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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/24/2018 in all areas

  1. 5 points
    rkazmi33

    Why do we choose the friends we choose?

    I never had any close friends either. I guess I am very individualistic person, I feel that people always expect too much and I fail to fulfill their expectations. I think I don't expect a lot from other people, so people should expect a lot from me also, but I guess I am wrong.I have found like-minded people, some religious scholars and some other people but all of them are narcissists. I don't know how do they know all the right things to say. I listen to them and I get very happy that this person understands me and thinks exactly like me, but when I start trusting them, then they take a 180 degree turn and they always want something in return for giving me a little bit of happiness. Sometimes I do feel I am all alone in the world and there's absolutely no one who thinks like me. When we find someone who thinks like us, I guess it makes us feel safe and less lonely. But Narcissists make you feel safe, and then they want to get some advantage from you, and it keeps going on and on. I didn't read the article, so I am not sure if my post was really related to your topic. I will read it tomorrow. In short, I want to be friends with like-minded people only if I can find them somewhere.
  2. 4 points
    In many cases, friends are better than family - at least for some of us who aren't really friends with the relatives. But why do we choose the people we choose to be friends with? Shared interests? Proximity? According to this article, it might be more fundamental and far more complex than that. It might be that we just happen to be "on the same wavelength". https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_you_click_with_certain_people On the other hand, maybe we start to think like the people who we choose to associate with. I tend to believe that the "same wavelength" is the effect, not the cause, but I've always had many friendly acquaintances, few friends, so maybe I've just not experienced it. Thoughts?
  3. 4 points
    Abu Hadi

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    No offense br, and I am a father too, but when you make the statment 'If someone came and asked to do mutah....they wouldn't leave in one piece'. You are obviously judging them and judging that they have bad intentions. I am not saying that if one of my children ( I have boys only, no girls) wanted to do it, I would allow them. It would depend on their circumstances, and the spouse. I would do a thorough background investigation, as you should do for all marriage. But at the same time, If I said for sure, no matter what I would say no, this is not Islam, and this is the reason why there are so many young people who go deeply into haram and some end up leaving the religion, it is because the elders and parents will not even consider something that is halal as a solution under any circumstances. Like most parents, I would greatly prefer that my sons stayed unmarried until they graduate from college and have a good job. At the same time, I realize that this is not a realistic solution for most young people. I would rather have them do mutah than get into haram. Yes, my reputation in the community would probably take a hit, people may talk behind my back, assume things about my family, spread rumors, etc, but I care more about the Deen of my children than I do about what the community will say. Also, being a revert to Islam and looking visibly caucasian, I am already used to people assuming things and spreading rumors about me, so I am kind of used to it by now and I guess that is part of it. At the same time, I respect you for saying this. Most fathers think this way, but would never admit it in public. That takes some courage to do. The goal of all of us, I think, is to figure out how we can save our children and our community from going toward haram. In order to acheive this goal, we need to have an open and honest discussion, not just with others who agree with use about the solution, but also those who disagree with us. Salam.
  4. 4 points
    I dont believe sister @Ruqaya101 is restricting it to just islamic knowledge. Several months ago, there was another thread about how to get ready for Imam Mahdi (as) and people were discussing military training. I said half-joking, half-serious that I would be happy to be a cook in the Imam's army. That offended several people. We tend to think of the Imam (as) as just a war general who will need mullahs and warriors. That is a great disservice. He will be developing and leading a society. That means he will need doctors, engineers, teachers, bureaucrats (running government), computer guys, economists, etc. We should excel in seeking knowledge in all areas....my 2 cents.
  5. 3 points
    I make friends with people whom I have a connection with, and who are like minded, and are appreciative of what I have to say.
  6. 3 points
    Islandsandmirrors

