother takes her Mother aside and asks, “Is she a virgin?” The mother responds, “Yes, of course” “All right, lets proceed..." She would at some point – if she truly has love for Allah – will have to convey – either to her Mother – or to the man secretly – that she is not a virgin.
  9. Do you have younger siblings that live with you and your mom? Yes, I have many siblings that live with my mother. Would she be reluctant for you to get married and leave home? I don’t live home; I live away from home for school. So that may not be factor. You really should discuss your wanting to get married with your mother. I have, she told me three main things: lose weight, grow your hair, and the age you should look for is 25. My mother isn’t cold or anything – I don’t want her to be misinterpreted – but she is very honest when it comes to sharing with me the Iraqi community view on girls. The woman is in mental and physical pain, it hurts just to mention marriage to her – she is very empathic – she’ll feel sorry for me and in turn blame herself as a mother for my pain. She knows how I’m viewed in the community. Not seen as desirable and a little strange (for the short hair & unable to speak the Iraqi dialect that well). She is okay with me taking it upon myself to look for a man – but I am not skilled at doing this. Thank you for sharing your experience – I’m happy to see you have grown from it – that is very inspirational. I will indeed seek for Allah’s guidance. Your right, there is a difference between what we want and what we need. I will keep that in mind. Where did you read that? Which book – I would love to take a closer look that ghusul.
  10. I know what your talking about. I'm Iraqi, a girl and looking to get married. Alas, so much culture has entered Islam... I've heard of mothers wanting only 'white and tall' girls. I've heard of them only from a certain city, certain family, etc. The reason for these ''poor reasonings'' by the women in our society is mainly due to the lack of education in general and Islamic education in particular. Had they all been intrinsically motivated to learn about their Islam - real Islam - I trust they would not have deviated. They are cultural muslims. I'm happy to hear that you are conscious of their behaviour and can better your Islam accordingly. What you've said about muta is also true. Its a risky business - and once again - its their lack of education that fuels their ignorance. All I can say for you: Be aware of these flaws in the community, but at the same time remember to refrain from judgement (although you may not have judged). Be conscious, be a listener, an observer, and above all a forgiver. I know its hard...but the ignorantly blind have failed without ever knowing - I find a place in my heart for them and attempt to forgive them. Salam, Thank you for your insight - its great to hear from an experienced Sister. However, I just want to mention - although most women will indeed remain virgins for their future husbands - it is not any easy road for all of us. I spoke from my experience a few days ago - I expressed my sexual frustration and how it harms my mental state. I’m using my experience here because this is a real thing that happens to some of us. We wait, we hope and pray to get a spouse who knows his religion and takes it upon himself to learn Islam regularly – but the waiting hurts. Unfortunately for me – I haven’t had any suitors come knocking at the door one after another. In fact I haven’t had any. I’m only sharing this because its real – and although it can be managed (through exercise) it's static noise in the background of our thoughts.
  11. Thank you - what you've said is very true. Its sad but this may be espeically true in the Iraqi community...
  12. @ Sapphire, Thank you dearly for your prayer - it has warmed my heart. @ Hasan0404 Very true, I just feel a little embarrassed - it brings me to tears when I hear myself asking Allah for a spouse. I'm unsure why I feel this way… @ Pedram I'm 21. I'm considering messaging a sister who leads one of the local Majids. P.S. As for personal messenger - I'm a new member - and I don't have permission for that yet. (I would obviously decline though…) @ Waiting for HIM Great clarification, I read it repetitively to absorb it - thank you.
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