I'm not a good muslim, I have make terrible mistakes and I still am making terrible mistakes. I have no self worth. I know that god is merciful and kind and will forgive me but, some where in my heart I don't want to be forgiven. I Feel like I deserve to burn in hell. To suffer. I want to harm myself. I want to commit suicide, and I know I will go to hell, and I have come to accept that. I'm going to hell. There are moments where i feel like I don't want a future, i feel hopeless, I don't want to continue so to me suicide is the way to go. Except I'm engaged and I can't hurt him. And I can't hurt my parents. The next few weeks, I have a great opportunity to do this. I don't know if I will 100% go through with it but I have to try. I need your advice. Every time I turned to god, I felt like he was always there for me, Me being the devil .I would repent at night but in the morning commit the same sins Again. God I hate myself and I need to burn in Hell. Please give me any advice you have