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    Why not early marriage, as in 21-25? As long as the two people are in university and have some sort of financial standing, I don’t see how it’d be a problem. I don’t think permanent marriage can only happen in late 20s and above. This seems to be the trend now only because every Tom and Harry with minimum wage jobs try to go after someone out of their league. And women would reject duds with no ambition as a result. Since, let’s be honest, anyone who chooses to work at a minimum wage job with no degree (unless one is an unusual circumstance) by the age of 30-35 in Western civilization (where there are so many options for people to get degrees like CCs, financial aid, and online schools) is likely a bum. Anyway, being celibate until your early twenties would be fairly easy. It’s by no means a walk in the park, but it can be done. Why not exercise a little patience until 19, 20, 21, Etc, and marry someone permanently who is suitable? Early permanent marriage is a far better alternative to a string of broken mutah relationships until late twenties. And we seem to be forgetting a crucial aspect: the more you engage in mutah, the more likely you are to be dissatisfied with your permanent spouse in the bedroom since you’ll more likely compare the person to others you’ve had. Wouldn’t that open the door to a lot of evils? Such as adultery? Studies have shown that the more sexual partners you’ve had, the more likely you are to cheat on your spouse. EDIT: I am American, born and raised, but I never “dated” anyone. I kept boys away from me, until I was 21 when I met my now-husband. There are people out there who don’t date around before marriage. Was it easy? No. But I waited, and if people only wait, stay patient, know what they want in a spouse, they’ll be able to find someone suitable, inshallah.
  7. 3 points
    Waseem162

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    If you are unable to do Mut'ah or Nikah - If a Muslim cannot marry soon after puberty, then he or she just has two options: temporary abstinence or temporary marriage. (A) Temporary Abstinence Islam has allowed marriage as soon as a person becomes physically mature, and it also strongly recommends that at least during the early years of marriage to adopt a simple life-style so that the lack or paucity of financial resources does not obstruct a happy life. But if a person decides, for whatever reason, not to marry soon after he or she becomes physically mature, then the only way is to adopt temporary abstinence. After strongly recommending the marriage of single people, the Qur'an says, "And those who cannot marry should practice restrain (or abstinence) till Allah enriches them out of His bounty." (24:33) Reference : https://www.al-islam.org/marriage-and-morals-islam-sayyid-muhammad-rizvi/chapter-three-islamic-sexual-morality-2-its
  8. 3 points
    No it is not permissible as Imam Ali(a.s) says "Look out for your thoughts, for they will become your words. Look out for your words, for they will become your actions. Look out for your actions, for they will become your habits. Look out for your habits, for they will become your character. Look out for your character, for they will become your fate." Imam Ali (A.S) Really, how brilliantly has Imam Ali(A.S) described the process by which one’s fate is shaped through the necessity of looking out for his/her thoughts. Undoubtedly, some might imagine that one should be allowed to possess any kind of thought(s) she or he may like. Yet the truth, as we can infer from the above-mentioned narrative, is that just good thoughts can lead us to the enlightened path and eternal happiness and evil thoughts lead us to evil words, evil deeds, and evil habits and consequently an evil character which obviously result in a condition in which the individual is doomed to a mischievous destination. It is of vital significance for us to mind our thoughts first and foremost if we desire happiness and salvation, and also to teach our children and youngsters to do the same, for their hearts are as Imam Ali (A.S) has said: “Like a fertile land which takes and grows any seed sown in it.” And let’s start purifying our thoughts from this very moment and try to be on guard against harmful, forbidden thoughts which, as Imam Ali (A.S) has clarified, lead to misfortune and misery. May Allah help all of us to achieve that blessed fate which our infallible leaders (A.S) have desired for us. If thoughts come into your mind without you control then leave it on Imam e Asr(a.s) (The Imam of our time) and seek help through patience and prayers and keep on ignoring them, They will 101% vanish.
  9. 3 points
    hamza08

    Hajjat from 14 masoomeen.

    Salam, I was at a majlis the other day and Maulana Abid Bilgrami stated the following: For a happy akhirat give wasta of: Prophet Muhammad, Bibi Fatima, Imam Hussain, Imam Hassan From sickness and to stay away from shaitan: Give wasta of 4th imam Knowledge: Give wasta of 5th and 6th imam Memory: Read one page of Quran everyday Problems in life and problems with eye vision: Give wasta if 7th imam Going on Safar and everyday leaving home: Ya-salamaika ya gharibal ghuraba Going Rizq everyday, job, or interview: Say Salam to Imam Hussain before leaving work Increase in Rizq: Imam Muhammad taqi Increase in ibaadat: Imam ali Naqi and imam ali Askari
  10. 2 points
    AStruggler

    Thought of this Great Idea

    For many young male (or female) believers, simply going to school in the West and carrying out one’s regular educational activities may be a severe challenge of the nafs. The school can sometimes strongly serve as an arena where it’s just the individual and the accursed Satan, and Satan tries to strike at the individual from all directions. Many times god forbid one may lack the will and strength to stand firm in defence and boom Satan triumphs. A lot of the times it’s that burning and wild desire from within that tells one, “it’s cool bro you can look at her, your intentions are fine”, however it’s not a matter of milliseconds in which this “safe look” becomes corrupt, which then opens the door for many toxic thoughts to flow into the mind. Feeling weak and already defeated, god forbid one allows himself to fall into the same trap again. Sometimes one may get so desperate that yes he tilts his head towards some other direction but really while doing so, but he’s also subconsciously trying to be slick and steal some quick peripheral vision glances of her... Keeping one’s gaze away from that which is forbidden and keeping one’s thoughts clean can be one hell of challenge for a lot of male youth in the West.A lot of the times when one falls victim to this trap, it’s usually during times like walking around on campus, sitting in the bus traveling to school, or any other time when the mind isn’t really busy and isn’t being used to perform any sorta serious task. It’s usually when the mind is on idle mode when Satan starts to whisper, and filth enters the mind. Unfortunately the mind has nothing better to do at times and so it entertains these thoughts. It surely is no joke when people say that the mind plays a big role on the way one acts and behaves. God forbid the mind serves as the root of some devastating domino effect of sin. Well, what’s something that can be done to counter this problem? Many times one may see an individual walking around with a tasbeeh with them and god forbid gets negative thoughts about the person. However, if one gets in the habit of taking a tasbeeh with them everywhere, they’ll just naturally be more inclined towards busying their lips with the beautiful dhikr of Allah. If one ponders, the tasbeeh may be of more benefit than just helping one keep count successfully...The tasbeeh will firstly motivate one to recite dhikr but also help one busy his mind with clean thoughts and stay away from sin! For example, a beautiful na mehram walks into the bus while one is at his seat and the temptation to look really starts to kick in, she might even end up sitting right across from you. However! You have a tasbeeh dangling in your hand and hopefully you’ll think “I have a tasbeeh in my hand and I’m reciting the dhikr of Allah, am I really gonna look at her that way now and disobey Allah while reciting all this dhikr, I just can’t !”. Inshallah you’ll then control your gaze successfully and go back to focusing on the dhikr”. Lol I thought of this idea today, and I hope to try this out iA. This was already probably thought of before. I just thought this would be nice to share with you all. I’m not telling you to try this, or do anything.
  11. 2 points
    layman

    Thought of this Great Idea

    1. How about wear a hat, and underneath the hat you put small piece of kaffan cloth (that you cut from full size kaffan). At least we shall remember death all the the time. Those who remember death will not get attracted to anything that world can offer. 2. All put a turbah from Karbala in our shirt pocket. If Imam Hussain (as) showed struggle in Karbala. Due to respect to Imam Hussain (as), we show struggle where ever walk and whatever see. It is just suggestions. I believe everyone must find way to control his/her ownself.
  12. 2 points
    Bakir

    Thought of this Great Idea

    An idle mind will most likely turn to serve the instinct. The thing with us, humans, is that there is no inherent limit for us to the natural demands of instinct. Your example is referred to the flesh, but it also applies to almost all other needs that occupy an idle mind (money, popularity, etc.). Any efforts dedicated to studying, dhikr, any form of introspection or real thinking, are efforts that will obviously appear as boring or exhausting (they may turn into pleasurable habits), but they keep the person away from that idle state and help the person progress in life.
  13. 2 points
    Abu Hadi

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    That sounds nice, in theory. Like I mentioned before, I am in no hurry for my sons to get married (the oldest is 15) and I would rather they stay unmarried till they are well established in their careers. That is my hope, but unlike most parents, I don't think of it as a wajibat for them. If you take mutah out, then you are left with one alternative, permanent marriage in late 20s and celibacy from the time of baligh until then. The haram practiced amoung the non muslims is not an option for us. So this might work for some, but probably few, and every parent hopes that their children are amoung the few. Does that sound realistic to you ? Since this is the current approach, how is it working out for the youth in our community ? Good ? Are you (or anyone else on here) willing to go 'on the record' and say that this approach is working for the youth of the community ? As my former boss used to say, 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result'
  14. 2 points
    Sumerian

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    @Waseem162 brother don't theorise. The jurists have ruled based on sahih hadith that mutah is mustahab for men.
  15. 2 points
    I believe that depending on the person and depending on the circumstance, allowing your child to do mutah would be a cheap alternative. You’d be selling your child short, and teach them to settle for crumbs in a relationship, and that is definitely not okay. Your child deserves permanent marriage, and the stability, love, security, and the permanence that comes from a halal relationship. Not be with some person who possibly has only one his/her foot in the door. Besides, how is this an alternate to “why buy the cow when you can milk it for free” mentality? There are no rights available in a mutah like you would have in a permanent marriage. Most people view mutah as a relationship and they deal with similar breakups as any Western relationship, and not a marriage. EDIT: if a person can’t control their desires, doesn’t have any kind of direction or goals for university and to start a family and have the financial status to take care of a wife/spouse, then that person is not ready for marriage, period. Mutah should not be used as an easy access for sex and sexual gratification.
  16. 2 points
    dragonxx

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    Only the new generation can change this by not passing on the bias to their children, even if they have the bias within themselves. It's really fascinating the level of taboo mut'ah has reached - some muslim women are willing to date and be completely physical, but would be offended at the mention of "mut'ah". The belief that it's "prostitution" and only for very short-term sexual intercourse is too rampant.
  17. 2 points
    Yeah, which is why I said that we have no right to question someone's choice in life. I never said that everyone should enter into a mut'ah contact. Again this is a Christian mentality, and you seem to be obsessed about virginity of Muslims rather than their relationship with Allah. I believe that sexual desires of human beings are very strong, and what do you say about about our youth who are addicted to porn and masurbation? You act like everything is alright. Therefore don't judge others who feel mut'ah is a solution to their problems. Mut'ah is not only a benefit to the man, It's a mutual thing. Why are you assuming that a woman who enters into mut'ah is being used? That's absurd reasoning. When did I say it's wajib? Com'on!
  18. 2 points
    realizm

    Eugenia Cooney

    Dear sister I remember reading you lived in Da7ieh, a place I know quite well -even though I do not reside there - hence my question, a rethoric one. You are not isolated from the rest of the country and throughout education courses, leisure trips, kids are bound to come into contact with the fasad we despise. Best thing IMO is to anticipate what to do when that happens because it will probably happen. B3id as shar. What you did by «locking» channels and the Internet is by far the best thing parents can do to minimize risks though, I pray that your family stays away from all of this.
  19. 2 points
    Shi3i_jadeed

    The Status of a Believer

    I think you are extrapolating too much from what Sayyed Muhammad Ridha Shirazi said. Giving respect to a mu'min, his status to be honored, and creating brotherly love between the mu'mineen is what he was getting at. It doesn't mean you have to agree with everything a certain shi'i scholar says. Sayyed Sistani and many other maraji' do not follow the manhaj of Sayyed Khomeini. There isn't dispute between Sayyed Sadiq Shirazi and Sayyed Sistani. You cannot blame someone for what their brother said. There is absolutely no evidence to back up the idea Hassan Allahyari is with shirazis, you are trying to weave a massive conspiracy but there just isn't anything to back it up. I didn't criticize or praise Iran there, just that shi'ism doesn't revolve around it. It's a country with good and bad. I'm saying Sayyed Ammar and other mu'mineen do not have to agree with Sayyed Khomeini's political theory nor do they have to agree with the policies of the Iranian government. I actually agree with Sayyed Ammar on Palestine. I see no reason why we should help Palestinians. They don't consider us to be Muslims, they will just backstab us like they have done to their other allies, and they were/are big supporters of Saddam. Jerusalem isn't important like Mecca for us, false equivalence. I think instead we need to focus on the wellbeing and welfare of mu'mineen like our oppressed hazara brothers and sisters, may Allah safeguard them. I agree with the first part but disagree with what you said about the mu'min. The one who shows us iman (i.e. being an ithna ashari shia Muslim) we should treat him as a mu'min otherwise he doesn't have the status of a mu'min for us. The riwayat of ahlul bayt (as) seem pretty clear along with basically all of our fuqaha. That being said we should have the utmost akhlaq even towards a nasibi.
  20. 2 points
    Waseem162

    Mut'ah taboo needs to end

    Permanent marriage is way way way too better and Ahlulbayt have advised to do marriage as soon as one reaches maturity and financial stability. Also its from Ahlulbayt that if one is unable to do Permanent marriage at an early age then they should observe "Temporary Abstinence". And when the period becomes so long and still the person is unable to do Permanent marriage and temporal abstinence is not possible now then only go towards Mut'ah. So Mutah is not encouraged very much in Islam. But is allowed for some scenarios as I told. It is a Mercy to those people who can't marry and have exhausted themselves of temporal abstinence. Yes, Normalizing Mutah like any other sunnah will have adverse effects on societal level. It will cause more harm than doing good.
  21. 2 points
    Islandsandmirrors

    Eugenia Cooney

    I have bipolar disorder and I was always a very calm, polite kid. Never got into trouble and never did the wrong thing. This family sounds like it’s parental issue in terms of how they raised their children that causes these behavioral issues and not bipolar disorder. Bipolar people are not angrier, ruder, or prone to trouble than anyone else. Please don’t lump people with bipolar disorder as unstable. This causes great misconception about what the disorder actually is.
  22. 2 points
    ali_fatheroforphans

    shia lecturers?

    Yeah I reckon he should mind his own business when it comes to Iranian politics. I tend to disagree with a lot of his views. I consider him a historian and he should just stick to that.
  23. 2 points
    Asghar Ali Karbalai

    Namaz

    وَعَلَيْكُمْ السَّلاَمُ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ No, Salah has to be recited in Arabic only, what you can do is that you can memorize the translation of Salah so that when you are praying you actually know what are you reciting in your prayers.
  24. 2 points
    Akbar673

    shia lecturers?

    Hasnain Rajabali is my fav. as far as English speakers go.
  25. 2 points
    rkazmi33

    Thoughts 2018

    I am posting again in this thread. Anyone believes in Mandela effect? I recently discovered this and it makes so much sense to me. I remember few years ago, when Shia religion was so logical to me. Everything made sense and everyone was equal and it was easy to follow. But during the past few years, it seems like teachings have changed completely. This religion has become so hard to follow and all the devout followers are just evil, cruel people. I don't want to follow them and I don't want to become like them. I was so confused about if this is the same religion I was following for 30 years, when did it become so different? Now it all makes sense, I was in a parallel universe for 30 years, that universe was so much better filled with nice people and nice moral values where people were not so much obsessed with looks and they were not so complicated and twisted. I wish I could go back to that universe.
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